HOW BABIES ARE MADE...

When the Oompas were little I prided myself for being a very open and intellectual mother. When the children had questions, even the difficult ones, I tried to answer honestly but in a context that they could comprehend.


'Boys are made of snips and snails, and puppy dog tails. Girls are sugar and spice and everything nice. And a stork with a little blue hat drops them off on the front porch step.'


The Oompas are older now and are ready for the real truth about how babies are made.


Babies are made from kissing!


All of my pregnancies were preceded by kissing, which eventually lead to other things. For that reason I do not allow the kids to kiss their boyfriends and girlfriends. Hugs are fine, hand holding is cute, but kisses are out of the question.


At first the Oompas, who are smarter than their report cards reflect, scoffed at my theory. They had all taken the standard sex ed course in the 6th grade. They knew that procreation wasn't about the birds and the bees but about Sammy the sperm and Ella the egg. However I made them see the broader picture. What happened before Sammy swam the channel to have dinner with Ella?


Kissing!

And what happened before each of my children were conceived?

Kissing!


I rest my case. Kissing makes babies! The rule stands. No kissing!