I think I got bit by a spider the other day. At first I thought it was a mosquito bite because it welted and itched so bad. Then it developed a faint red ring around the bite area and my friends at work started to scare me with talk about West Nile virus. The tortilla girl told me that her aunt mistook a report for West Nile as the bird flu and told her uncle who raises chickens "Quick Lennie, kill all the chickens!" which Uncle Lennie promptly did. Now the joke at work is "Quick Jojo, kill all the chickens!". (Jojo is the name I go by at work) Dickidoo, however, was pretty certain that it was a spider bite because of the texture on the surface of the welt. Its better now, still red and a little bruised feeling but not as itchy or swollen so I suspect I shall live. Maybe I'll turn into a spider woman. Heck, I've already got the cobwebs! 
My mama raised me to be discrete when engaging in vapor expulsion. The evacuation location of choice is, of course, the powder room but when said powder room is otherwise occupied, any other vacant room will suffice.
Note to self: Make sure said vacant room has not got a huge mega hurricane force swamp cooler fan that blows expelled vapors through to every corner of the house. The unfortunate occupants of the fumigated rooms will not be amused.... at all.
Note to self, Part 2: If one simply must participate in an emergency vapor expulsion in a room with huge mega hurricane force swamp cooler fan, make sure that your point of expulsion is facing away from said mega fan to insure that the vapors blow away from your rather than back at you. Sometimes having a water treatment plant a couple of miles down the road proves handy when trying to divert attention due to one's poor choice of emergency vapor evacuation locations.
Note to self, Part 3: You may want to linger in the room with the mega fan for a while. The air quality is safest at ground zero until the vapors have dissipated in the rest of the house, and of course, the unfortunate occupants in the fumigated rooms are not amused... at all!
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16 comments:
It's funny you should write that....I just came out of the bathroom after spending a good amount of time in there ,and two minutes later, the gas detector went off. Hahahahahahahahahhaaha.....it was a low battery. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
~Amy
When a note to self is longer than 2 parts it must be accompanied by cold beer. ~ Mary
I love to fluff quitley in the car and let the boys and hubby yell at each other for farting...when all the time it was me lol
Donna In TEXAS
ouch be careful about spider bites. As far as the vapor expulsion are you sure it was not an explosion? lol....love, Sandi
Don't ya just hate when that happens - even worst, when you don't make it to either....Or a very Quite, crowded, powder room! Thanks for the laugh! Take care,
Katie
http://journals.aol.com/ktkamanski/HappyBeingMe/
Oh my... thanks for laughs!!! BTW, you may want to have the bite looked at if it doesn't heal. An aide at school was out of work for 11 weeks do a spider bite! They apparently can infect easy... be careful!!! I worry about you! Mom to mom and all... because we always put ourselves last...
be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Reason number 957 why I hate spiders. yikes. Take care. Must be the day for flatus stories, LOL. I had one, Jimmy had a good joke and another journal I read talked about the gas from hell, something in the wind? Snort snort.
Julie
i hate spiders! i usually get bit once a year. the site swells up itches and hurts. one year i had about 8 bites on my lower back we finally decided it was baby spiders so iwashed everything ugh just the thought of baby spiders all over the bed UGH now i am going to check and make sure no spiders in the bed....i itch too LOL
as the gas goes LMAO
Deb
Here is a part 4...Never do it in an elevator..even if it's empty...the door will open and fifteen people will crowd in right afterwards! lol
love ya,
carlene
I hate spider bites! We have Brown Recluse Spiders here who bite me like it's a hobby! I'm no longer allergic to them however!
I imagine your family was quite put out with you and your choice of places to release your vapor!
Traci
Dorn,
I love the coverage from Ch 4 news on West Nile last night. They said many of us have been exposed and are amune already. $200 bucks to find out!!! Right! I was going to make a comment about the elevator but Carlene beat me to it.
Hope you are having a great day, it looks like this heat is going to break tomorrow.
Smiles
David
i was going to say that i hope it wasn't a brown recluse, which is a horrible bite. i noted that one of your readers claims to have bitten numerous times. i thought that their bite literally rotted the skin around the bite all the way to the bone. i have seen first hand as well as online the horrible way the skin just seems to disappear. but if you are doing better, i guess it wasn't one of those. i would still keep a good watch out for any other red marks around the bite. if there are streaks up the skin at the site, go to a doctor.
and by the way, dorn, i was spider woman for halloween..........so i have dibs....
just kidding, you can share.
blessings friend,
regina
Oh hum, it's usually proper to make sure some kind of noise doesn't accompany the vapor expulsion as well. A little over a year ago I went with Doc , Christmas shopping. I'm deaf, so I thought the little farts that where escaping where just that little nuisances no one would notice. Doc was following behind me then burst out laughing. He said I sounded like a fog horn going off, people where looking around the aisle to see what all the commotion was about. So that's my little secret....oh hum. (Hugs) Indigo
Hope the bite continues to get better. You have me laughing at the vapor expulsion! LOL
Missie
ha ha ha ha.
I love it.
Hope the spider bite is better now!
Hugs,
Heather
http://singingwithmyheart.blogspot.com/
we blame those 'emergency expulsions' on the cat. :D I hope your camera can be fixed soon.
http://journals.aol.com/abaleman666/boysaremean
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