Monday, October 23, 2006

BRONCOS, winter and dividends

The Bronco's won yesterday's game against the Cleveland Browns.  I try not to get too excited about a Cleveland win.  The team isn't the brightest in the league.  They're called the 'Browns', and yet their helmet is orange.... duh!  They look like giant Tootsie Rolls on the field!  I'm sorry, but if after all these years they still can't tell the difference between orange and brown, then they deserve to lose.  And my Bronco's don't mind it one bit!  Dickidoo is all salty because the Pittsburg Steelers lost in overtime.  They deserve to lose also, because they kicked the Broncos out of the playoffs last year, so neeeener neeeener neeeener!

I've been dreading the onset of winter mostly because I thought I'd have to get up even earlier to scrape the ice off my truck windows.  Ironically I have discovered that 3:30 in the morning is even too early for Jack Frost, and most mornings I can get by with just running the defroster.  There's no doubt that its winter though, my snot will still freeze in just the space of time that it takes to get from the porch to the cab of Big Red.

My paycheck is already shot.  Between the cellphone bill, back taxes (yep, I'm still paying on them!), gas for my truck and groceries, I am left with $7 in my checking account.  Actually that's about the norm for me.  I guess that would explain why, despite the competitive dividends offered by my Credit Union, that particular column on my statement remains blank.  I actually laughed out loud when our tax preparer asked if I had any dividends to claim!  I found out that I'm due some back pay from when I got promoted to this new job, that will be nice when it comes in.  But it still won't bring me any dividends.

Have you ever analyzed what you spend your money on?  I mean REALLY analyze your expenses?  Dickidoo takes care of all of the household expenses since he makes 3 times more than I do.  He has dividends.  I pay the cellphone bill, the back state taxes, I gas up my own truck and I purchase the groceries.  Groceries... I spend about $250 every two weeks to feed my family.  At the end of the two weeks there is no trace of that $250, no evidence that it ever even existed.  Why?  Because that $250 got eaten, digested and then flushed down the toilet, that's why.  So more accurately, every two weeks I spend $250 on turds!  So, to recap, I work to pay taxes on what I earn, to put gas in my truck so I can get to my job to earn this money so I can pay taxes on it, and to pay for the cellphone my husband never answers, and to keep in touch with Oompas who only seem to come home to deposit their $250 turds.  Hows that for a new perspective on life!

9 comments:

mumma4evr said...

I jst spent 268 at Walmart today on food.....the cashier, who I kinda know, was laughing...lots of stuff the kids like, very little me stuff!  LOL
becky

deslily said...

i'll never hear a flush the same way again!... sigh.  guess that's what is meant when someone says to just flush the money down the toilet huh? sheesh..

princesssaurora said...

Wow... that is a great analogy of life too... lol

Hang in there mama!!!

be well,
Dawn

rbrown6172 said...

lol  you are so funny.
gina

sdoscher458 said...

Maybe hubby has to hunt more? You are feeding quite a few teens, and they are unending bottomless pits when it comes to food.  When I was working and the kids were younger I felt the same way....right down the toilet....Sandi

jckfrstross said...

lol it is so expensive to eat :) have a good week

Deb

glensfork4 said...

LOL-all I can say is that is the best entry ever....I am still smiling....
michele
http://journals.aol.com/glensfork4/these-are-my-thoughts/

maryj7987 said...

I can really relate, Dorn. When my kids were small and my pay went to gas, food and babysitters with almost nothing left over, my husband asked me where all my earnings went. I told him it was mostly flushed away. Good entry.
Mary

wumzels2 said...

this is a true winner in my book for "most funny journal".  dorn you really should go into writing humor books..................i would buy every one.

regina