GREEN THUMB

I like the winter, because its the one time of the year when my lawn looks the same as everyone else's.... brown and dead!  People who know me best tend to tease me about my inability to grow things, but they are far from the truth.  Fact is while I may lack the knack for growing horticultural wonders... okay, in plain English, my gardening skills suck!... But, in the kitchen, well, thats a whole different story!  I've sprouted bags and bags of onions and potatoes.  And had the EPA not insisted on removing that bowl from the refrigerator and transporting it to a toxic waste disposal site I'm sure tests would have proven that I had created a new strain of fungus that may even have been the cure for the common  cold.  The notion that I can kill even a plastic plant is purely fictional and has never been proven. (Dry rot doesn't count!)  It is personal preference that I prefer cut flowers to potted plants.  The fact that they are already dead and require no upkeep to stay alive has nothing to do with it.  Besides, how was I to know that you can drown a cactus and dehydrate a lily?