Wednesday, October 29, 2008

GIVE US THIS DAY OUR DAILY RANT

  • You wouldn't take a toddler to a bank heist so why the heck would you take one with you when you steal from a store? Great role model mom! That child will be shoplifting from Toys-R-Us by Christmas!
  • Size 3XXX thong... really?
  • If you're gonna 'sag' your pants, make sure you have clean boxers underneath... please?
  • Are all cops deliberately issued uniform shirts that are 2 sizes too small? (Oh wait, that's not a rant... I like cops in shirts that are 2 sizes too small! Sometimes it almost makes the ticket worth it.)
  • Who ever says "I don't need deodorant because I never perspire" never stood beside themselves in the summer. (Try this trick, at the end of the day take your hand and stick it under your armpit... rub your pit with your hand and then take a good whiff of your hand... Then apply antiperspirant liberally because you know you stink!)
  • I don't care how soft and fuzzy my sweater looks, don't touch it when I'm in it! (unless you look like Tom Selleck in a shirt 2 sizes too small and sound like Sam Elliot ... in which case would you like to see my size 3XXX thong?)

Okay, whew, got that off my chest, now I can go to work. By the way, I don't really wear a sized 3XXX thong, mine are a wee smaller, but mostly I just grab my regular old granny panties, yank 'em up and presto amazo, Insta-thong!

10 comments:

Dawn said...

You are too funny! Oooh Sam Elliott... yummm... he can butter my biscuit anytime!

be well...

garnett109 said...

Lmao!

Nancy said...

I sooooo enjoy your sense of humor! Thanks for brighteningmy day! :-)

Nancy

Brandi said...

lol oh my gosh this was the best! ; 0

I Have Tea said...

*laughing

thanks for lifting the evening up! i always did think you should be a columnist.

Honey said...

Ain't that the truth....too funny thanks for the giggle!


Melanie

Justplainbill said...

Nice post Dorn, I had some reall vivid images. Bill

Call me Paul said...

Insta-thong? I believe that's called a wedgie...


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...Oooooh! I just figured out why my wife won't wear a thong.

Tabby said...

That was hysterical!

Traci said...

Love your rant!