SAD TIMES AHEAD

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately.  I just read a poem in SmarypantsJessie's Journal, and it just got me to bawling.  This was my comment to her:

<My son is in Basic, he's learning to be a soldier.  He wrote home one day and said 'Mom, I officially know how to kill a man'.  What a horrific skill that a 20 year old should have to learn.  But it may save his life, or the life of a buddy and so I write back...'Thats good', and I sealed the letter with tears.  >

I should be shopping for 'Baby's 1st Christmas' stuff.  I should be shopping for my grandbaby.  I'm almost in tears when I pass by the infant department at work.  I wondered if it were possible for my heart to hurt any more than it did when my son enlisted as a Calvary scout.  Yes, yes it is possible for my heart to hurt more.  I think it is breaking.  I pray, Lord I pray that my grandbaby has been given the opportunity of life, it should be born on or around Christmas eve.  The not knowing is devasting.  I think my son would make an awesome father if given the opportunity.  I know I would make a wonderful grandmother if given the opportunity... but that is beside the point.  I know my grandbaby would make a wonderful person if given the opportunity.  Please... please give it the opportunity!  Sadly the only person who can make that happen is far away and will never hear or read these words.

Needless to say my mood has been very subdued lately, and getting worse by the day.  Yesterday when I climbed into the car after lunch I saw a huge bird dropping on the windshield.  Great!  Just what I needed!  In my disgust I switched on the wipers to clean it off... NO, WAIT!  I need the spray!  Too late!  That bird-doo was smeared all over the windshield in a perfect arch!  I hit the spray button, which was of little use by then since the stuffwas smeared all over the wiper blade!  People were laughing at me from their cars as I drove down the road with my wipers going, my sprayer going, and an ever darkening rainbow of bird stuff smeared across the windshield!  Pooh off, pooh on, pooh off, pooh on!  Yeah people!  Have a nice day!  I hope a flock of geese do the Pepto Bismol Boogie over your car next!