INSTA-THONG (don't try this at home)

I have to stop dressing for work in the dark.  I suppose it wouldn't be so bad if I were to get my clothes ready before I went to bed but most mornings find me feeling around in the dark for something similar to a khaki pants and  a navy blue polo shirt.  This morning my blind fashion feel resulted in a pair of jeans I haven't worn in years.

I didn't think they would fit this morning since they hadn't fit the last time I tried to squeeze them on, but hey, I have lost 15 pounds according to my broken scale so I thought it was worth a try.  A little shimmie, a little redistribution of my generous curves and I was able to zip up those Lee jeans.  Yes!

No!

The one thing that I didn't consider while strutting around in my skinny pants was the consequence of wearing granny panties (full size women's briefs) under tight fitting jeans.  That would be the old excess panty displacement theory.  While rearranging my fluffiness to fit the jeans, the volume of fluff contained by my granny panties decreased, leaving a surplus of smooth comfort cotton blend sandwiched between my self and the straight jacket jeans.  While the snuggness of the waist band offered no discomfort, the seam line was another story... the butt and crotch seams to be exact.  For some reason they seemed compelled to seek out the path of least resistance.

The result:  Insta-thong!

I'm sure this could be the start of some bizarre new fashion trend, "convertible panties: one minute a full sized brief, the next minute its a butt flossing thong!",  but its not my style.  I spent the whole day fighting my self imposed wedgie.  Never again, Grrrrrrrrr!
lost again, but thats okay... maybe next week.

Greeting from Gabe in sunny Kuwait.

KLINGON DIRTY DISH FAIRY? (don't count on it!)

Its another Friday night home alone.  I'm starting to get used to these, but its still fresh enough to where I find myself sitting around doing nothing, just enjoying the peace and quiet.  I'll get organized, motivated and inspired... later.  Tonight I procrastinate.

Dickidoo is on a temporary late schedule for work which means he has the mornings off.  For any other red blooded American that would mean sleeping in, but not my Dickidoo.  He has been doubling as.... THE DIRTY DISH FAIRY!  YAY!  And this morning, after I had already gone to work, he got up and made the Oompas a hot breakfast before they left for school.  Yay²!

Today after work I found myself thinking about the growing pile of dirty dishes on the counter and how it would be a shame to waste all his hard work and let them get out of control like they had been recently but I just couldn't bring myself to get up off of the couch to wash them.  So I tried an old Klingon trick I learned from Mr. Spock years ago on 'Star Trek', the old 'washing dishes mind meld'.  Okay, maybe it was the 'Bewitched' nose wiggle or 'I Dream of Jeannie's' pony tail flip because the mind meld sure as heck didn't work.  Those dirty dishes are still there just as dirty as before and I think they might even be multiplying.   Grrrrrr!  Where's that Dirty Dish Fairy anyhow?

Oh lookie, I can add a poll on my journal.  How cool!  Hmmm, what can I poll? 

I know!

p.s.:  Did you know that Gabe is

3 DAYS CLOSER TO HOME!

THERE'S A NEW DUST BUNNY IN TOWN

Trust the Oompas to brighten up my day.  Rocky drew this little dust bunny on the computer using a series of circles, lines and ellipses.  Cool huh?  (Thanks Rocky, its adorable!)

Zachary extended his stay in Florida for a few more days so he can finish out the work week and catch a motorcycle rally with our friends.  He'll be home on the 6th, but only for a couple of weeks.  I love how confident he is in his plans for the future.   I might have to take over his bedroom though, my computer corner is really getting crowded. 

Gabe took off for the land of my nightmares some time yesterday.  I don't know what time, it didn't matter.  I have decided that this time I won't keep track of time other than to say that he is that much closer to coming home for good. 

Let the countdown begin.

2 DAYS CLOSER TO HOME!

VIDEO DEDICATION

I have been walking around in a trance these days, pacing like an expectant parent, so completely wrapped up in my own self pity party that I haven't been there for the kids, who are just as pained as I am. 

Becca and Rocky found this video online and seem to find comfort in the song so I would like to dedicate it to them.  We have a very long wait ahead of us but together I know we will pull through and before we know it, we will be planning one heck of a reunion.

Love you my Baby Dolls,

Mom~

Tags: Declan Galbraith

TOO SOON

Hey Mr. Sun don't you hurry away.

Why must you always retreat with the day.

Who is the man who lives on the moon?

I'd like to ask him not to light it too soon

Tonight.........

A simple poem, written by a teenager in simpler times.  I composed it years ago when my young nephew continuously bombarded me with questions I had no answers for.  I used to sing it to him on my hard earned Matrix round back acoustic guitar, out of tune and off key.  Eventually he learned the words and sang along, never seeming to notice or care that I hadn't really answered any of his questions.

Why do the rivers flow down to the sea?

Where does the wind go when it passes me?

Why can't I fly like a bird?

I wonder why can't I breath like a fish down under the sea?

The words were later sung to sooth my own babies to sleep. My babies... They have all grown up and today the song takes on a whole new meaning.

And they're just questions on their minds,

You know they're asking all the time.

What can you tell an innocent child

About life?

What can you tell anyone about life? 

That you cherish it.  That you protect it.

And that it does go on.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Zachary flies home on October 1st.  I can't wait.  I have missed my intellectual son.  This shall probably only be a visit since he has decided to stay with the company for a bit longer in order to achieve some of his future goals.  That's okay, I'll take what I can get, starting with a big hug!  My baby is growing up... Yay! (sniff, sniff, sigh!)  I keep fussing about how I can't wait till they're all out of the house, but dang, I love my Oompas to pieces.

Uh oh, I feel a chocolate truffle and Corona moment coming on!  (Something tells me I'm going to have a lot of those moments in the months to come, thank goodness for good friends like you!)

I love the moon, especially the full moon. 

Never did I think that I might not welcome it.  Each night this week I found myself staring at the sky, in awe of the moon's soft beautiful glow, noting sadly how each night it is larger and brighter.  Like an hour glass filling with sand, time is running out.

This week, when the moon is at its fullest, please say a prayer or wish for Gabe and his friends.

Thank you.

Dorn~

DEJA VU

Is there such a thing as too much happiness?

I believe there is.

And when a person becomes too happy, the happiness is taken away.

Just when I thought that I could finally be a real grandmother, not just a signature on the bottom of a birthday or Christmas card, I get the news that things are not working out between Gabe and his fiancee... his now 'ex' fiancee, the mother of his new born baby boy.  He is heart broken.

So am I.

I want my son to find true happiness.  I thought he had.  I want him to know the magic of raising his own family.  I guess it just wasn't meant to be... not now, not yet.

I want to be the best grandmother I can but I can't help but feel cheated.

Was it really just last night that I posted those beautiful pictures of Gabe and his new family?

If you can't find anything nice to blog about, don't blog.

Excuse me while I don't blog.

LOOK, ITS ANOTHER GRAND-OOMPA!

 

I've been spelling it wrong all this time, its Ryott Angel, and he truly is a Little Angel isn't he?  I can see his Daddy in him, but his good looks obviously come from Mommy.

Welcome to the family Kim.  Can't wait to meet you and all the little ones.  We're baby proofing the house just in case (super dooper hint hint!)

TALKING TO AN ANGEL, and Dickidoo shared!

I got to talk to little Riot Angel (cool name huh?) last night.  He said 'Waaaaaaaaaahhhhh!  Uh.... waaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!'  I think that meant 'I'm hungry Grandma Jojo, tell them to give me my bottle!', but I'm only guessing since I couldn't see his facial expression.

Kim sounds great, she's such a proud Mother.  And Gabe, well, his heart just grew a little bit bigger to accommodate all the love he has now for his two sons.  Gabe has another year of service, which gives me a year to talk them in to settling a little closer to home.  Of course I would love to have Kim and the kids here while Gabe is deployed but her mother's health remains an issue.  Its so hard not to be selfish.  Personally I think the climate here would be better for her mother (hint hint Grandmother Connie).  And well, I know little Zack would love it here so maybe he could move his Mama and baby sister here too. 

Well, I can dream can't I?

Oh... and guess what?  Dickidoo shared his camera and I didn't even have to ask!  He just kept leaving the camera home for me.

Maybe he read my belly aching here, or maybe he was just feeling generous.  It doesn't matter, I took advantage of it.  I'll try to post some pictures on my photo blog tomorrow.  Man, I LOVE that Nikon D80!  Gotta get me one for myself!

I'll bet it could take some great pictures of my two grandbabies.

RAIN

It rained today, long and hard.  The raindrops pelted the rooftop and sounded like a timpani.

I cried along in harmony.

Its been a while since I last cried, I mean really truly cried, from the heart and gut... probably not since Gabe returned from Iraq.  These should be the happiest times of my life.  I'm a grandmother for the second time.  My children are healthy and happy.  My son survived the war in Iraq.  My Mama survived her own battle with cancer.  My husband and I survived each other.  I should be shouting for joy.

But instead I cried. 

My quilt was as wet as the ground outside.

The tears solved nothing.  I don't know when I will see either of my grandbabies.  My son is still going back to Iraq this year.  My Mama begins chemotherapy tomorrow.  I have a few more cobwebs... you know where... and I still don't have a camera.

But I sure feel better.  I feel like I can handle tomorrow and anything it has to throw at me.

More rain in the forecast.  That's okay.  The grass needs it, and so do I.

Tags: rain, chemotherapy, cancer, Iraq

IT'S A BOY!

Congratulations Kim and Gabe.

Welcome to the world little Riot Angel. 

Love, Grandma Jo~

IN A NUTSHELL...

I stepped on the scale with both eyes closed and waited a minute before sneaking a peak.  150.  Yay me!  I'm still mystified by how I could have lost the weight although Dickidoo is skeptical.  I hardly think its the scale because I don't hear anyone else rejoicing about how they lost 15 pounds as well when they weigh themselves... so it must just be me.  Woo hoo!

Maybe its all the stinky food I enjoy eating.  For instance last night I munched on smoked trout and green olives stuffed with bleu cheese.  Mmmmmm! but peeeeee-uuuuu!  I may be looking better but nobody is going to want to get close to me cos I stink!  I know, I know... it can't possibly be healthy, but neither were those 15 extra pounds I was packing so my Miracle Stinky Food Diet remains.  Pass the bleu cheese olives please.

Mama has a catheter type thingie that will be used to administer her chemo.  She talks about it like one would a side ache.  She's lost weight, and then put a little back on.  She wonders if she should cut her thick salt and pepper hair, just in case.  She doesn't know how to act like a cancer patient.  She feels bad because she doesn't feel sick and yet everyone wants to help her.  She feels like a fake...  her words not mine.

"Mama," I said, "people just want to help you.  It helps them to feel less helpless.  We can't cure you, so let us do what we can for you instead.  It makes us feel useful when there is nothing else we can do."

Her doctor still maintains that she can expect a full recovery.  She says she already feels like herself again.  Yay Mama!

The crayfish escaped yesterday and I spent the afternoon and evening tearing the foyer and downstairs apart looking for it.  My search attempt lasted hours and was in vain.  Art came home after 10 and found the mud bug almost immediately... in the laundry room floor drain.  After a difficult extraction, and some heavy duty TLC the crustacean is back in the tank with Henry Goldfish. Not surprisingly the crawfish doesn't seem interested in climbing up the plastic plants to the top of the tank any more.

Rocky was sick the other day so I brought home a couple of monarch caterpillars.  I think every child should have the opportunity to watch the magical metamorphism of a butterfly at least once in their life.  Rocky is feeling much better now and is out with her friends.  I watch the chrysalis alone.  Oh well.

I'm not really sure what's going on with Dickidoo and me now days.  We don't fight, we don't even disagree any more.  He just sits around waiting for me to morph into 'Suzy Homemaker Does Dallas'.  I think its finally starting to sink in after almost 24 years of marriage, that it just isn't happening.  Of course the smoked trout and bleu cheese stuffed olives don't help my situation any at all.  I do believe I now qualify for the 'Born Again Virgin' bumper sticker.

I passed a dandelion today, its bright yellow flower gone to seed and it waved its fluffy white head at me.  I knelt to make a wish and I found myself at loss for words.  I didn't know what to wish for.  I could ask for things to be fixed again, but then I would miss out on all the lessons yet to be learned.  I could wish for money but what fun is money spent without the added satisfaction of earning?  I contemplated happiness but happiness is a journey, not a one time event.  I have hopes and desires for others but who am I to force my wishes upon them?

So I stood up and looked back at the dandelion, still sporting a full head of fluff, then walked away, leaving the wish for someone else.  What I need cannot be fulfilled by a whimsical puff against a dandelion plume.

What I need I already have, I just need to remember how to find itagain.

Whoa... screech to a halt... STOP!  What was I thinking?  I LOVE to spend money I didn't have to earn.  That's the best kind of money to spend!  I want my wish back.  Where's that damn dandelion?

Tags: colon cancer, chemotherapy

DANG IT! and where I didn't lose any weight.

I didn't have beer and chocolates last night.  I did not celebrate.  I was sad because the camera repair center called to inform me that my Nikon was irreparable and they would be sending the body back to me for burial.  After that news I needed something stronger than beer.  I busted into Dickidoo's bottle of Maker's Mark and downed a couple of glasses to drown my sorrows.

It didn't work.  The camera is still dead this morning.  I feel as if I have lost part of my sight, that my vision has diminished somehow.

Yoo hoo, Dickidoo... SHARE DAMMIT!

Anyhow, while under the influence of Maker's Mark, I decided to experiment with my old wardrobe.  Yep, my blouses fit much better.  The buttons actually reach the button holes in some.  And jeans long discarded with defective zippers that don't close were miraculously fixed and I can wear them again.  Yay me!

The next experiment... the Oompas clothes!

I'm a skirt kind of gal so I grabbed a couple of skirts that had accidentally been hung up in my closet.  The first one slid on with no problem and I pranced around in it quite happily for the next 5 minutes.  Next up was a floral skirt.  This one was fitted in the front but gathered in the back.  It looked a bit small but hey, it had elastic in the back so I eased it down over my head and around my arms.  It fit beautifully and once again I pranced around like a child, until it was time to take the skirt off... and it wouldn't slide back up over my arms.

No biggie, I'll just slip it down over my hips.

Okay, so now I know for a fact that the amazing weight loss that I experienced over the summer did NOT include my big butt.  Its still big.  Too big in fact to fit through the opening of an elastic waisted skirt.  Grrrrr!

It took me about 10 minutes to wiggle out of that dang skirt.  It was a slow process that had me easing this side a little then going to the other side and trying to push the outstretched garment over my even more outstretched cheeks.  That gave me lots of time to view the whole vision in the full length mirror on the wall in my bathroom.

I have the dark bronzed face, arms and legs of an island girl but the belly, boobs and butt of a white woman.  I need to even out my tan.  I need to skinny dip!

Hmmmm... I wonder if all my neighbors in the back work during the day?  I hope so because its time for a little indecent exposure!

DON'T KNOW WHAT, but I must be doing something right.

I bumped into a friend while grocery shopping and she proceeded to brag about how her dog had lost 32 pounds on the diet he was on.  A dog lost 32 pounds! 

A DOG! 

The secret?  Simple, the dog eats what my friend feeds him.  He is at the mercy of what and when she feeds him.  There is no will power involved... which was promising since will power was a strength I never quite developed.

Inspired by the dog's weight loss, I rushed home, emptied my bladder, removed all excess clothing and stepped on the bathroom scale to log a starting point on my latest weight loss attempt.

Holy canolli!  That can't be true!

I hopped off, then stepped back on.  I rubbed my eyes and backed off.  I tapped the scale with my foot, then kicked it for good measure.  The needle rested precisely on 0.  I drew in a deep breath and got back on the scale one more time.  The wheel swung to the right, then to the left, and then settled exactly where it had the first two times.

I am forced to accept that the scale reading is accurate.  (bite your tongues all you party poopers who might suggest that the scale may actually be broken).

I have lost 15 pounds since the beginning of summer.

Its probably the average daily temperatures of 90+ degrees that is causing my fat to melt away because it sure isn't exercise.  Perhaps I've discovered this summer's new beer and chocolate fad diet. 

Or maybe it was all that humus I ate this week~

No matter, what ever the reason at this rate I shall surely catch up with my friend's dog.

15 pounds!  Do the math, that makes me 150.  Dang, I haven't been this light since I was 7 months pregnant with Rocky... 13 years ago.  I feel sexy!

Well, as sexy as one can feel while still haunted by yesterday's humus.

And being as I have lost all those pounds without even trying, I see no reason to change my eating or exercise habits.

Tonight I celebrate with beer and chocolates!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT TODAY IS?

Its the first day of school, that's what it is.  Listen, what do you hear?  I'll tell you what I hear.  I hear me, myself and I.  And nothing else.  Nobody else.  I had to work but I observed a moment of silence at 7:25, about the time the first bell would be ringing.

I took a picture of the remaining Oompas last night as they prepared for school.  I'm sure all of their teachers will just be tickled pink to have them in their class this fall.  

By the way, for those of you who find yourself wondering, no those aren't the Oompas real pearly whites.  I bought the Bubba Teeth for the girls to wear the next time the men on the construction crew working down the block try to flirt with them.  Quite obviously nobody has warned them not to mess with the Oompas.  (and if the sweet Bubba smiles don't work, there's always the old Dickidoo Intervention and Intimidation routine.  That will make a believer out of anyone!)

Tags: first day of school

PHEW...........

Zack called and is feeling much better.  They kept him in the ER for an hour, treating him for an unknown allergy.  He is taking two different kinds of meds and is feeling much better.  The swelling has gone down but he is still very sore. 

He is very sure that it isn't seafood related.  He's always been very careful to avoid any kind of seafood, much as he loves crab and shrimp.  The weird part is that only the areas exposed to the air were affected, his face, neck, arms and hands.  That his tongue swelled as well makes me think it was airborne. 

At any rate he's doing much better.  The guys at work are teasing him that he's just homesick (awwwwwwwww... I miss you too Zachary!) but I'm pretty sure its something more complicated than that.  I'm just relieved that the medicine is helping, even though the cause is still a mystery.

Thanks again folks.  As always, you have been a great source of comfort and support when things go a little wacky here in my life.  Love you all,

Dorn~

Oops, in a good way...

Don't know how it was possible being as I was counting down the days until school started since the first day of summer vacation.  Last night over a combined birthday dinner for Art and Rocky I remarked that the kids had one more week of freedom only to be corrected by a surprised Becca.

"Mom, school starts on Tuesday... as in the day after tomorrow Tuesday, not next week Tuesday!"

How could I have lost track of time so bad that I lost an entire week?  How could I have made such a huge mistake?  A huge WONDERFUL mistake!  School starts tomorrow.  Woo Hoo!

So anyhow, I wanted to do a little birthday video of Art, and Gabe's birthday was on the 17th... and I totally spaced those out too so here are a couple of re-runs.  Three kids born in the same month.  Can you guess when the coldest month of the year was for us in '83, '88 and '93?

 

The only problem with having school start one week earlier than anticipated is that I had to do my last minute school shopping before payday instead of after payday.  Dang, that hurt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hmmmm, just got off the phone with Dickidoo.  Seems Zack is in the emergencyroom in Florida.  He's having some kind of bad reaction to something.  All Steve could tell me was that Zack called and said his face, arms and tongue were swelling bad and they don't know why.  And all I can do for the time being is to sit here by the phone and wait for a call.

I hope he didn't eat any seafood.  He's always avoided it because he said the last time he ate it (about 5 years ago) it made him feel funny.  What ever it is, I hope its nothing serious.  Man, I wish Florida wasn't so far away.  Grrrrrrrr!

ALL BY MYSELF........

This time last year I was counting the days, nay, the hours, minutes and seconds until school was back in session and the Oompas were back in the care and supervision of State paid educational employees at some distant cinderblock structure far, far away.  This time last year I was eagerly anticipating the return of the eldest Oompa while I almost neurotically yearned for the departure of the younger siblings.

Tonight, with just about two weeks left of summer vacation, I find myself sitting alone in a darkened house, alone except for the silent company of Henry the homicidal goldfish, his new tank mate Butterbutt the crawdad, and Luca, the cricket herding wolf spider.  My family has deserted me yet again.  The Oompas are all out, and Dickidoo is enjoying the first day of archery antelope season.  I am a single member family.  I am alone again (naturally).  Dinner for one has no appeal.  I sip instead on a quality aged boxed wine.  It is my day off.  Tomorrow also so I can stay up late and sleep in.  I have the tv and computer to myself.  I can hear myself think.

I think I am bored, but its been so long since I have had the time to be bored that I am not quite sure that is actually what I am feeling.

Perhaps it is just the quality aged boxed wine on an empty stomach.

Listen, its raining.  The loud rumble of thunder breaks the peace.  One thousand and one, one thousand and two... two miles away.  The closeness is not alarming but rather comforting.  I am not alone after all.  Zeus is here.

I wonder if Zeus likes quality aged boxed wine?

I wonder if he brought any food with him... maybe some smoked oysters, and truffles!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROCKY

It has been an almost ornery pleasure to share the Oompas and their antics with my readers over the past 3+ years.  Most of these pictures of Rachel "Rocky", aka "Mini-Me" have been posted here or on my photo blog.  If you look at them and think what a sweet young lady she must be, you obviously have not been paying attention to a word I write.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROCKY!

GERMAN CHOCOLATE, Mini Me, and tattle time

Quote for the day:  "The good thing about buying imported German chocolate is that the wrapper is written in German so you can't read how bad it is for you."  (Rocky, during a recent trip to the local German deli.) 

My baby turns 13 tomorrow.  13 was the turning point in my life.  13 was when I discovered my opinion.  13 was when I decided that everyone needed to hear and agree with my opinion or suffer the consequences.  13 was when my parents probably realized that they never should have taught me to speak as a baby.  Rocky is so much like me that I am afraid, I am very afraid.

Tattle time:  I take it all back.  Dickidoo is NOT my hero.  He won't share!  Grrrrrrrrrr!

I want my own camera!