Saturday, March 29, 2008


This morning started like any other morning at o'dark hundred.  I slapped the alarm clock to quiet the static and closed my eyes for a minute.  10 minutes later I rolled out of bed and made my way down the hall to the dark kitchen where the best part of waking up was waiting for me.

Not really, it would be another 5 minutes before I held a welcoming cup of coffee in my hands.  I set up the Bunn-Omatic Brew-Omatic with robotic automation, got dressed and by the time I pulled the mismatched socks on my feet the java was ready.  I was really looking forward to this cup since we had run out of creamer two days ago and yesterday's coffee was lacking. 

At 3:30 am I can follow directions.  In fact, at 3:30 am I can ONLY follow directions.  Without the jump start I get from my coffee I can not think independently.  Even though past experience has taught me that it is a very bad idea to shake a  new bottle of coffee creamer before peeling back its foil safety seal, when I read the label on the creamer that instructs me to 'shake before using', I shake before using.

What it should instruct is to 'remove inner seal, replace cap and shake well before using.'

Because it does not, and I cannot think intelligently on my own at 3:30 am, this morning as on many other mornings I shook my brand new bottle of creamer, peeled back the foil safety seal and got a face full of creamer as the pressure was suddenly released and it's luscious, creamy contents spewed out at me.

I made my cup of coffee and took a long swig before cleaning off my glasses.  Okay, I admit its disgusting but at 3:30 in the morning, yes, I licked the creamer off my glasses before rinsing them off under the faucet.


Hey, come on, at 3:30 in the morning my mind is not yet capable of intelligent thought.  In fact there is no thought process at all, it is all pure instinct and reaction.  And while the caffeine in coffee begins to take effect within 5 minutes, it really doesn't kick in until half an hour later.

That means that I am not capable of intelligent, independent thought until at least 4 am.

So, to Nestle USA, makers of Coffee Mate hazelnut creamer, please fix your label to read 'Remove inner seal, replace lid and THEN shake before using'.

I'm tired of licking hazelnut creamer off of my glasses at 3:30 in the morning.


garnett109 said...

Yikes all that for a cup of joe?

princesssaurora said...

LOL  That's so funny!

be well,

maryandfivecats said...

  For someone who claims concern over dust bunnies, you seem to be fixated over the quirks of your coffee creamer.
  I personally have been dabbling with raising dustmice.  They are similar in species to dustbunnies, and thier favorite environment is under the bed. Keeping them to a strict regimen of diet and exercise has caused some of them to become the size of mule deer.  As you can imagine, this is problematic when two or more choose to hide under the wingchair.
  By the way, I take my coffee black, and not by choice.  I don't get up as early as you do but I don't have the luxury of culinary additions.

luvrte66 said...

Hee hee! I don't have to get up quite as early as you, but 5 AM comes soon enough. I also have to work every other weekend, and driving to work at 6:15 on a Sunday morning...well, sometimes I feel like I'm the last person left on the planet. It's a creepy feeling!


topazscorpio27 said...

Congrats on being a guest editor! -Dawn-

swmpgrly said... i dont know why but i havnt been getting your alerts...damn aol

deshelestraci said...

I had a good laugh over this one!  I've been there although not at 3:30 AM!

glensfork4 said...

I just came to check in on you & I haven't had any alerts for you...(well that's not surprising with AOL) least you had your creamer...I had to get 1/2 & 1/2....ugh. definately not vanilla.


glopsey said...

You should switch to the liquid kind. Maybe that would fix it? Or, it would cause you to need the instructions for mopping the floor at 3:30 in the morning and those probably aren't in your home.

You and my mom need to meet the way you two love coffee so much. I think the two of you are the reasons prices have gone up so much, LoL!!!