DO YOU KNOW.....

Do you know what happens when you try to remove a cup of yogurt from a 12 cup variety pak without removing the outter cardboard wrapper first?  I do!  The cup of yogurt will explode and splatter everything in the vacinity with blueberry snot... including your work clothes!  Don't try this at home kids.  Some things should only be attempted by professionals.

SNOW, SHOPPING, TALKING AND GABE.

It snowed overnight.  Actually, to be more accurate, its more likely that the wind was a little stronger than normal and it blew some of the left over snow from Pikes Peak our way.  There wasn't even 1/8 of an inch on the ground but Becca scoured the news channels for school closings or delays.  Needless to say there were none, after all this is Colorado.  We get snow like most of the southern states get sunshine.

I made the mistake of taking all of the kids with me when I did my grocery shopping last night.  We came home with $240 worth of junk food, mostly for school lunches.  Good grief!  The alternative is $1.75 a day for 4 chicken nuggets, oven fries and an orange wedge.  I remember paying 50¢ for baked chicken with mashed potatoes, gravy, corn and a hot yeast roll.  I paid a dime for milk if I bought it separately.  Now the same sized carton of 2% milk is 75¢ if purchased separately.  At the high school everything is ala carte.  Its either 75¢ for the milk or a dollar for pop or juice.  I pay $55 every two weeks on school lunches, plus after school snacks, plus regular meals at home.  Dang, I'd be rich if we didn't have to eat!

Dickidoo called me while we were at the store to find out where we were, and to inform me that the TV had been left on.  I think he spoke maybe 5 sentences.   Lately his entire daily exchange with me comprises of 'Bye', and 'Going to bed...'  I imagine once he reads this he will stop chattering so much and we will once again be back to the two sentences a day routine.  Ah well, when you don't talk, you can't disagree, right?

Had a nice little 'chat' with Gabe the day before yesterday.  I guess it will be the last for a little while.  I sure wish it was May already.

A BLOG JOG (and the shock of my life!)

Today I was browsing some blogs that I had neglected for a long time and I came across an entry that was written by a young blogger back in December.  In it he writes how he had been hit by a car on the way to a friend's house following the death of his pet.  He didn't think he was hurt too bad and told the driver not to worry, but later his legs and head hurt.  That was in December, and the young blogger recovered fine.  But he never told his parents because he was afraid they would freak out if they found out.

And we did!

I read Art's entry this morning with tears streaming down my face.  Why didn't he tell us?  I remember that night.  I had picked him up from his friend's house.  He said his legs hurt and he had a head ache.  It was a cold snowy night.  I told him to soak in the hot tub and we gave him some Tylenol before he went to bed.  I had no idea what my baby had been through. 

It took every ounce of restraint to keep from driving to the school to bring him home this morning.  The accident had happened almost 2 months ago, he was obviously alright, and yet I wanted to see for myself.  And I wanted to know why he hadn't told us.   Today was one of the longest days of my life.

When Art finally came home, I was very calm as I had him explain the incident.  Then I tried to explain to him why it was so important that he let his father and I know when something like that happens, even if he thinks its no big deal.  You just never know.  I still can't believe that the driver and the witness let him go without trying to contact his parents.

Steve was not so calm.  He didn't have all day to get used to the idea, to reason with his thoughts.  We just sprung it on him when he got in from work.  Needless to say, he reacted the very way Art knew he would, which was why he hadn't told us in the first place.

So here we are at a 3 way stop.  There's the stubborn teenager who has all the wisdom of his young years, trying to make decisions that are beyond him, the protective fatherwho really does know whats best for his son but sometimes has a hard time putting it in to words, and the peacekeeper mother driven by blind loyalty who finds herself jumping in the middle to defend both sides and often comes out the two way loser.

Art greatly under-estimated the severity of the incident.  Steve over-reacted in his accusations after the fact, and I feel like a traitor because for the entire day I anxiously waited for Art to come home so I could give him my little lecture only to fuss when Steve attempted to give a lecture of his own which was not to my liking.  Then I spent the next hour first trying to defend Art's actions to his father, and then defending Steve's words to his son. 

So Art is mad at his dad, Steve is mad at Art and is giving me the cold shoulder.  As for me, I am still in shock because my son was hit by a car in December and I never knew about it until today.  This so easily could have had a worse ending back then on that snowy day and despite the tension in the house tonight, I am thankful, so very thankful that we are all safe and sound within the walls of our home.

How I wish Gabe was safe at home as well.

COUNTERS, and money dispensing problems.

My counter reset on me sometime yesterday or today.  When I glanced at it just a moment ago it was on 200 something.  It used to be in the 43,000's.  Grrrrr!  In a little temper tantrum (a real little one, everyone in the house is asleep) I deleted my counter.  Who needs the stinkin' counter anyway?

But 43,000+ hits!  And I'll bet only about 40,000 were from me!  That's just a crying shame!

My counter on Gabe's journal reset on Friday after being a featured journal all week.  Yep, I deleted that counter as well.  I'm just getting all kinds of cranky and impatient in my old age!  I don't have time for things that keep breaking.

Things like the self-checkouts at my store.  We had to call one of the registers in because it wasn't giving the customers back their change.  The repairman asked me what was wrong and I told him exactly that.... it wasn't giving the customers back their change.  He called it a money dispensing problem.  An hour later he announced that he had fixed the money dispensing problem.  I was so impressed that I tried to talk him in to taking a look at my husband, who also has a money dispensing problem.  Unfortunately he said he was not licensed to repair humans.  Well, now doesn't that just suck like a big bad baby?

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

On February 4, 1984, Steve and I exchanged vows and became man and wife.  22 years later we are still together.  Through good times and bad we've been together and I can't think of one thing I would change if I had the chance because to change one thing would alter the journey which has eventually led us to where we are today.  I love you... Dickidoo. I do.

YOU'RE STILL THE ONE! (slide show)

SPEED CLEANING

It has come to my attention that one of my favorite bloggers over at the Gilded Cage who gave a raving review of a book, was noticed by the author, who had googled her own name and came across the entry.  That got me to thinking.... maybe I should do a review on a book and get noticed by the author as well.  And she might even be inspired to give me a free home make over, or at least maybe a 3 room spring cleaning (just be careful of the dustbunnies... they are our friends!)  So, here is my review for Speed Cleaning 101:
==========================

I was clicking around online one day and I came across a site that required me to register to access a page.  Upon completion of my registration I was given the option of receiving a free gift.  The one that caught my eye was 'Speed Cleaning 101' by Laura Dellutri.  Hmmmm, that sounded like something I could use, so I entered my address and clicked 'send'.  And I promptly forgot about it.

Until the book arrived in my residential mailbox several weeks later.  The cover boasted that one could cut their cleaning time in half!  Right on!  My cleaning time per week is maybe 1 hour... combined.  Cut that in half and I'll only have to clean 30 minutes a week.  I can do that!

So I open the book and by golly, she's actually broken the entire cleaning schedule down into minutes!  I was really liking it until I got to her cleaning supply list.  Glass cleaner, dry microfiber cloth, damp microfiber clother, treated dust cloth, lemon oil, black ostrich feather duster, extention duster and telescopic pole system, vacuum cleaner, wisk broom.    Holy cannoli!  I don't even own half of that stuff!  And those were just for speed cleaning the living room.  She had another list for deep cleaning.

Start by high-dusting... high dusting?  People really dust up high?  I'm short so I can't see dust up high.  If I can't see it, it doesn't need to be cleaned.  Scratch that one off the list.  And whats with the vacuum and wisk broom?  Why waste time on two tools.  I just use the vacuum for everything, the floor, the upholstery, the table, the cobwebs in the corner.  A wet/dry shop vac will also clean out the aquarium.  Scratch the wisk broom off the list.  Woo hoo!  I've just shaved even more time off the clock.  I'm really liking this speed cleaning method!

There are sections on things like washers and dryers, and vacuum cleaners.  One topic tackles the question: How do I know if I needa new vacuum?'  She has some cute answers, like when the children play tic tac toe in the dust on the coffee table or your visitors ask for a towel before sitting on your furniture, but she missed the most obvious:  when your vacuum starts smoking and spits out more dust than it picks up... Thats how I knew my vacuum was shot.

The book has taken the place of my pocket yahtzee in the Throne Room.  There are some wonderful tips and great ideas, and I have found the book to be very informative and quite facinating.  I highly recommend it to all of the others who are motivationally challenged in the housecleaning department as I am.  If nothing else, it makes a great bathroom reader and who knows, you might pick up a trick or two.

Laura Dellutri:  The Healthy Housekeeper

================================

Okay, so I haven't actually used any of the techniques I've learned from the book yet... but I will... SOON!  We're hosting a Super Bowl party this Sunday and I need to do some major speed cleaning before then...

Go SEAHAWKS!

CRAVINGS? And the chocolate diet.

Gabe called this morning... instant Happy Feeling!  Woo hoo!  He sounded so good, there was a lot of laughing and joking around.  When his time was up he hung up, went to the back of the line and called back a short while later.  The best news was... he no longer gets around in a HMVEE... His bigger and better 'ride' arrived and now he has more protection on all sides.

So naturally that put me in high spirits, and high spirits triggered... CRAVINGS!  Now I'm not talking mild craving, this were the nagging, insatiable worse than pre natal cravings!  Breakfast consisted of coffee, half of a left over carnitas burrito with pico de gallo, 2 bbq chicken wings, 6 smoked oysters, a glass of orange juice, more coffee, and finally a small snack sized Hersey chocolate bar which instantly sated my cravings.  Too bad I didn't start with the chocolate, I'd probably have been happy with just that.  Instead I loaded myself down with calories before I found the one thing I really craved.

The lesson learned here is:  always start with chocolate.  In fact, I have concluded that if I were to start my day with chocolate my appetite would possibly be so satisfied that I wouldn't be hungry for the rest of the day.  I see a lot of weight-loss potential here.  At the very least this deserves some further investigation.  I shall begin immediately.

NOTE TO SELF:

If you don't turn off the spell check before cutting and pasting a journal entry from the compose window, it will copy the highlighted error which will remain highlighted when you save your entry!  Duh!

MY LIFE IN 15 LINES (more or less)

My Name: is Jody.

My childhood ambition: was to work with animals, write children's stories and take pictures of the mountains.  Now I live with animals, tell stories about my children and live on the mountains I used to dream about.

My fondest memory is: of summers spent in Kohala at my grandparents house.  I still escape to thoughts of those simple times when the realities of life become overwhelming.

My favorite sound track: used to be War of the Worlds by Jeff Wayne.  Now its... War of the Worlds, by Jeff Wayne.  (sorry, my musical taste hasn't changed much in the past 4 decades).

My favorite retreat: was Camp Pupukea, a beautiful place shaded by iron wood trees and cooled by the ocean breeze.  Now I spend a lot of time in the shadow of the mountains at ponds near my house, with only the animals for company.  And when I can't get out of the house, I retreat to my throne room!

My wildest dream: has always been to look down at the earth. 

My proudest moment: cannot be singled out.  A mother has literally hundreds and thousands of proudest moments.  I celebrate each and every goal my children achieve.  I live a proud life.

My biggest challenge: has been to allow my children grow up.  I want to protect them, but I also want them to be able to protect themselves.  I am also learning to accept my husband for who and what he is, after all, he's accepted that I'm not going to change for him either.  (Okay, I don't know for a fact that he has accepted that, I just know that if he's waiting for me to change he'd better pull up a chair because its going to be a loooooooonnnngggg wait! )

My alarm clock: has not been set for years, I rely on the witch who lives inside my head and will not let me sleep past 6:30 am, regardless of whether I need to get up then or not!

A perfect day: begins with a cup of coffee and an email from my son.

My indulgence: has been, is and always will be chocolate!

My favorite movie: True Grit and Pirates of the Caribbean.

My last purchase: Bird and Bug field guides from the used book store.

My inspiration: is my mother, who has always been able to make something special out of next to nothing.

My Life: is just beginning.

A LETTER FROM LITTLE ZACHARY

With 3 cups of Folgers Medium Roast providing enough temporary artificial intelligence to allow me to install the scanner, I have finally uploaded my letter from my grandson.  His mother spoke with Dickidoo yesterday and gave him fantabulous news, she will be bringing Little Zachary out for a visit when his father returns to the states on his mid-tour leave in May.  Yipee Yahoo!  Oh, I can't wait!  Please, oh please, time fly!

BIG BOYS, LITTLE TOYS

I don't often encourage guys and their need to have big expensive toys, but I'm going to have to give in after a recent encounter at the track.  This is what happens when guys aren't allowed to buy big toys.... They play with little toys!  By the way, no, thats not Dickidoo....

This is Dickidoo!

MY PUSH 'EM UP DON'T PUSH 'EM UP NO MORE!

I do believe my push 'em up bra has done pushed 'em up for the last time.  Even a safety pin pulling the two cups together in the cross your heart spot doesn't help.  There's just no elevating me today.  Its sad that the only time the full wonder of my bosom is revealed is when I bend over.  Most times people just think its another one of my Michelin love handles.  You'd think the fact that they only protrude in the front might give them a clue.  So anyhow, I guess I go bra shopping today.  I guess I will have to face the reality that I might even need a larger size.  And maybe I'll get another one of them see-thru bras.  I could really get used to having Dickidoo making me breakfast in the mornings!

'Tis another sad ending to another Bronco season.  At least we made it to the Division Championship this time.  Unfortunately of all the teams to beat the Bronco's out of the Super Bowl race... it had to be Dickidoo's team, the Steelers.  There will be no living with him now.  I'm still undecided who to root for now that my team has been eliminated.  I've always like the Seahawk's helmet logo, and you all know how important helmet logo's are to me when deciding a team's worth.   I have been rooting the Steelers on in non-Bronco games, but those stinkers were the ones who put my guys out so I don't know if I could continue my support.  Besides.... they're Dickidoo's team. 

I'm wounded.  And not just my pride.  Its my big toe.  I dropped a bottle on it and got a nifty little gash when the bottle shattered.  And it wasn't just any old bottle, it was a bottle of HOT sauce.  Initially I just stood there staring with facination as the glass fell from around the sauce, but the sauce kept its shape in a jellied mass.  Very interesting!  Then I realized that there was a fair amount of blood dripping over the side of my foot.  Talk about dumb luck.... off all the bottles to get cut with, I had to pick a bottle of pepper sauce.  Fortunately the gushing blood kept most of the pepper sauce from getting in the wound.

Rocky took the Hunters Safety class last week and passed with honors.  In fact she was tied for high score with only 1 wrong.  Just for the record, most of the students in her class were over the age of 25.  When I took the course about 8 years ago I had 4 wrong.  So anyhow, she, Art and their dad went hunting on Saturday.  This is her first rabbit!  Its now all cleaned and cut up in the frige with the rabbits the others got.  We'll probably have it for supper tomorrow night.  But'll we'll save some to put on the table for our Harvest feast this fall.  Now all of my children are officially hunters!  Too bad none of them are housekeepers.

REDNECK MOBILE HOME and the Wicked Witch is DEAD!

Dickidoo's friend had a garage sale, so Dickidoo bought the garage!  Actually it was a shed.  And it was for free.  All we had to do was move it from one yard to the other, which sounded simple enough in theory but in reality it sucked!  We ended up towing it on to a trailer with a winch (and a wench!) and then strapping it down and towing it the 10 miles or so to our house,like some wacky redneck mobile home.  People on the road gave us the oddest looks, but once we got to the neighborhood nobody paid us much attention.  All of our neighbors are used to us by now and nothing we do seems to surprise them anymore.

Once at home we had to clear a space for the structure.  We let the kids take their aggressions out on the old shed and they had it torn down in no time.  Unfortunately Dickidoo was standing too close when it toppled!  Okay, maybe that was wishful thinking on my part but it could very easily be arranged if someone were to even think about stealing my coffee or locking me out of my computer again!

ELECTRICIAN CRACK?

I've seen plumbers cracks many times in my life, although never by choice, but yesterday was the first time I'd ever seen an electrician crack.  I was banished to the cigarette check-out aisle at the store, and therefore could not leave the area.  He was in a scissor lift working on the wiring for the new registers.  At first he was squatting down working on something.  I couldn't see what he was doing because, lucky me, his back was towards me... and that... crack... as deep as the Grand Canyon!  I couldn't  avoid seeing it... he was just there, not 20 feet away, up in the scissorlift, glowing like a neon sign that said:

Don't worry I told myself, he's going to stand up and it will be covered.

Wrong!

He stood up and reached up to the ceiling... and it was still there!  His jeans were obviously up as high as they were going, thanks no doubt to a very healthy beer belly... but that still left a cleavage 6 inches long. 

Now I have a weakness with things like that.  Its not that I'm attracted to or turned on by the sight.  Instead, I get an uncontrollable urge to drop things in them.  Dickidoo has been the recipient of coins and even ice cubes in the past.  Today, the only thing handy was a rubber band.  More than once, in between customers, my hand would twitch towards the elastic.  But the thought of having 'assaulting a crack with a rubber band' in my criminal file held off my temptation long enough for my relief cashier to arrive.

And what does she do?  She looks up at the scissor lift and in a big loud voice "Oh no, I am not going to be looking at THAT for the rest of the day!"  and I lost it!  So did all of the customers in line.  I guess the commotion caught his attention because when I locked up my drawer and complained to my managers about the unpleasant sight, the lift was empty.  When they asked me to point out which worker it was, what could I say?

"Well, I don't know what his face looks like, but I'd recognize his butt crack!"

They let me off early yesterday.  They've been doing that a lot lately.

GOING TO THE AFC CHAMPIONSHIPS

Woo hoo!  We did it!  The Broncos are going to the AFC Championships this year after defeating the Patriots, the 2005 Defending SuperBowl Champions 27-17.  Of course I was working and missed the first 3 quarters, but I was able to catch the end of the game.  Needless to say I am very VERY happy!

Actually I should have missed the entire game, but an unfortunate choice in dessert at break time had me cramping,  sweating and running to the bathroom.  I made it through my dinner break and returned to work but a compassionate supervisor told me to wait the minimum on-the-clock period and then to clock out and go home.  Just in time too!  I'm suprised that the EPA didn't come knocking on our door to investigate the strange, foul smelling mushroom cloud that appeared shortly after 8:30 pm.  Even Dickidoo threatened to stay downstairs until the air cleared, so you know that it was BAD!  I'm better now but believe me when I say I'm staying away from ice cream for a while!  I fear that besides Tabasco sauce, my body may also be turning lactose intolerant in its old age.  (I think you jinxed me Kell, thanks a dang fricken lot!)

DICKIDOO'S DEATH WISH

My husband has a death wish, he has to!  He's been doing things lately that can only lead one to conclude that he is looking to get shot.  Things like removing administrative rights from my account on MY computer, thus making it impossible for me to make repairs when the router became disfunctional.  I am currently working off of his laptop because he has yet to fix the router and restore my account to its original status.

And just this morning he misplaced his coffee cup.  I heard him asking about it and I recall laughing at him because usually its me who loses my coffee so it was a nice turn around, until I realized a few minutes later that my coffee mug, which I had just refilled, was also missing.  Most often I can find it within moments but I distinctly remember seeing the cup there on the table where I had filled it up and it was nowhere to be seen.  I don't know what made me do it, but I poked my head out the back door where Dickidoo was working on demolishing the old shed, and there was my steaming cup of coffee... right on the hottub cover, right where I didn't put it.  Dickidoo couldn't find his, so he helped himself to mine, just like that! 

And his timing couldn't be any worse.  I'm pmsing, and pre-menopausal.  Its a good thing I have to go in to work this afternoon, because he's batting a 1000 and his luck is sure to run out real soon, and then POW!  Right in the kisser!  The way I see it, there's only one way he can defuse this situation... fix my computer and... lots of CHOCOLATE!

FRIDAY THE 13th.

I love Friday the 13th, really, I do!  And its not because I'm superstitious, because I am not.  I don't believe in bad luck.  However I am not above using Friday the 13th as an explanation for things going wrong, thus shifting the responsibility and blame from myself.   If it were up to me every 13th of the month would fall on a Friday and it would be sort of an amnesty of fault day for the month, the monthly Darwin's Day  in which we could plan in advance and schedule certain events that involve things which might go wrong... so that if and when things DO go wrong, it wouldn't be our fault, it would be because of the curse of Friday the 13th!

I'm trying to think of all the Friday the 13ths that I've lived through and the bad luck that may have resulted on those days, and quite honestly, I can't recall one single instance of misfortune that occurred on any of those days.  Actually, now that I think of it, because my misfortunes fell on days other than Friday the 13th, I was not able to exercise the excuse of it being an unlucky day and there fore out of my control and not my fault.  I had to bear the blame and responsibility for things going wrong myself.  Hmmmm.... that in itself is unfortunate.  Perhaps there is a little truth to the myth surrounding Friday the 13th after all.

Just in case, I shall avoid black cats, cracks and ladders all day today. 

Tomorrow night is the Full Wolf Moon.  No, I don't believe in werewolves, I just prefer to gaze at the bright moon from the inner pane of my window with a strictly ornamental pistol within reach, a silver bullet coincidentially chambered and ready, a bottle of holy water shimmering on the sill.

No, I'm not superstitious at all, are you?

CHECK IT OUT!

One of my "Letters To Gabe" was quoted in a Courier-Journal.com article in Louiseville, Kentucky by James Malone.  How cool is that?!

Web sites a wartime support network

INAPPROPRIATE LANGUAGE?

I will use appropriate language in the hall.
I will use appropriate language in the hall.
I will use appropriate language in the hall.

My youngest son Art got called in to the principal's office for using 'inappropriate language' in the hall.  The teacher who had reported the offense wanted to put him in detention, or ISS (in school suspention).  Art was outraged and appealed to the principal, who handed down a lighter but more humiliating sentence, the old 'I will use appropriate language in the hall' 100 times routine.

So what was the offending word? 

'Butt'.

Not 'ass', but 'butt'. 

I tried to sympathize with my son, who was obviously upset by the whole ordeal, but like the principal, all I could do was laugh.  Art was wrong, he knows he shouldn't be talking like that at school, but with the kind of language that I hear spouting from school kids mouths now days, if 'butt' is the worse that my kids say then I consider myself lucky.

I wonder what the penalty would have been for more serious profanity... 30 days ISS, maybe even Life Until Graduation?