Thursday, September 14, 2006

A HUNTING WE WILL GO (or something vaguely like it)

Today is my first day off in over a week.  I'm not sure if I like the hours of my new job mostly because I'm usually half asleep during the first half of my work day.  To be honest that probably really isn't a bad thing.  By the time I'm finally fully awake its near time to go home!  But today I got to sleep in until 6am.  Unfortunately I had to wait for my coffee.  The kids unplugged my Bunn-Omatic Brew-Omatic to plug in the old computer, and forgot to plug it back in so I had to wait until the reservoir heated up before I could brew my coffee, and that took another 10 minutes... NOT COOL KIDS!

I was mean the other day.  I cursed the grumpy lady down the street with a case of funky flatulation.  I made 'bachi', or in effect I jinxed myself.  I have no idea if she actually developed bad gas.  I do know that Dickidoo sure did and I was stuck walking behind him all day yesterday, gasping and gagging in my retribution.

So.... about my hunting adventures, if one could actually call them such.  Saturday was to be my first day out but Saturday never happened because Dickidoo was tracking a huge bull and therefore was unable to pick me up after work.  Since we had loaded everything into his truck the night before, while I could get out there, I had no license or means to hunt with, so scratch day one.

Day two would have been better spent at home as well.  It had rained heavily off and on all week so the roads were washed out.  We found ourselves slipping dangerously close to the edge of some very deep gouges in the dirt roads.  Under normal circumstances it would have been a good idea to just turn around and take another road but there was no space to turn around, and reversing back down that mountain road was out of the question.  So onward and upward we went.

I guess the elk had better sense than we did because they didn't even bother going up that particular mountain and we were all by ourselves up there.  Well, almost all by ourselves.  We were greated by a squadron of mosquitoes who stayed with us for the rest of the evening, buzzing and biting.  I was covered with 100 DEET but I guess it was the flavor of the day because if anything it seemed to attract even more of those blood sucking buggers.

After a non-productive hunt we began our trip home.  There was no way we were going to attempt to go back down the way we came in the dark being as we have to drive without headlights while hunting in the military training areas per post command.  Instead, we took the back way down which was still hairy but not as bad.... Or so we thought.  We made it down with a lot of prayer and luck and I was in the process of congratulating Dickidoo for his skillful driving when we hit a puddle in the middle of the dirt road.

A little bit of mud never hurt anyone, but this wasn't mud.  It was thick mountain clay, and we were in it two feet deep!  It took us almost two hours to get out of the sticky clay bed which stretched for what seemed like miles on all sides.  I was covered with muddy clay, I was wet and cold to the bones.  I was never so happy to feel solid road beneath our tires... until I realized that the little Nikon was no longer in my shirt pocket.  We searched the truck high and low until there was no avoiding the obvious, I had dropped my digital camera somewhere up there on the mountain of mud.

Dickidoo and his friend drove back up the next day, getting stuck along the way, but they found the little camera.  All that was showing through the thick clay was the strap.  The camera was completely covered.  Dickidoo handed the camera to me with an apologetic look on his face but I was actually hopeful.  I cleaned it up with a paintbrush and a soft cloth.  The clay had protected the camera from the rain just as I had hoped.  With the exception of the lens cover which no longer closes, the camera works just fine!

Day three... as if I hadn't had enough punishment from the previous days... was also a wash as far as hunting goes.  My once silent boots now squeaked loudly from their recent mud bath and subsequent rinse.  Word was out about the irresistable taste of Deep Woods DEET 100 and the mosquitoes were waiting by the hundreds for us when we stepped out of the truck.  We were the meat and the DEET was the gravy!

To make it worse, Dickidoo had gas bad (my bachi).  Atfirst I thought... Good, maybe the fumes will keep the mosquitoes away, but I'm never that lucky.  The mosquites would merely all sqarm around me until the air around Dickidoo's butt cleared.  By the end of the night I had mosquito bites on my mosquito bites.  I found myself brushing against cactus just to relieve a little of the itch.  At times I'd find myself scratching so bad that I'd be breathless afterwards and craving a cigarette for some reason .

Anyhow, day three was how I spent my birthday.  Despite my subliminal messages in previous posts here, Dickidoo forgot and quickly sang a cheesey off key 'Happy Birthday' to me in the truck to make up for it.  He did offer to take care of my elk if I should happen to actually see and shoot one.  Add a box of truffles to the deal and I might forget that he forgot! 

Gabe wasn't able to surprise me for my birthday but the fact that he is safely in the states is good enough for me.  He only has a weekend pass so he's going to fly up and see his son.  This gives me time to start saving in the hopes of getting both him and my grandbaby out here for Christmas.  Big Zack took his sisters and I out to Applebee's to celebrate my birthday.  Oh My Gosh... I couldn't believe how much those Oompas ate!  Oh to be young again with a hyperactive metabolism.

The clouds are starting to move in and I can hear thunder in the distance.  No doubt this will be another wet night of hunting.  Maybe the mosquitoes will stay out of the rain.  Heck, they should still be full of me from last night.  Ahhhhhhhh, but it feels sooooooooooo good to scratch those bites, its almost orgasmic!

Sorry for all the typos but my journal spell check hasn't worked for a couple of weeks now so you are at the mercy of my public education.


princesssaurora said...

Happy belated Birthday, dear Jody!  I hope that Gabe and baby Zach will be in for Christmas... that would be wonderful!

Good luck hunting...

be well,

chemelia2672 said...

Was hunting something you always did or was it something you picked up after you were married? Too bad my brother could not have met a lady who loved to hunt like you.

jckfrstross said...

Happy Birthday Jodi:) i hope the bugs leave you alone tonight and you get your big elk:)


sdoscher458 said...

RONTFLMAO....girl, my cheeks hurt from laughter!  But I am so happy that Dickidoo saved the camera. Are you still up for hunting?  My hubby said it sounded like a damn good time...(but I know he's nuts)  Sandi

rbrown6172 said...

you are so funny!!  and thanks...i really needed the laugh.  happy birthday!!! hunting...are you talking hunting with gun...or camera??  and i'm glad your camera is still working...maybe it could be compared to a just keeps on ticking!  lol

deshelestraci said...

Happy Birthday!  I hope your next hunting trip is more exciting in the right ways!  Glad your camera was found.  Amazing that it still works.  

deslily said...

Belated Happy Birthday Dorn!!.. this is the second aol alert i never got .. I better check it out.. and yeah I wonder when they are going to fix spell check?!

So.. did you get those truffles?

hestiahomeschool said...

Happy Birthday!  I can't believe that camera still worked!!!