The Lucky Bamboo Really Works!

Went to court yesterday morning.  My throat was sore and my body hurt.  I didn't sleep but maybe a wink or two... nerves no doubt.  They handle things a bit different in the city than they do in my town, so instead of walking in, accepting a plea, and walking out minus the fine a few minutes later it ended up being an hour and a half wait.  The charge for speeding was dropped to 'unsafe vehicle' which carried a 2 point penalty compared to the original 4 points.  For that I would wait!  By the time the judge got to my case my throat was so sore I could barely swallow.  All morning long the judge repeated the same dialog, changing only the name and the offense, barely even glancing up from his stack of files.  He read my charge and asked if I had read and agreed to the plea.  I leaned over to the microphone and agreed as I had practised over and over in my head... only this time my voice caught and all that came out was a very definate 'Ass!'.  If anyone was talking in the courtroom, they weren't now.  The judge shot me a look that dared me to repeat myself.  Horrified I cleared my throat.  Following his script the judge then asked if I understood the rights I was waiving by accepting the plea.  I cleared my throat again and forced the words out, but as before it merely squeaked out 'Ass Sir!'.  The beady eyes of the judge peirced me as he calculated whether or not my words were as intended.  I quickly glanced around the courtroom but the interpretor who had spoken for the Hispanic speeder was no where to be seen.  The judge continued to detail my fines but his eyes never left my face.  With a final 'Ank-uuuuu Ssssssssrrrrr'   I quickly stepped away from the podium and left the courtroom before the judge could change his mind. 

A glance at my watch indicated that I had been in there for 1 1/2 hours.  Unfortunately I had only put enough change in the parking meter for 33 minutes.  I prayed hoarsely as I hurried down the block to where the truck was parked, then slowed down when it came into sight, almost afraid to look for fear of seeing a pink parking ticket on the windshield.  But nothing!  I jumped in and took off before a cruiser could pass me, keeping a lookout for speed limit signs.  How I made it back to work without insident I don't know other than by the grace of my Maker and the Lucky Bamboo!