Thursday, August 23, 2007

DANG IT! and where I didn't lose any weight.

I didn't have beer and chocolates last night.  I did not celebrate.  I was sad because the camera repair center called to inform me that my Nikon was irreparable and they would be sending the body back to me for burial.  After that news I needed something stronger than beer.  I busted into Dickidoo's bottle of Maker's Mark and downed a couple of glasses to drown my sorrows.

It didn't work.  The camera is still dead this morning.  I feel as if I have lost part of my sight, that my vision has diminished somehow.

Yoo hoo, Dickidoo... SHARE DAMMIT!

Anyhow, while under the influence of Maker's Mark, I decided to experiment with my old wardrobe.  Yep, my blouses fit much better.  The buttons actually reach the button holes in some.  And jeans long discarded with defective zippers that don't close were miraculously fixed and I can wear them again.  Yay me!

The next experiment... the Oompas clothes!

I'm a skirt kind of gal so I grabbed a couple of skirts that had accidentally been hung up in my closet.  The first one slid on with no problem and I pranced around in it quite happily for the next 5 minutes.  Next up was a floral skirt.  This one was fitted in the front but gathered in the back.  It looked a bit small but hey, it had elastic in the back so I eased it down over my head and around my arms.  It fit beautifully and once again I pranced around like a child, until it was time to take the skirt off... and it wouldn't slide back up over my arms.

No biggie, I'll just slip it down over my hips.

Okay, so now I know for a fact that the amazing weight loss that I experienced over the summer did NOT include my big butt.  Its still big.  Too big in fact to fit through the opening of an elastic waisted skirt.  Grrrrr!

It took me about 10 minutes to wiggle out of that dang skirt.  It was a slow process that had me easing this side a little then going to the other side and trying to push the outstretched garment over my even more outstretched cheeks.  That gave me lots of time to view the whole vision in the full length mirror on the wall in my bathroom.

I have the dark bronzed face, arms and legs of an island girl but the belly, boobs and butt of a white woman.  I need to even out my tan.  I need to skinny dip!

Hmmmm... I wonder if all my neighbors in the back work during the day?  I hope so because its time for a little indecent exposure!


midwestvintage said...

 I used to do lots of skinny dipping as a girl, oh those were the days.  Sorry about the camera.  I would be crying also.


rbrown6172 said...

lol  you are so funny!

mpnaz58 said...

How positively decadent!!  Soon you'll have the bronze look all over...and I'll be so jealous!!
xoxo ~Myra

ktkamanski said...

At least you can still consider it Skinny Dippin - Mine, is just one big Chunky Dunk. I really enjoy your reads. I will say my prayers for the Nikon - lost mine last year! Hope your day gives you a reason to smile - mine just did!

chat2missie said...

Don't worry, I've got the big bootie also! LOL

princesssaurora said...

LOL... I hear ya about the uneven tan thing... but there are just parts of this body that will not be sunkissed ever again!  So glad those zippers are fixed for you!  Awesome!

be well,

princesssaurora said...

Oh and Dickidoo, this woman birthed 5 of your big assed babies... SHARE THE DAMN CAMERA!!!!

;-)  That's how we do it NJ-style!

be well,

pixiedustnme said...

OMG - I haven't laughed that hard in a long time!  I think we've all been there girl!  That one thing that goes on a little snug and then doesn't want to come back off!  I don't think I would have given it 10 minutes though.  Especially if I was admiring myself in the mirror - LOL.  I woulda grabbed some scissors and just had it out with the dang skirt...and I would have won!

lanurseprn said...

You are so funny!! Congrats on the weight loss! Isn't that a good feeling when your clothes fit again? I haven't had that in a LONG time!
LOL on the skinny dipping! Go for it!

mutualaide said...

Jodie ... you write well enough for me to feel as though I was there tugging on that skirt to help you get it off.  ROFLOL!  Congrats of the weight loss!  :)

deshelestraci said...

I'm laughing at the thought of the skirt.  Been there!  I'm with Dawn.  Dickidoo needs to share!
Did I mention there is a Dickidoo's BBQ near my house?  I keep wanting to take a picture to share.  I probably never will though!

jckfrstross said...

oh no such sad news :( yes share dickadoo !!!! have a good friday


krazykathy23 said...

Dorn... I am so sorry that they were unable to repair your baby. That sucks! There will be a bigger and better baby in your future... just "borrow" dickidoo's and never give it back! lol

Hugs from Texas,

hestiahomeschool said...

Tabby said that Gabe might visit us next weekend! Apparently they talk on Myspace.  We are having a party over the Labor day weekend and going to a horse show on Monday. We would love to see him, so I guess I will have to try to track him down for details.  If he wants a mroe quiet weekend we are free any other weekend except the last one in September.

Today is my birthday. I am an ancient old woman!  47!

rdautumnsage said...

Tell Dickidoo that marriage is a propositon of 50-50 whats his is half yours. Have fun sharing! (Hugs) Indigo

brainwhispers said...

Just thought id pop over and say hello.

Glad to see everything is ok with you and the rabble.

missheathyrmaree said...

ha ha ha ha.
The image of you trying to do that, is cracking me up.
I love it :]
Thanks for the much needed laugh!
Hope you enjoy your four day weekend!

mutualaide said...

So sorry about your camera.  I had trouble with my last model that 'we can't fix'.  So I had to choose a new one and although I like it, okay, it is just not the same.

I'm hearing your quiet and patiently waiting for mine.  September 6th!  Yippee~!