Did you know that if you have dark brown hair with white steaks and you try to lighten your dark brown hair with peroxide based 'Sun In' in order to make the white streaks a little less obvious that the dark brown hair will NOT lighten an iota while the white hair will in fact turn a blinding brilliant shade of pure neon white making it even more obvious that they exist?
I know that now.
Grrrrrr!
These past few weeks have been INSANE! Life in Loompaland has been turned completely upside down, but mostly in a good way.
* The 4th of July saw the return of the Southern Oompas. This time they brought with them their mom (Dickidoo's baby sister) and baby brother. Welcome back Southern Oompas!
* My new job is a blast! I'm in my final week of training and if I had any doubts as to the wisdom of my move, I no longer harbor such thoughts. I still can't believe I'm getting paid for this!
* Dickidoo took me to see one of my favorite groups when they were in concert... AMERICA! I got my tee shirt and ticket autographed by two of the band members, but don't ask me who they were. I'm a lousy groupie, for all I know those two guys could have been a couple of roadies. Who cares, they were cute and they signed my tee shirt!
* And this year Dickidoo got me my birthday present early. Tickets to SANTANA! And yes, the concert is actually on my birthday... September 13th... (cyber presents accepted at this address 
* On a sad note, Kimmie's mom is not doing too well so Kimmie and the Grand-Oompas will be returning to their home state to be with her until Gabe returns from Iraq. It breaks my heart to let them go but I know where I would want to be if I were in the same position so I am trying to adjust to being a long distant grandma again.
* On the bright side it will be nice having my Becca Bee home again. And Art should be home on the 20th. Gain some, lose some. I guess one can't have it all for ever but it sure was nice while it lasted.
Dorn~
The optimist in me says that the window is half way up while the pessimist says its half way down. Either way I think the state of Colorado owes me a huge 'thank you!' because until the day Big Red's window got jammed in the 'half way' position we hadn't seen a drop of rain. As if dealing with left handed steering wasn't bad enough, the passenger side window had to get stuck half way open... or half way shut... it doesn't matter. Its open and ever since it got stuck like that its rained every single fricken day.
Not that I mind, we need the rain, and it's the passenger side so I don't have to worry about a wet seat. Folks suggest that I tape up the window but why? The way I see it I may actually get clean upholstery, at least on the passenger side.
And all the rain is doing wonders for my zero-scaping! My dandelions are growing like crazy! Fill 'er up Zeus!
I love to read. I read novels and comics, cookbooks and greeting cards. I read cereal boxes and shampoo bottles. I read EVERYTHING! Fantasy, fact, fiction, ingredients, anecdotes, technical hoo haa, I read it all.
Some are quite amusing, like the Glaceau Vitamin Water bottles (read them, they're hilarious!) The Java Monster cans are pretty cool as well (I don't think they like Starbucks). And recently my sister Redbird sent me some 'biscuits' she had picked up during a trip to Scotland with a cute nutritional warning.
Tesco Value Rich Tea Biscuits:
Allergy advice: * Contains wheat, gluten, sulphites. * Recipe: No nuts. * Ingredients: Cannot guarantee nut free. * Factory: Product made in nut free area but nuts used elsewhere.
Suitable for Vegetarians.
Dove Promises are a favorite of mine. I buy them not because they taste good and sooth my addiction, but for the inspirational sayings found on the inside of the foil wrapper. Here, let me unwrap one now and share.... Oh crap, the bag is empty. Who ate the last of my Dove chocolates? Grrrrrrrrr! How good of them to leave a wrapper.
"Smile. People will wonder what you've been up to."
How ironic. Well, this should be easy, I just need to look for the Oompa who is smiling... with smooth milk chocolate covered teeth!
Breath in... breath out.... Happy thoughts, happy thoughts.... Must not freak out over chocolate....
Okay, all better. Now, where was I? Ah yes. Inspirational messaging on product packaging. Guess what product wrapper these sayings decorate.
"Keep a cool head"
"Stop stressing, start focusing."
"Live fearlessly."
"Win or lose, play fair."
Nope, its not Gatorade. Its not Nike or Reebok either. Need another hint?
"Control your period, don't let your period control you."
Yeppers, the outer wrappers for Playtex Sport Tampons now come with assorted inspirational and motivational messages.
Once I read them I got a whole new perspective on my time of the month. I am woman, hear me roar!
Oh please! Periods suck and I can't wait for menopause so I can be done and over with them. "Keep a cool head", "Live fearlessly". Did a committee really sit around a table in some board room brainstorming for motivating slogans to get women excited about using a tampon? And this was the best they could come up with?
Personally I can't think of anything that would make me feel better about my period... besides not ever having it again for the rest of my life. The average age for menopause is 51. That's just over 3 years away or only 39 more cycles. That's all the inspiration I need.
And of course maybe some more Dove Promises.
Fountain, Colorado has been a mess of messes lately. I don't live in Fountain, it lies on our southern border. I do, however, work in Fountain, and Dickidoo crosses a section of it to go to work each day.
Two days ago Dickidoo and I were driving down to 'my store', when we spotted a bunch of emergency vehicles across from our dentist's office. Some guy (drunk) ran a stop sign and plowed into a house on the other side of the street. And he just kept on going, through the living room, across the hall, through the kitchen and dining room area.... and out the back door. Seriously. The guy drove right through the house, leaving a huge gaping hole from the front of the house to the back yard. And wouldn't you know, with two rival paparazzi traveling together with a combined value of over $3000 in camera equipment, neither of us had a camera. We didn't even have our camera phones. Disgraceful!
About my job... no, I am not part of the management team. Lets just say that I am in store security and leave it at that. I can't carry a gun, although I have volunteered to do so and even offered to provide my own firearm and ammunition. Nope, not gonna happen, dang it! Any how, today we lost power at the 'Store'. I guess I'm too new at the job because while everyone else in the store was running around worrying about getting the customers safely out of the darkened store without injury or any unpaid for merchandise, I was more worried about whether or not the automatic toilets would still flush during the blackout. By the way, no, automatic flushing toilets do not operate during a power outage. Fortunately the power was restored before any 'accidents' happened.
One of Dickidoo's friends talked him in to inviting his daughter over to demonstrate an over priced vacuum cleaner. Dickidoo is a good ole boy and will allow the children of his friends to practice their salesmanship on him just for the experience. We cannot afford an over priced vacuum but I was tempted because not only did this little bugger suck up 7 years worth of dirt and grime, this contraption vacuumed, mopped, steamed, vaporized and sanitized. About the only things it didn't do was cook and change diapers! It even got Rocky excited about vacuuming. Those who know the Oompas know they NEVER get excited about cleaning so this was AMAZING! That alone sold me.
And I might even had busted out the old check book except for the little fact that the vacuum has a greater Blue Book value than Big Red... and even if I had a checkbook (which I don't) there isn't enough $ in my account to pay for the tax on that machine let alone pay for the machine itself.
Do you remember when a straw broom was good enough?
Do you even REMEMBER straw brooms?
Dickidoo has decided to accept my appeal and has agreed to let me keep my beloved pick-up Big Red for one more year. Of course in doing so he has committed himself to repairing the somewhat sticky steering that has pumped up my right biceps to a glorious tone of brawn and muscle. I look like a right handed Popeye.
I have a new job. I still work at "The Store", but in a new department. I can't discuss it online, but what I will say is that I have an office. And with that office come KEYS! I have KEYS! And PEOPLE! I have PEOPLE! Woo Hoo! I even have my very own file cabinet drawer. Okay, so it's just a drawer, but if I do good I will get my very own FILE CABINET! Hey, in my job if you have an office, let alone a file cabinet drawer then you're SOMEBODY!
So let me tell you about my first day in my job as SOMEBODY. I'm dancing through the hallway jingling my keys so everyone will see that I have keys to an office, with my very own file cabinet drawer, and I stop in front of the office to try out my new keys. The first key doesn't work so I try the second key. It didn't work either so I try again. Then I spot a second lock so I try each of the keys in it. Once again my efforts are unsuccessful. Dumbfounded I step back and study the door as if through the power of telepathy I could unlock the locks. That was when I noticed the narrow peep window in the door. My office doesn't have a narrow peep window. For the past few minutes I had been trying, under the careful surveillance of a couple of security cameras, to break into the store manager's office.
Grrrrr!
I finally got into MY office, and opened my file cabinet drawer where I found my training packet. Its a beat up old file cabinet drawer, a little rusty in the corners, but it's all mine, in my musty little office. Tomorrow I get voice mail and an email address. I'm moving on up. Yahoo!
Gabe is gone, Becca returned to the apartment with Kimmie and the Grand-Oompas. Art is still in Oregon. This big old house seems so empty and quiet. It's even still somewhat picked up. That is a sure sign that something just isn't right. I've gotten a hint of an empty nest and have decided that I don't like it. My nest needs to be full of Oompas, of FAMILY!
Gabe should return to the states on the winds of December. 6 months away. Judging by how quickly these past few weeks flew by he should be home in no time.
Not good-bye, just 'Laters', as Gabe always says.
I need 'later' to hurry up and get here.
Friday morning I got a call at from Gabe while I was taking a break in Big Red.
"Hey Mom, we're getting married today, do you want to be there?"
Duh!
In my excitement I ran out of the truck to announce that I was leaving early... and locked my keys inside the pick-up. Fortunately also in my excitement I forgot to roll up the windows and was able to tip toe and reach in far enough to unlock the door.
We got the usual judicial run around...'go to the courthouse', once at the courthouse - 'go to the county clerk's office a block away then come back with the license'. Once at the county clerk's office the two betrothed filled out the license then called us over to sign.
'Don't you have to wait until you're married before we sign?' Dickidoo asked and the couple laughed.
'We kind of already are married' Gabe announced.
They could even have done it at the satellite office at the Mall, and held their reception in the Food Court at McDonalds! 
And now I am a legal Mother-In-Law! A 'MIL' , licensed to nag. Whoo hoo!
Congratulations Gabe and Kimmie. May your journey through life together be full of love, laughter and Oompa mischief.
1 down, 4 to go.
Next?
Left to right: Zack, Gabe, Rocky, Becca. Front: Art
Our last formal portrait of the family was taken before Rocky was born. For some reason a studio setting just doesn't capture the vivacious personalities of the Oompas. They humor me every time we get together and sit nicely... some what... but the moment is gone in a flash, and if I miss the shot I am out of luck until the next reunion. I can't say that I mind too much though because its moments like this that I feel more accurately depicts my children as they really are.
I put Art on a plane to Oregon today. He'll be there for the summer. No tears this time. I think I'm getting better at letting my little ones leave the nest. Still, I'm going to miss that little stinker and his pink haired girl friend.
We have Gabe until Father's Day. He leaves that morning (bummer!) so we will celebrate at the Renaissance Festival the day before. It will be strange not having Art with us as a pirate, but I've promised to eat a turkey leg for him and send a picture. Not to worry though, we plan another trip to the fair when he returns in July.
Besides having Gabe safely home and all of the Oompas back together I think the best part of my life lately was when my youngest Grandbaby Ryott leaned over and kissed me on the face the night before last. Did this tiny little 8 month old know what he was doing? I choose to believe that he did.
I am the happiest that I have been in months. Happy is such a nice feeling.
But my foot still hurts like a booger! Grrrr!
That was where the fun began. I pulled up the Springs Airport and found that the only airlines flying in from Dallas/ Fort Worth was American Airlines. There were three flights. One was due in at 5:15 after being rescheduled from 2. Another, the one I suspected he would be on, was rescheduled from 4:25 to 7:33 pm. The 7:15 flight was canceled.
I called American Airlines and got a recording. After fighting with the millions of options I hung up in disgust. Plan B, call the Springs Airport.
Another recording. This one gave me the address to the web site I had found the phone number on. It gave me the phone number I had just dialed, and it gave the phone numbers to all of the airlines robotic answering machines. It also gave me a warning that "ticketing fees may apply", but good news, I can "pay by Western Union!"
I decided to try the American Airlines recording again. After finally getting an option to wait for an agent I was warned that the wait may take up to 5 minutes. 15 minutes later I was greeted by a live voice.
'Are you human? Because I don't want to talk to another machine.' The voice on the other end laughed and assured me that she was in fact a human. And this human spent the next 20 minutes trying to track down my son. In the end she was unsuccessful but she tried and that meant the world to me. When I finally hung up I was no better off than when I first began my little trip through the automated phone system but I had spoken to a compassionate human who ended the call with 'Enjoy your son's visit'.
Two minutes later Kimmie called to say that Gabe was waiting at the airport.
We had a nice family reunion over Philly Cheese steak pizza from Dominos. I stood off to the side watching all of my children, my husband, my grandchildren and extended family members talking, laughing and acting like they had never been apart. What loud, beautiful noise.
I have waited for what seemed like ages for this moment and now that it is here it is moving way too fast. Suddenly 2 weeks doesn't seem like very much time at all.
I spent the night up a mountain in a tipi with 3 giggling teenaged girls. All 4 of us had gas real bad from my homemade Ghostrider Chili. Fortunately for us the sides of the tipi kept blowing up so the smell never had a chance to settle in. Near hurricane gusts of winds threatened to level our campsite but morning revealed that only the dining canopy suffered any real damage.
And I had a wonderful email waiting for me on my cell phone, which amazingly had a signal up on the mountain.
"Hey mom, well I leave for Kuwait tonight, please send money!"
So here I am in the quiet house after wiring some cash to Iraq for Gabe to travel home with. I figure he will probably be in country within two days if all goes well. At any rate by this time tomorrow he will be safely out of Iraq.
Time to head on back up to the mountain to rejoin the Oompas. What a beautiful weekend it is, despite my injured foot. Hope everyone has a safe and pleasant Memorial Weekend, and don't forget the purpose for the holiday.
Dorn~
Did you know that the handle of a pan left in a 350° oven for one hour is 350° ? Did you know if you grasp the 350° handle of said pan with a bare hand covered only in charcoal dust from the BBQ grill that the charcoal will cook into your finger prints?
Not to worry though, I'm sure the black particles will come off once the blisters peel.
I am beginning to think I should have come with a warning label.
"Caution, may be hazardous to yourself."
I went to the store last night, gimping in my clogs and wishing I had worn the fur trimmed forest green velvet house slippers. I bought Gabe some Dickies pants to wear and would have bought him more stuff but I found myself stumped.
Boxers or briefs? My own son and I have no idea.
I have a broken toe. I have never had a broken bone before. Well, not officially. I suspect that I broke my tail bone in the 70's during a fall at the roller skating rink but I never went to the doctor because modesty prevented me from allowing my butt to be X-rayed. I haven't been to see a doctor yet about my toe either because it will most likely result in a 3-4 hour wait to see a doctor who may or may not X-ray the swollen digit, announce that it is in fact broken and then send me home with a prescription of Motrin.
I already have Motrin.
How did I break my toe? It doesn't get stupider than this. I have 7 steps leading down to the lower level of my house. I lost count at 6 and anticipated solid ground under my next step forward. Nothing but air. Being the graceful person I am I quickly regained my balance and landed in a perfect pirouette on my left big toe.
My left big toe is now bigger. And its purple and black and red. I can't raise it up or wiggle it. It just sits there as I strain to get my toe muscles to respond to my commands.
I don't think Dickidoo is taking my injury seriously. He didn't even examine it. Mostly he just laughed at me. He had one of the Oompas get me some ice to put on my toe. The weight of the ice made me howl but the cold was soothing. I hobbled to bed under the influence of Tylenol PM.
I woke to Dickidoo's persistent kicking against my leg. I glanced at the alarm clock... 4:44 am.
4:44! I was supposed to be at work 44 minutes ago!
I jumped out of bed, landed on my feet. Then I landed on my butt as my toe and my mouth screamed out in pain simultaneously. I immediately recalled my injury from the night before.
I dressed quickly in the dark, ran out to the hall bathroom, turned on the light, realized that my Mickey Mouse tee shirt and stained jeans would never pass the dress code, hobbled back into the bedroom and redressed in the dark again. Back in the bathroom I decided that my black polo shirt and faded jeans were close enough to code, slapped on some face spackle and hopped as fast as I could to the foyer. I tried one pair of shoes, used up a couple of my 'Cuss & Fuss For Free' coupons that Rocky had given me for Mother's Day, tried on another pair of shoes, used a couple more Cuss Coupons, and settled for my clogs.
Even injured and running late I found the time to make a pot of coffee.
10 minutes later I was clocking in at work.
Hop A-Long, Gimpy, Weeble Wobble... Co-workers are always so quick to supply new nick names at one's expense. One of my friends went home and returned with a pair of fur trimmed forest green velvet house slippers. Ahhhh!
I am all out of Cuss And Fuss Coupons.... This is proving to be an expensive injury.
3 DAYS AND A WAKE-UP!
(A broken toe won't slow down a mother greeting her son home from Iraq!)
(edited... I lost track, its only 3 days and a wake up! Woo Hoo!)
I'm serious, this is really icky, and it really bugs the stuffing out of me. I can't tell you how many times I've sat on an automatic flushing toilet only to have it flush while I was sitting, splashing toilet bowl water all over my underside.
I KNOW what has been in that toilet bowl. I KNOW that germs have GOT to exist even after the flush. And therefore I KNOW that icky stuff is splashing all over my underside every time one of those automatic flushing toilets flushes prematurely.
With the price of gas orbiting the sun these days I don't drive home for lunch which means that I am at my work place for 9+ hours. I cannot hold my bladder for 9+ hours, its just not possible. I am going to petition my work place for at least one stall with a manually operated toilet. I don't have high hopes in positive results but at least I'll know I tried. And if my 'woohoowhatzit' falls off from gross contamination due to back splash from automatic flushing toilets, well, I think we will have grounds for a law suit of some sort. (Enter exibit A)
Gabe flies out of Iraq in 6 days. I can't tell you how stressed out I have been lately. I'm a positive person. I'm so positive that I pee happy thoughts (which is a good thing since my toilet at work splashes those happy thought right back at me!) But lately I've had such bad thoughts that I can't even put them to words. I don't dream. I don't dare. I talk so fast that people can't understand me, which is good because if they can't understand me then they can't ask questions.
Right?
Please, no questions!
I just want my son home safe in my arms and sight, next to his fiancee and son... right where he belongs.
Dear God, please give me the strength to let him go back to his unit when the time comes. Give me the strength to understand that they need him there more than I do. Dear God give me the strength to let him go.
80 degrees today. No snow, no ice. No cold.
Ah well, no matter. I love it here.
6 more days and a wake up!
This is the last full week of school for the Oompas. The following week consists of short days. And of course, Gabe will be home for two weeks so I shall not be hosting the annual Summer Mourning Fest at the end of the school year for parents like myself who dread the chaotic summer months when Oompas run rampant like cockroaches destroying peace and routine without discrimination or conscience. I can, however, tell you that there are just 98 days until school starts up again. Woo Hoo!
Its 74 degrees outside right now. 74 beautiful, sunny degrees. I actually sweated for the first time in months as I sat in the truck during my lunch break. Tonight calls for thunder showers, which we need. But for now its 74 and sunny!
Our countdown towards Gabe's R&R is speeding right along. I've been good during this deployment, not gluing myself to the TV or computer in search of news. I've avoided public conversations. I have learned over time that while their concern for our soldiers... my son... is genuine, most people don't like to hear about the war and it is too painful to watch that disinterested look wash over their faces after their initial inquiry into his well being. At home Gabe is a constant topic, but my fears and concerns are dealt with in private. I look forward to this brief reprieve.
I am already dreading the moment when I must let go so that he can complete his mission. I cling to the thought that with each passing day spent over there he is one day closer to home.
Dickidoo is putting in a lot of over time to buy me a new vehicle. Till then I am driving my left handed truck. Did you know that he makes more in one weekend than I do all week? Why am I even working?
Oh yeah, because I'm a shopaholic and I hate having to beg for money to buy stuff I want but don't need.
Like truffles. I think it's truffle time again. Oh yeah, it is definitely truffle time again.
Happy May Day!
Did you know that May Day is Lei Day in Hawaii? Right now all my family, friends and relations are getting lei'd in Hawaii. Aya Aya! Yeeee haaaa!
Or maybe its 'sprinter'. Whatever....... Yesterday it was 73 degrees. Today it snowed. Notice the 'ed', following the 'snow', as in 'past tense' and 'no longer snowing'. The sun is out and the thermometer outside the kitchen window reads 50 degrees. I think I've figured out why they call this town 'Colorado Springs'. Its so we can say that yes, Colorado does have a spring... located at the foot of Cheyenne Mountain, south of Denver and north of Pueblo. But mostly we just have winter.
Rocky and I went for our hunters briefing on Fort Carson. There was all of the usual ho-hum stuff they tell you every year, but this time they pointed out how hunting would be affected by the recent burn. It was very sobering. Over 10,000 acres burned. Complete training areas were burned to the ground. I recognized some of the locations as good hunting sites. It will take years to regrow these areas, and if Mother Nature is kind, it will be a healthy regrowth. Still, it saddens me to imagine all of the wild life and plant life lost to the fire. And of course there was a human cost with the loss of the tanker pilot.
Rocky wasn't too interested in the technicalities of the briefing. She fidgetted. And then she fussed because we were in an important meeting, in a fancy military board room with fancy leather seats, and her dad who was a speaker, was standing in the back of the room eating Reeses peanut butter Whoppers and drinking from a big pink jug. She met another teenaged girl who lives in the next town over. They exchanged cell phone numbers and would have texted each other right away if either of them could get a signal in the meeting room.
Today I procrastinate. I am waiting for it to warm up a little more so I can clean out Big Red. Instead I find myself hoping it will snow a little more, making it too cold to work outside. I know it is for the best, and I am tired of driving in left hand circles to get where I need to go, but Big Red is my chariot, my Cinderella carriage, my baby!
Okay Dickidoo you win... but no mini van! Besides, I can't (won't!) take a mini van out hunting and I certainly can't haul and elk out in one! Hey wait, Johnny went hunting in his Fiero. I want a Fiero Dickidoo, yeah! A Fiero!
Oh, oh, oh! I've got a couple 'gotta tries' to share with you. Hershey's limited edition Vanilla Yogurt Cream kisses are amazing! They're not too sweet, but very rich so don't go thinking you can pig out on them. Just a couple will leave you very happy. And Coffee Mate has a new line of creamers that are worth investigating. So far I have only tried the Tiramisu. It smells good enough to drink from the bottle and makes the most luscious cup of perfectly flavored coffee. Its liquid dessert!
I drove Big Red for the first time in months today. Every time I climb in to the cab I know that it could be my last time. There was frost on the windshield this morning. I turned on the defroster. I have been spoilt by the Little Blue Go-Cart, which actually has a working defroster. Big Red tried but only managed to blow cold air on to the window. I patted the dash and squirted the windshield with cleaner while running the wipers. I knew it would freeze up, really I did.
Driving Big Red is a challenge. The power steering on the right side is shot so I have to find a route to where ever I am going that has the most left turns. I can turn right... with a lot of muscle, and I know it hurts Big Red, so I try to stick to left turns. If that means that I have to go around the block a few times to get where I need to be then so be it. Anything for my baby.
The Oompas are disappointed with their dad. They think he doesn't want Big Red. They think he doesn't care. They are wrong. I just wish he was. I wish they were right and that Big Red just needed a little TLC, but in my heart I know it goes deeper than that. I am preparing myself for the inevitable.
This time next week I be saying my final good-byes to the old Ford and test driving some new nameless vehicle which will some day make its way into my heart the way its predecessor did.
But I guarantee it won't be a Mini-van!
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