I think I have lost at least 10 pounds in tears this week. But that's not all I've lost. I've lost... WE'VE lost... two very special women. Online they were known as mzgoochi and demandnlilchit. In person they were Lahoma and Kimberleigh. In my heart they were my friends.
The death of an Internet friend is hard to deal with because there is nothing to hold on to. Individuals are separated by miles and miles of cable. Often times family members who might otherwise know a neighborhood or workplace friend are unaware of cyber friendships and therefore are untouched by the loss.
I hurt. I hurt so bad. I want to scream. I want to run as fast and as far as I can to get away from the reality. I want so bad for someone to say 'Oops, sorry, they aren't really dead... my bad!' Its happened before, I wouldn't mind if it happened now. I would love for it to happen now.
Nobody has come forward to admit to a hoax. I can wait. I don't mind. Please, someone come forward and admit to a hoax.
My brain is in defensive mode. My heart is locking down. No more friends. No more caring for silly nonsensical firstname.lastname@example.org. And just maybe I won't hurt so bad ever again.
I have met so many wonderful, precious people... REAL people here online. I am richer for knowing them. I cannot turn my back and heart on them, on you.
I just wish it didn't hurt so much to let go when one must leave this world.
God speed Lahoma. God speed Kim. I hope to see you both again. Till then, missing you so much,