Thursday, July 16, 2009

Acceptance.

Life has a new surreal quality to it now. Everything looks the same but it couldn't be more different. Steve and I agreed to be friends and we are but I'm sensing a strain that didn't exist before.

Duh!

For the record though, our failed relationship is not based on a whim. We have not been consistently happy for several years. It was just a matter of time. We'd have good spells, then something would happen that would knock us off kilter for a while. Usually we would right ourselves, apologize, kiss and make up. This time it's different. This time there is no kissing and making up. It's time to count our losses and let go before we destroy each other.

It is possible that things may not work out the way Steve hopes. He is well aware of this. I can't blame him for wanting to try. 'Anything worth having is worth fighting for.' We've been fighting to make 'us' work for a long time. It's time to accept that our time is passed. It's time for Steve to fight for something else. If it doesn't work out as hoped, the fact will remain~ our time has passed and it's time to move on.

I'm ready to move on. Not financially... my credit sucks! Emotionally though I find myself getting more confident with each passing day. I can talk without getting choked up and teary eyed. I no longer feel like a failure... broken and disposable. It's not the end of my life, but the beginning of a new exciting phase.

Now if I can just get people to understand that I'm getting a divorce, not dying from some incurable disease. I'm not in the market for a new love. I don't do blind dates, nor am I interested in a referral for eHarmony. Really, I'm fine!

But I swear if I hear another sappy love song I will puke!

10 comments:

Amy said...

ACK! I'm not gonna say I'm sorry, 'cause you will have heard that a bazillion times, and if you're happy, then why would I be sorry, right?

Turn on the heavy metal station. Not that many love songs....

*hug hug hug hug hug*

Lynne said...

I think he is being selfish. Love is a choice. I don't believe in the whole "fall in love" crap. He is choosing to love her and not you and he's a jerk. IMHO. Sorry for the four-letter word.

I'm glad you are finding your way around the mud of the relationship and realize there are rainbows and sunshine to still feel and experience.

Hang in there!

Melanie said...

((((((((dorn)))))))))


Melanie

Traci said...

Praying for you! This can't be easy.

Tabby said...

You will be alright you have that oompa love! I take it marriage counseling is out of the question? You are a better woman that me, I would not be so accepting and hoping the best for Steve with HER, she too is also ruining her husbands life and I do not know if they have kids too. I myself would be pissed and probably vindictive.

If you have to sell the house would you ever thinking of going back to Hawaii? I am sure you are going to have good and bad days a break up of a relationship can sometimes be like a death of a loved one. Hang in there and be strong, like Amy said put on some head banger music.
Hugs

moshell's lilbit of space said...

Put on some Korn, Marilyn Manson....ya know....scream & get it out.


((hugs))

GrapevineTexan said...

You have a knack for counting your blessings....even in the face of this terrible blow. You are setting an amazing example for the oompas of dignity and strength.

Judy said...

You are being much more accommodating than I would be. This may be a phase for him, but screw him. You have given him 25 of your best years, birthed his children, smelled his farts and washed his dirty underwear.If you really want to keep him, tell him you aren't going anywhere. And that when he gets his head out of his ass, you will still be there.

Charley said...

It's time for a Corona, I think, don't you?

FrankandMary said...

Yeah, there's that...BUT...don't be too much of the good girl about it. And I do not mean you are being fake, only that you are being tolerant and extra fair ....and in this situation sometimes it is best to let out the unfairness, the hurt and the anger. It is normal, really..if there is a normal.~Mary