BRIDAL SHOWER and redneck aphrodisiacs

I was invited to a friend's bridal shower which was doubling as a Passion Party.  For those who are not familiar with Passion Parties, its kind of like a Tupperware Party, except instead of containers with burping lids there are nodding 'BOB's (battery operated boyfriend) and other bedroom toys.

And lotions, and potions, and oils and creams.    I spent half the night asking if any of them came in 'chocolate' or 'coffee' flavors.  (the white chocolate body pudding is yummy but it made my lips go numb, it was not intended for the lips)

But as the various pleasure enhancing concoctions were being passed around I couldn't help but think, you know, they're nice and all but those fruity and flowery stuff really weren't doing it for me.  This is Fountain, Colorado.  This is redneck country!  Most residents don't even know what the word 'aphrodisiac' means.  We have simple pleasures that don't come in 4 ounce bottles imported from Asia. 

Someone needs to make a Redneck Passion line of products... things like:

Cheese Whiz massage cream

New Car scented warming oils

Edible pork rind luffah sponge

Hoppes No.9 body spray (I'd buy that!)

Folger's incense (yeah baby!)

Garlic and Pizza dusting powder (mmmmmm good!)

Beer scented bubble bath (better yet a REAL beer bubble bath!)

And a BOB that doubles as a beer bottle opener (beer is so much more healthy for you than smoking a cigarette after sex)

So how 'bout it Passion Parties?  Victoria's Secret?  Jeff Foxworthy?  Anybody?  We mountain folk have needs too, they're just a little different from the rest of the world.  I'd host one of them parties, heck I'd be your best customer!

Tags: redneck aphrodisiacs