Sunday, July 8, 2007

BRIDAL SHOWER and redneck aphrodisiacs

I was invited to a friend's bridal shower which was doubling as a Passion Party.  For those who are not familiar with Passion Parties, its kind of like a Tupperware Party, except instead of containers with burping lids there are nodding 'BOB's (battery operated boyfriend) and other bedroom toys.

And lotions, and potions, and oils and creams.    I spent half the night asking if any of them came in 'chocolate' or 'coffee' flavors.  (the white chocolate body pudding is yummy but it made my lips go numb, it was not intended for the lips)

But as the various pleasure enhancing concoctions were being passed around I couldn't help but think, you know, they're nice and all but those fruity and flowery stuff really weren't doing it for me.  This is Fountain, Colorado.  This is redneck country!  Most residents don't even know what the word 'aphrodisiac' means.  We have simple pleasures that don't come in 4 ounce bottles imported from Asia. 

Someone needs to make a Redneck Passion line of products... things like:

Cheese Whiz massage cream

New Car scented warming oils

Edible pork rind luffah sponge

Hoppes No.9 body spray (I'd buy that!)

Folger's incense (yeah baby!)

Garlic and Pizza dusting powder (mmmmmm good!)

Beer scented bubble bath (better yet a REAL beer bubble bath!)

And a BOB that doubles as a beer bottle opener (beer is so much more healthy for you than smoking a cigarette after sex)

So how 'bout it Passion Parties?  Victoria's Secret?  Jeff FoxworthyAnybody?  We mountain folk have needs too, they're just a little different from the rest of the world.  I'd host one of them parties, heck I'd be your best customer!


swmpgrly said...

Lmao I dont think you need jeff foxworthy you are doing good on your own

mpnaz58 said...

Those type of parties are hilarious!!  Who uses that stuff??  Maybe I'm just you had a good time anyway!!
xoxo ~myra

coelha said...

Ha Ha ha !!!  Edible pork rind luffah sponges?!  HA HA ..  You need to market this idea!!  Julie :)  

lilhoneybee81 said...

Ha!  I hosted a Passion Party a few months!  It was so much fun!  Us girls had the giggles all night!  Just another fabulous reason to get the girls together for a night without the fellas.


deshelestraci said...

She's back, Baby!  You are the funniest!  Give ol' Jeff a run for his money!

kidzmakeucrazy said...

lol u crack me up..

imshadowraven2 said...

LMAO thanks for the laugh i needed it .......Robin

princesssaurora said...

LOL!!!  I always wanted to go to one of those!

be well,

amy122389 said...

Edible pork rind luffah sponge?  Intriguing and yet....hmm...

Don't try the 'body mousse'....that one will make your tongue go numb, too.  I used to work at Specers in my teen years....all of the stock had to be tried out and tasted.  Well, not really, but we did anyway...LOL


missheathyrmaree said...

ha ha ha ha.
Dorn you crack me up.

My friend Jess hosted one of those parties and I got the "Hot Buttered Rum" edible body lotion.  It is soooooo yummy!

ha ha.

rdautumnsage said...

One of these days I'm going to realize when I read you to make sure I'm not eating or drinking anything.......I'm still laughing over this entry. Don't change dear heart, I needed to laugh today! (Hugs) Indigo

tendernoggle said...

lmao...loved your suggestions!
love ya,

sdoscher458 said...

Shades of the fifties, poor Tupperware ladies didn't know what they were missing..LOL.  I'm sitting here laughing so hard...funny lady.  Love, Sandi

wumzels2 said...

great idea dorn.  i love the ones you have started with........keep going.