Monday, February 28, 2005

AUTO-FLUSH, or 'pee across America!'

Lets take a moment or two to talk about... toilets.  Public toilets to be exact.  Who ever thought it was a good idea to put automatic flushing toilets in public restrooms?  It wasn't me, cos if anyone had asked me I would have asked 'Why bother?  Whats the point?  Its just more fuss over something that could be as simple as pulling a handle... no electricity involved, no sensors to go bad... just good old gravity and water pressure!'.  Well, nobody asked me and 99% of the restrooms we encountered along our trip had the little sensor-activated toilets, several which either flushed prematurely or not at all!  Many didn't even have a visable manual button so I would have to step out of the stall, re-enter... pretend to sit down, and stand up in an effort to activate the flusher.  One toilet must have had a maximum load capacity sensor cos that sucker was flushing before I was even half way done!  So I ask... is it really neccesary?

The kids were pretty good about spacing out their drinks so that we were able to go several hours between pit stops.  There was one time when Rocky thought she was going to pop... and we got her to a rest-stop just in time.  I don't know how long she was in the stall, but she sounded like Austin Powers after he got up from his cryogenic sleep and took his first whiz, she just went on and on and on and on and on!  I had to bang on the door and tell her to save some so she didn't dehydrate... but she still went on and on and on!  'Flush or flood child!  Flush or flood!  Those pots aren't made to hold that much!'

And I found myself on Dickidoo's **** list that very first night!  I had gas so bad that it hurt but like a lady I waited until I was in the privacy of our hotel room before releasing any.  I shut myself in the bathroom while the kids got ready for the pool, and let the herald loose.  I was amazed by the acoustics of the elongated toilet.  So when I stepped out of the bathroom I proudly announced my wonderous finding to my offspring who all burst out in giggles while Dickidoo rolled his eyes at me.  I later found out that he had just been lecturing the children about the inappropriateness of discussing thefiner aspects of flatulations while on a family outing when I burst out of the bathroom announcing that 'Hey, farts echo in this toilet!'.  I think he has finally given up on me, written me off, resigned to the conclusion that I am a hopeless case.  Hey, what can I say?  Farts happen!

I peed in Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, Missouri and Kansas all within 24 hours!  Add another 8 hours and you can include Colorado! 

Picture of Kansas state flag flying over rest-stop just across the border from Colorado.

Sunday, February 27, 2005


Now normally I would be excited by a 24 oz. bottle of Corona, but not when my coffee pot only holds 4 cups!  And I'm not talking 4 regular cups, I'm talking 4 itty bitty teenie tiny cups! This is crazy!  Who in the world uses a 4 cup coffee pot?  Thats not a coffee pot, thats a coffee cup with a lid!  Ironically it takes longer to brew that mini pot of coffee than it does to brew my mega 12 cup Bunn-Omatic.  And it wasn't just like that in the first hotel... EVERY dang hotel that we stopped at along the way to Kentucky and back again had that Oompa Loompa coffee pot.  One more reason never to leave home again!

Saturday, February 26, 2005


 It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you, my son, Private Gabriel Navakuku, Calvary Scout, US Army. 

Now tell me, is that the face of a happy young man, or is that the face of a happy young man!  For the first time in his life he knows what he wants and is willing to do what it takes to get it.  He wants to fly Kiowa helicopters.  His father was in the Air Cav. and earned his spurs while working on Kiowas during Desert Storm.  Once upon a time Steve would have rolled his eyes if I were to comment that Gabe was taking after him.  Now he just beams with pride.

Gabe's first duty station will be in Fort Campbell, Kentucky.  Originally I thought that as part of a new unit he would be locked in country for at least a year, but with current world situations that is not necessarily true.  It terrifies me to hear my son speak with such anticipation of going to Iraq, he has no idea what it is like there, he only has stories of glory that his drill sergeants shared with him.  I cry every time I hear of someone's son or daughter being killed over there.  I dread the day that he may ship off.  Even scarier is the way his younger brothers and sisters look at him with such awe and eager admiration as he talks about his future.  It is hard to be a mother in these times.  It hurts.  And yet, if that was the path they were to choose when the time comes I would support them just as I have supported their older brother.  There will be time for tears later.  Right now we will celebrate.


GOOD GOLLY!  I thought we'd NEVER make it home!  The entire left side of my butt is numb... and that other side hurts from riding side-saddle in the center of the front seat.  You know what?  That Hemi isn't all that great after all.  Did I say it was big?  I lied!  While it was bearable with 6 passengers, it sucked with 7!

And with the 2300 miles that we traveled, the kids chattered non-stop for about 2000 of those miles!  I discovered quite by chance that a mouth full of teriyaki flavored beef jerky would keep the kids quiet as they chewed on it.  Unfortunately the jerky only lasted about 300 miles.  To be honest I was surprised by how good the kids were.  Oh, there was the usual 'don't touch me' thing going on, but 3 cd players, one dvd player and a bag full of those cheap little handhelf electronic games kept them occupied.

And Gabe... oh my gracious, I can't tell you how proud I was to see him standing there in his dress green uniform.  Steve was just bursting with pride as well.  Our son is a soldier.  No, our son is a US Calvary Scout!  He has grown up so much.  We sent our boy to boot camp and they really did turn him into a man.  Its weird.  Every once in a while I'd get a glimpse of my boy, but it would just be a fleeting glimpse and then it would be gone.  The military suits him.  He is so happy.

I took hundreds of pictures with my new camera.  Really folks, I'm not exadurating.... it was literally hundreds.... approximately 400!  My memory card holds 505 pictures, but I wasn't worried... I downloaded my camera each night onto Steve's laptop, and then into my 515 flashstick.  I was prepared!  Oh the photo-ops that presented themselves as we traveled cross country were unbelievable.  And unfortunately they will remain such for Steve's idea of supporting me in my paparazzi training was to point out an interesting site as we zoomed past at 75 miles an hour.  Most times he would just point, leaving me to guess at what he was pointing out.  Once, just once... he slowed down to about 70 mph so I could snap a picture of a plane parked in someone's front yard.  Yea!  What a waste of an opportunity!  I can see I'm going to just have to go on a road trip all by myself so I can stop any time I want to.

Well, I'm going to shower off the trip, try to untangle my hair and sort through all those pictures.  I know I must have at least a couple good ones in there.

Did I mention how nice it was to be home?  Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!

Sunday, February 20, 2005


Tomorrow we start day one of our 1,100 mile journey to watch my oldest son Gabriel graduate from Basic Training and AIT at Fort Knox, Kentucky.  I am so excited, but at the same time I feel an awful churning in the pit of my stomach.  No, I don't get car-sick, but the very thought of traveling 1,100 miles in the cramped confines of the Hemi with my children to get to the graduation, and then back again is filling me with dread!  Its like having a baby, the baby part is great, but unfortunately you have to go into labor to get the baby out.  Labor sucks.  So, I'm sure, does traveling cross country in a suddenly not-so-large pickup truck with 4 of the wildest young people I know. Gabe is trying to come home with us for a couple of days.  That means 7 people in the truck on the way back.  Those dog kennels are starting to sound better and better as time goes by!

I am disappointed that I have not been able to spend any quality time with my Nikon D70 with all the house cleaning, trip preparations and work.  My goal... to become a paid photographer!  Unfortunately thus far my only subjects have  been ducks, geese and magpies... who refuse to pay for having their photographs taken.  I think I need to find a new market, but that will have to wait until after I quit my job.

For those of you out there who have graciously invited me and my family to visit as we pass through to Fort Knox, thank you so very much.  I would love to take each and every one of you up on your hospitality, but we have some pretty stiff time restrictions.  Once Gabe clears he only has 8 days before he has to inprocess into his new unit, which doesn't give him much time if he is to travel home with us.  I look forward to one day meeting all of you.  I can't adequately express the kinship I feel for everyone who visits me here and is brave enough to come back again.  I hope you will feel free to look me up any time you are in my neck of the woods.

But for now... I must finish packing.  We leave at sun-up.... maybe.... nah, we'll be lucky if we're out of here by noon.  We have lots of time to get where we're going so I've already made Dickidoo agree to stop at any photo-op that I may notice.  I missed out on a lot of great shots over the summer because he would not pull over and now that I have this new camera I don't intend to miss out on anything!   I have a feeling he may regret buying me that camera for his birthday by the time we complete our 2,200 mile road trip!  Say CHEESE!

Friday, February 18, 2005

DUCK, DUCK, GOOSE! (and magpie)

Okay, I really need to work on my action shots, but I am having so much fun with my new camera!  Its probably too much camera for someone like me, but I'm sure I'll eventually get the hang of it.  I LOVE IT!

These pictures were taken right down the way from where I live.  The geese have pretty much taken up residence here year round.  My apologies for the blurry shots, like I said I need some work on the action shots, but I am facinated with birds wings and just had to include these ones.  Hopefully I'll get better and will eventually be able to do these beautiful birds justice.

Thursday, February 17, 2005


Dickidoo did something very wonderful for me today.  After a short catnap after work he asked me to go and research digital cameras online.  I found one that I liked and he said 'lets go get it'.  I couldn't believe it!  I was going to wait until I got my bonus check next month to purchase a new camera.  He had his reasons, he wanted a good camera to take with us to Kentucky for Gabe's military graduation and my 5 year old Sony is on its last legs, I was threatening to duct tape the battery cover shut.  I was so excited I couldn't sit still in the truck on the way to Best Buy.

Once there we found the camera I wanted, but Steve spotted a couple digital SLR cameras, which were way out of my price range.  He just smiled and wished me a Happy Birthday and a Merry Christmas.  I picked out a Nikon and would have been happy with that, but he got me an extra battery, a 512 flashstick, a tripod, a zoom lense AND a portable Epson printer.  Good golly!  I am sooooo excited I doubt I will be able to sleep tonight!  I'm off tomorrow so you can bet I'll be outside trying out my new toy!

I remember saying last year that my husband had gotten himself a truck for my birthday.  His birthday  is this Saturday so he got me a camera for his birthday.  That man is truly unbelievable!

Merry Christmas everyone!

(and THANK YOU Dickidoo!)

Tuesday, February 15, 2005


This entry requirers you, the reader, to respond to a series of questions about me, the writer.

1)  When you think of the name Dornbrau, what comes to mind?

2)  Describe the Dust Bunny Club of North America journal.

3)  Is Dorn 'too good' to be true or 'too bad' to be true?

4)  My birthday is September 13, dedicate a song to me (please!).

5)  You read my journal and there fore I love you, but would you introduce me to your family if given the chance?

DUST BUNNY PHOTO, road trip and SOCKS!

This is a rare photograph of a dust bunny feeding.  Dust bunnies are social animals and where there is one you can be sure there are more... but they are very territorial when it comes to their food, they do not like to share.  A dust bunny's food of choice... beer and pistachio nuts of course!  By the way, that mini 6-pack of Coronas cost more than a case of the big bottles!

We leave for Kentucky on Monday.  I am excited about Gabe's graduation, but we have to get there first.  We can't even drive down the street to the store without a fight breaking out in the backseat between the kids.  How the heck are we going to make it clear across the country?  I'm thinking that investing in a couple of large dog kennels to throw in the back of the truck for them might be a good idea.  Or maybe even shock-collars... yeah, that might work!  Over 1100 miles each way, I'm telling you, if those kids don't behave on the way out, I'm leaving them with their Aunt in E-town and coming home without them!

5 more weeks of work.... 5 more weeks of paychecks and financial freedom.  After that I will be a kept woman.  I don't know if I can handle that.  I have a hard time having to ask for money and then justify what I need it for.  Whos going to pay for all of my 'must haves' like my $15.99 mini 6-pack of Coronas.  And who is going to support my sock fetish?  I guess I better start stocking up on them now because I don't see Dickidoo buying me Easter bunny toe socks and I just have to have a new pair every year... and my monkey socks have disappeared along with my ducky socks... those will have to be replaced.  I know in my heart that I am doing the right thing for the kids by quitting, but what about my socks?!  I may just have to start charging Dickidoo for 'services rendered'.  Hey, I've got to support myself somehow!

Monday, February 14, 2005


My honey didn't get me a diamond necklace.  He didn't get me flowers, or a heart shaped box of chocolates.  He didn't even get me a card.  What he did get me was a banana cream pie and lobster!  How much more romantic can you get?  Yeah, thats what I'm talking about!  I on the other hand didn't get him anything!  That sucks!  I suck!  He always tells me not to get anything for him, and he means it because most of the time he doesn't gets me anything.  This year I was so broke that I decided to go with the 'its the thought that counts' cop-out, and I didn't get him anything... not even a card, and what does he do?  He goes out at 8:00 last night to buy me a banana cream pie just because I said that it sounded good... and tonight... for supper, he brings home some lobster tails!  Yep, I suck!  Hey......  hehehehe!


Saturday, February 12, 2005


When I was a teenager I had certain favorite actors and singers, like John Denver, Alice Cooper, the guys from Emergency, and the Fonz... but my favorite, believe it or not, was John Wayne.  Yes he was older than me, but the roles that he played and the way that he played them just made me wish that there was some guy my age in Hawaii who was just like him, and if so I would have pledged my life to him in a heart beat.  I never got the pleasure of meeting the man in person, but I still enjoy his movies to this day.  My favorites.... True Grit and The Cowboys!  And yes, I had his picture taped to my bedroom wall in among my pictures of Alice Cooper, John Denver and my sisters Osmond posters.

OH FUDGE! and the end to the cease fire in Atlantis.

Unpaid product endorsement:   If you like peanutbutter and you like fudge... and you haven't tried Reese's Fudge Peanut Butter Cups, you're missing out!  These things are to die for!  I found them to be not as sweet as the regular Reese's and actually like them better!  Sorry I couldn't show you a picture of the actual candy itself, but I ate them so fast there was no evidence that they even existed except for the little brown paper wrappers.  I'd say they were finger licking good, but I didn't have them in my fingers long enough to melt, so lets just say that they were great while they lasted.  And now all I have is a sweet, fudgy, peanut-buttery memory... until I can get back to the store to replenish my supply!

The cease fire in Atlantis is officially over.  A member of the Kribs has been injured during the lastest violence spree and has retreated to his kelp hideout to recouperate.  The other member of his gang has been roaming the waterway looking for the rival gangs responsible.  The only other fish in the tank are the Bleeding Hearts, who have miraculously escaped injury of any kind.... hmmmmmm.....

I received an interesting piece of mail yesterday, a jury summons!  Oh please, pick me!  I want to be on a jury!  That would be sooooo fun!  The last time I got a jury summons I was eliminated before I even got to the courthouse.  I called the night before and the recording said not to report.  Got my fingers and toes, and legs and eyes crossed this time!  And please.... sequester me!  I need a break from my responsibilities and spring cleaning starts in 5 weeks.

Friday, February 11, 2005


Groundhog day was February 2nd.  Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow which meant that there were 6 more weeks of winter.  Which also means that there are 6 more weeks before I have to start spring cleaning!  Yeah!  I can deal with that.  And how many people do you know who have actually quit their job to accomplish their spring cleaning?  Okay, no, I'm not one of them... but I am quitting.  Actually my intention is to spend more time with my kids.  They have been latch key kids for the past 7 years and spend way too much time indoors while my husband and I are at work.  So... at the end of March I will turn in my 'How May I Help You' vest and concentrate on helping my own children.  Hot meals from scratch verses the old 'heat'n'serve' , I'm looking forward to that.  (Bet you didn't know that I was once an aspirering gourmet?  I've got the cookbooks to prove it!)  If I happen to get a little housework done along the way then that will be great but don't be expecting a Better Homes And Gardens make-over cos it just isn't going to happen.   

Best of all though... the kids will finally get a chance at a real childhood.  For the past few years they have been cooped up in the house while my husband and I were at work.  When we got home it was supper time and homework time, no time to go out and play.  Rocky just recently had to turn down the opportunity to join the Colorado Springs Childrens Chorale because of schedule conflicts.  It broke our hearts to have to say no to something she had worked so hard to get, and even harder was observing the mature manner in which she accepted our explaination even though she was disappointed beyond belief.  Kids should never have to give up on their dreams like that if at all possible.   

My resignation is to make it possible from here on out.  I'm going to be a Mrs. Mom, I'm going to be a SAHM!  And I'm going to go absolutely nuts, I just know it!  Dickidoo is no doubt expecting me to turn into some kind of Martha Stewart clone, but lets get real.  I'm more of a 'Lucy' kind of gal.  But hey, I'll do the Martha Stewart thing if he does the Johnny Depp thing.  I don't even know what the 'Johnny Depp' thing is, I just want him to parade around for me dressed up as a pirate, drinking rum from the bottle and talking all rakish... yeah... I could pretend to be Martha for that!

Thursday, February 10, 2005


I woke up this morning to an excruciating cramp in my stomach.  Just as I closed my eyes and started to drift off again I was hit by another one.  2 minutes apart... oh Lord, I was in LABOR!  I jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom, breathing in the short little pants that I had learned from my Lamaze instructor.  The contraction passed but returned immediately, not even a minute apart!  I scrambled to the throne and sat with a splash.  Thanks Dickidoo... nothing like a cold water bath to wake yourself up in the morning!  No time to dry off, I got up, slammed the seat down and slid onto the porcelain throne just in time.  Later, I found myself amazed by the fact that I had produced such a marvel, but even more amazing was that I actually thought it would fit down the pipe with just one flush!  It would take 3 flushes and several layers of Charmine to weigh it down before it cleared the Flush-atorium.  I emerged several pounds lighter and with a new bounce to my step.  Ah yes, the pleasures of the morning constitutional!

Wednesday, February 9, 2005


Okay, lets try this again... how can you tell this is my beer bottle?  Because it has boobies!  See there on the left  side?  Come on people, work with me here... I worked very hard to get those pistachio implants placed just right!  I call it a Boobie Koozie!  Admit it, you're jealous!  You all want a Boobie Koozie too... even you guys!  They're really easy to make, just stick a couple of pistachio nuts (walnuts will do if you want the Dolly Parton look) between the bottle and the koozie.. and there you have it, an anatomically correct bottle of beer!

Tuesday, February 8, 2005



Cherry tomatoes

Vodka (use a good brand)

Celery salt, Old Bay, Cayenne pepper, salt, pepper, in small bowls



Blanch the tomatoes by dropping them into boiling water until the skin puckers.  Remove the tomatoes and pull the skin off.  Allow them to cool.

Soak the tomatoes in vodka overnight.

Put your spices into small bowls.

Spear a tomato with a toothpick, roll into the spices of your choice, and pop it into your mouth.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Alternatively, you can season the vodka prior to soaking the tomatoes, then provide some Old Bay for dipping. - Bloody Mary Balls Recipe

For Snnyfl:  in response to your comment, as the designated driver I was entitled to 2 bottles of beer, to be consumed (in proper attire of course) during the first half of the football game.  I was however able to continue my victory celebration after a 20 minute drive home sitting behind a Hemi.  Here is a sideview of my properly attired beer bottle... can you guess how I could tell it was mine?

Monday, February 7, 2005

PATRIOTS SUPERBOWL CHAMPS, and an end to the Aquarium Killings

  - =

Okay, they aren't quite the Broncos, but Horray for the Patriots!  Woo Hoo!  Super Bowl Sunday is a National Holiday as far as I'm concerned so naturally I took the day off from work to celebrate.  I dressed up in my best party attire (see photo in my About Me section), even had my beer bottle appropriately dressed.  There weren't very many Patriot fans at our friends' party but that didn't intimidate me.  The only draw back was that I was the designated driver so I could not gorge myself on those tasty little 90 proof Bloody Mary balls that I had made, but hey... my team won and I got to drive the Hemi home!  It doesn't get much better than that!

There has been a cease fire in the ganglands of Atlantis.  No new bodies have been found in the past 24 hours.  We still don't have solid suspect on the Aquarium Murders.  Was it the goldfish in the cave with the pipe?  Or was it the Krib in the kelp with the rope?  Or maybe it was the Tetra in the castle with the wrench?  I still think it was gang related, the Guppies were moving in on the Kribs and the Bleeding Hearts territory so they took them out.  Henry just happened to be in the wrong tank at the wrong time!

I spoke to Gabe on Sunday morning.  I guess someone neglected to tell the medic he saw the first time that SudaGest, while effective on sinus congestion, is not an effective treatment for bronchitus.  Gabe is now on antibiotics and other good stuff.  He also had the eye doctor check out the eye that got hit by a branch during one of his night manuevers and according to the tests his vision has actually improved!  Must have been the SudaGest!  Well, as Gabe puts it... its just 16 days and a 'wake-up' before he graduates.  This young man took so many wrong turns in his life and somehow managed to get back on track.  I'm so dang proud of him and the direction he has chosen to take.... Uh oh, here come those drippy mommy eyes again!

Sunday, February 6, 2005

SUPERBOWL 39 and the Kribs vs. the Bleeding Hearts!

Okay, I'm ready for the game, I've got my Corona, I've got even got a schnazzy little Superbowl 39 jersey for my beer bottle so I can drink in style... I've got my layered guacamole dip with a bag of Tostito Santa Fe Gold tortilla chips, a Corona bucket full of pistachio nuts and a bowl full of Bloody Mary balls, I am ready for ball game!  Gooooo PATRIOTS!

Yesterday morning was spent changing out and rearranging the tanks.  We now have 3 going... the main tank for all of the innocent, peace-loving tropicals, a smaller tank for Henry the accused, and then a little private hideaway for the guppy Aqua-shine, who has gone into seclusion following the untimely death of both of her young and obviously tastey mates.  All was well in Atlantis... or so I thought... until this morning when I found the last of the head and tail light tetras desperately trying to swim without any fins or tail.  Moments later it was gone.  Apathy in the tank was despicable, none of the residents would talk.  Perhaps it was fear of being the next victim, or perhaps it was some kind of conspiracy.  The Bleeding Hearts and the Kribs remain suspiciously unscathed.  They have irradicated any rival tank gangs.  And Poor little Henry was the scapegoat!  Poor Little Henry, by the way is no longer little... a week ago he fit in the little tank quite comforatbly with his little tank mate.  Now he barely has enough room to turn around.  I know fish will grow larger if given a larger area to move around in but could he really have grown that quickly in the larger tank in just a period of a week? (or maybe he was justing eating better...?)  Poor Henry!  Yes, I do feel guilty every time he swims up to greet me when I pass by his tank.  Maybe I'll get him a nice, big, new tank... and a friend, maybe a sugar mama so he can get a little action. 

And Poor Little Rocky... she is at a slumber party right now and has not received the bad news yet (again!).  As for the Tetras and the Kribs... well, theres no telling which of them are responsible.  They are soooo cute and come swishing up to the side of the tank every time I walk by, just dripping with innocence.  There is no way anyof them could be a cold hearted serial killer... Yep... from now on its Pet Rocks!  In fact I may start with Rock Fish...

Friday, February 4, 2005

BOTTLE CAP... and Serial aquarium killer strikes again!

We finally sent the bottle cap off to claim Gabe's Play Station.  We stopped at 7-11 to get gas and Dickidoo decided to clean out the truck.  Go ahead, guess what he almost threw into the trash!  But its safely in the mail now, certified, padded, boxed and postage paid equal to the cost of 12 bottles of Coke.  I wrote to Gabe and told him to inspect the system when his dad delivers it to make sure that his dad didn't slip the old system in by accident.


There was another murder last night.  I came home and the two Kribs were in solitary confinement, but in the larger tank.  The body of the newest guppy had already been taken to the Flush-atorium.  Horrified at the sight of the poor fish sequestered in baggies at the top of the tank I made the children free them.  All I wanted was a friend for poor little Henry, the gold fish, who is now the prime suspect de jour being as he was present at every one of the deaths... to include poor little Bob!  I don't think I can take another death, followed by a heart-broken child.  Becca, who has lost 2 guppies, has been so tramatized that she has vowed not to eat fish for an entire year.  From now on the only pets these kids will have will be pet rocks!  You don't have to feed or water them, you don't have to clean up after them, and best of all, they don't die!

Thursday, February 3, 2005



My husband and I were married in the on February 4th, 1984 at the Wahiawa Botanical Garden in Hawaii.  Any butterflies I may have had that morning were immediately forgotten when I saw my future husband standing there in his white ribbon shirt  made from the same feather embossed material as my wedding dress.  Over the years we have endured much pain and hardship but have always found a way to over come the bad by making the best of the goodness in our lives.  It gives me great pleasure to admit that I've been married to the same man for 21 years and I'm still in love with him.

PRE-SPRING MAKE-OVER (or pass the Liquid Plumber please!)

Well, my little vacation is over and I must go back to work today.  With all that free time on my hands yesterday I got inspired to do a little 'pre-spring cleaning' on myself... a little make-over of sorts.  I decided to.... shave my legs!  I figured that it was as good a day as any to shave for the first time this year and busted out the Venus razor.  After the first few strokes I realized that I probably should have pulled out the Weed Whacker first to do the preliminary trim.  30 minutes later the bottom of the shower stall looked like the floor of a barber shop, and my legs no longer looked like they belonged to a Sasquatch.  I may have to invest in some Liquid Plumber though... I'm almost positive that my drain was not built to deal with hair clippings of that magnitude.

There were no corpses discovered this morning so I'm almost sure that one or both of the Kribs were responsible for the deaths of the guppy and the Tetra.  My girls have started treating the poor little striped fish like criminals, taunting them and calling them 'murders' every time they pass the little tank.  I feel bad for the fish, they were only defending what they had claimed as their territory... and I guess that included the guppy and the tetra!  Hahahaha!  Okay, shut up Dorn!  (my girls are going to get me for that one!)

Dickidoo is going to spend tomorrow calling around to different engine shops to see about getting Big Red back up and running.  Needless to say I am ecstatic!  I've missed my truck sooooo much!  I will NEVER make fun of a guy for having an almost human relationship with his truck or car again!  Big Red was more than just a truck to me, Big Red was 'my way'.... my way to work, my way to the mountains, my way away from things that threatened to drive me nuts, and my way back home.  And soon, very soon she will get me on my way again!

Wednesday, February 2, 2005

ANOTHER MURDER, police suspect a serial killer...

Another corpse was found floating in the aquarium and we fear that we have a serial killer on our hands.  The prime suspects are the two striped Kribs who happen to be the only fish in the tank with their fins still in tact.  They have been placed under surveillance in the small tank.  The guppies were moved back into the main tank under the witness protection program.  Rocky does not know yet.  She is still at school.  I did not make the mistake of performing the last rites without her, after all it was her fish.  Final viewing will be at 4 pm, and the burial at sea will commence at the local Flush-atorium immediately after.

I am a little peeved with my youngest son Art right now.  He did a load of dishes for me the day before yesterday and was supposed to put them away before he went to bed last night... he didn't.  So today, when he got home early from school and wanted to go to his friend's house, I said yes... on the condition that he empty the dishwasher first.  Before he left he assured me that he had put away the clean dishes and the only ones remaining were ones that were still dirty.  I was expecting to see a couple of dishes in the dishwasher... I was NOT expecting to find it still FULL!  Well, no wonder the dishes didn't get cleaned, they were jammed in there so tight that the water wasn't able to get to them.  And contrary to his promise... he did NOT rinse the dishes first.  There were still 3 course meals on most of the plates!  One bowl still had lasagna in it.  Not a little piece of noodle, not a little bit of sause, a whole fricken serving... 2 layers of pasta, cheese and sauce!  I'm tempted to serve it to him for supper.  It might not be fresh, but its clean!

My 21st Wedding Anniversay is this Friday.  My husband asked me where I wanted to go for dinner.  When I replied 'Red Lobster' he was almost disapproving.  Why do some people do that... ask what you want and then try to sway you into wanting what they want you to want?  Why even ask if you don't intend on honoring the request.  Actually I know that Dickidoo was just trying to offer me a really special night out for an occasion that almost wasn't.  But I don't need 4 forks and 2 spoons to eat my meal.  I can't tell just by taste the difference between a 30 year old bottle of wine and a 2 year old twist-top jug.  I don't need a bi-lingual translator to read me the dessert menu.  I just need good company, and thats already been taken care of.  Red Lobster is fine dear, thank you!

Well, Rocky has just gotten home and isn't taking the news too well.  She has decided to bury the fish beside the hermit crab.  I need to go and pay my last respects.  Poor Little Rocky.

WEDNESDAY WONDERING... (or a complete waste of time!)


*  Have you ever taken a swig of sweetened coffee immediately after eatting some cheese?  I just did.  I won't ever do THAT again!

*  Why do dogs sniff each other's butts and then still want to play with each other afterwards?   I can tell you why humans don't... because human butts stink!  If someone comes near me and I even get the faintest wiff of a funky butt I'm gone in the opposite direction!  There will be no playing until after there is some bathing!

*  If some people change friends like they change their underwear... what does that say about those of us with lifelong friends?

*  If exercise is so good for us why does it cause some of the same symptoms as a number of serious health conditions:  shortness of breath, fatigue, profuse sweating, weakness and rapid heart rate?

*  Why is it okay to spend 4 hours infront of the television set flipping through channels but its not okay to sit infront of the computer surfing for the same amount of time?

*  Why is it acceptable to talk on the phone for an hour but its considered a waste of time to be in a chatroom or im someone?  At least in a chat room you can't hear the person you're chatting with yelling at the kids in the background, or get put on hold for an incoming call.

*  Why is it better to send a family member a handwritten letter than an email?  With the way I am about getting things in the mail, my family has a better chance of hearing from me via e-mail.

*  Why do some parents say 'This is going to hurt me more than it hurts you' before they whip a child for lying?  My dad was lying through his teeth every single time!

*  Have you ever noticed that the easiest way to get someone to do something is to tell them NOT to do it? 

*  Why doesn't anyone ever believe the WET PAINT signs... they just have to touch the paint to see for themselves!

*  Why does no one ever need to talk to you until you sit on the toilet?

*  Just because I have 2 ears doesn't mean I can listen to two people at the same time.

*  How is it that some people can sleep though just about anything except for the sound of someone changing the channel on the TV?

*  Why does 'tip-toeing' make more noise than just regular walking?

*  Why are guys 'instinctive' but women are merely 'impulsive'?

Tuesday, February 1, 2005


Tomorrow is ground hog day, so watch where you step! (I really used to look for ground hogs when I was a kid... didn't know what they looked like, but I wanted to see its shadow too!)

I spent the first part of the morning scrounging for change for the kids' lunch.  It costs $2 for each of the Jr. High and Sr. High students... thats $6 a day... and $1.50 for Rocky.  I remember paying 25¢ for hot lunch back in my day... and I had 45 minutes to eat it.  Now days the kids have to be in and out of the lunch room in 20 minutes tops.  And the kids are always hungry when they get home from school... the school doesn't serve much because there's no time to eat it!  Yet it still costs me $37.50 a week to pay for these sparse meals, which was why at 6:35 this morning I was digging in couch cushions and picking pockets for loose change that I had somehow missed during yesterday morning's change raid.  I eventually had to stoop down so low as to borrow the money the Tooth Fairy had given Rocky... Tomorrow the kids will have to rough it... they can pack a sack lunch because the couches and pockets have been picked dry.... Unless of course someone loses a bunch of teeth between now and then!  

Did you know that its almost as expensive to pack a lunch that a child would actually WANT to eat in front of friends... as it is to buy the school's hot lunch?   I don't why we even bother to eat food... we might as well just toss all the food straight into the toilet because thats where it will end up anyway; plus it won't smell as bad.  In fact I should just deposit my paycheck in there instead of wasting a trip to the bank.  I'll also save on the time spent grocery shopping .  I work 40 hours a week but not so I can provide my children with fancy clothes and expensive toys and a nice home... I work so my children can have nice healthy movements.  Yeah, theres something to be really proud of!  That will surely make me a winner at the Class Reunion (which I have never been able to go to because my money always goes down the toilet!)