Even as I sit here trying to sort out my thoughts she is making plans. As I wonder 'why her?' she wonders 'What next?'
I touch my breasts and wondered... is it there? She touches hers and knows. I try to imagine living without them. She knows she cannot live with them and she prepares to let go.
It is her battle but she does not face it alone. She knows this and draws strength from those of us who stand by so willingly and yet so helplessly. We pray, oh God, we pray! We smile, we hug, we hope and promise. We ignore the shadows of fear and doubt that creep into the recesses of our minds. There is no time for them, there is no place. They are not allowed.
One cannot just 'know' a person with cancer. It becomes a part of your life as well. Where once it was just a word used on rare occasion, now it flies through the air with almost casual acceptance. I do not accept it. She does not accept it. There is no time in our lives for it, no place. It is not allowed.
And so, even as I sit here trying to understand, she prepares for battle. Her bag is packed. Her knight in shining armor is beside her while their daughters summoning up strength they probably never knew they had. Cancer has crept into their lives and they stand together to fight it off.
In a couple of hours her battle will really begin but she will face this enemy well armed. This time tomorrow she should be back home again, her battle fought, her enemy vanquished, her Knight in shining armor and their daughters fussing over in a natural reversal of roles.
Get well soon Big Sis, we've got a Margarita, tea and truffles date!