Monday, August 29, 2005

SAD COMMEMORATION

I spent every quiet moment today lost in thoughts and memories of Nolan.  I almost feel guilty as the pain has dulled slightly.  I still miss him but there were no tears today.  That surprises me now as I think about it.  This is the first year since his passing that I have been able to retain my composure on 'the day'.  I think it helped to bring my feeling out in the open last month and then when Gabe returned the other day we spoke about Nolan.  We only have 3 pictures of him displayed in the house.  His father took the fourth one of him in his dress uniform home to reframe it. I don't miss the picture.  I have always hated that picture.  The only time I had ever seen him wearing that uniform was the day I saw him lying in his casket.  In the picture he wasn't smiling.  He ALWAYS smiled.  That picture to me is the picture of his death. Looking at it again today was hard and yet maybe a little healing.

I lied.  I am crying now. And after 5 years I still don't understand how this happened.  The worst part is that I don't think Nolan even understood what happened.  And I pray that lessons learned from his tragedy can prevent this sort of thing from ever happening to another young person. 
NOLAN, the story of my broken heart.

14 comments:

cmarlow545 said...

awww.... ** hugs **

lazarai said...

So sorry, Dorn....

Carol

cdittric77 said...

Love and prayers for you and your family today.
Peace and love,
Charley
http://journals.aol.com/CDittric77/Courage

heathyrxmarie said...

((((((((Dorn))))))))  I understand your pain.
Hugs,
xoxo
Heather

gotomaria said...

Sorry to hear of your loss..although I'm guessing it was your son here without sorting through all your past journal entries.  I think when we spend a little time remembering those who have gone that their spirit gets a little brighter and that by us remembering the good times and the smiles makes it better for them as well as for us! It does help ease the pain.  My thoughts and prayers go with you.

mechants said...

I read the entire article. It's all so shocking and heartbreaking. I have tears just streaming down. I am so sorry your friend had to go through this. My heart goes out to you and his father. I truly am so sorry.

Ari

rjet33 said...

I read everything, Dorn.  I understand that this was a close friends son and he was someone very close to your family.  As the sister of a brother that committed suicide, I know this pain.  Nolan is like my brother.  He slipped through the cracks of the system and he should not have.  It is quite obvious from everything I have read and the links you gave that Nolan did indeed suffer heatstroke, which affected his brain.  It does not take a rocket scientist to figure this out.  The army has GREATLY failed the Stites family in gross negligience in getting proper care for their son.  I, too, think those laws should be changed.  This family should be able to sue the persons responsible for their sons death, ESPECIALLY the one officer who offered assistance in helping Nolan committ suicide.  I AM SO ANGRY AT THIS GROSS MISCARRIAGE OF JUSTICE!!!!!  My heart goes out to the family and friends of this fine young man.  May his family get the justice they so deserve.

My heartfelt sympathy and prayers to all,
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle

gdireneoe said...

Dorn, I have previously read your heart ache on this...so wish I could help with your pain.  Don't cheat that young mans memory by feeling guilty about the pain beginning to dull...he knows your heart. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

sdoscher458 said...

Oh Dorn....he should not have died. Reading that article made me so mad. I cried from what you wrote, as a Mother it cut straight into my heart. His Dad is doing the right thing, trying to change what happens. I still cannot believe what I read, that he looked for help in so many places and these damned so called professionals wiped their hands as if they were Pilate.  Each and everyone of these shall one day have to stand before the gates of heaven....hopefully they will find it slammed in their face. Their actions were totally despictable.   Sandi

scotthlori said...

I really don't know what to say.  I began reading the newspaper article and wasn't able to finish it.  I have respect for our military but at the same time I know there are some SERIOUS issues that need to be adresssed and solved.  It's hard to know what to do.

Thank you for sharing your heart.  I know it must have been very difficult for you.

Lori
http://journals.aol.com/scotthlori/DiscoveringMe
http://journals.aol.com/scotthlori/PreciousMetal

princesssaurora said...

Prayers on the way for comfort and understanding in your time of grief.  So sad.

be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/TouchofEmpathy/

swmpgrly said...

omg that is the saddest story, i am sorry for your loss.

astaryth said...

I remember reading the article when you posted about a month ago and thinking that someone should be held accountable for this. My thoughts are with you and Nolan's father on this day. I hope that he gets the justice that Nolan deserves and changes in place so it doesn't happen to someother poor young man!

globetrotter2u said...

I wish I hadn't read Nolan's story. It only confirms what I have always felt intuitively as I watch assholes like Rumsfeld run off at the mouth with lies, lies, and more lies.
It only makes me glad to know that at least there is no longer a draft. People with delicate constitutions, like Nolan and one of my own dear sons, (who can't even kill a bug), can simply fall apart under the stress of this type of envirornment.
I just wish there was a way that an investigation could be conducted.
Jodi, I cannot even begin to conceive of what you must be going through. I have come to look forward so much to your entries, and I know my feelings are shared throughout Journalland, but there is a constant dread in my heart as well.
And although we appear to be on opposite sides of the political spectrum, please know that I say a little prayer for Gabe each and every night.
His fellow troops are so lucky that he is within their midst, a beacon, a light in a growing darkness.
MAryanne