CRAVINGS? And the chocolate diet.

Gabe called this morning... instant Happy Feeling!  Woo hoo!  He sounded so good, there was a lot of laughing and joking around.  When his time was up he hung up, went to the back of the line and called back a short while later.  The best news was... he no longer gets around in a HMVEE... His bigger and better 'ride' arrived and now he has more protection on all sides.

So naturally that put me in high spirits, and high spirits triggered... CRAVINGS!  Now I'm not talking mild craving, this were the nagging, insatiable worse than pre natal cravings!  Breakfast consisted of coffee, half of a left over carnitas burrito with pico de gallo, 2 bbq chicken wings, 6 smoked oysters, a glass of orange juice, more coffee, and finally a small snack sized Hersey chocolate bar which instantly sated my cravings.  Too bad I didn't start with the chocolate, I'd probably have been happy with just that.  Instead I loaded myself down with calories before I found the one thing I really craved.

The lesson learned here is:  always start with chocolate.  In fact, I have concluded that if I were to start my day with chocolate my appetite would possibly be so satisfied that I wouldn't be hungry for the rest of the day.  I see a lot of weight-loss potential here.  At the very least this deserves some further investigation.  I shall begin immediately.

NOTE TO SELF:

If you don't turn off the spell check before cutting and pasting a journal entry from the compose window, it will copy the highlighted error which will remain highlighted when you save your entry!  Duh!

MY LIFE IN 15 LINES (more or less)

My Name: is Jody.

My childhood ambition: was to work with animals, write children's stories and take pictures of the mountains.  Now I live with animals, tell stories about my children and live on the mountains I used to dream about.

My fondest memory is: of summers spent in Kohala at my grandparents house.  I still escape to thoughts of those simple times when the realities of life become overwhelming.

My favorite sound track: used to be War of the Worlds by Jeff Wayne.  Now its... War of the Worlds, by Jeff Wayne.  (sorry, my musical taste hasn't changed much in the past 4 decades).

My favorite retreat: was Camp Pupukea, a beautiful place shaded by iron wood trees and cooled by the ocean breeze.  Now I spend a lot of time in the shadow of the mountains at ponds near my house, with only the animals for company.  And when I can't get out of the house, I retreat to my throne room!

My wildest dream: has always been to look down at the earth. 

My proudest moment: cannot be singled out.  A mother has literally hundreds and thousands of proudest moments.  I celebrate each and every goal my children achieve.  I live a proud life.

My biggest challenge: has been to allow my children grow up.  I want to protect them, but I also want them to be able to protect themselves.  I am also learning to accept my husband for who and what he is, after all, he's accepted that I'm not going to change for him either.  (Okay, I don't know for a fact that he has accepted that, I just know that if he's waiting for me to change he'd better pull up a chair because its going to be a loooooooonnnngggg wait! )

My alarm clock: has not been set for years, I rely on the witch who lives inside my head and will not let me sleep past 6:30 am, regardless of whether I need to get up then or not!

A perfect day: begins with a cup of coffee and an email from my son.

My indulgence: has been, is and always will be chocolate!

My favorite movie: True Grit and Pirates of the Caribbean.

My last purchase: Bird and Bug field guides from the used book store.

My inspiration: is my mother, who has always been able to make something special out of next to nothing.

My Life: is just beginning.

A LETTER FROM LITTLE ZACHARY

With 3 cups of Folgers Medium Roast providing enough temporary artificial intelligence to allow me to install the scanner, I have finally uploaded my letter from my grandson.  His mother spoke with Dickidoo yesterday and gave him fantabulous news, she will be bringing Little Zachary out for a visit when his father returns to the states on his mid-tour leave in May.  Yipee Yahoo!  Oh, I can't wait!  Please, oh please, time fly!

BIG BOYS, LITTLE TOYS

I don't often encourage guys and their need to have big expensive toys, but I'm going to have to give in after a recent encounter at the track.  This is what happens when guys aren't allowed to buy big toys.... They play with little toys!  By the way, no, thats not Dickidoo....

This is Dickidoo!

MY PUSH 'EM UP DON'T PUSH 'EM UP NO MORE!

I do believe my push 'em up bra has done pushed 'em up for the last time.  Even a safety pin pulling the two cups together in the cross your heart spot doesn't help.  There's just no elevating me today.  Its sad that the only time the full wonder of my bosom is revealed is when I bend over.  Most times people just think its another one of my Michelin love handles.  You'd think the fact that they only protrude in the front might give them a clue.  So anyhow, I guess I go bra shopping today.  I guess I will have to face the reality that I might even need a larger size.  And maybe I'll get another one of them see-thru bras.  I could really get used to having Dickidoo making me breakfast in the mornings!

'Tis another sad ending to another Bronco season.  At least we made it to the Division Championship this time.  Unfortunately of all the teams to beat the Bronco's out of the Super Bowl race... it had to be Dickidoo's team, the Steelers.  There will be no living with him now.  I'm still undecided who to root for now that my team has been eliminated.  I've always like the Seahawk's helmet logo, and you all know how important helmet logo's are to me when deciding a team's worth.   I have been rooting the Steelers on in non-Bronco games, but those stinkers were the ones who put my guys out so I don't know if I could continue my support.  Besides.... they're Dickidoo's team. 

I'm wounded.  And not just my pride.  Its my big toe.  I dropped a bottle on it and got a nifty little gash when the bottle shattered.  And it wasn't just any old bottle, it was a bottle of HOT sauce.  Initially I just stood there staring with facination as the glass fell from around the sauce, but the sauce kept its shape in a jellied mass.  Very interesting!  Then I realized that there was a fair amount of blood dripping over the side of my foot.  Talk about dumb luck.... off all the bottles to get cut with, I had to pick a bottle of pepper sauce.  Fortunately the gushing blood kept most of the pepper sauce from getting in the wound.

Rocky took the Hunters Safety class last week and passed with honors.  In fact she was tied for high score with only 1 wrong.  Just for the record, most of the students in her class were over the age of 25.  When I took the course about 8 years ago I had 4 wrong.  So anyhow, she, Art and their dad went hunting on Saturday.  This is her first rabbit!  Its now all cleaned and cut up in the frige with the rabbits the others got.  We'll probably have it for supper tomorrow night.  But'll we'll save some to put on the table for our Harvest feast this fall.  Now all of my children are officially hunters!  Too bad none of them are housekeepers.

REDNECK MOBILE HOME and the Wicked Witch is DEAD!

Dickidoo's friend had a garage sale, so Dickidoo bought the garage!  Actually it was a shed.  And it was for free.  All we had to do was move it from one yard to the other, which sounded simple enough in theory but in reality it sucked!  We ended up towing it on to a trailer with a winch (and a wench!) and then strapping it down and towing it the 10 miles or so to our house,like some wacky redneck mobile home.  People on the road gave us the oddest looks, but once we got to the neighborhood nobody paid us much attention.  All of our neighbors are used to us by now and nothing we do seems to surprise them anymore.

Once at home we had to clear a space for the structure.  We let the kids take their aggressions out on the old shed and they had it torn down in no time.  Unfortunately Dickidoo was standing too close when it toppled!  Okay, maybe that was wishful thinking on my part but it could very easily be arranged if someone were to even think about stealing my coffee or locking me out of my computer again!

ELECTRICIAN CRACK?

I've seen plumbers cracks many times in my life, although never by choice, but yesterday was the first time I'd ever seen an electrician crack.  I was banished to the cigarette check-out aisle at the store, and therefore could not leave the area.  He was in a scissor lift working on the wiring for the new registers.  At first he was squatting down working on something.  I couldn't see what he was doing because, lucky me, his back was towards me... and that... crack... as deep as the Grand Canyon!  I couldn't  avoid seeing it... he was just there, not 20 feet away, up in the scissorlift, glowing like a neon sign that said:

Don't worry I told myself, he's going to stand up and it will be covered.

Wrong!

He stood up and reached up to the ceiling... and it was still there!  His jeans were obviously up as high as they were going, thanks no doubt to a very healthy beer belly... but that still left a cleavage 6 inches long. 

Now I have a weakness with things like that.  Its not that I'm attracted to or turned on by the sight.  Instead, I get an uncontrollable urge to drop things in them.  Dickidoo has been the recipient of coins and even ice cubes in the past.  Today, the only thing handy was a rubber band.  More than once, in between customers, my hand would twitch towards the elastic.  But the thought of having 'assaulting a crack with a rubber band' in my criminal file held off my temptation long enough for my relief cashier to arrive.

And what does she do?  She looks up at the scissor lift and in a big loud voice "Oh no, I am not going to be looking at THAT for the rest of the day!"  and I lost it!  So did all of the customers in line.  I guess the commotion caught his attention because when I locked up my drawer and complained to my managers about the unpleasant sight, the lift was empty.  When they asked me to point out which worker it was, what could I say?

"Well, I don't know what his face looks like, but I'd recognize his butt crack!"

They let me off early yesterday.  They've been doing that a lot lately.

GOING TO THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIPS

Woo hoo!  We did it!  The Broncos are going to the AFC Championships this year after defeating the Patriots, the 2005 Defending SuperBowl Champions 27-17.  Of course I was working and missed the first 3 quarters, but I was able to catch the end of the game.  Needless to say I am very VERY happy!

Actually I should have missed the entire game, but an unfortunate choice in dessert at break time had me cramping,  sweating and running to the bathroom.  I made it through my dinner break and returned to work but a compassionate supervisor told me to wait the minimum on-the-clock period and then to clock out and go home.  Just in time too!  I'm suprised that the EPA didn't come knocking on our door to investigate the strange, foul smelling mushroom cloud that appeared shortly after 8:30 pm.  Even Dickidoo threatened to stay downstairs until the air cleared, so you know that it was BAD!  I'm better now but believe me when I say I'm staying away from ice cream for a while!  I fear that besides Tabasco sauce, my body may also be turning lactose intolerant in its old age.  (I think you jinxed me Kell, thanks a dang fricken lot!)

DICKIDOO'S DEATH WISH

My husband has a death wish, he has to!  He's been doing things lately that can only lead one to conclude that he is looking to get shot.  Things like removing administrative rights from my account on MY computer, thus making it impossible for me to make repairs when the router became disfunctional.  I am currently working off of his laptop because he has yet to fix the router and restore my account to its original status.

And just this morning he misplaced his coffee cup.  I heard him asking about it and I recall laughing at him because usually its me who loses my coffee so it was a nice turn around, until I realized a few minutes later that my coffee mug, which I had just refilled, was also missing.  Most often I can find it within moments but I distinctly remember seeing the cup there on the table where I had filled it up and it was nowhere to be seen.  I don't know what made me do it, but I poked my head out the back door where Dickidoo was working on demolishing the old shed, and there was my steaming cup of coffee... right on the hottub cover, right where I didn't put it.  Dickidoo couldn't find his, so he helped himself to mine, just like that! 

And his timing couldn't be any worse.  I'm pmsing, and pre-menopausal.  Its a good thing I have to go in to work this afternoon, because he's batting a 1000 and his luck is sure to run out real soon, and then POW!  Right in the kisser!  The way I see it, there's only one way he can defuse this situation... fix my computer and... lots of CHOCOLATE!

FRIDAY THE 13th.

I love Friday the 13th, really, I do!  And its not because I'm superstitious, because I am not.  I don't believe in bad luck.  However I am not above using Friday the 13th as an explanation for things going wrong, thus shifting the responsibility and blame from myself.   If it were up to me every 13th of the month would fall on a Friday and it would be sort of an amnesty of fault day for the month, the monthly Darwin's Day  in which we could plan in advance and schedule certain events that involve things which might go wrong... so that if and when things DO go wrong, it wouldn't be our fault, it would be because of the curse of Friday the 13th!

I'm trying to think of all the Friday the 13ths that I've lived through and the bad luck that may have resulted on those days, and quite honestly, I can't recall one single instance of misfortune that occurred on any of those days.  Actually, now that I think of it, because my misfortunes fell on days other than Friday the 13th, I was not able to exercise the excuse of it being an unlucky day and there fore out of my control and not my fault.  I had to bear the blame and responsibility for things going wrong myself.  Hmmmm.... that in itself is unfortunate.  Perhaps there is a little truth to the myth surrounding Friday the 13th after all.

Just in case, I shall avoid black cats, cracks and ladders all day today. 

Tomorrow night is the Full Wolf Moon.  No, I don't believe in werewolves, I just prefer to gaze at the bright moon from the inner pane of my window with a strictly ornamental pistol within reach, a silver bullet coincidentially chambered and ready, a bottle of holy water shimmering on the sill.

No, I'm not superstitious at all, are you?

CHECK IT OUT!

One of my "Letters To Gabe" was quoted in a Courier-Journal.com article in Louiseville, Kentucky by James Malone.  How cool is that?!

Web sites a wartime support network

INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE?

I will use appropriate language in the hall.
I will use appropriate language in the hall.
I will use appropriate language in the hall.

My youngest son Art got called in to the principal's office for using 'inappropriate language' in the hall.  The teacher who had reported the offense wanted to put him in detention, or ISS (in school suspention).  Art was outraged and appealed to the principal, who handed down a lighter but more humiliating sentence, the old 'I will use appropriate language in the hall' 100 times routine.

So what was the offending word? 

'Butt'.

Not 'ass', but 'butt'. 

I tried to sympathize with my son, who was obviously upset by the whole ordeal, but like the principal, all I could do was laugh.  Art was wrong, he knows he shouldn't be talking like that at school, but with the kind of language that I hear spouting from school kids mouths now days, if 'butt' is the worse that my kids say then I consider myself lucky.

I wonder what the penalty would have been for more serious profanity... 30 days ISS, maybe even Life Until Graduation?

THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN A WARNING LABEL!

 

As I slowly ease into my pre-senior years I am discovering almost daily the changes in my body and its complex systems.  A recent experience has opened my eyes to the fact that Tabasco sauce is no longer compatible with my digestive system and now comes out every bit as fiery as it went in.  Of all my lessons, this one has got to be the most painful one learned to date.

A LETTER FROM GABE, more spring cleaning, and breakfast!

I got an email from my son Gabe in Iraq.  Besides the soldier from his platoon who was killed, two others were seriously injured.  Both were friends of his.  One was a room mate.  (it was hard when we came back from that mission when all his stuff was cleaned out of my room). How do you comfort a person, a child of yours, when something like this happens, and they are thousands of miles away?  And how do you comfort yourself when he asks you to send extra uniforms because his are bloodstained?  His new camera was another casualty of the war.  I can't replace his buddies, God knows I wish I could.  I can replace the camera.  I will do so, because I know he will need visual memories other than the ones he carries in his nightmares, to help him deal with this phase of his life once he gets back.  I'd rather him have his friends around him at a BBQ though.  Thats how it was supposed to be in Life According To Me. 

Art and Becca cleaned my upstairs yesterday.  Okay, they were in trouble and HAD to as punishment from their father, but I ignored their pouty faces and enjoyed the results.  They are obviously better housekeepers than their mom is when they make the effort.  Of course if they weren't such good mess makers they wouldn't have to be such good cleaner-upppers!

After almost 22 years of marriage I only just discovered that if I wear a see-through bra to bed, Dickidoo will make breakfast in the morning!   

5 WEIRD THINGS

(just 5 huh?) 
Okay, well, I've been tagged so many times my arm hurts so I guess I better get this over with.  Quite honestly I personally don't consider any of these things weird, however some folks have wrinkled their noses, rolled their eyes and gasped in horror or disgust when I've done them in their presence. 

5 Weird Things About Dorn:

1) I like the smell of gas.... No, not butt gas, gasoline!  Thats why you'll never hear me fuss about having to get out and pump gas... unless its cold outside.

2) I like to scratch the inside of my ears with a fine tip paintbrush.  Qtips are okay, but I have a sable brush that gets right to the itch and just makes my leg twitch like a happy hound!

3) I get a suffocating feeling if my ears are covered.  This is a constant source of entertainment for my children who will sneak up behind me when my hands are full and cover my ears, they like to see me gasp like a fish.

4) I don't smoke, and I hate the smell of old cigarette smoke that clings to clothing and furniture, but I love the smell of a cigarette while its being smoked.  I find the fragrance comforting.

5) I see nothing weird in this, but I love sashime (raw fish) and could eat it all day long if I could afford it!  A little soy sauce, a little chili pepper sauce, a little sesame oil, green onions... oh yeah, bring it on!

So there, 5 weird things about me.  Hopefully I haven't lost any friends with these confessions. 

(I can't believe I haven't posted all year!)

Shhhhh.... listen, do you hear it?  Of course not, because there is nothing to hear.  Just silence!  After two weeks the kids are back at school, Dickidoo is back to work and for once the house is mine and quiet!  There for a while I couldn't even hear myself think.  I kept asking myself 'what was I thinking?' and the answer was always 'I don't know!' so I stopped thinking all together.  I just sat in a corner twittling my fingers, hoping nobody would notice me.  Of course it didn't work.  I do believe that they've all used up their annual quota of 'mommy' and 'honey' requests... and then some!  Today my vacation begins!

Rocky didn't want to go back to school this morning.  She's already counting down the days until Spring Break.  I find the very thought depressing.  Some good did come out of the kids time at home though.  They washed the dishes and cleaned up the house for me.  Of course that came after several bribes and threats, but its finally done.  The way I see it, spring cleaning is done for the year.... yipee!  I've been working real hard on my new 'Happy' point of view, but its a lot harder than I thought it would be.  I guess I picked a bad time to start it, with the kids and Dickidoo home for two weeks.  Who would have thought that quality family time could be so stressful? 

My grandbaby wrote to me.  He scribbled all over a couple of cards his mother sent to me but it makes perfect sence to me.  I have new pictures as well, I can't believe how big he is getting.  I'm hoping on every star in the sky that I get to see him later in the spring when Gabe comes home for his mid-tour.

Gabe has lost another member from his unit.  His former unit has also lost some soldiers.  I can't even begin to imagine how awful it must be to have to deal with that kind of loss, and then to have to get up and carry on with business as usual.  The heart and mind does not even have a chance to heal out there, there is no time.  That is not how I envisioned my son's future.  The patriot in me is so proud of him, and yet selfishly I find myself wishing he had been satisfied with his job at the booby bar.  Quite obviously he inherited my patriotism but not my selfishness. 

Enough with the sadness.  On a happy note, I've lost some weight, and I wasn't even trying!  Those extra inches that I indulged in during my brief attempt at SAHMdom are gone!  I can now fit back into my pre-SAHM jeans.  I don't need safety pins to keep the buttons on my blouses fastened.  I no longer have to hide behind a wall of denial, I am back down to my normal fluffy, curvacious self.  And it didn't require an increased number of visits to the throne room either.  I didn't even have to cut back on my beer and cookies, how cool is that?  That is definitely something to be happy about!