THE THRONE ROOM

We had a cushioned toilet seat in the main bathroom.  It was soft, smooth vinyl, gently padded and stayed warm even during the winter months so your business didn't get scared back in as it does when you sit on a cold wooden or plastic seat in the dead of winter. 

Please note that I used 'had' as in past tense.  We HAD a cushioned toilet seat.  We do not have one anymore.  Someone got bored while sitting on the throne doing what ever people do when they sit on the throne.  Someone decided, in their infinite boredom, to play 'dot to dot' on my nice cushioned toilet seat... with a sharp object!  And when they tired of the game and vacated the gaming chair, the once smooth padded seat was riddled with holes.

But that wasn't the end of the story.  A simple seat cover could have prolonged the life of the cushioned toilet seat... had someone with incredibly poor aim not gotten to the bathroom before we could add the protective covering.  And the unprotected foam cushion just absorbed it all like a thirsty sponge.  The toxic waste leak was discovered by the oldest Oompa female who set off the alarm and scared all of the other Oompas into closed lip denial. 

Dickidoo assumed the hazardous waste clean-up and restoration of the throne room.  We now have a virtually indestructable solid plastic toilet seat, completely spill and puncture resistant.  No doubt it will scare my business back where it came from in the cold winter months, but in the heat of the summer it is quite cool and comfortable.  I may have to install a Pocket Yahtzee in the nearby cabinet.