ALL BY MYSELF........

This time last year I was counting the days, nay, the hours, minutes and seconds until school was back in session and the Oompas were back in the care and supervision of State paid educational employees at some distant cinderblock structure far, far away.  This time last year I was eagerly anticipating the return of the eldest Oompa while I almost neurotically yearned for the departure of the younger siblings.

Tonight, with just about two weeks left of summer vacation, I find myself sitting alone in a darkened house, alone except for the silent company of Henry the homicidal goldfish, his new tank mate Butterbutt the crawdad, and Luca, the cricket herding wolf spider.  My family has deserted me yet again.  The Oompas are all out, and Dickidoo is enjoying the first day of archery antelope season.  I am a single member family.  I am alone again (naturally).  Dinner for one has no appeal.  I sip instead on a quality aged boxed wine.  It is my day off.  Tomorrow also so I can stay up late and sleep in.  I have the tv and computer to myself.  I can hear myself think.

I think I am bored, but its been so long since I have had the time to be bored that I am not quite sure that is actually what I am feeling.

Perhaps it is just the quality aged boxed wine on an empty stomach.

Listen, its raining.  The loud rumble of thunder breaks the peace.  One thousand and one, one thousand and two... two miles away.  The closeness is not alarming but rather comforting.  I am not alone after all.  Zeus is here.

I wonder if Zeus likes quality aged boxed wine?

I wonder if he brought any food with him... maybe some smoked oysters, and truffles!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROCKY

It has been an almost ornery pleasure to share the Oompas and their antics with my readers over the past 3+ years.  Most of these pictures of Rachel "Rocky", aka "Mini-Me" have been posted here or on my photo blog.  If you look at them and think what a sweet young lady she must be, you obviously have not been paying attention to a word I write.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROCKY!

GERMAN CHOCOLATE, Mini Me, and tattle time

Quote for the day:  "The good thing about buying imported German chocolate is that the wrapper is written in German so you can't read how bad it is for you."  (Rocky, during a recent trip to the local German deli.) 

My baby turns 13 tomorrow.  13 was the turning point in my life.  13 was when I discovered my opinion.  13 was when I decided that everyone needed to hear and agree with my opinion or suffer the consequences.  13 was when my parents probably realized that they never should have taught me to speak as a baby.  Rocky is so much like me that I am afraid, I am very afraid.

Tattle time:  I take it all back.  Dickidoo is NOT my hero.  He won't share!  Grrrrrrrrrr!

I want my own camera!

MY HERO!

Faded blue denim is the new shining armor.  Dickidoo is my hero.  He bought a new camera.  No, not for me.  I think he has always been jealous of my Nikon so when my camera died, he bought one for himself because he is just as lost without a camera as I am.  But in true male ego fashion, it had to be bigger and better than mine was.  He got a Nikon D80.  What is a Nikon D80?  Well, besides being 10x better than my Nikon D70, its probably the most incredible camera I have ever had the pleasure of holding.

It wasn't easy, but Dickidoo has agreed to share.

But that is not what makes his jeans a symbol of heroism in my eyes.

Three years ago when he bought me my Nikon he spent an extra $ and bought an extended warranty for my Nikon.  Woo hoo!  We will take the camera back to the store we bought it at on Wednesday.  Hopefully they will be able to do the repairs.  Hopefully it will be covered by the warranty.  If not, Dickidoo is sharing his new toy until I can afford one of my own.

And check it out, I finally got a decent picture of a sunflower!

I love Dickidoo's Nikon D80.

Maybe they'll let me trade my dead D70 in for an upgrade.

STUPENDOUS NEWS

No, my baby, the Nikon, is still dead.  But I have some great news that is almost as good.

I am getting taller!

Okay, first of all, don't believe the tape measure which still reads 62 inches.  Tape measures, like weight scales, grow old and cease to function properly.  My scale pooped out years ago.  It perpetually reads about 10 pounds more than it should.  ( its 20 pounds off after a good holiday meal  .)

A more accurate indicator is the body itself.  This morning I woke up completely inspired to begin a new exercise regiment.  I stretched my arms, I stretched my neck, I twisted my trunk.  And then it was time for my leg stretches.

I bent forward and down to touch my toes... but I couldn't reach them.  I tried again but my fingertips remained suspended above my toes by at least 4 inches.  A few years ago I could reach my toes with no effort at all, but now I am coming up 4 inches shy.  Well, there's no way I could have lost 4 inches off the length of my arms so I can only surmise that my legs are 4 inches taller.

That would make me 5' 6". 

This is amazing.  I just had a growth spurt at 46 and I feel fabulous!  To heck with the exercising.  I'm celebrating this morning. 

Ahhhh, life is good.

SELF CRITIQUE

I believe that if one is honest in one's critique of one's self, truly honest, then it is easier to handle criticism from others.

Today Rocky and I paddled lazily around the swimming pool, joined occasionally by the couple of water beetles that have taken up residence in the wet set pool.  I saved a metallic chartreuse beetle from drowning and was a landing pad for a damsel fly who had stopped by to cool off.  Before long it was time to dry off and get started on supper.

But first I jumped in the shower to 'set my tan'.  After peeling off my faded neon striped bathing suit I examined my tan in the mirror.

Hmmmm... if you can call it a tan.  There is a distinct outline of my swimsuit but my extremities were perhaps just barely a darker shade of white than my covered torso.  And my shape... agh!  I look like an albino turtle with my shell on backwards! (how's that for truly honest?)

Time to start doing them crunches. 

Man, I'm getting tired just thinking about them! 

NOOOOOOOOOOOO!

My beloved Nikon has gone to the great dark room in the sky.

I took the Oompas to the Renaissance Festival this weekend.  Saturday's forecast called for rain.  The clouds provided a cooling break from the usually intense summer heat.  Fortunately for the fairgoers the rain waited until the last hour or so to commence, but from then on it was a torrential downpour.  That didn't dampen the Oompas spirits at all and they danced around quite happily in the rain while the others, myself included, ran for cover.

I thought I had done a good job protecting my camera from the elements.  I thought wrong.  On the ride home Art tried to view the pictures I had taken but nothing happened when he turned the power switch on.

I am devastated.  That Nikon was like a third eye to me.  It was a recorder of the wonder and beauty I encountered along my path through life.  I feel barren, naked.  I feel blind.  I am afraid to blink lest I forget. 

I tried blowing on the insides to dry out any moisture that might be in the camera, a sort of camera CPR if you will, but I am thinking its more serious that a simple drowning.  I am afraid my camera may have been electrocuted, its circuits fried when an ill timed drop of rain got on a sensitive part while the camera was still on.

I am in mourning.

Here are some of the last pictures taken with my dearly departed baby.  The fairy with the hot pink hair is Art's girlfriend Emily.  Don't they make  an adorable couple?  Becca and Rocky continued dancing outside the entrance at the close of the fair (1/2 hour early since the rain showed no sign of letting up) and were presented with roses by an appreciative cast member.  Needless to say, despite the painful loss of my camera, we had a wonderful time at the fair and look forward to next season. 

Hopefully I'll have a new camera by then.

My camera fund cookie jar already has $1.25 in loose change found around the house.  Only $798.75 to go towards a new Nikon.

And an umbrella.

Tags: Colorado Renaissance Festival, Nikon D70

LAZY HAZY CRAZY DAY OF SUMMER.....

I spent the early afternoon in the swimming pool, floating lazily on a one-handled foam snow sled (hey, this is Colorado, we don't have boogie boards here).  A couple of squirrels stopped in a nearby tree and stared at me for close to half an hour, no doubt trying to figure out what was floating in the water.  They eventually got bored and resumed their game of tag, clucking loudly.

My house lies right below a major commercial flight path.   We also see a lot of traffic from Peterson AFB.  Today a convoy of C-130 transport planes (don't be too impressed, I'm just guessing...) flew low overhead en route to the nearby base, as well as several F-somethings (they looked like Top Gun fighter jets).  I wondered if they could see me from that height so just in case, each time one of the jets flew over I would suck in my gut and puff out my bosom. 

Several times while I was floating with my ears submerged in the water I heard some strange loud noises and I would look up thinking someone had joined me in the yard only to see that with the exception of the squirrels I was quite alone.  It would take about 4 more interruptions over the next hour before I realized that the noise I was hearing under the water was my stomach growling.  (I know most of you were probably thinking that I was hearing submerged flatulation... weren't you!  ) 

Anyhow, hat was my cue to get out of the pool and get some lunch.  A quick shower revealed the start of a pretty darn nice tan.  Yeah!  I love the summertime!

Ohhhhhhhh, listen, another plane is flying overhead.  I can almost hear the disappointment as the occupants in the transport realize that the curvaceous mountain mermaid whom the other pilots had been talking about all afternoon is no longer floating gracefully in the crystal clear pool not far from base.  I must remember to make a gracious appearance tomorrow afternoon, to show my appreciation for the brave airmen who defend our country.  Its the least I can do for them. 

(Goodness knows they could probably all use a good laugh!)

* Do water beetles fly?  There is a water beetle in the pool, swimming up and down quite happily.  It either flew here or it got eaten alive by some bird, survived digestion and escaped when the bird crapped in my pool.  Bugs are amazing.  Icky but amazing!

WEST NILE and emergency vapor expulsion

I think I got bit by a spider the other day.  At first I thought it was a mosquito bite because it welted and itched so bad.  Then it developed a faint red ring around the bite area and my friends at work started to scare me with talk about West Nile virus.  The tortilla girl told me that her aunt mistook a report for West Nile as the bird flu and told her uncle who raises chickens "Quick Lennie, kill all the chickens!"  which Uncle Lennie promptly did.  Now the joke at work is "Quick Jojo, kill all the chickens!".  (Jojo  is the name I go by at work)   Dickidoo, however, was pretty certain that it was a spider bite because of the texture on the surface of the welt.  Its better now, still red and a little bruised feeling but not as itchy or swollen so I suspect I shall live.  Maybe I'll turn into a spider woman.  Heck, I've already got the cobwebs!  

My mama raised me to be discrete when engaging in vapor expulsion.  The evacuation location of choice is, of course, the powder room but when said powder room is otherwise occupied, any other vacant room will suffice. 

Note to self:  Make sure said vacant room has not got a huge mega hurricane force swamp cooler fan that blows expelled vapors through to every corner of the house.  The unfortunate occupants of the fumigated rooms will not be amused.... at all. 

Note to self, Part 2:  If one simply must participate in an emergency vapor expulsion in a room with huge mega hurricane force swamp cooler fan, make sure that your point of expulsion is facing away from said mega fan to insure that the vapors blow away from your rather than back at you.  Sometimes having a water treatment plant a couple of miles down the road proves handy when trying to divert attention due to one's poor choice of emergency vapor evacuation locations. 

Note to self, Part 3:  You may want to linger in the room with the mega fan for a while. The air quality is safest at ground zero until the vapors have dissipated in the rest of the house, and of course, the unfortunate occupants in the fumigated rooms are not amused... at all!  

Tags: West Nile, Spider bite, emergency vapor expulsion

ROCKIN' AWARD

I recently received the 'Rockin' Girl Blogger' award from two very awesome and well respected AOL bloggers, who received their Rockin' honor from other featured bloggers.  In fact, if you follow the links you will find quite an impressive list of amazing bloggers forming.  Which led me to ponder the following; what is the 'Rockin' Girl Blogger' award and where did it come from?

The answer was easy enough to find.  A quick google and there it was.  It started as the brainchild of Roberta Ferguson from Blogging made devilishly simple. who wanted a way to recognize and inspire fellow bloggers.  The rules were quite simple, just pick some bloggers you think rock and share them with the world.  Then those bloggers pass the torch on by choosing some of their favorite blogs. 

This all began with this post Why not start something? | Featured | on June 18 of this year and it has just snowballed across the blogisphere with no boundaries set by language, blog host or theme.  In fact, the only limitation was that the award was for girl or woman bloggers, but even then they were more like a guideline than actual rules and so some truly rockin' guy bloggers have also been duly honored.

So... now its my turn to honor and feature a few of my favorite 'Rockin' Girl Bloggers'.  This is, naturally, difficult for although I am not a regular commenter on the blogs I visit, I read tons of them on a regular basis.  My favorites list is 100's of links long, most of which are journals.  Many of my top blogs have already been awarded (what can I say, I have good taste  ).  So what I'd like to do is to mention a few of the blogs I read from other blog sites (some are former AOL bloggers) and perhaps I might be able to introduce someone to a new favorite read.  Most, as I mentioned have already received the Rockin' honor, but if you've not read them, I recommend you check them out.  If you like Dustbunnies you'll probably appreciate these: 

Simply Me Ally:  (the blogger formerly known as aiibrat from Random)  Ally is a talented photographer, which is an obsession of mine, but what I really appreciate the most about Ally is her down to earth style of writing and her easy sense of humor.

whitetrashmom:  Very brash in its honesty.  I usually leave with an 'I can't believe she wrote that!' feeling.  Fun and amusing, and is even more politically incorrect than Bill Maher.

Attack of the Redneck Mommy:  I recently discovered this blog while googling 'redneck'.  Its hilarious.  But this funny mommy has a tragic past, which shehas emerged from with scars she bears with a mother's pride.  Some entries will have youhowling with laughter.  Others will have you weeping in sorrow.  She's kind of like me, only more refined... MUCH more refined, in a red neck sort of way.

This simple housewifes contribution to the world:  jillannemarie is everything I am not.  She's tidy, she's organized, she's tidy, she's organized... and she's TIDY and she's ORGANIZED.  Her journal is a plethora of information... and its tidy, and organized!  If you read it and leave without having learned something then you probably had your eyes closed.

Thank you jckfrstross and astaryth for this awesome, rockin' honor!

Tags: Rockin' Girl Blogger

SAME AS IT EVER WAS

Life is slowly getting back to normal as the knots in my stomach slowly loosen.  I hope to be able to speak to Mama personally this afternoon, at which time I hope she doesn't reach out and touch me with her foot right across my back side.  She specifically told me not to worry.  I promised I wouldn't, but I did.  I worried like a, a... well, I worried like a daughter.  Hmmmm, I think she'll understand that.

Zack seems happy with his new job.  He's working for the sugar refinery in the little town of Clewiston near the southern tip of Lake Okeechobee.  I guess its a really small town because he keeps on saying 'it a really small town!' .  Well, according to Dickidoo, it has a McDonalds and a Wal~Mart so it can't be that small!

Gabe is enjoying 4 day weekends in anticipation of his fast approaching deployment so he is spending as much time as he can with his son Zachary and his fiancee.  Did I mention the baby's due date has been moved up to the end of August?  Woo hoo!

So anyhow, life has taken its kid gloves off it wore while I was so stressed out this past week and is treating me as before.  The three remaining Oompas are no longer behaving and acting all nice and alien like.  They're fussing and hollering, but stop short of down right fighting.  That still has me a little worried but I figure I may as well enjoy it while it lasts.  I'll figure out which galaxy they came from later.

The trains, which ran on time and didn't block my way earlier in the week, are back off schedule and as contrary as ever.  Seems the only time they're late is when I'm late, and down comes the barricade with the flashing lights and obnoxious ding ding dinging.  The other day the train moved at a slow crawl so I stuck my head out of Big Red and hollered "Can you go any slower?"  Apparently the engineer heard me.  Yes, he could go any slower.  In fact he could go much slower.  Note to self, the Rio Grande engineers have a warped sense of humor, and very keen hearing.

And I have discovered something that is worse than having one's jean's zipper breaking in public and not being able to zip one's pants back up...  How about having one's zipper breaking BEFORE you can use the bathroom and not being able to zip them DOWN!  Oh buddy, I was doing the extreme potty dance and fixing to knaw my jeans off or drown when I was finally able to shift my curves in the right combination so that I could slide the jeans down.  Getting them back up was just as difficult but there was no sense of urgency then, and nobody outside the stall banging on the door inquiring if everything was alright. 

"I'm fine, dammit, go buy me a pair of jeans... better make them a size 13!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ZACHARY!

In anticipation of Zack's absence on his birthday, we celebrated a little early.  We took him out to Joe's Crab Shack, his favorite seafood restaurant, the Friday before he left and treated him to pretty much anything on on the menu that he wanted.  The main meal was incidental, he went there for the Triple Chocolate cake!  And for the record, despite the waitress's good intentions in bringing two extra dessert forks, Zachary scarfed the whole thing down and didn't share a bite with anyone.  Well, he did offer me a taste, but quite honestly after my own meal there just wasn't any room to fit one more bite in.  The two sisters cheerfully got up and sang Happy Birthday to their big brother, which alerted the wait staff who quickly moved in and honored Zack with their 'short version' (sung down on their knees).

Happy Happy Birthday,
From all of us to you!
We wish it was our birthday
So we could party too!
Woooooooo!

Happy Birthday Zack!

NEXT?

I am soooooooooo happy and relieved to report that Mama's surgery was successful.  She will remain in the hospital for a bit to recuperate from the operation and await the results of the tests that will determine whether or not she will need to undergo chemo or any other additional treatments.  I hope that this marks the end of her hardship, but I am confident that if there are still obstacles that must be dealt with, she will handle them all in stride, on her own terms and in her own time, as usual, and not before she has all of her ducks in a row, of course.

I got the news from my sister and father yesterday afternoon and it was my signal to finally break down.  I sat in the store parking lot and had a much needed cry.  People passing by seemed concerned by my mascara streaked face but I smiled happily and waved them on.  They were happy tears, tears of pent up stress and relief.  I felt as if the weight of the world had suddenly been lifted from my shoulders.  Needless to say I went to bed early and slept very well.

Zachary finished his first day of work in Florida today.  He finished off the welds made by his co-workers, nothing new to him since he did the same kind of thing in shop class.  He's staying in an apartment with another worker.  Its big and roomy.  He has no computer or game system to play with but he doesn't seem to mind yet.  I asked if he had any regrets yet, any 'Oh no, what have I gotten myself into?'  thoughts.  Nope, not yet.

Good!  Because I was having some major guilt trips wondering what I had done to my boy, shipping him off across the country with no friends or relatives nearby, to work and live with strangers, and our nearest contact about 80 miles away.  Sometimes I think its not so much about whether the child is ready to leave the nest as it is about the parent being ready to let the child venture out on his own.  I knew it would be hard to let Zack go, although the circumstances were better than when Gabe left for boot camp.  But Zack is my gentle son, my sensitive one, the shy one.

Yeah, right!  Zack, my gentle sensitive shy son who promised to call once he got settled in but forgot and was eating steak and having a good ole time while his poor old mama sat back at home clear across the country in her granny nightie, worrying her gray hair even whiter listening to the phone not ringing.... Dang Oompa! 

Ugh, this is just day two.  Only 58 days to go.  I know, I know... he'll be 20 tomorrow.  He's old enough to take care of himself.  But you have to understand.  I'm only 46, I'm not ready to not be his ever present mama.  Oh well, I suppose its time to start smothering the other Oompas with all this left over loving. 

Before I sign off though, I'd like to thank everyone who came by and left such wonderful, caring messages and said prayers for Mama.  It was so reassuring to read them.  I felt so helpless here so far away from where I felt I needed to be but I never felt so supported and loved, a feeling that can only be compared to the support I received here while Gabe was in Iraq.  I could sit here tapping on the keyboard for hours and never find the words to express the gratitude and affection I have for you all.  People tease me about my Dust Bunny family all the time.  When something of any significance (and occasionally things of absolutely no significance) happen, they'll ask if I'm going to blog about it.  Why yes, yes I am, because I just have to tell my family, and not just my blood family but my extended family as well.  I don't want to say 'cyber family', because that is so impersonal and this has become so much more than that.  No, you are all a part of my Dust Bunny Family, little fuzzy friends who just pop up from all over the place and yet are each so individually endearing to me and my own family here in the dusty old house of Oompas.

Thank you so very much, 

Love Dorn~ (Jody)

Tags: colon cancer

SHE SAID THE 'C' WORD

This morning started as any other morning.  A squat on the throne, a quick shower, a swipe of the toothbrush, a steaming cup of coffee and a peek in my mailbox to see who loves me, what country's heir will send me his secret fortune in exchange for my bank account number, what crisis Little Johnny is in because someone didn't send his story to five friends within 5 minutes, and which of the lottery numbers that I didn't pick were winners.

This morning there was an email from my father.  It was not the kind of email anyone likes to receive.  It silenced the waking birds and sucked the flavor out of my coffee.

'Mother has colon cancer', it stated. 

I have spent my life running from the demon that is cancer.  It has touched some friends and relatives, claiming a few along the way.  It has tagged my mother once before, in the 60's.  I don't remember its presence at all.  I'm sure Mama shielded me from it back then, but not this time.  The doctor wanted to operate right away but Mama said no.  She had too many things to take care of first.  The doctor agreed to put surgery off until Monday morning (reluctantly I'm sure).  I am glad he agreed because Mama would have fretted about who was feeding the pets and taking care of Daddy and the grandchildren otherwise.  The others would have taken care of everything, but Mama is the kind of person who has to be sure ahead of time.  And now, with all the arrangements made, she has peace of mind and is ready to concentrate on getting well.

I admire her view on the whole situation.  She has been in pain for months, running to and from the clinics and hospitals, taking test after test.  Now, finally, she has an answer and a name for her pain.

"They're talking cancer Jo",  she said,  "But don't worry, I'm glad they found it because now that they know what it is they can do something about it." 

Who would have guessed that a diagnosis of cancer would be the light at the end of her tunnel, the silver lining on her clouds.  It was there all along, no sense in getting worked upabout it now.  The not knowing was frustrating and discouraging but now she has a course of action.  I honestly believe her excitement for the cure out weighs her fear of the growth itself by ten fold. 

"I just want to be myself again."   she said optimistically. 

How does she do it?  How does she take everything in stride, roll with the punches and bounce back up smiling?  If her life was a tee shirt, it would  simply read:  Next?. 

I, on the other hand have been on the verge of tears all day.  It seemed like only sad, weepy songs were playing on the radio, which didn't help matters.  It took me hours to be able to actually voice the 'c'  word.  Even then I would whisper it, as if not to wake it. 

Dickidoo has been very attentive.  The way he fusses and worries about me one would think that I was the one who was ill.  (thanks Steve, you are my rock!) The Oompas have taken the news well.  I had to borrow some of Mama's optimism when I told them.  Their worried eyes waited for a sign from me but I just smiled because I have a great teacher and I said "Soon she will be herself again".  That was good enough for them.   And its good enough for me too.

Be yourself again soon Mama!

Love Jo~

Tags: Colon cancer

I STINK SOOOOOOO GOOD!

I found a tin of smoked oysters on the bar.  There used to be two tins but Dickidoo ate the other one.  This one had been sitting there amongst the Speed Racer and Beetle Bailey memorabilia for over a week so I could only conclude that the second can was intended for me.  A shot of soy sauce, a couple of shakes of Tabasco sauce later and I was in Heaven!

Until a 'can't chew bubble gum and walk at the same time' moment struck me.

I dripped a little bit of the flavorful juices on my left hand and raised my hand to lick it off... that would be the hand holding the can.  Unfortunately the motion was incompatible with the angle in which I was holding the can of oysters and I was immediately saturated with the luscious liquids.  It covered my tee shirt, my jeans and my hair.

Did you know that oysters are an aphrodisiac?  Apparently it only works for the one actually consuming the oysters.  When Dickidoo came home he was not over come with lust by the fragrance I was sporting.

No, he just wanted to know who had raided his stash of smoked oysters.

Oh well, I think I smell sexy.

Did I mention that I have awesome neighbors?  Becca babysits for a young couple two houses down.  I guess she mentioned that she had to use some of her babysitting money to buy me some creamer (again).  When she came home yesterday from watching her two little charges, she had a paper shopping bag full of coffee packets and creamer.  And not just any old coffee and creamer... HAZELNUT coffee and HAZELNUT creamer!  I love my neighbors!  Thank you Jaimie!  You are the Hazelnut Bomb!

HENRY LECTOR, and the Oompas Parole

Henry the homicidal goldfish has company.  No, not in his tank.  We know better by now.  Art is fish sitting his girlfriend's beta while she is on vacation.  The beta is named Capt'n Jack (of course).  For some reason Art thought it would be a good idea to set Capt'n Jack's fish bowl right beside Henry's tank.  The poor beta has barely moved from the far side of his bowl while Henry swims back and forth like a great white shark trying to find a way out of his tank and into the little bowl.  Its 'Hannibal Lector' kind of creepy.  Poor Capt'n Jack!

I did some shopping for Zack's trip.   I was thinking that it would just be a bar of soap and a toothbrush... I was wrong.  There's shampoo, razor and shaving cream, deodorant, toothpaste, mouthwash, hairbrush, hair ties, hairnets (he'll have to wear a net since he refuses to cut his gorgeous hair), and batteries for his mp3.  Cripes, I'm out of over $50!  But that's okay, I see it as an investment.  He'll never find me a future daughter-in-law if he stinks.

The three younger Oompas are in trouble.  They got into an argument over jumping from the trampoline into the pool.  First of all, that's a big 'no no', and I said so when we got the pool last year, and again this year when the pool thawed and was cleaned out.  The Oompas seemed to have forgotten that and when Rocky saw Becca jumping into the pool yesterday, she wanted to as well.  Unfortunately her older sister and brother decided that it was too dangerous for her.  (Well, duh!  Isn't that what I said when I forbade them from jumping from the tramp into the pool?)  Naturally Rocky had to come tattling when she couldn't break the rules with them.  Now none of them can go into the pool or on the trampoline.  And Art and Becca have to be nice to their baby sister and include her in their activities for the next two weeks.  AND... they have to help plan and put on her birthday party.  Ouch!

Okay, it may not sound like a very severe punishment, but believe me, it is already having the desired effect.  So far today there have been no... (none, zero, ZIP!) arguments between the younger Oompas.  Becca has taken Rocky with her to her friends house two days in a row.  And Rocky hasn't tattled, not once!  Its almost peaceful here.  Why oh why couldn't the Oompas have broken the 'no jumping from the trampoline into the swimming pool' rule earlier in the year.  It might have saved me a whole lot of grief!

I saw a vaguely familiar face this morning on an AOL photo blog and wrote to the screen name on a hunch.  My hunch was right, it was a long lost friend from 20 years ago.  How cool is that?  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Thank you Al Gore for inventing the Internet!

SPREAD YOUR WINGS......

I just got off of the phone with one of Dickidoo's friends.  This friend had recently contacted Zachary about a job offer, which Zack accepted.  A job offer in Florida.  Zack leaves on Monday for two months.  He won't be here to celebrate his 20th birthday on the 18th.

Dickidoo's friend was concerned.  I think he felt guilty about taking my boy away from me.  He asked me how I felt about Zack going so far away for so long.  I didn't even hesitate before answering. 

"Quite honestly, my first reaction was... 2 down, 3 to go!" I replied.

I didn't mean it.  I already miss my Little Zack Muscles, and he's not even gone.  He understands and even appreciates my sarcastic sense of humor.  Who will tolerate me while he's gone?  Zachary is so excited about the job.  Its great pay, its room and board, its a two month long vacation away from the family.  Its an adventure with a paycheck.  Its an opportunity.

Oh, the places he'll see, the things he will do.

And maybe... just maybe he'll find me a future daughter in law! 

TRAM-POOL-INE

We really do have a hill billy back yard, just google our address and see for yourself.  There is a shed, a pick 'em up truck, a dirt bike, a go cart, a dozen or so bicycle carcasses (only 3 are operational), a refrigerator, a hot tub with a broken pump, a set of cannon wheels, a smoker, two charcoal grills, one propane grill, two camp stoves, an above ground swimming pool and a $10 trampoline.  The ice finally thawed in the pool and we cleaned it up so it is now filled with clear, cool water... and what did the Oompas do?  They laid the pool cover on the trampoline, turned the hose on and played in the water on the trampoline.  The pool has only been used once so far this summer.  Dang, we could have saved the money we spent on the pool and just gotten the pool cover for the trampoline.  Go figure!

BRIDAL SHOWER and redneck aphrodisiacs

I was invited to a friend's bridal shower which was doubling as a Passion Party.  For those who are not familiar with Passion Parties, its kind of like a Tupperware Party, except instead of containers with burping lids there are nodding 'BOB's (battery operated boyfriend) and other bedroom toys.

And lotions, and potions, and oils and creams.    I spent half the night asking if any of them came in 'chocolate' or 'coffee' flavors.  (the white chocolate body pudding is yummy but it made my lips go numb, it was not intended for the lips)

But as the various pleasure enhancing concoctions were being passed around I couldn't help but think, you know, they're nice and all but those fruity and flowery stuff really weren't doing it for me.  This is Fountain, Colorado.  This is redneck country!  Most residents don't even know what the word 'aphrodisiac' means.  We have simple pleasures that don't come in 4 ounce bottles imported from Asia. 

Someone needs to make a Redneck Passion line of products... things like:

Cheese Whiz massage cream

New Car scented warming oils

Edible pork rind luffah sponge

Hoppes No.9 body spray (I'd buy that!)

Folger's incense (yeah baby!)

Garlic and Pizza dusting powder (mmmmmm good!)

Beer scented bubble bath (better yet a REAL beer bubble bath!)

And a BOB that doubles as a beer bottle opener (beer is so much more healthy for you than smoking a cigarette after sex)

So how 'bout it Passion Parties?  Victoria's Secret?  Jeff Foxworthy?  Anybody?  We mountain folk have needs too, they're just a little different from the rest of the world.  I'd host one of them parties, heck I'd be your best customer!

Tags: redneck aphrodisiacs

IN A BLINK OF AN EYE...

(Believe it or not, this was the best of the dozen of group shots I took of the Oompas.  Some things never change, thank goodness!) 

What a wonderful week this has been.  Having Gabe back in the house was like a step back in time, the way it used to be.  As badly as his friends wanted to spend time with him, he made an extra effort to stay home with his siblings each day until after supper time before meeting with his old friends.  Even then the time was too short and it was with great reluctance that we drove him back to meet up with his buddy's family in Burlington for the long trip back to Fort Campbell.

(Art setting off some of the fireworks Dickidoo bought the kids.  It has rained almost daily so fireworks were permitted this year.)

We ended up not celebrating Christmas as we had originally planned but stubbornly skipped the 4th of July fireworks displays and picnics and remained home to take advantage of our last night together.  By the end of the evening our cul de sac was full of well wishing friends who stopped by to celebrate with us.  We may yet get another opportunity to spend Christmas together, but this summer we celebrated our family's togetherness.

Quite honestly I avoided the subject of Gabe's pending deployment.  It will happen soon enough.  (too soon if you ask me).  I didn't want to waste precious time dreading the future.  The baby's due date has been moved up to late August.   With all the uncertainty that looms ahead, I find myself waiting impatiently for the end of summer and the birth of my new grandbaby.  Hopefully the Oompas and soon to be two Grand Oompas will provide enough distraction so that perhaps, just maybe, the time will fly mercifully by quickly.

Thank you all for your kind, loving wishes.  And an extra special 'Thank You!'  to Gabe's buddy's family who allowed him to tag along with them on their family's cross country vacation so that he could make it home to us.  The House of Oompa has been a very happy place this past week.