DISFUNCTIONAL DOMESTIC DIVA?

Fox News is looking for Domestic Divas.  No doubt they are searching for Suzy Homemaker and Martha Stewart protogees.  Why, because they have Better Homes and Gardens houses?  Because they can bake using metric measurements and can tell you the exact fat, calorie and carb count in every recipe they prepare in their Jenn Aire kitchen?  Because they have a nifty craft project for every season, holiday or hour of the day?  Because they have a garden is listed on the Rand McNally's Scenic Sites and Nature Parks map?  Okay, yeah, the answer is probably yes to all of those.

But here are a few reasons why I feel I am a Domestic Diva... in my own disfunctional way. 

* I am constantly cleaning, that is however not to say that I have a clean house as a result of this.  I have a messy family, and that is why I am constantly cleaning.

* I am a creative cook.  I could write a whole new volume on the wonders of Bisquick.  Did you know that if you toss a can of diced tomatoes and a can of mushroom stems and pieces into a jar of spaghetti sauce you can claim it as 'homemade'? I am constantly changing the ingredients to recipes to accomodate what I have in the cupboards.  Am I too lazy to go to the store... or am I gifted with creative adaptability?

* I don't have a tool for every job, there isn't enough storage space in my house for all of that.  I have a tool box in the garage.  A butter knife with double as a flat head screwdriver in a pinch, a fork is a handy make-shift whisk, and measuring spoons... why do they even make those, does anyone ever really use them?

* My garden is fortified by love and prayer.  I pray constantly for rain to keep the plants left over from the former tenant alive.  Birds had 'planted' a small patch of cosmos in my yard.  I watch them bloom with pride.  My dandilion patch didn't do too well this year, the neighbors must have picked theirs before they could bloom and scatter their seeds.  The grass in the lawn has thinned out sothere won't be any problem with over-crowding of the roots come spring.

* None of my appliances match.  My refrigerator and stove are stainless, my dishwasher is almond, my washer and dryer are white.  I have a hodge podge of brand names, Whirlpool, Hotpoint, GE.  I buy the best I can for the money I have. 

* I have a busy schedule, working full-time as a supervisor at a retail store, being a wife of 20 years, and a mother of 5, I am a hunter, an artist, a musician, a photographer, an amateur internet journalist and a professional procratinator. 

What else could you want from a Domestic Diva?