Friday, December 3, 2004

SAD TIMES AHEAD

I've been feeling very vulnerable lately.  I just read a poem in SmarypantsJessie's Journal, and it just got me to bawling.  This was my comment to her:

<My son is in Basic, he's learning to be a soldier.  He wrote home one day and said 'Mom, I officially know how to kill a man'.  What a horrific skill that a 20 year old should have to learn.  But it may save his life, or the life of a buddy and so I write back...'Thats good', and I sealed the letter with tears.  >

I should be shopping for 'Baby's 1st Christmas' stuff.  I should be shopping for my grandbaby.  I'm almost in tears when I pass by the infant department at work.  I wondered if it were possible for my heart to hurt any more than it did when my son enlisted as a Calvary scout.  Yes, yes it is possible for my heart to hurt more.  I think it is breaking.  I pray, Lord I pray that my grandbaby has been given the opportunity of life, it should be born on or around Christmas eve.  The not knowing is devasting.  I think my son would make an awesome father if given the opportunity.  I know I would make a wonderful grandmother if given the opportunity... but that is beside the point.  I know my grandbaby would make a wonderful person if given the opportunity.  Please... please give it the opportunity!  Sadly the only person who can make that happen is far away and will never hear or read these words.

Needless to say my mood has been very subdued lately, and getting worse by the day.  Yesterday when I climbed into the car after lunch I saw a huge bird dropping on the windshield.  Great!  Just what I needed!  In my disgust I switched on the wipers to clean it off... NO, WAIT!  I need the spray!  Too late!  That bird-doo was smeared all over the windshield in a perfect arch!  I hit the spray button, which was of little use by then since the stuffwas smeared all over the wiper blade!  People were laughing at me from their cars as I drove down the road with my wipers going, my sprayer going, and an ever darkening rainbow of bird stuff smeared across the windshield!  Pooh off, pooh on, pooh off, pooh on!  Yeah people!  Have a nice day!  I hope a flock of geese do the Pepto Bismol Boogie over your car next!

11 comments:

astaryth said...

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Dorn}}}}}}}}}}}}} Now that I've given you a hug... I gotta say the visual from the bird pooh on the windshield had me rolling!!
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

geminiwilder said...

Hi Dorn,

My 18 year old stepson is also a Cavalry Scout.  He did basic at Fort Knox, KY and now is at Ft. Carson, Colorado.  Where is your son??

I understand the tears.  We just heard that our son may be deployed in March.  He's only been in the Army since August.  May God Bless them all.  

Fondly,   Phinney

jcole16757 said...

Have faith and continue to keep your son close in your prayers.  I'll do the same and for all soldiers!

amy122389 said...

((((Dorn))))  I'm choking back the tears, myself.  I know about being terrified, and still biting my lip and smiling....  :-/
~Amy

mumma4evr said...

{{{{DORN}}}}}}}}}  
Becky

mosie1944 said...

Been there, done that.  I know how you feel.  http://journals.aol.com/mosie1944/MYCOUNTRYLIFE/entries/520

aiibrat said...

(((Dorn))) I honestly don't know what to say.  I read your words & can't help but hurt, too.  I hope your son will be okay.  I hope you will be given the opportunity to be a grandma.  As long as there is hope & good feelings then it will turn out right...

purplectigger said...

Hopefully some day maybe you will get to meet your grandbaby. That's to sad.
Have a great day.
R.C.

angieabk said...

You poor thing.  I'm so sorry that you're feeling blue.  At least you were... this entry was written on Friday.. I hope by today (Sat) things are better for you.  Either way.. I'm thinking of you.

angie

stewartaj1 said...

you do such a great job on your journal
just stoppping by

cneinhorn said...

Do you have any way of contacting the Mother and finding out? I can't imagine a mother not welcoming a Grandmother into the baby's life....it might be worth some digging to find out where she is....all the best Dorn, I know you'd make a wonderful Gramma.  Sorry you are so heartbroken over this situation... :-(

~JerseyGirl