The Ultimate Psych-Out~

It's 9:30 Mother's Day morning and someone is banging on my door.  I peer through the peep hole and see Dickidoo with my middle son Zack.  Wow, didn't see that one coming, but ok!
I let them in thinking they have some kind of Mother's Day surprise in store for me.  Dickidoo asks where my youngest son is and seems irritated when I say he had just left for places unknown.
"We're supposed to work on the truck!"
Right~ I'm thinking and pretend to ignore the obvious ruse.  Dickidoo helps himself to coffee and asks if there is anything to chew on.  I direct him to the egg salad in the fridge and he makes himself a sandwich. 
Okay, so maybe breakfast wasn't the plan.
They get in touch with Art and he returns home.  The guys go out to 'work on the truck'.  Or maybe they are cleaning out my car and giving it a nice wash like they did one year long ago.  I get ready for work then open the door to check on 'the truck'.  Art's girlfriend informs me that they probably aren't out there cos Art had mentioned that they had to go get parts.
Right~  I can play along....
The hands on the clock get closer and closer to my depart time but I dig deep into my unused patience and wait. The guys return and sit down, congratulating themselves in getting the truck running.  It is now time for me to leave for work.  Nobody gets up to see me out the door but I know they're be watching when I see my surprise.
From the sidewalk I recognize the dirt on my car.  I am still hopeful when I open the door... and am greeted by the same old mess.
Then it dawned on me~ they were just waiting for me to leave so they could clean the apartment and fix me a nice dinner.  The day dragged but I got the expected text from one of them, Becca, asking me to come home for supper so she could get something.  Right~  
I got home to an empty but messy apartment.  Supper was the last of the egg salad.
Dickidoo texted me so he could pick up the car to drive Zack back to the Shop and I met them in the parking lot.  He asked how things were going.  I don't think it even dawned on him that it was Mother's Day.
"You sabotaged my Mother's Day!" I accused.  "Those kids probably weren't planning on making breakfast but I could have blackmailed or guilt-tripped them into making something until you came banging on the door to work on the stupid truck... on MOTHER'S DAY!  I saw more of Art's girlfriend than I did of my own children, how sad is that?"
Well, he did offer to take me out to dinner after work but the truth is, it wasn't about us~ it was about me and the kids, and he ruined that.
Well, not really.  My kids did shower me with gifts and cards, notes and texts, hugs and kisses later and throughout the day and once again I was Queen for a day.
But man, that guy really knows how to pee on a parade!

WHO WOULD HAVE THUNK IT~?

I will be house sitting my house this week.  Weird huh?  Who would have thought in their wildest dreams that one day they would be house sitting their own house?
What can I say, my marriage, to say the least, has been wild.
So I'm house sitting my house (I am on mortgage as the co-owner) and my payment for the week... 1/4 bottle of Absolut vodka.  But it's not a little bottle.  It's a fricken huge bottle that probably holds close to a gallon~ which means that I have been paid about 2 quarts of vodka to babysit my house.
Sounds good to me~

When bad days attack!

After getting up on the wrong side of the bed this morning, I asked myself if things could get any worse~ and they did! (I've got to stop asking myself that!) I got pulled over by a traffic cop going 46 mph in a 30 mph zone, or so he said.  Naturally I didn't believe him, and I kind of told him so~ politely of course.  I handed over my license, registration and proof of insurance, and then waited while he sat in his fancy, brand spanking new unmarked Charger.  20 minutes I sat there, fuming in my car while he sat in his car, probably stalling trying to figure out how to pronounce my last name.  Luckily for both of us, a priority call came through before he could finish writing the summons and he returned my papers with a warning.

"Try driving a little slower in the future, like less than 16 miles over the limit slower." he said, obviously relieved that he didn't have to deal with my name.  I thanked him a million times in my head but only said it out loud twice.

5 hours later I found myself traveling down the same roadway.  5 hours later I had one eye on my speedometer and the other out the window looking for the shiny blue Charger.  And guess what happened?  While cruising down the street, my foot nowhere near the gas pedal, the momentum of the car built and I was speeding down Main Street going 38 without feeling it.  I tapped my breaks and thanked God that Smoky the Bear was nowhere in sight.  I also thanked God that today was one of the rare moments when I held my tongue and did not challenge someone who had accused me of doing wrong, for I was in fact wrong.  Had I challenged the officer he just might have found the time to finish writing out that ticket.

16 mph over the limit at $10 per mile, that's $160 plus the 50 court cost~ this ticket would have cost me $210 plus a couple of points on my license and a rate increase on my insurance.  

Perhaps my day wasn't so bad after all.

Note to self~ don't go to bed on a full stomach!

Last night I dreamed that I was pregnant.  At my age that's not even funny!  And being a Born Again Virgin, that would raise questions that I'm not so sure the rest of the world would be ready to hear and accept the answers for.  Then of course, there would be the issue of having yet another one of my off spring loose on this earth.  Not a good situation all the way around and no matter how you look at it.

But~ should the unthinkable ever happen...

If chosen to be the Born Again Virgin Mother, I promise that all church sermons will be limited to 10 minutes or less, all chapels will have a Crying Baby section, the pews will be cushioned and a fried chicken and biscuit dinner will follow every Sunday Service (to encourage attendance and fellowship of course! not to mention feeding my addiction to the combo.)

I am Dornbrau, Born-Again-Virgin and Dust Bunny President, and I approve this message.

Super Saimin~

I made some saimin (ramen) when I got home, seasoned with dashi (broth), shoyu (soy sauce), sesame oil, hot sauce and black pepper, but Rocky and Boris saw me and intercepted.
Rocky: "Do you know what's missing from these noodles?" (slurp, slurp)
Me:  "Yeah, about half a package!"
Rocky:  "Yeah, but also bean sprouts~"
Me: "And Spam, and egg, and mushrooms!"  
Super Saimin, yep, that's the way uh huh, uh huh, I like it!
I have learned to cook 2 packages at a time, not because I am a pig, but because my kids (and parrot) are pigs, and I would like to have at least a bite or two from the pot myself.

Who, me?

Apparently I snore~
I vehemently deny the accusation but I am out numbered by my many accusers.  Well, perhaps I do... a little, due to my seasonal allergies which have my sinuses so congested that my eyes bulge like a fat Chihuahua.  It's not a pretty sight, believe me, but I don't care.  I don't have to look at me.
Anyhow, I did a little research and it is recommended that I sleep on my side (I'm a tummy and back sleeper), don't take sleep aids (no melatonin?) and no alcohol.
Great, in order for me to stop snoring so everyone else can sleep, I must refrain from the very things that help me sleep?
Awwww, what the heck, sleep is over rated!
I still don't believe them cos I've never actually heard myself snore! I think they're just jealous of how fast I can achieve R.E.M.

Bleh~

I took supper to Dickidoo this afternoon.  Rocky asked me why.  I had no good reason.
"You're such a wife," my youngest daughter accused.  It's weird that I felt I had to defend myself and yet there was no defense.  I am such a fricken wife!
So I decided that I should be a disgruntled fricken wife.  I walked into his bedroom, which until 2 years ago used to be our bedroom~ and I left a calling card.  A pinto bean and 3 chili salsa calling card.  I only hope he gets home before the potency drifts away through the ventilation system.  I have no real confidence in it though.  I have always been a potent but sissy farter.
Seriously though I have had to make an extra effort to wean myself from my future-ex-husband.  I miss talking to him.  I miss joking with him. I miss sitting in silence beside him. I find myself talking myself out of impulses.  I applaud those I deny.  I mourn the ones I succumb to.  Baby steps I tell myself, my nice self.
Is it wrong to want to baby step up his butt?  My not so nice self thinks not.
Just a thought~

HOMESICK?

With all that is going on in the world now days, and all that is happening in my own life, in a moment of quiet today I began to feel a little homesick.
Then I realized that I don't really know where my home is any more.
On the bright side of things, because there is always a bright side (if I keep saying this I will eventually start believing it), tomorrow is daylight savings and I get to wake up an hour earlier than usual so that I can go to work an hour earlier.  Yep, it doesn't get much brighter than that!
What, who, me, facetious?  Never!

The New "Middle Age"

The older I get, the older 'middle aged' gets.  Once upon a time, in my earlier prime, I considered 50 to be middle aged.  Now that I am 50 I have decided, at least for the time being, that middle aged shall be 60ish for I fully intend on sticking around for at least another 60 years or so~
So here's to the ever elusive 'middle age'.  May we never catch up to it in our life time.

The Last Anniversary~

On February 4, 1984 we said "We do." From that moment on "We did." 27 years later we look back and say "We tried", but it wasn't enough. Letting go is harder for some than others, but in the end it is the only way to go forward. This I understand now, "I do." So when it was all that was left to do, "I did." Looking back I know that above all else, "I tried" even though it wasn't enough.
On my own now I look to the future with eager eyes and think "I can!" I wake each morning with a new goal and say "I will!" Each night as I fall into bed, it is with the satisfaction of knowing that "I did".
And I am happy again with who "I am".

This video was originally posted on February 4, 2006 in celebration of my 22nd Anniversary.

GROUNDHOG DAY 2011

I don't need some big rodent who was rudely awaken from hibernation to look for his shadow to tell me whether or not spring is going to be early. One step out of the apartment this morning into the snot-freezing -12 degree air and I had my answer~ spring is no where near. It's not that hard folk. Half the Groundhog Day celebrations were cancelled due to blizzards. Spring ain't coming yet! Let poor little Puxatony Phil go back to hibernation. I'll see you all when global warming heats up this hemisphere and thaws the glaciers in my nostrils.

I'm outta there!

I have finally made the first giant step towards independence by moving out of the house, The House of Loompa.  So many memories were made there and I won't lie, most of them were good.  Even the bad memories weren't that bad.  But it was time to move on and I have.

It's getting easier to point the car in the direction of the apartment now, and all references to 'home' are about the little 900 sq. ft. 2nd floor apartment that I share with a son and daughter... and parrot.

The hardest part right now is cooking for 3.  After cooking for 7 for so long it's hard to make the adjustment.  Occasionally I'll catch myself before I start throwing things together but most times I'll find myself staring at dishes of food that will feed us for a month.  Today is day 2 of teriyaki chicken.  A bowl of tacoroni and cheese sits ignored in the refrigerator next to a zippy bag of Cajun chicken.  That never happened at The House of Loompa.  Guess it's time for a Left-over left-overs buffet.

And yes, I miss my best friend.  I miss talking to him and sharing my day with him.  I know what I have to do, but how do you let go of someone when you never really had a hold of them to begin with?  You'd think that would make it easier but for some reason it does not.

So what do I do with this hole in my life?  What do I fill it with?  A new vice?  A new hobby?

Baby steps.  Let's just start with A New Me~

HAPPY NEW ME! (One step at a time~)

2011 started with a resounding 'bang' that just keeps building.  Last year is hardly what I would describe as a bad year although it did have it's challenges.  I just felt like I was dangling in limbo, with no course, no destination and no means to get elsewhere.  Today, on just the 5th day of the new year I am caught up in the ever growing momentum of life that has me breathless with anticipation.

One step out the door.  One step away from Mrs. One step closer to Me.

Tomorrow my new home will be a tiny apartment on the south end of town, shared with a son, a daughter, a parrot, the shithound and 3 goldfish.  It is only temporary until Art can find a permanent roommate.  After that, for Me, who knows?  But I can't wait to find out!

Some Of My Most Important Lessons Were Learned When I Was A Baby~

They say that you are never too old to learn and at 50 years of age I believe that.  I still maintain to this day though that some of the most important lessons in life were learned while I was still in diapers.

• A nap is the best way to start the day.
• If you're hungry, fuss until someone feeds you.
• A nap is the best way to cure a full stomach.
• If you make a mess, fuss until someone else cleans it up.
• A bath followed by a nice long nap is a great way to refresh after a busy day.
• A smile will get you EVERYTHING.
• You don't need a reason to smile.
• You don't need a reason to nap.
• Smiles and laughter are contagious.  So are frowns and cries.
• Everything tastes better when you eat it with your fingers.
• It is never too early, or too late, for a nap.
• Just because something smells good it is not a guarantee that it will taste good.
• You can never be too young or too old for a nap.
• Hugs can be substituted for naps when naps are not possible at the time.
• A nap is the best way to end the day.
• When all else fails, take a nap, regroup and start again refreshed.
• Everything is better after a nap.

These are some of life's earliest and most valuable lessons.  And on that note, I think it's time for a nap~

BABIES COME FROM KISSING~

It is inevitable that children are going to be curious about where babies come from. I have never filled my childrens' heads with fairy tales of birds and bees or the stork. I delivered 5 children so I think I am more than qualified to define where babies came from and let me tell you, there were no buzzing bees happily pollinating flowers with their little pollen sacks or a long necked stork with a train conductor's hat flapping around. 

Nor did I feel the need to complicate things with the actual physical recipe. I kept it simple.

Babies come from kissing.

There may be different circumstances each time, but it all starts with a kiss, every single time.  Then nine weight laden, increasingly uncomfortable months later, after pushing and panting for ions, the mother, not some stupid long necked, long legged bird, delivers a splotchy, slimy, purple skinned, screaming baby, leaving to wonder how it was possible that she had just squeezed something that ginormous out from an orifice in her body.

And if anyone is wondering, God is a male, because a female would never have blessed female kind with a menstrual cycle or the business end of conception.

The Taste of Autumn~

I'm not a big breakfast eater.  Yes, I know, breakfast is the most important meal of the day, blah, blah, blah.  I actually buy into that propaganda about twice a week.  This morning was one of the twice.  This morning I made an apple butter sandwich to go with my coffee.

Apple butter is a simple indulgence, a smooth, deep brown spread made from stewed apples and seasoned with cinnamon.  Slathered between two slices of bread, with a swipe of butter and it is a meal fit for a king. I held the sandwich in front of my face and closed my eyes, breathing in the fragrant aroma. I was instantly transported to a time long ago.

Groton, Connecticut, 1968ish.  It was autumn, the days were long and warm.  The air smelled of freshly mowed grass and bayberries.   In the distance the repetitive crackle of an ice cream truck lured children from all directions, but not me.  I had an apple-butter sandwich clutched in my hands, the only clean surface on my almost 8 year old body following the required hand washing before acquisition of food.  I held the sandwich in front of my face and closed my eyes, breathing in the fragrant aroma and I was instantly transported to a time not so long ago.

Scotland, 1964ish.  It was a cool, crisp autumn day.  The smell of smoke from every chimney in the neighborhood mingled with a faint hint of salt drifting up from the river hung in the air.  The monotonous cawing of hundreds of sea gulls filled the atmosphere with almost a festive mood, but I was oblivious to anything but the two slices of thick bread separated only by a generous slathering of smooth, dark, spicy apple butter and creamy, home churned butter.

And I was instantly transported to another time, another place.  It was autumn~

MY 'YESTER-ME'

I was looking for a specific blog entry in my badly neglected Dust Bunny blog when I got caught up in reading some of my past entries. I hardly even recognized myself as the author. The woman-child words and descriptions of daily life filled the web pages with lighthearted humor. It was obvious that she was devoted to her children and even her husband whom she affectionately and sometimes exasperatedly referred to as Dickidoo. She seemed to find humor in almost anything, and when she chose to be serious, it was a deep, emotional side that came through. She was a simple person with a big heart and a bigger laugh.



I miss her.

I've tried to lure her out but she has retreated so far into the shadows of my mind that I fear I have lost touch with her completely. Her spontaneity has been replaced by cold calculation. Her laughter is now bitter and sarcastic. She doesn't sing, not even in the shower. Doodles no longer take over bill statements. She says she loves to cook but if you ask she probably couldn't tell you when she last prepared a nice sit down dinner for the family. She scoffs at the words 'love', 'forever' and 'trust'. She has accepted that she has become an American statistic.

So this is what 'growing up' feels like. Not sure I like the person staring back at me from the mirror in my mind. I'm certainly not liking what I am growing in to but I can't blame the metamorphosis on anyone but myself. I have allowed myself to become this.

Well, if she won't come to me then maybe I'll go back for her. I can never really go back entirely for obvious reasons, but I can certainly go back to being who and what I knew and loved. If you can't love yourself then who can you love? That may sound vain, but really, if you are not happy with yourself, who you are and what you are, then you can never truly be happy in any other aspect of your life. I miss being happy, truly happy.

I miss being me.

So be warned folks, here I come... again!

Happy "BLAH DE BLAH" Day to you~

I woke up this morning and thought "Blah de blah!".  No, really, I did.  In my mind I clearly heard "Blah de blah!", and I thought "Wow, that's a nice change from the self deflating thoughts I usually harbor first thing in the morning." (yes, I really thought that too, in my internal tone of voice).

So what does one do on a 'blah de blah' kind of morning?  I don't know about anyone else but I celebrated with red velvet cake, vanilla ice cream and 2 hour old coffee, barely lighted by an unhealthy splash of hazelnut creamer.  Wondering how so many calories could weigh so little on my plate and yet multiply so greatly on my body, I picked the icing off of the cake and pushed it to the side of the plate, immediately alleviating all guilt.

Cake, ice cream, a mug of coffee and no guilt.  What better way to start the day!

What I want~

I've been flip-flopping worse than a Democratic senator on the hot seat but I think I've finally made up my mind, at least for today~

I don't want him to regret this any more than I can regret what led up to this end.  I don't need the satisfaction of saying "I told you so," since I never had the satisfaction of warning him in the first place.  I don't need to say "I was right and you were wrong." because I was never part of the discussion.  The decision was made for me and I was handed the results without choice.

All that I want is to know that every once in a while, whether he wants to admit it or not, he misses me.

If I can't have that then I'd at least like to stop missing him and what we once were~

In the mean time I'll just pull up a seat and make myself comfortable while waiting for the temperature in hell to drop....  Hey, a girl can dream can't she?

Hi, I'm 50, how are you?

Somehow, between accepting the inevitable and convincing family and friends that I was alright, I actually became a believer myself.  Somewhere along the way 50 ceased being a number and became a state of mind.  I have reached the top of the hill only to discover a mountain in the distance.  Life is full of wonderful surprises.  I intend on enjoying as many as I can while I can.

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