Wednesday, July 21, 2004

WHAT EXACTLY IS A 'DUST BUNNY'?

I was recently asked what a 'dust bunny' was and realized that I had no formal definition for the creature so I turned to my online dictionary.  According to the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary, the word 'dust bunny' is not in the dictionary.  So I turned to the encyclopedia.  I found this definition in the Peaks English Slang Encyclopedia. 

dust bunny: A pile of dust on the floor, usually under a couch or in a corner; a collection of dry particulate matter that resembles a small living creature.

Well, I didn't agree with that definition so I've composed my own official definition, which as the President of the Dust Bunny Club of North America I am entitled to do.  So.....

Dust bunny: dust bun·ny   a fast reproducing organism that is part marsupial, part rodent, and part varmint that are commonly found inhabiting human dwellings. 

The life of a dust bunny begins as a microscopic spore of dust that evolves in the warmth of a pocket and metamorphoses into a pocket fluff.  From the fluff stage it begins its journey to the outside world, usually emerging from the safety of jeans pockets and into the wash.  The young dust bunnies who come out in the wash rarely make it past the first rinse cycle.  Those that are lucky to survive still have the second rince and the final spin cycle. 

It is in the drying cycle that the dust bunnies are transformed into the creatures that we have come to know and despair.  The warm air puffs the newly washed pocket fluff up and gives it the gift of flight.  The dust bunnies are then able to migrate from the dryer via the vent and the clothing.  Unfortunately many young dust bunnies will not make the last sprint for freedom and end up in the lint catcher.  Even then all is not lost and a determined dust bunny can still escape the dryer fluff and flee to the safety of the laundry room corners and crevices.

Mature dust bunnies are often found under furniture, in corners, behind books and in the glasses you never use until your sister-in-law decides to get herself a drink during her annual visit.  They have the timing of a cockroach and while you can search and search for them, they will not make their presence known until company arrives and it is too late to clean up after them.  Dust bunnies do not cause illness or disease although they have been known to trigger allergies and athsma.  They are also known to cause severe embarrassment on occasion.

The life span of a dust bunny depends on the enviroment.  For instance, a common dust bunny that inhabits my house thrive and tend to have a longer life span than one that would dwell in my sister's house.  Dust bunny populations can be controlled with... what else, a Dust Buster! Swiffers are also effective. But be warned, dust bunnies do not need a partner to reproduce, all they need is a tiny speck of dust and little bit of procrastination!

16 comments:

readmereadyou said...

This was written so well. Thanks for the smiles. : )

tayiorll said...

Aaaahahahaha-You need serious psychological help, But you're humor makes you an exception. Thanks for the ROFLMAO Moment!

hestiahomeschool said...

Our particular subspecies of Dust Bunny are formed by clots of hair that myd daughters pull out of their hairbrushes and brop behind the furniture, then those ova are fertilized by greyhound hair...they become a strange human/canine Dutbunny.

olddog299 said...

My Grandmother, a dust bunny destroyer of ages past, always insisted that the d-b's under the bed were a seperate and distinct sub-species known as "whore's wool."  She took tremendous effrontery when confronted by this sub-species.  It was the involuntary genuflecting, I suppose.  She worshiped the little devils on her hands and knees, you see, wielding an archaic tool called a "dust mop" with articulated head wrapped in an old cotton flannel.  With this device she corraled the "lil fuggers," as she referred to them under her breath once, ensnaring them into a life along the straight and narrow.   As a side note, for reasons unknown to me, she released them over the back fence when Mrs. McGillhoolie wasn't looking.  The "whore's wool" were extrodinarily reluctant to leave the fluffy softness of the flannel -- I can remember being ordered to shake the dust mop for upwards of thirty minutes when the milk man came to call ...

derasta said...

My dogs produce their own species of dust bunnies in all our cracks and crevices and if I do not vacume everyday they slwoly take over.....discusting!

http://journals.aol.com/derasta/ADayInTheLife

cneinhorn said...

My Dust-Bunnies typically present themselves only when white-glove-wearing-Mother comes to visit, and she always has comments for them: "I don't know how you can stand this" "Look at those floors" but Mommmmmm, the dog is shedding and I just dusted the floor an hour ago, I swear.  Mom makes me feel about 10,even though I'm 30 something!

Love your journal,
"JerseyGirl"
http://journals.aol.com/cneinhorn/WonderGirl

purplectigger said...

Great entry. I like reading your journal.
Dust Bunny's live here too. They probably have a longer life span than most. lol
Have a great day.
R.C.

gabrielaj said...

This is not related, I just wanted to say 'hello' and check out your journal/s.  It is so great that you love to write and are able to keep all your journals going...  good job!!  Thanks for visiting mine!  -- Gabriela

beckieramos said...

LOL! Totally hilarious, but eerily true! God bless, Beckie

cnabarry04 said...

    I'd really like to hear your definition of schmegma.  <rotfl>

cathy0o0 said...

LMAO...... to funny

bigred3392 said...

LOL! I love it!
http://journals.aol.com/bigred3392/steppingstonesandcoffee

gatorspictures said...

LOL!!!!
i think the life span may be a little longer in my house, too...and you are so right about the timing of a cockroach....ACK!!! only my sister wouldn't just find one behind a glass, it would see her perfectly manicured ass and take flight...destination hair. my luck...  so, what are the dues on the DBC of NA? hehe c

viviansullinwank said...

What fun this was to read! I was just talking about dust bunnies at work today! I've been testing a software product in a software test laboratory. Those computers in there never get dusted. I was sneezing and blaming it on the dust bunnies!   The dust bunnie population here at home as greatly increased since I started blogging!

Thanks for adding your birthday to the community birthday blog.
"See you in September"

Vivian

emfeasel said...

LMAO!!!

E

angieabk said...

Do you remember tribbles?  Tribbles were those little balls of fur on the original STAR TREK series that repoduced by the millions if you fed them....or some such nonsense... anyway... Your dust bunnies remind me of tribbles.  

My dust bunnies remind me of cujo.  They're vicious and they're taking over my house.

I wish I had yours.

angie