Sometimes you can shoot hundreds of pictures and only come out with a few pictures that really say something. In my case I went clear over to California and back again before I came across this scenery right here in Colorado. To some it may just appear as a telephone pole in the sunset. To me it was a reminder and I gave thanks for a safe journey.
This past week was absolutely fabulous! First of all, when we went to pick up the mini-van from the rental place, the guy at the desk quickly determined that I was definitely not the Carol Brady soccer mom mini-van driving kind of person and offered us an Excursion for the same price. It would end up costing us in gas (15 to the gallon), but the kids each had a window seat with an empty seat between them... no touching! That made it all worth it!
Our first stop was Arizona, at the Hopi reservation. We arrived there late and had to set up the tent in the dark. My husband made sure to warn all of the kids about the hole behind the tent but for some reason neglected to mention it to me, and me being the accident magnet that I am, I fell right into it while trying to secure a line. I grabbed the nearest thing which just happened to be the tent pole which snapped since I hadn't been able to practice my miracle weightloss method prior to setting up the tent and was carrying a little 'extra weight'. Luckily the pole was the only thing to break and aside from a few bruises I was fine. Unfortunately once it was determined that I would live, I then became the target of every 'hole' joke imaginable.
We went up to the ruins of the Walpi village where my husband's grandfather was born and raised. There was a family still living there among the ruins and the gentleman gave us a tour of a kiva and the surrounding area. Later, in the newer part of the village we met up with a relative, many times removed, of my husband. It was funny because we had parked infront of her house while looking at some kachinas and she had come out to speak with my children, and mentioned that she knew the name. When we went into her house, which doubled as a store, we noticed some beautiful prints of kachinas and then noticed that the artist was a distant cousin!
From there we went to the Grand Canyon. I made sure that we set the tent up in the daylight because lets face it, the Grand Canyon is a very deep hole to fall into! Later we walked over to the Desert View to watch the sunset. My kids were so loud and finally I told them that if they didn't hush the sun would not set. And the entire place went silent. EVERYONE shut up! I couldn't believe it. I guess my 'mommy' voice works after all. The silence lasted for about 3 minutes, until one of the kids cracked a fart. I looked at the tourists beside me and explained.... 'Rocky Mountain Ducks'. They nodded and smiled, and I knew they hadn't understood a word I said, until the smell hit them. The nose needs no translation!
We pitched our tent under the roosting tree of the Grand Canyon Roosters. Those would be crows, who actually wake earlier than the common barnyard rooster, and 'caw' non-stop until your ears ring. Of the hundrends of thousands of trees in the whole canyon, they had to perch on the tree right above my tent!
Then it was on to the Hoover Dam. It was 108 when we stepped out of the vehicle. I almost melted. The heat was way too much for me and after a quick tour of the area I took the kids back to the coolness of the truck. That was just way too hot for me.
We reached Canyon Country, CA late in the evening. The next day we went to the marina at Santa Monica. It was so nice to see the ocean again. I practically grew up in the Pacific and that is probably my only regret about moving to the mountains.
The following day it was on to Disneyland where we would spend $600 in 3 days! The best thing to come out of that trip was me over-coming my phobia for roller coasters. In an effort to prove to my young nephew that they were fun (and to prove to my kids that their mama wasn't a chicken), I got on first one, then another and another.... and NO! I am not cured, I screamed the whole time, and I have pictures to prove it... Wouldn't you know, Dickidoo went and bought every picture the park took of me screaming in terror! The one picture they got of me smiling he didn't purchase.. because I wasn't screaming! You know, I really think that hole in Arizona was no accident!
We took a break from the adrenaline the next day and went out to Chino to visit some relatives of my husband. His aunt and uncle are just wonderful! Lois is a petite woman with white hair and a twinkle in her eyes. Elmer is on the onset of Alzheimer's, but oh buddy is he a funny guy! He is the owner of the P51 Mustang Man-O-War, which is a fighter plane from WWII. Every once in a while his eyes cloud over with confusion and Lois patiently explains to him, and then he'll snap back into the present and he is such a funny and charming... and intelligent person.
And if Disneyland wasn't enough, we went to Magic Mountain next. That was uncomfortably hot. Six Flags doesn't cater to the park goers the way Disney does, and while their rides are a little more exciting and heart-attack-inducing, their general setup leaves a lot to be desired. Still, we had a great time and Dickidoo added another picture of me screaming to his collecting. I'm thinking he has some kind of sick fetish going there. Rocky got a leaf and started rubbing her face with it. I told her to stop incase it was poisonous (it wasn't, but I wanted her to think), and she just rubbed it on her face harder. With in 24 hours she has a red rash. Now she has zit like blisters all over where she rubbed the leaf. No, it wasn't poison ivy, just hibiscus which has a tiny hair like thing on the under side of the leave. It doesn't itch, just stings.... but we're keeping an eye on her just in case. I'd like to think that she wouldn't do something like that again, but she probably will.
All too soon it was time to head for home. My sister-in-law and her husband were awesome hosts. There was a little apprehension because of a quarrel she and my husband had last summer, and while I still think they need to talk it out and apologize to each other (apologizing is not common in their family I have come to know), it was a very pleasant week. Brenda became ill from the heat and all the running around so she spent a lot of time at home, but during that time she cooked and cooked and cooked! My mission now is to find something that can express my gratitude for her efforts.
We actually stopped off in Vegas on the way home. Of course Steve didn't stop at Coco Cola town (or what ever its called) which he knew I would love, or Margaritaville, which I begged him to stop at.... but he went straight to Circus Circus, a place he had gone to as a child. I guess he felt a little bad about not stopping at Margaritaville cos he gave me a 50 dollar bill to spend in the casino. I would rather have spent it at Coca Cola or Margaritaville, but this was as good as I was going to get so I thanked him and went and blew it all on a few machines. I kept hearing people around me winning and I wondered... 'why not me?', but oh well. If I'm ever to get rich I get I have to keep my day job. Oh wait, I've had that job for 5 years and I'm still not rich. Hmmmmm.... well, thats no fun!
And anyhow, here we are, back at home. There is still dirty laundry on the floor, and a couple of forgotten plates had molded over.... the weeds have taken over the front yard, and my Coca Cola cooler has frozen over, but other than that the house is fine.
Once I unpack I'll get some pictures uploaded. I promise I won't put them all up (over 300), just my favorites. I want you all to know that I had to pass up on a lot of photo opportunities because my husband didn't approve of the subject matter. For instance... I saw a deer on the side of the road. Not just any deer, but a really flat deer. Now I didn't know that a deer could get that flat, I mean it was like a deerskin rug, only it had legs! That bugger was dried and mummified, it was flat as a pancake! Nobody would believe a 150 pound deer could get that flat... like it was run over by a steamroller or something... and so I wanted a picture, but NO, he wouldn't stop. I did get a picture of the snake swallowing the lizard. I tried to take the lizard away from the snake but that only made it mad and we ended up having a tug of war. The kids made me let go, but I was winning!
Anyhow, I'm off to bed, its been a long 10 days and I've got a lot of catching up to do. I think I'll start with sleep! There's no place like home.
Today I got on the scale and weighed myself. No, I'm not going to tell you how much I weigh. I could but then I would have to kill you, and being as I leave for California in a day and a half I wouldn't have time to kill you all... so lets just not got there, okay?
Soooo, anyhow, I'm on the scale and I don't like the weight it registers. I call it 'liar', and other 4-letter names, but the needle remains on the same number. Annoyed, I get off the scale and strip. I loose 2 pounds instantly and am happy. Naked, I make the adjustment on my weight log I keep on the vanity cupboard door, written with my eyeliner pencil. Suddenly my stomach rumbles. Ah, the daily constitutional! I sit on my throne and contemplate the day's events. When I am done I wipe and flush... (unlike the other members of my family I do not suffer from latrinaphobia). Then, just for a refresher I step back on the scale. Holy mackeral, I lost another 3 pounds!
So, here is the secret to Dorn's Miracle Weight Loss Program. Its very important that you follow ALL of these steps. Get naked, drop a healthy turd and empty your bladder before weighing yourself! You'll be amazed by the results!
Just once I'd like to spend a day off doing something that didn't include dirty dishes or dirty laundry. I did loads and loads of each yesterday. The dishes situation is getting way out of hand. I wash one plate, they use two. I wash two plates and they use four!. I've offered a solution to this that would also solve my financial problems.... I just won't feed the kids and will never have to wash another dirty dish again. Plus the money saved on food ($600+ a month for a family of 7) would be enough to make payments on the new truck I've been dreaming about.
I had to take my son to his psychologist yesterday. He goes once a week so this Dr. who isn't licensed to prescribe asprin, can tell my normal son that he's perfectly normal, see you next week! Thats okay, he knows how to ask the right questions and I'm already seeing a change for the better in my son. You know, sometimes its easy to miss subtle changes in your child, but when he stops laughing thats a BIG warning sign. He's got such a great sence of humor and its so nice to see him happy again. I still don't understand half of what he says cos he's smarter than I and memorizes the programs from the History Channel, but he's smiling again and thats the main thing.
My husband and I are back to being friends. He thinks we need to get professional help, you know, talk to a Dr. who hasn't got a license to prescribe medicine... I think he needs to APOLOGIZE for starters. And then he can take those condoms out of his bag. What am I supposed to think when he's still carrying them around... is he still hoping to get lucky? That old saying 'Its the thought that counts' doesn't mean squat on Birthdays or Anniversaries, but when you're carrying a condom buddy, you better believe even just the thought will get you in almost as deep as if you had actually done something with them. So thank you, but no thanks, I'll just stick with my home remedy... my little effigy.
Let me just add folks, especially those who know us in person, no, I'm not planning on harming Mr. Dickiedoo, and I'm not going to make a bodybag out of a condom and place his voodoo doll in it (although that would make a nice picture, don't you think?). I just think that my verbal rants here are more therapeutic for me than any psycho-analysis by a trained professional who will conclude after 20 weeks what we already know to be true now... the braincells in my husbands northern head are deteriorating causing the braincells in his southernly head to take over and do the majority of the decision making. Unfortunately for him at the very same time the braincells in the right side of MY brain are starting to die off, causing the braincells on the WRONG side of my brain to take over the thought process, and no amount of coffee can fix this one. And lets face it my head is harder than either one of his!
California is just a few days away. I'm getting excited. My in-laws really are cool people. Its just that my sister-in-law has a BA or something in child psychology and while she never used it professionally, she is constantly analysing my children, checking to see if they're telling the truth, reading too much between the lines and not enough into the sincerity of the action or words themselves. Basically she's paranoid, but she's also a very sweet, intelligent (oh my gosh is she intelligent!) and very generous. She and her brother are more alike than either one of them cares to admit. They had a big fight last summer and we are visiting against my better judgement, but hopefully they will make up and be done with this grudge. There's no place in a family for that kind of thing.... Hahahaha! I just realized how hypocritical that must sound, especially after those last two paragraphs I just wrote! Oh well, do as I say, not as I do.
Well, time to go slap on my pre-fab face and get ready for work. Only 2 more days and its vacation! My husband is taking his laptop so hopefully I'll be able to get my blog-fix, but I don't know what kind of schedule or internet access we will have so I might end up having to go cold turkey. I'm getting the shakes and having withdrawal symptoms just thinking about it!
Y'all like that one, huh? Its one of many terms I have come up during my ranting and raving at the kids. Yes, flushing has always been and still is a big issue in this house. They'll go in and make their addition to the pot and take off without bothering to flush. Finally one day I'd had enough. There had to have been at least 3 different vintages in there and it was really smelling rank. I had the kids at attention and began doing my lousy drill sgt. impression, with spit flying,my veins buldging from my forehead and my eyes all wild and crazy looking. I asked the kids if that was their intention, to keep on adding until they got some kind of disgusting 'pee punch...' Well, anyhow, the term stuck and thats what we call it when more than one person uses the same toilet water without flushing. Not something you'd serve at a party, thats for darn sure.
Woke up this morning to half a pot of cold coffee. I don't waste coffee, I'll reheat it first. Today that was not a good idea. That coffee was sooooo strong that it didn't even change color when I added the creamer. I kept adding creamer, waiting for it to start lightening but it never happened. So now I have this thick, syrupy sweet cup of 150 proof caffeine. I can almost feel the hair growing on my chest. In fact I'm soooo buzzed on caffeine that I can almost HEAR the hair growing.
I've noticed from the response to my last coffee post that I am not alone in my addiction. I'm glad to see that. I'm so tired of getting weird looks from people when I chug a cup of joe. My kids, after accepting my addiction, have begun accomodating me. Its really funny.... sweet, but funny.... how fast one of them will brew a pot of coffee when I get on a rampage. 5 minutes top and one of them is standing there with a cup for fresh hot coffee held out as a peace offering. How can you be mad after that? I can't, I'm a sucker, I know it.
It was brought to my attention that I make a lot of references about commode discoveries. Okay, the secret is out. My family suffers from a rare phobia, its called 'latrinaphobia', which is the fear of the bathroom. They rush in and rush out, sometimes not even taking the time to shut the door, and NEVER taking the time to flush, leaving lots of opportunity for strange new discoveries. Even Mr. Dickidoo suffers from it. I do not like to reuse toilet water. When I sit, my 'self' is a little closer than the average male's 'self' (yeah right buddy, in your dreams and mine!), and therefore I am susceptible to splashes. The last thing I want splashing up on me is Pee Punch. Another thing that bugs the snot out of me is how nobody else in the house will put a new roll of toilet paper on the roller. Why? I'll ask who used the last of the paper and everyone says 'not me'. My next question is then who changed the toilet paper. They all pipe in 'not me' but the point is lost on them because they all have 'latrinaphobia'. Which brings tomind the great toilet paper mystery. If nobody uses up all the toilet paper, then where the heck is it?
I was almost a grandmother once before. My eldest came home one night from work and told me that rumor was going around that one of the cashiers he worked with and was friends with, who just happened to be pregnant at the time... was actually pregnant with twins.... one of them being his! He then told the cashier, who was also a friend of mine, that she must really be a lousy lover because he didn't even remember the sex. When she gave birth to her beautiful blonde hair and blue eyed daughter I demanded to know where my little dark hair and dark eyed grandbaby was, cos that sweet little pinky baby was no relationship to me. I got to babysit little Micheala once and it just made me soooo impatient for a grandchild. How cruel that now when I finally have a grandchild on the way, the mother is clear across the other side of the country.
In the mean time I guess I'll have to settle for babysitting. I love kids... much as I fuss about my own, and am a sucker when it comes to babysitting. I'll babysit for free, but many of the young mothers I've sat for feel bad when they can't afford to pay me so I barter with them. In the past I have worked for pizza (she worked at Dominoes), milk, eggs, cheese and peanut butter...(too much in the house), potato salad and soup (she worked at a snackbar), zucchini and yellow squash (a better gardener than I), and baked goods. Truth be known for the enjoyment I got out of it I should have been paying them, but man, it was nice having homemade brownies that didn't have to be soaked in milk in order to bite into them.
Today ended out being okay. Nothing bad happened. I had a couple of run ins with some grumpy customers, but I kept thinking something worse would happen so they didn't seem so bad. I think my husband is mad at me because my oldest boy was cussing infront of my youngest daughter (who charges a quarter for every cuss word) and I didn't stop him. I'm waiting for him to say something, because I can then remind him that not only did he cuss infront of the children just recently, he actually cussed AT them, which is 10 times worse! Besides, little Rocky is doing a great job taming her oldest brother's mouth. He's gone from paying up about $5 a week to maybe $1 a week. And just in case you're wondering, yes, she charges everyone, including guests a quarter for every cuss word. Last year at our Fourth of July picnic she raked in over $7! Its a great fund raiser for her, but most of all it keeps the vulgarity under control in a house that is full of impressionable ears. Our friends are all very good about it and don't mind paying up for penalties, but are making a conscious effort to watch their language. So anyhow, back to my husband being mad at me... I dare him... I double dog dare him! Besides, theres no room in the dog house for me. He's already in there, him and his dickidoo!
I've got a bad feeling about today, don't know why, I just woke up thinking 'this is going to be a bad day'. I try not to take those kinds of feelings too seriously, seems when you worry too much about predictions and premonitions you inadvertantly make them come true.
So anyhow, here I sit, sipping on a dainty mug of coffee when what I really wanted to do was to just dump a bunch of creamer in and drink directly from the coffee pot. Actually that would have been more logical in the first place since I will end up drinking the whole pot of coffee before I leave for work in 2 hours. Oh, and as for all that mumbo jumbo about coffee stunting your growth... not true at all! I am still growing! My vertical growth has slowed down somewhat but my horizontal circumference is steadily increasing. And the caffeine is keeping my mind sharp. I would not have been able to write or even understand this whole paragraph without being under the influence of caffeine.
Did you know caffeine was a drug? I knew it was.... sort of, kind of like vitamin C is a drug... you just don't think of it as a 'drug'. One afternoon after school as I sat at the table with the kids and their homework, my coffee mug full and steaming, my daughter looked at me and asked me why I drank coffee. I told her that I liked the taste and she started crying because she didn't want me to be a drug addict. I was completely thrown off balance because its a well know fact that I HATE drugs, and even had a problem with birth control pills which is why I have 5 kids instead of just 2.... So I calm her down and ask her where she got the idea I was a drug addict. She pointed to my coffee cup.
'Caffeine' she pouted. Give me a break! Thats a bit extreme to be teaching in school. But all I could say was: guilty as charged. I found out that nicotine is also taught as a drug that is abused by the new cirriculum, and while I don't smoke, and I appreciate that there is an anti-smoking campaign going on in the schools, I think it is really wrong to link cigarette smokers and coffee drinkers with the abusers of drugs such as cocaine and prescription drugs. I am not a drug addict dangit! I need some more coffee, sheesh!
Actually I've been drinking coffee since I was a child. My parents were habitual coffee drinkers, I guess its in my genes because they drank coffee like some people drink soda pop. They always had a cup before going to bed and would leave their coffee cups on the coffee table. I, being the first one up, would finish off any left overs first thing in the morning. I remember once finding a fly floating in one of the cups, and I merely scooped it out, flung it in the trash and drank the coffee anyway. I think that was probably the first sign of my addiction. I was 6 years old.
So here I am, almost 40 years later, and still drinking coffee like a fish drinks water. Whoa, wait a minute... you know I've always heard that expression... like a fish drinks water... but has it actually been determined that fish do in fact drink water? I find that really disturbing because they pee and doodie in that water, why would they turn around and drink it? Yuck. If I were a fish I'd probably die from dehydration! Unless I were in a fish bowl full of coffee.
J
We leave this Friday for California, via the Hopi Reservation in Arizona. I'm not particularily looking forward to the California part of the trip but only because my husband and his sister had a huge falling out the last time we saw them and they still have not gotten over it. I hate when families fight and don't forgive, its so tragic. But I think they grew up thinking that apologizing was admitting that you were wrong. It is not always. Sorry means exactly what it implies, that you are sorry. I apologize to my husband all the time, but it doesn't mean I was wrong, just that I was sorry I lost my temper. Usually it was justified, but I still don't like to lose it.
The kids have been working so hard on their rooms. My youngest son has basically just been sitting around the whole time because his room was clean from the start. (he certainly didn't get the clean gene from me). My oldest daughter scared me yesterday. She turned into some kind of Stepford daughter or something. Everything was 'yes mother', 'thank-you mother'. It was a nice change but worrysome. I just know she's going to spring something on me in the near future.
Rocky was.... well, I think you all know by now how Rocky is. She came up to me with a pair of tiny dress high heels I bought her for playing dress up in and held them out to me.
'Which one smells better?' she asked. Huh? I'm not going to smell those stinky-stanky shoes!
'Well, one smells like peanuts, but the other one smells like... I don't know, so which one do you like?' She shoved the shoes under my nose. I pushed them away and sent her back to her room when she could sniff her shoes in private. Ugh!
What happens when you kick a leaking dishwasher? Well, 1 of 3 things can happen. a) it will stop leaking, b) it will continue to leak or as in my case c) it will leak even more! That machine is just plain spiteful. If it had lips it would be smiling! Just wait though, I saw a nice new stainless steel dishwasher at Sams which would match nicely with my stove and refrigerator!
We had honeydew melon with breakfast. Melon is a favorite of my family and the kids would eat it morning, noon and night, 7 days a week if I would let them. I will not, and here is why.
My neighbors all know how much my children enjoy melon and are always sending them over when they are in season. A couple of summers ago I had just purchased a huge watermelon when my neighbor sent over an even larger melon. My kids eyes were wide with anticipation. I cut the two melons up and put them in my biggest Tupperware (unpaid product endorcement) bowl, and told the kids to eat the melon up before it went bad. Not a problem. So they ate and ate. It took them 2 days to put away about 15 pounds of watermelon.
It was the evening of the second day of the watermelon feast that my oldest boy called me over to the bathroom. His naturally dark face was as white as a sheet. 'Someone is bleeding' he whispered, pointing to the toilet. Puzzled, I looked inside and was horrified by what I saw. The toilet bowl was bright red with blood and ooze. There was so much I almost passed out with fear. I yelled for the other kids to come over, and demanded to know who had last used the bathroom, assuring them that nobody was in trouble. One of my daughters stepped forward and apologized for not flushing the toilet.
I was almost in tears as I checked her over, pressing on her tummy, checking her forehead for a fever, checking her eyes. Did she hurt? Was she dizzy? Did she feel nausious?
"No, I just think I ate too much watermelon" she replied. It took me a moment to comprehend and then I began to laugh almost hysterically. My kids looked at me like I was nuts, which I am, but at that moment I was only relieved. I looked at my daughter and asked her to slow down and chew her watermelon the next time to help with the digestion process.
So, add watermelon to your list of foods that will pass through your system without digesting if not chewed thoroughly, along with peas, corn, nuts and greens. And macadamia nuts will float, making it necessary to cover them with toilet paper to get them to flush.
Today's word of the day is: hineyass
Now I will use it in a sentence.
"Yes, Your Royal Hineyass, sure, anything you say, Your Royal Hineyass"
This word has the most impact when used with heavy sarcasm. However don't expect to be picked as 'person of the day' after using this word. You will not be popular!
"And tomorrow we'll clean out UNDER the bed." I added for Rocky. Her face turned red.
"But mom, thats no fair, theres tons of junk under there!" Let me tell you it was hard not to laugh at that point.
"Yes dear, and if you had put things away instead of shoving them under your bed and in the closet you'd be done."
I don't know how she did it but she got everything from the floor to fit under her bed without raising the mattress at all! And what didn't fit went into the closet. Now me, I would have hung the blankets down over the side of the bed all the way to the floor so nobody could see under the bed, and I would also have closed the closet. She has a lot to learn, but she is young yet.
(my buttons trying hard to stay in the buttonholes by this afternoon)
Well, with all my clothes being held for ransom in the laundry pile by the striking Laundry Fairies (commies!), I had to resort to rummaging through my closet to find something appropriate for work, and there was my blouse, shining like the golden grail... okay, not quite, but it was calling out to me... 'Put me on!', so I did, all the while holding my breath. I pulled the sides together and lo and behold the buttons reached the button holes. And when I released my breath none of the buttons shot off! It fit! Oh my gosh, it fit! Okay, now maybe the reason it fit is because my 'chest' no longer sticks straight out, but who cares, my favorite blouse fits! Yahoo! Life is good!
Okay, so my husband doesn't find me desirable anymore. That was a hard one to get used to, but its true so get over it, right? I have. In fact I've done a little soul searching and have decided that he is the one who is losing out.
For instance, my clevage may not be as deep as it once was, but its LONGER now, stretching down almost to my bellybutton! Tell me, who wouldn't want that, huh? My measurements are 36-26-36... and thats just my waist (I have 3 of them, some people call them love handles). PMS is no longer an issue with me, and the pre-menopause Jekyll and Hyde moments only last a few hours a day, usually between sun-up and sun-down. And...... I'm not the one with the 'dickidoo'!
This is my namesake... my coffee stein, which just happened to be on my desk the day I was attempting to establish a screen-name for AOL. When my hundreds of first choices all came up as taken I began to get desperate... and sarcastic! I even tried 'PurpleHippoSnot' and believe it or not, it was also taken (thank goodness, otherwise you'd be addressing "PurpleHippoSnot, President of the Dust Bunny Club of North America.." Not quite as catchy as Dornbrau). Anyhow, I was about to give up when I typed in that 8 letter combination, and bingo! Sooooo, nope, its not my real name, and nope, I don't even like the beer.
Got some major dishpan hands today, with the Dirty Dish Fairy recently deceased (or maybe she defected... that is a possibility). I hate doing house work on my day off, but nothing gets done when I'm at work so its now or never. I took a break to re-new my drivers license. It should arrive in the mail in a week or two. I checked the expiration date, its good through 2014. That means if its a gross picture (I'm sure the license photograpers are also the same people who do the mug shots)... I'm stuck with it for 10 years. I went on a crash diet and took 5 pounds off before I filled in my weight... what!? Its not like I'm going to be the same weight for the next 10 years anyway, right? I'm just glad they only ask for my height and not my width!
Today's Phrase of the Day is:
"Just because you can doesn't mean that you should."
For example:
Just because you can jump off the roof doesn't mean that you should. (when son twisted ankle a few summers ago using a homemade parachute)
Just because you can drink a pint of creamer doesn't mean that you should. (when daughter drank a whole container of Irish Cream coffee creamer and had the runs for 2 days).
Just because you can eat two dozen hotwings doesn't mean that you should. (Told to son through bathroom door as he sat on the pot crying)
Just because you can climb a tree doesn't mean that you should. (shouted up to daughter stuck at top of 25 foot pine tree in front yard).
Just because you can drink 2 bottles of MD 20/20 doesn't mean that you should. (remember that one? That was my husband to me).
Just because you can regergitate at will doesn't mean that you should. (one of my son's has an unusual talent that kids pay to witness!)
Just because you can eat bugs doesn't mean that you should! (Told to Rocky after a survival demonstration for the neighborhood kids in the front yard)
Just because you can stick your head in something doesn't mean you should! (told to son while trying to figure out how to get head out from between rungs in a chair)
As you can see that phrase is used a lot in this house. I have so many more examples but alas, I must get ready for work.
Just want to let you all know that I was very good today. As tempting as it was to construct a Trojan Bouquet, I went ahead and had the kids wrap the earthstone Native American coasters instead. I had to work but made sure the kids were up and busy working on breakfast. They spent the day at the dirtbike track. Sounds like they had a great day. I'm glad. I didn't. I was at work. But thats okay cos I probably would have broken down and made the bouquet if I had too much spare time on my hands. And a voodoo doll. A voodoo doll with dickidoo.
For my fair weather friends (literally that is), let me explain the phenomenon of frozen boogers. Cold temperatures often cause one's nose to run. If the outside temperature is below freezing the mucous (snot) will freeze upon exposure to the frigid air. Having said that let me give you an example. Do you recall the pictures of cold weather explorers all decked up in thick insulated jackets with ice hanging from their beards.... or are those snotscicles? The truth is only really known after the thaw!
My friend told me about this one.... dickidoo. It is a male condition that usually sets in with middle age. The symptoms are ... when your stomach sticks out farther than your dicky do!
How many of you clean out your belly button? Not just wiping it down in the shower but really get in there with a Q-tip and get deep inside? Funny, I never even thought about it until I got pregnant and my navel started to stretch, and I could see into it. Ewwwwww! So I started to swab it, and .... the swab was dirty... and.... I couldn't help it... I smelled it! Aggggggghhhhhhh! If you are ever tempted to smell something and that little person in your head tells you not to... listen to that person! That was the most awful thing I had ever smelled before in my life, and it came from my belly button! So you can bet now days my belly button is probably the cleanest place on my entire body, and it smells even sweeter than my rosy farts.
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