NEXT?

I am soooooooooo happy and relieved to report that Mama's surgery was successful.  She will remain in the hospital for a bit to recuperate from the operation and await the results of the tests that will determine whether or not she will need to undergo chemo or any other additional treatments.  I hope that this marks the end of her hardship, but I am confident that if there are still obstacles that must be dealt with, she will handle them all in stride, on her own terms and in her own time, as usual, and not before she has all of her ducks in a row, of course.

I got the news from my sister and father yesterday afternoon and it was my signal to finally break down.  I sat in the store parking lot and had a much needed cry.  People passing by seemed concerned by my mascara streaked face but I smiled happily and waved them on.  They were happy tears, tears of pent up stress and relief.  I felt as if the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders.  Needless to say I went to bed early and slept very well.

Zachary finished his first day of work in Florida today.  He finished off the welds made by his co-workers, nothing new to him since he did the same kind of thing in shop class.  He's staying in an apartment with another worker.  Its big and roomy.  He has no computer or game system to play with but he doesn't seem to mind yet.  I asked if he had any regrets yet, any 'Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?'  thoughts.  Nope, not yet.

Good!  Because I was having some major guilt trips wondering what I had done to my boy, shipping him off across the country with no friends or relatives nearby, to work and live with strangers, and our nearest contact about 80 miles away.  Sometimes I think its not so much about whether the child is ready to leave the nest as it is about the parent being ready to let the child venture out on his own.  I knew it would be hard to let Zack go, although the circumstances were better than when Gabe left for boot camp.  But Zack is my gentle son, my sensitive one, the shy one.

Yeah, right!  Zack, my gentle sensitive shy son who promised to call once he got settled in but forgot and was eating steak and having a good ole time while his poor old mama sat back at home clear across the country in her granny nightie, worrying her gray hair even whiter listening to the phone not ringing.... Dang Oompa! 

Ugh, this is just day two.  Only 58 days to go.  I know, I know... he'll be 20 tomorrow.  He's old enough to take care of himself.  But you have to understand.  I'm only 46, I'm not ready to not be his ever present mama.  Oh well, I suppose its time to start smothering the other Oompas with all this left over loving. 

Before I sign off though, I'd like to thank everyone who came by and left such wonderful, caring messages and said prayers for Mama.  It was so reassuring to read them.  I felt so helpless here so far away from where I felt I needed to be but I never felt so supported and loved, a feeling that can only be compared to the support I received here while Gabe was in Iraq.  I could sit here tapping on the keyboard for hours and never find the words to express the gratitude and affection I have for you all.  People tease me about my Dust Bunny family all the time.  When something of any significance (and occasionally things of absolutely no significance) happen, they'll ask if I'm going to blog about it.  Why yes, yes I am, because I just have to tell my family, and not just my blood family but my extended family as well.  I don't want to say 'cyber family', because that is so impersonal and this has become so much more than that.  No, you are all a part of my Dust Bunny Family, little fuzzy friends who just pop up from all over the place and yet are each so individually endearing to me and my own family here in the dusty old house of Oompas.

Thank you so very much, 

Love Dorn~ (Jody)

Tags: colon cancer