MY WORST BAD HAIR DAY, Weekend Assignment

I went to a ball before, it was a Unit Ball when my husband was still active duty.  It wasn't just the usual dining out, it was a BALL!  And I was expected to wear a gown or formal, there would be no blue jeans for this party.  I had never been to a ball before and in fact I hadn't even been to a high school prom, so I was very excited.

My husband bought me a beautiful purple lace 2 piece formal skirt outfit.  It was the most beautiful outfit I had ever worn besides my wedding dress.  I wanted to do my hair up, but the last time I had my hair done it cost $72 for a do that wilted half way through the party, so I decided to do a temporary home perm.  I bought the rollers, the solution, and got to work.  Unfortunately when your hair is 3 feet long it takes a long LONG time to set.  Hours later my husband had to help out because I thought my arms were going to drop off.

So, while I'm waiting for my hair to dry, I began to get ready.  Next thing on the list, press on nails!  I use super glue to make sure they stay on good, and then I polished the nails a deep wine color that matched my outfit.  Next came the application of the prefab face.  That went on without a hitch and I was actually ahead of schedule, which was good being as I was about to encounter every problem in the book.

Did you know that it is almost impossible to put on control top panty hose with press-on nails?  I learned that the hard way.  In the end I had to enlist the help of my husband.  I went through 2 pairs due to popping holes from my perfect plum colored Lees.  And... if I thought rolling my hair was hard, I was about to experience something even worse... UNROLLING my hair!  After the last curler was removed I looked like Bozo the clown!  I tried wetting down my hair but it hardly made a difference.  It didn't help that my husband stood by barely able to contain his laughter.  I would have cried if I wasn't afraid of streaking my layers of Maybelline.  I had the biggest, wildest, highest afro I had ever seen!  Link from the Mod Squad would have been jealous.

I cemented my hair with a mixture of mousse, spritz, gel and hairspray, and then anchored it with barettes.  The end result was rock-hard and flamable but it looked well groomed and intentional so I still went to the hotel feeling good about myself.  We sat with people I had never met before, but I had on my Lee Press-on nails, my highly combustible hairdo and I felt mahvalous !  I ate my dinner in between animated conversations in which I waved my hands and flashed my beautiful nails.  Towards the end of the meal I excused myself to go to the restroom.  When I moved to wash my hands I saw to my complete dismay that my nails were full of baked potatoes and sour cream from my dinner.  Not being used to the extra length of my new nails I had evidently gouged the spud on my plate more than once and was no doubt flashing it around the table during my dinner conversation.  No wonder everyone was laughing.  And there I was thinking I was being witty.

Some people were never intended to dress up and step out.  I am one such person.  I can handle jeans and a button-down shirt but anything fancier invites disaster.  As for my hair, well, it hangs in a long pony tail most of the time now.  If I feel sophisticated I'll braid it or twirl it up in a bun, but I avoid curlers at all cost!

Weekend Assignment #62: Hairstyles from Hell