Thursday, August 23, 2007

DANG IT! and where I didn't lose any weight.

I didn't have beer and chocolates last night.  I did not celebrate.  I was sad because the camera repair center called to inform me that my Nikon was irreparable and they would be sending the body back to me for burial.  After that news I needed something stronger than beer.  I busted into Dickidoo's bottle of Maker's Mark and downed a couple of glasses to drown my sorrows.

It didn't work.  The camera is still dead this morning.  I feel as if I have lost part of my sight, that my vision has diminished somehow.

Yoo hoo, Dickidoo... SHARE DAMMIT!

Anyhow, while under the influence of Maker's Mark, I decided to experiment with my old wardrobe.  Yep, my blouses fit much better.  The buttons actually reach the button holes in some.  And jeans long discarded with defective zippers that don't close were miraculously fixed and I can wear them again.  Yay me!

The next experiment... the Oompas clothes!

I'm a skirt kind of gal so I grabbed a couple of skirts that had accidentally been hung up in my closet.  The first one slid on with no problem and I pranced around in it quite happily for the next 5 minutes.  Next up was a floral skirt.  This one was fitted in the front but gathered in the back.  It looked a bit small but hey, it had elastic in the back so I eased it down over my head and around my arms.  It fit beautifully and once again I pranced around like a child, until it was time to take the skirt off... and it wouldn't slide back up over my arms.

No biggie, I'll just slip it down over my hips.

Okay, so now I know for a fact that the amazing weight loss that I experienced over the summer did NOT include my big butt.  Its still big.  Too big in fact to fit through the opening of an elastic waisted skirt.  Grrrrr!

It took me about 10 minutes to wiggle out of that dang skirt.  It was a slow process that had me easing this side a little then going to the other side and trying to push the outstretched garment over my even more outstretched cheeks.  That gave me lots of time to view the whole vision in the full length mirror on the wall in my bathroom.

I have the dark bronzed face, arms and legs of an island girl but the belly, boobs and butt of a white woman.  I need to even out my tan.  I need to skinny dip!

Hmmmm... I wonder if all my neighbors in the back work during the day?  I hope so because its time for a little indecent exposure!

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

DON'T KNOW WHAT, but I must be doing something right.

I bumped into a friend while grocery shopping and she proceeded to brag about how her dog had lost 32 pounds on the diet he was on.  A dog lost 32 pounds! 


The secret?  Simple, the dog eats what my friend feeds him.  He is at the mercy of what and when she feeds him.  There is no will power involved... which was promising since will power was a strength I never quite developed.

Inspired by the dog's weight loss, I rushed home, emptied my bladder, removed all excess clothing and stepped on the bathroom scale to log a starting point on my latest weight loss attempt.

Holy canolli!  That can't be true!

I hopped off, then stepped back on.  I rubbed my eyes and backed off.  I tapped the scale with my foot, then kicked it for good measure.  The needle rested precisely on 0.  I drew in a deep breath and got back on the scale one more time.  The wheel swung to the right, then to the left, and then settled exactly where it had the first two times.

I am forced to accept that the scale reading is accurate.  (bite your tongues all you party poopers who might suggest that the scale may actually be broken).

I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of summer.

Its probably the average daily temperatures of 90+ degrees that is causing my fat to melt away because it sure isn't exercise.  Perhaps I've discovered this summer's new beer and chocolate fad diet. 

Or maybe it was all that humus I ate this week~

No matter, what ever the reason at this rate I shall surely catch up with my friend's dog.

15 pounds!  Do the math, that makes me 150.  Dang, I haven't been this light since I was 7 months pregnant with Rocky... 13 years ago.  I feel sexy!

Well, as sexy as one can feel while still haunted by yesterday's humus.

And being as I have lost all those pounds without even trying, I see no reason to change my eating or exercise habits.

Tonight I celebrate with beer and chocolates!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007


Its the first day of school, that's what it is.  Listen, what do you hear?  I'll tell you what I hear.  I hear me, myself and I.  And nothing else.  Nobody else.  I had to work but I observed a moment of silence at 7:25, about the time the first bell would be ringing.

I took a picture of the remaining Oompas last night as they prepared for school.  I'm sure all of their teachers will just be tickled pink to have them in their class this fall.  

By the way, for those of you who find yourself wondering, no those aren't the Oompas real pearly whites.  I bought the Bubba Teeth for the girls to wear the next time the men on the construction crew working down the block try to flirt with them.  Quite obviously nobody has warned them not to mess with the Oompas.  (and if the sweet Bubba smiles don't work, there's always the old Dickidoo Intervention and Intimidation routine.  That will make a believer out of anyone!)

Monday, August 20, 2007


Zack called and is feeling much better.  They kept him in the ER for an hour, treating him for an unknown allergy.  He is taking two different kinds of meds and is feeling much better.  The swelling has gone down but he is still very sore. 

He is very sure that it isn't seafood related.  He's always been very careful to avoid any kind of seafood, much as he loves crab and shrimp.  The weird part is that only the areas exposed to the air were affected, his face, neck, arms and hands.  That his tongue swelled as well makes me think it was airborne. 

At any rate he's doing much better.  The guys at work are teasing him that he's just homesick (awwwwwwwww... I miss you too Zachary!) but I'm pretty sure its something more complicated than that.  I'm just relieved that the medicine is helping, even though the cause is still a mystery.

Thanks again folks.  As always, you have been a great source of comfort and support when things go a little wacky here in my life.  Love you all,


Oops, in a good way...

Don't know how it was possible being as I was counting down the days until school started since the first day of summer vacation.  Last night over a combined birthday dinner for Art and Rocky I remarked that the kids had one more week of freedom only to be corrected by a surprised Becca.

"Mom, school starts on Tuesday... as in the day after tomorrow Tuesday, not next week Tuesday!"

How could I have lost track of time so bad that I lost an entire week?  How could I have made such a huge mistake?  A huge WONDERFUL mistake!  School starts tomorrow.  Woo Hoo!

So anyhow, I wanted to do a little birthday video of Art, and Gabe's birthday was on the 17th... and I totally spaced those out too so here are a couple of re-runs.  Three kids born in the same month.  Can you guess when the coldest month of the year was for us in '83, '88 and '93?


The only problem with having school start one week earlier than anticipated is that I had to do my last minute school shopping before payday instead of after payday.  Dang, that hurt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hmmmm, just got off the phone with Dickidoo.  Seems Zack is in the emergencyroom in Florida.  He's having some kind of bad reaction to something.  All Steve could tell me was that Zack called and said his face, arms and tongue were swelling bad and they don't know why.  And all I can do for the time being is to sit here by the phone and wait for a call.

I hope he didn't eat any seafood.  He's always avoided it because he said the last time he ate it (about 5 years ago) it made him feel funny.  What ever it is, I hope its nothing serious.  Man, I wish Florida wasn't so far away.  Grrrrrrrr!

Wednesday, August 15, 2007


This time last year I was counting the days, nay, the hours, minutes and seconds until school was back in session and the Oompas were back in the care and supervision of State paid educational employees at some distant cinderblock structure far, far away.  This time last year I was eagerly anticipating the return of the eldest Oompa while I almost neurotically yearned for the departure of the younger siblings.

Tonight, with just about two weeks left of summer vacation, I find myself sitting alone in a darkened house, alone except for the silent company of Henry the homicidal goldfish, his new tank mate Butterbutt the crawdad, and Luca, the cricket herding wolf spider.  My family has deserted me yet again.  The Oompas are all out, and Dickidoo is enjoying the first day of archery antelope season.  I am a single member family.  I am alone again (naturally).  Dinner for one has no appeal.  I sip instead on a quality aged boxed wine.  It is my day off.  Tomorrow also so I can stay up late and sleep in.  I have the tv and computer to myself.  I can hear myself think.

I think I am bored, but its been so long since I have had the time to be bored that I am not quite sure that is actually what I am feeling.

Perhaps it is just the quality aged boxed wine on an empty stomach.

Listen, its raining.  The loud rumble of thunder breaks the peace.  One thousand and one, one thousand and two... two miles away.  The closeness is not alarming but rather comforting.  I am not alone after all.  Zeus is here.

I wonder if Zeus likes quality aged boxed wine?

I wonder if he brought any food with him... maybe some smoked oysters, and truffles!

Monday, August 13, 2007


It has been an almost ornery pleasure to share the Oompas and their antics with my readers over the past 3+ years.  Most of these pictures of Rachel "Rocky", aka "Mini-Me" have been posted here or on my photo blog.  If you look at them and think what a sweet young lady she must be, you obviously have not been paying attention to a word I write.


GERMAN CHOCOLATE, Mini Me, and tattle time

Quote for the day:  "The good thing about buying imported German chocolate is that the wrapper is written in German so you can't read how bad it is for you."  (Rocky, during a recent trip to the local German deli.) 

My baby turns 13 tomorrow.  13 was the turning point in my life.  13 was when I discovered my opinion.  13 was when I decided that everyone needed to hear and agree with my opinion or suffer the consequences.  13 was when my parents probably realized that they never should have taught me to speak as a baby.  Rocky is so much like me that I am afraid, I am very afraid.

Tattle time:  I take it all back.  Dickidoo is NOT my hero.  He won't share!  Grrrrrrrrrr!

I want my own camera!

Monday, August 6, 2007


Faded blue denim is the new shining armor.  Dickidoo is my hero.  He bought a new camera.  No, not for me.  I think he has always been jealous of my Nikon so when my camera died, he bought one for himself because he is just as lost without a camera as I am.  But in true male ego fashion, it had to be bigger and better than mine was.  He got a Nikon D80.  What is a Nikon D80?  Well, besides being 10x better than my Nikon D70, its probably the most incredible camera I have ever had the pleasure of holding.

It wasn't easy, but Dickidoo has agreed to share.

But that is not what makes his jeans a symbol of heroism in my eyes.

Three years ago when he bought me my Nikon he spent an extra $ and bought an extended warranty for my Nikon.  Woo hoo!  We will take the camera back to the store we bought it at on Wednesday.  Hopefully they will be able to do the repairs.  Hopefully it will be covered by the warranty.  If not, Dickidoo is sharing his new toy until I can afford one of my own.

And check it out, I finally got a decent picture of a sunflower!

I love Dickidoo's Nikon D80.

Maybe they'll let me trade my dead D70 in for an upgrade.

Thursday, August 2, 2007


No, my baby, the Nikon, is still dead.  But I have some great news that is almost as good.

I am getting taller!

Okay, first of all, don't believe the tape measure which still reads 62 inches.  Tape measures, like weight scales, grow old and cease to function properly.  My scale pooped out years ago.  It perpetually reads about 10 pounds more than it should.  ( its 20 pounds off after a good holiday meal  .)

A more accurate indicator is the body itself.  This morning I woke up completely inspired to begin a new exercise regiment.  I stretched my arms, I stretched my neck, I twisted my trunk.  And then it was time for my leg stretches.

I bent forward and down to touch my toes... but I couldn't reach them.  I tried again but my fingertips remained suspended above my toes by at least 4 inches.  A few years ago I could reach my toes with no effort at all, but now I am coming up 4 inches shy.  Well, there's no way I could have lost 4 inches off the length of my arms so I can only surmise that my legs are 4 inches taller.

That would make me 5' 6". 

This is amazing.  I just had a growth spurt at 46 and I feel fabulous!  To heck with the exercising.  I'm celebrating this morning. 

Ahhhh, life is good.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007


I believe that if one is honest in one's critique of one's self, truly honest, then it is easier to handle criticism from others.

Today Rocky and I paddled lazily around the swimming pool, joined occasionally by the couple of water beetles that have taken up residence in the wet set pool.  I saved a metallic chartreuse beetle from drowning and was a landing pad for a damsel fly who had stopped by to cool off.  Before long it was time to dry off and get started on supper.

But first I jumped in the shower to 'set my tan'.  After peeling off my faded neon striped bathing suit I examined my tan in the mirror.

Hmmmm... if you can call it a tan.  There is a distinct outline of my swimsuit but my extremities were perhaps just barely a darker shade of white than my covered torso.  And my shape... agh!  I look like an albino turtle with my shell on backwards! (how's that for truly honest?)

Time to start doing them crunches. 

Man, I'm getting tired just thinking about them!