Saturday, July 14, 2007

SHE SAID THE 'C' WORD

This morning started as any other morning.  A squat on the throne, a quick shower, a swipe of the toothbrush, a steaming cup of coffee and a peek in my mailbox to see who loves me, what country's heir will send me his secret fortune in exchange for my bank account number, what crisis Little Johnny is in because someone didn't send his story to five friends within 5 minutes, and which of the lottery numbers that I didn't pick were winners.

This morning there was an email from my father.  It was not the kind of email anyone likes to receive.  It silenced the waking birds and sucked the flavor out of my coffee.

'Mother has colon cancer', it stated. 

I have spent my life running from the demon that is cancer.  It has touched some friends and relatives, claiming a few along the way.  It has tagged my mother once before, in the 60's.  I don't remember its presence at all.  I'm sure Mama shielded me from it back then, but not this time.  The doctor wanted to operate right away but Mama said no.  She had too many things to take care of first.  The doctor agreed to put surgery off until Monday morning (reluctantly I'm sure).  I am glad he agreed because Mama would have fretted about who was feeding the pets and taking care of Daddy and the grandchildren otherwise.  The others would have taken care of everything, but Mama is the kind of person who has to be sure ahead of time.  And now, with all the arrangements made, she has peace of mind and is ready to concentrate on getting well.

I admire her view on the whole situation.  She has been in pain for months, running to and from the clinics and hospitals, taking test after test.  Now, finally, she has an answer and a name for her pain.

"They're talking cancer Jo",  she said,  "But don't worry, I'm glad they found it because now that they know what it is they can do something about it." 

Who would have guessed that a diagnosis of cancer would be the light at the end of her tunnel, the silver lining on her clouds.  It was there all along, no sense in getting worked upabout it now.  The not knowing was frustrating and discouraging but now she has a course of action.  I honestly believe her excitement for the cure out weighs her fear of the growth itself by ten fold. 

"I just want to be myself again."   she said optimistically

How does she do it?  How does she take everything in stride, roll with the punches and bounce back up smiling?  If her life was a tee shirt, it would  simply read:  Next?

I, on the other hand have been on the verge of tears all day.  It seemed like only sad, weepy songs were playing on the radio, which didn't help matters.  It took me hours to be able to actually voice the 'c'  word.  Even then I would whisper it, as if not to wake it. 

Dickidoo has been very attentive.  The way he fusses and worries about me one would think that I was the one who was ill.  (thanks Steve, you are my rock!) The Oompas have taken the news well.  I had to borrow some of Mama's optimism when I told them.  Their worried eyes waited for a sign from me but I just smiled because I have a great teacher and I said "Soon she will be herself again".  That was good enough for them.   And its good enough for me too.

Be yourself again soon Mama!

Love Jo~

36 comments:

coelha said...

Your mom sounds like a strong, and positive woman.  I think she is going to be "back to herself again" too.  It's hard for you--I know.  I know you don't want to, but crying is okay-get it out.  Hugs to you--Julie

mzgoochi said...

(((Dorn))) will keep your Mama in my thoughts and prayers. She has the right attitude. God Bless her!

Lahoma

pixiedustnme said...

I'm always amazed at what a relief a diagnosis (any diagnosis) can be.  At least you know you haven't been imagining things, that there REALLY is something wrong.  And you can decide and be in control of what to do about it.  Prayers for mama's surgery and subsequent speedy recovery

swmpgrly said...

Your mother has faith, thats what makes her so strong and optamistic.
She puts her life in gods hands..... smart woman.

jaxnan said...

Prayers for Mama and you too.

jckfrstross said...

praying for you and your Mama:) also the whole family:)

Deb

promiseluv372 said...

Your mother is a strong woman.... I so admire her.  She will make it through this I just know!  When we believe we can make it somehow we do.  Attitude is a major percent of recovering.

My prayers are with you and your mother... alway!!

Love,
Promise

deshelestraci said...

I am so sorry to hear about this!  YOur family and mother will be in my prayers.  I just spent the evening with a family who's six year old son has a cancerous brain tumor.  He will be taking radiation for nine months.  It just makes me so sad.  For all with cancer.
Traci

glensfork4 said...

(((Jody))) I am so sorry and I will be praying about it...She sounds strong and you truly do need to be for her...Think about Kim (the pink warrior)...

I know with the stuff going on with Tony I can't say the word either...I HATE that word...

Michele

amy122389 said...

:-/   I don't know your mom, Jody, but I know how special she is to you...and because of that, I got some tears in my eyes reading this entry.  I hope with every ounce of my being that your mom gets back to being HER quickly....

::hug hug hug::

~Amy

princesssaurora said...

Jody... I am sending many prayers to mom and to you, Steve and the Oompas!  I know how hard this must be and worried you are!  I also understand how your mom feels... once you know what something is, you can have a plan of attack... a beginning and an end!!!

Prayers... I know she will power thru it... keep us posted!

be well,
Dawn

lacaza3 said...

oh  I'm so sorry. I you must feel like you have been hit in the gut.....with this
donna In TEXAS

ambassadorsinte said...

I have been holding back my emotions since June 29th when the Doctor fist started talking to Mom about her pains, ratched up a bit when he called us in for a special conference after exhaustive X-rays, blood tests, etc, and finally on Friday all signs pointed to BIG C and still I held my "Spiny Lobster Composure!"  Then Jody writes in her journal and causes dear old Dad to break down finally.Maybe I needed to release tensions, so I took much longer than normal as I read it to Mom and wiped my tears repeatedly before finally coming to the end. Beautifully stated Jody and Thank You from Momma and Daddy.

tendernoggle said...

Things are going to work out...Your mama sounds like one hell of a gutsy woman and she is not about to let the big C beat her down..She will fight it with determination and SHE WILL WIN! I am praying for you and your parents...There is a HIGHER POWER.
love ya,
carlene

mumma4evr said...

sending lots or prayers to your Mom...and tot he rest of the family!
Becky

staciedawn said...

Many good thoughts and prayers being sent in your family's direction-especially for "Mama."

mpnaz58 said...

Optimism has cured many illnesses...perhaps not the way we want, but it certainly teaches us how to live.  Your mom has done a good job with you, and your family...now you pass it on.  Hope all goes well :)
xoxo ~Myra

fisherkristina said...

So sorry.  There is a lot of stupid things I could say to you right now.  I just want to say that I am sorry that your mom is going through this.  And you.  And your whole family.
If you have checked my journal, you know that my husband has won two bouts of cancer.  So I could say a lot more, like be positive, have faith, don't give up, etc.  And all these things would be true.  But for right now I won't say them to you.  This is your time to be in shock, to greive, to be angry.  And you have the right to do it.  The fighting will come a little later.  You have permission to be sad and even numb.  To be angry.  Don't let others say you must be full of faith immediately.  Don't let them tell you you don't have faith if you don't instantly believe.  Or that you are not positive.  That will come later.  Just get mad or greive or whatever you want to do.  I only have one thing to say to you right now:

 I will just say CANCER ROTS.
So sorry this happened to your mom, and to you.

email me if you need me.

Krissy
http://journals.aol.com/fisherkristina/SometimesIThink

violetakasha said...

Your mom has a lot of strength. Most moms do. She'll be fine. I work with a lady that had fought cancer 4 times and she's alive and kickin. You have an amazing husband who will help and amazing children. Your mom will make it. Your children  have amazing strength, which the could have only gotten from you, which you could have only gotten from your mom. Everythings gonna be finw\e

chat2missie said...

I hate the "c" word as well.  My mom has battled breast cancer twice, my great aunt died from it, and my grandmother had it when she died.  She didn't die from the cancer though.  I'll keep your mom in my prayers.
Missie

astaryth said...

{{{hugs}}} Sorry... sending positive energy for your mom, you, the kids, etc.... This just sucks, but I also understand your Mom's point of view.. At least they know what it is now, and she has something to fight rather than a vague collection of symptoms.

helmswondermom said...

Dorn, I am so sorry to hear of your mother's diagnosis, but her attitude is awesome and inspirational.  I'm sure the surgery with go well, and she'll have this beat in no time!  In the meantime, know that we are thinking of you and your family, and take care!!
Lori

thegirlnexdoor77 said...

So sorry to hear the news of your mother...I will keep her in my prayers!  hugs,TerryAnn

ktkamanski said...

Came your way by Dusty's Page - I admire you and your mothers positive attitude and strength! My thoughts and prayer will go up for you and yours knowing "She will be herself soon! Hope your day becomes brighter by her smiles!
Take care.
Katie

abaleman666 said...

i am sorry to hear about your mom.  you have an awesome blog!

pharmolo said...

Lori (Dusty Pages) sent me your way. It's not good news, but so much can be done for those diagnosed with cancer these days.

manda2177 said...

You have my prayers.  
Amanda

ceilisundancer said...

My father had colon cancer, and did survive it (still does).  Caught early enough, which it sounds as if that's what happened here, it's a really great chance of a good recovery (unless anything's changed from when I researched it all).  Wishing you and your mother (and your father) well, and prayers she pulls through admirably and cancer-free:)  Hugs.  -- Robin

lanurseprn said...

Oh man...I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I know what she means about being relieved to finally know what she's up against. My friend Joey has had Cancer and when he gets sick from other things he is always just relieved to know what he is dealing with.
Will keep you all in my prayers.
Pam

rdautumnsage said...

((Hugs)) I'm sorry hon, I'm just reading this now. Your mom is already in surgery and I know your thoughts and love are there with her. I'm keeping her in my prayers on the smoke! I'm at a loss as to what to say, all I can do is offer a shoulder via email if you need to vent. Your in my thoughts and prayers dear heart. Wishing you love and peace! (Hugs) Indigo

therealstephhull said...

(((((JODY)))))  Cancer sucks! It really does. I will be praying for your mom, you, and your whole family. I hope she's back to being herself really soon!

midwestvintage said...

 I will be sending my prayers that yes, soon she will be her old self again and it's true.  Sometimes you know something is wrong and you can't fight what you don't know.  The fight is always more effective when the enemy is known.  Take care.

                        Julie

nlf4jc said...

I will be keeping your mom (and you and your family too!) in my prayers...
Nancy

lazarai said...

I just got back from camping and saw your post, Dorn. I hope all went well yesterday -- your mom is a trooper and I admire her strength!!! We have colon cancer in my family, too, so I just want to remind YOU how important it is to get regular colonoscopies (NOT sigmoidoscopies, but colonoscopies!!). Due to my family history, my doctor made me start getting them at age 40. I had one at 40 and one at 45, and I have my next one scheduled for next Wednesday since I recently turned 50. During my previous two procedures, one polyp was found each time and removed BEFORE it could become anything. That's what they're looking for, so I'm glad to have had the screenings.

I HIGHLY recommend that you and your siblings get your colonoscopies regularly too, if you haven't already started that. Colon cancer is preventable if found early and all.

I hope your mom is doing well, today Dorn. You will be in my thoughts...

Hugs,
:) Carol

layla44808 said...

We always seem to hear the sad songs when we're feeling down.
Your Mom has a great attitude..and I'm sure that will help her beat this once again. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
Sheri

wumzels2 said...

i am so sorry to hear of this dorn.  but, with a good attitude like she has, she will be able to fight this much better and harder.  my prayers and thoughts are with you and your family.  

blessings,

regina