THERES MORE THAN ONE REASON WHY HE'S CALLED DICKIDOO...

Dickidoo has a death wish, I swear he does.  He keeps pushing me and pushing me just to see how far he can push me.  He does this because he knows I'll never kill him as long as there are Oompas still living with us.  He knows I will never willingly be a single parent to the Oompas.

So he nags.

This morning he was supposed to get up before dawn and take the kids hunting.  They slept in.  But that didn't keep him from waking me up before I even had to get up for work.  He just kept nudging me and shaking me until there was just no getting back to sleep.

And then he went right back to sleep.  That dog!

So I occupied my spare time at work today scheming my revenge.  I had the perfect plan worked out by the time I returned home this evening.  But that guy is slick, he probably knew I would be planning some kind of retaliation and he was prepared.

With a bag full of Reese's Peanut Butter Fudge Bars.

Revenge will be mine... later, after I've finished my stash of Fudge Bars.

Countdown Provided by deslily

THATS MY STORY AND I'M STICKING TO IT!

I just looked at my little computer pop-up date and time thingie.  Today is the 29th.  There are 30 days in April.  If Gabe leaves on the 15th of May, then the countdown should actually be '15 days and a wake-up'... with the 'wake-up'  being the actual day of departure... I think I've lost a day somewhere along the way.  But thats okay, I'm sticking with MY countdown since its closer.

14 Days And A Wakeup!

Woo Hoo!

UNPAID PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT: Reese's Fudge Bar

Occasionally and from time to time I come across a product that has such an impact on me that I feel compelled to blog about it.  Today is such a time.  Actually, I had intended to make a similar post earlier on but my product sample was stolen (TO CATCH A THIEF! ).  I do, however feel strongly about getting the word out about this particular product because of the simple fact that printed on the label on the front of the package, in bold white letters is the warning:

LIMITED EDITION

What that boils down to folks is that Hershey's does not plan on carrying its luscious Fudge Bar full of peanut-buttery goodness forever and I find that down right depressing.  I'm not a huge fan of any one specific brand of candy, I like chocolate.... period.  Nestle, Hershey, Girardelli, Willy Wonka, Brachs, Lindt (okay, I REALLY like Lindt), you name it and stuff a little cocoa in it and I'll love it!

But this newest edition to the Reese's family has really impressed me.  Not too sweet, not too bland, simple, only one way to eat it... goes good with milk, coffee, Coke or Corona.  Its just plain and simply 'good'.

I would love to see it become a permanent item on the Reese's menu, but folks, I can't do this on my own.  Go out, buy one of the 33¢ Limited Edition Reese's Fudge Bar and if you like it, write or call Herseys and tell them so.  Even if you don't like it, tell them that I like it, and don't want it to be retired.

Thank you, from the bottom of my peanut-butter-fudge-loving heart.

HERSHEY'S Gifts - Contact Us

ANTICIPATION, and calling all Angels...

Gabe's ex girlfriend and mother of my grandson, called last night.  Steve was able to direct her to this site as well as to Letters to Gabe.  Yay!  I got to talk to her later.  I'm so excited about them coming out here that I can barely stand it.

But then I got to thinking... I hope she doesn't get scared off by what I write here on my blog.  So Kayle, if you're reading this.... I really don't fart all the time, and I promise we will have tons of toilet paper in stock.  I'm really very cool... after my second cup of coffee.... 

To all the wonderful people who have been supporting me during these past months, and praying for Gabe's safety, I'd like to ask you to keep Kayle and Little Zack in your prayers as well for its a long drive from their house to mine.  Hopefully they will be leaving their hometown right about the same time Gabe will be leaving his base.  We'll need as many Guardian Angels on duty then as possible.

Thanks guys!

A LETTER TO KAYLE

Dear Kayle,

How does one truly appreciate the person who made a conscious decision that had brought such joy to our lives and such hope and promise for the future?  I don't know, other than to say 'thank you from our very heart and soul'.

Love you for all you have done for Gabe, for Little Zack, and for us.  Can't wait till you get here. 

Jody and Steve

ABOUT YESTERDAY (because I'm too allergic to do anything today)

             
Dickidoo and Boobidoo~ don't we just make the cutest couple?  (lookie there, I think Dickidoo wants my beer!)

Have you ever wondered why the characters in South Park don't have noses?  Because they have evolved to cope with Colorado's allergy season, thats why!  Unfortunately I do not live in South Park, Colorado.  I still have a nose.  Allergies suck!

Gabe called yesterday.  He sounded soooooo close and soooooo good!  Just over 2 weeks left before he can skip town and come on home for a spell. 

Zachary .... Big Zack as we call him now, spoiled me yesterday.  He took me out to lunch, and bought me a  Tatty Patch Bear (my favorite teddy bears).  We had such a nice long talk that lasted all day.  That boy is going to make some girl very happy one day.  But she better know how to play video games, enjoy world history, and not be afraid to eat wild meat because otherwise he won't even notice her!  Aye ya yay!

SOUTH PARK STUDIO

DIRTY DISH FAIRY (recycled entry)

Got up this morning and hurried to the kitchen with anticipation, but my excitement immediately turned to disappointment.  The Dirty Dish Fairy had once again skipped my house.  Last night's dinner dishes decorated the counter and sink, pots and pans still on the stove top.  I sank into the nearest chair and stared in disbelief.  How could this be, why am I always forgotten?  My friends and neighbors wake up to clean counters and sparkling dishes, but not I!  Did I do something wrong to make the Dirty Dish Fairy hate me so?  I've noticed that on occasion my offerings of left-overs have been devoured, but the dirty dishes remain.  Sadly I must accept the fact that the Dirty Dish Fairy no longer loves me.  That's okay, I still have the Dirty Laundry Fairy!

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Day 3 and still no Dirty Dish Fairy.  Have had to break out the paper plates.  The situation is getting desperate.
Comment from dornbrau - 5/16/04 11:39 PM

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Day 803:  Kitchen counter has become a vast wasteland of dishes stained and tarnished with the unidentifiable remnants of meals from days long past. Have been approached several times by Dixie corporation for monopolizing the supply of their products.  Dirty Laundry Fairy eloped with Dirty Dish Fairy in spring of 2005 after my failed attempt to negotiate a new contract to include dish duties.  Now my house is filled with dirty dishes AND dirty laundry.  All is lost.
Unless I can get in touch with Mr. Clean, or that Janitor in a Drum dude!
Comment from dornbrau - 4/27/06 10:23 AM

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COMIC STRIP GENERATOR

Brrrrrrrrrr.....!

Baby its cold outside!

In fact, its down right nipply!  Dickidoo called from work this morning and said it was snowing out there.

Does pollen float when its cold?  I hope not.  I could really use a rest from my hay fever.  My eyes are soooo tired of being itchy.   I take allergy medicine like a junkie but it gives me cotton mouth so I drink lots of water.  The water fills up my bladder which always seems to coincide with a sneezing fit.  I'm thinking that the sneezing is not actually a symptom of my allergies but a phenomenon that occurs when one's bladder reaches its maximum capacity.  (Ha ha Lord, good one!)  If my allergies don't get better soon I'm going to have to start investing in them Depends emergency, high absorbant under-drawers!

 

MIRACLE EXERCISE EQUIPMENT, Japanese style!

According to a youtube.com video by akezure , one can trim one's waistline by doing a simple exercise just 10 minutes a day.  No expensive gym equipment required, no specialty work-out clothes needed, you don't even need to leave your home... you can do it while you're washing the dishes or talking on the phone.  All that is required is a simple device that can be found in just about any home that has children.

What is this miracle device?  Its a small Super Ball, like the kind you can get in a 25¢ vending machine.  Although the dialog is spoken entirely in Japanese, it is pretty self explanatory.  The routine is low impact but the results speak for themselves, no translator needed. 

Screech!  

Whoa!  Hold on a minute!  You want me to stick that Super Ball WHERE?

Yep.... You shove that little Super Ball right between your butt cheeks!  (Don't worry, you're supposed to have clothes on.)

I tried it.  I really didn't have to clench my cheeks to hold on to the ball because lets face it, I probably have a little more butt cleavage than the person in the video does.  I'm sure the idea is to clench the muscles, so that's what I did.  I recommend that you do this exercise in the privacy of your own home.  Folks come to the Super Center to do their daily speed walking, weight-walking, etc. because of its safe environment, which is fine, but I don't need to go to work and have stinky errant Super Balls dropping and bouncing all over the store!  Note:  when visiting my home, if you happen to come across a small rubber Super Ball on the floor, you might not want to touch it.  You never know where its been!

Check out the other videos as well, there's trimming love handles with a dish towel, peeling a boiled potato, making a baby stop crying, etc.  The topics and methods are amazing.  Of course, they're all in Japanese but one can pretty much get the gist of it:  Akekure How To Videos

TO CATCH A THIEF!

I was robbed last night.  Sometime during the night, while the family was tucked in our beds, our house was violated.

My first instinct was to panic, but I quickly calmed down.  Maybe the kids took them, so I asked them but they merely shook their heads.  Perhaps it was Dickidoo, but he also denied knowing the where abouts of the two precious items.

Okay... now... PANIC!  But a quick inventory revealed that there were only two items missing.  Obviously the robbery had been interrupted because the only things of value that the robbers got were my two Limited Edition Reeses Peanut Butter Fudge Bars.

I plan to catch the thief and make him/her pay restitution AND maybe even do some time in the slammer. 

Let there be no mistake, NOBODY lays a hand on my Limited Edition Reeses Peanut Butter Fudge Bars and gets away with it!  Justice will be served!

Countdown graphic by: deslily

LETTERS FROM GABE

"My son, and you guys, my friends and beer are what I miss most."

"Right now I'm in the internet place smoking, listening to music, drinking coffee, wishing it was a beer."

(Yep, thats my boy!)

I AM BECAUSE YOU ARE. (edited)

If I am a flower then you are a petal,
I am merely a stem  without you.

If I am a tree then you are a leaf, 
I am bare and vulnerable without you.

If I am a bird then you are a feather,
I cannot soar without you.

If I am a star then you are a twinkle,
I cannot shine without you.

If I am a river then you are a raindrop,
I could not grow without you.

I am, and you are there for me,
I could not be without you.

j.navakuku 04/21/06

Edited by Sandi (who is quite a talented poet, check it out: Life Is Full Of Surprises )

SPRING

I really love spring, with its bright colorful flowers, lush green lawns, budding trees, chirping birds, fluttering butterflies and buzzing bees...

And stinkin' sinus sabotaging pollen!

And another thing.... now that the ground has thawed and new growth is springing up all over, my yard no longer blends in with the rest of the yards in the neighborhood.  My yard used to be just another bare brown yard in a cul de saq full of bare brown yards but now my yard is now the ONLY bare brown yard! 

Yeah, I really hate spring!

Bart Simpson Chalk Board Generator

PLEASE PASS THE CHARMIN!

The unthinkable happened yesterday.  You'd probably have thought that the 'unthinkable' would happen fairly often in my house and it may now surprise you to hear that this was actually the first time this has happened to my knowledge.

We ran out of toilet paper.

Not just in the main bathroom to which the problem could easily be solved by a raid on my bathroom.  Not just in the boys' downstairs bathroom... which is always a mystery to me because a quick glance at the unflushed toilet almost always reveals the absence of toilet paper. 

There was NO toilet paper in the entire house!  No discarded cardboard tubes with a few squares still attached, those had already been picked bare.  No flattened and tattered rolls leftover from the hunting season.  No little emergency travel packs.

Nothing!  Nada!  Zip!

Its not that we couldn't afford the $1.18 for a 4 roll bargain brand pack of butt-wipes.  And its not that we had a hard time finding a place to get them, I work in a store that has a whole 50 foot aisle dedicated to the display of about 30 different brands, sizes and varieties of the product.  I walk past the aisle at least 8 times in the course of the day.  It just never seems to come to mind as I rush out of the store at the end of the day. 

Tuesday night's inventory of supplies indicated that there was only a half roll left.  Emergency TP rationing was initiated.  The roll was left in the main bathroom and the Oompas were firmly instructed "Maximum allowance of 4 squares per squat, and when we're out, we're out!"

We ran out yesterday during the morning rush hour.  Bathroom privileges were immediately suspended.  The Oompas were advised to use the bathroom before they left the school at the end of the day.  It was recommended that Zack, who had the day off, not eat or drink until I returned home after work with fresh supplies.

I actually remembered to grab a pack of toilet paper before I left the store at 5:30, and was greeted by the Oompas, bouncing around like little puppies waiting to be let out the back door in the morning.  There was a chorus of sighs coming from all three bathrooms immediately after.

Toilet paper.  Such a simple invention.  Such a major necessity.  I'll bet we could end the war in Iraq just by confiscating all of the toilet paper in the country.  We'd bring those insurgents to their knees, begging for mercy and toilet paper!

Cool Text: Logo and Graphics Generator

DUSTBUNNY MEMOIRS: Childbirth

(An old entry with my thoughts and memories of Childbirth, and Planned Grandparenthood  )

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Tuesday, May 25, 2004
9:25:00 PM MDT   

CHILDBIRTH~

I went through childbirth 5 times.  You would think that by the fifth time it would have gotten easier, but that was not the case.  All it did was prepare me for what was to come.  During my first delivery I had no idea what to expect and could only take it as it came.  When the contractions began for the fifth pregnancy I suddenly remembered... 'Oh yeah, this hurts!'  Unfortunately by that time is was too late for a condom.

One thing that did get better were the babies themselves.  I had never seen a newborn human before and when they held up my first born I remember being horrified by the hairy, purple and red screaming creature covered with blood and white goo.  I demanded to know what was wrong with it but all the doctors and nurses just smiled and said it was a beautiful healthy boy.  It was like a scene from Rosemary's Baby!  It wasn't until he was cleaned up and clothed that I began to see his human traits.

When they announced that my fifth child was a girl I was once again horrified and asked if they were sure.  I already had a 3 year old daughter at home and had learned enough to know that I did not want another one in the house.  Apparently everyone else felt the same because none of the other mothers in the maternity ward would trade with me.

After 5 children I called it quits and had my husband neutered. Childbirth was a painful yet fulfilling experience.  When I looked down at a peacefully sleeping baby there was never any question that it was all worth it.  Now that those babies have grown up I am beginning to have a change of heart.  That's okay though, revenge will be mine in the form of my grandchildren!

Cool Text: Logo and Graphics Generator

TAXES AWAY!

I didn't wait until the last minute to do my taxes this year.  In fact I had just over 120 minutes to spare when I finally submitted my e-file forms.  We actually qualified for a refund from the federal withholdings which was fortunate since we have to pay the state yet again! 

I didn't want to prepare our taxes, I tried and failed miserably two years ago and we ended up having to pay H&R Block to redo two years of returns.  I can still recall the accountant's goofy grin and info-mercial enthusiasm  as he told us that he had just saved us $300 in deductions, and then informed us that his fee was $400, all in the same breath.  Then he asked what we were going to do with the money we saved on. 

Say what?

Did I miss something?  There is no money to spend.  He may have shaved $300 off of what we already owed but then he went and added it all back in the form of a $400 prep fee.  If we had just done it ourselves, even without the hidden deductions,  we still would have been $100 richer! 

Well Goober, being as we are now $100 deeper in debt than we were when we walked into your office, I guess we'll use that 'money we saved' to pay your outrageous fee!  The real question is what are YOU going to do with the money you saved us?  May I suggest you start with buying a new tie and chucking that one away!  I've just had to stare at it for the past 4 hours... Its ugly and I hate it!

Okay, I didn't really say all that to him but I wanted to!  I thought it best not to say anything at that point and settled with a laugh laced very heavily with sarcasm.  Yeah, he was a real comedian! 

Anyhow, Dickidoo had this great idea to do our taxes online this year.  Sure, if HE does it, because I tried once and I wasn't going to do it again, and I told him in no uncertain terms...

"I tried once, and I'm not going to do it again!"

So there I was last night at 8 o'clock sorting through various tax forms and typing in numbers.  (I don't know why they call them 'laptops', those buggers get too hot to set on your lap for long), pausing only long enough to cuss about how I couldn't believe I got suckered into doing the taxes again.   I got hung up on one area, when I left a blank instead of inserting $0, and I kept getting an error message without clear definition on what or where the error was.  Took 30 minutes to figure that one out, and by that time Dickidoo had taken over.

Let me tell you a little about Dickidoo... that guy reads EVERYTHING!  And he reads v..e..r..y  s..l..o..w..l..y!  Agh!  There could be a whole page of writing, and a little 'check yes or no' at the bottom, and he would read it ALL before checking the appropriate box.  And then he would double check it to make sure it was the right choice before finally clicking [NEXT], where once again he would slowly read the entire page before deciding it didn't pertain to us and tentatively click [NEXT].  I don't know if he was really that slow or if he was just doing that to irritate me, but I was about ready to slam the top down on his fingers and take over when he finally reached the end.

At any rate, our taxes are in, we got enough of a refund from the feds to pay the state, AND.... Dickidoo bought me a bottle of Bacardi Gold for 'services rendered'!  Kind of ironic isn't it, getting paid  with booze to prepare taxes with the Internal 'Revenue' Service!  I almost wished the rum had come in a jug with XXX painted on the side.

I have so much fun playing around with image generators.  The Generator Blog is constantly adding new sites and links to explore.  This image was done at the  Movie Marquee Generator.

I'VE GOT MAIL!

The mailman just came by and delivered an Easter card from my grandbaby Zachary and his mom Kayle.  Inside I found the most adorable picture I have ever seen.  It is amazing how deeply this little child has touched the very being of my soul from so far away.  And for his mother, who has chosen another path in life that takes them so far from us... to be so willing to allow us to share in his life is a wish come true.  A year ago I didn't even know he existed... and now I can't imagine life without him.  I can barely sit still from the excitement of getting to see and hold him for the very first time. 

HURRY UP MAY!

JUST FUNNING AROUND AT WORK

My day started off well yesterday.  As predicted, the store was packed with last minute shoppers scrounging through the quickly depleting stock of Easter merchandise in search of a thoughtfully chosen gift.  Only one person complained to me about the poor selection and I apologized to her for waiting until the last minute to announce the date for Easter this year.  I promised that next year we would give her one year's notice, giving her ample time to plan and prepare.  Satisfied with the result of her complaint, she began to walk away then stopped and looked back at me with a slightly puzzled look, but her husband chuckled and pulled her in the direction of the exit.

When I returned from my break I was hidden on the very last register near the far entrance, coincidence?  By then the traffic had slowed down considerably and I entertained myself with a self-inflating whoopy cushion that was left by a customer.  Customers gave me surprised looks and avoided my register.  I scolded nearby cashiers and managers after particularly musical outbursts.  Eventually a disgusted co-worker confiscated the rubber toy from me and I was forced to find an alternate means of entertainment.

Have you ever watched people when they are checking out on the self check-outs?  They talk to the machines, cuss at them, try to reason with them, argue with them, kick and hit them.  Yesterday one woman hit the [HELP] button and demanded to know where she was to put her items so the machine could bag them.  When she was informed that she would have to bag the merchandise herself, she became angry and tossed her purchases into the bags... as if it would hurt my feelings that she dented her canned goods or crushed her bread.

My intentions for Easter dinner had been good, but after some saddening news I suddenly found that I was in no mood for festivities.  We snacked on hardboiled eggs.  Later, I made a deadly concoction of leftover French fries topped with Cheddar cheese, blue cheese dressing and Franks hot sauce.  I grabbed a beer and stuffed a slice of lime down into the bottle.  Unfortunately that was right about the time my allergies decided to attack my eyes.

Never... EVER rub your eyes after stuffing a lime slice down into your bottle of beer.  And when you realize your mistake, don't try to rub the lime juice out of your eye with your other hand, especially when it has a little bit of Frank's hot sauce on it.  Agh!  I hate when I do that!

So today could only get better right?

Dickidoo woke me up at 6am with a cup of coffee.  It was sooooo premeditated.  He knew that I had the day off, and the kids didn't have to go to school... and he knew I would have hit him if he wasn't holding a cup of coffee over me.  He claims that he forgot, but I know better.... Heck, I would have done the same thing had we switched positions! 

BEAUTIFUL HEADNOISE

Yesterday a deafening silence was heard across the www.  One Girl's Headnoise faded into a final peaceful rest.  The silence, however, was short lived as one after another, friends and relatives shook their heads in disbelief and cried 'No, No, No!' over and over.  Again and again they clicked the links and re-read the messages, hoping that there had been a mistake which would be cleared up with a simple [refresh].  But the words remained unchanged.  Pamela was gone.

Many of those who now mourn were readers long before the fateful day when she, in her usual graceful honesty, announced that she had lung cancer.  Since then we have laughed with her, cried with her, encouraged her, prayed for her, trying with all our might to give her strength, hope and maybe even to cure her.  And all the while, including when she was at her weakest, she in turn gave US strength.  Even now, in her passing, we remain inspired by her courage and grace.

If prayers and wishes alone could have cured her, she would have been cured a long time ago.  Some things cannot be controlled.  This one was out of our hands and it is with great sadness and reluctance that we let go and accept that she has fulfilled her mission here.  The time has come for her to move on to a new phase in her existence.

Pamela's legacy will be how she was able to touch the very hearts and souls of her readers.  Her willingness to share such an intimate part of her life has helped other cancer patients and their families cope.  Her ability to laugh in the face of such a formidable enemy, her honesty in how she viewed life and faced death, her love for family and friends, combined to make her a truly unique human being. 

Her sweet headnoise will be forever missed but never forgotten.

"If prayers were feathers, you could fly home..."  Pam has enough feathers now and she is flying home.  God Speed my dear friend.

EASTER DUST BUNNY?

The kids woke to the absence of Easter Baskets this morning.  18 hard boiled eggs sat pale and colorless in a pot on the stove.  There were no jelly beans, no chocolate bunnies, no Peeps* (gasp!).  The only things on the table were last night's supper dishes.  There was no sign at all that the Easter Bunny had visited.  Coincidentally half of my beer stock was missing from the fridge.  A quick check of the Nanny-Cam offered this low resolution picture that will be submitted to the FBI for analysis.  While the leporidae in the picture is not being called a suspect at the moment, authorities considered it to be a 'rabbit of interest'.  If you see this dust bunny,  please contact the DBCofNA immediately.  Do not attempt to make contact with him, he is considered inebriated and high on jelly beans.

*I am in soooooo much trouble... I didn't pick up any Peeps and the store sold out of them last night before I got off work.  My kids are going to scream!   To them Easter is all about Jesus and Peeps!  Since I'm working and the others are out hunting, we'll do the Easter baskets later on this evening.  Maybe between now and then I'll be able to find some of those sugary marshmallow chicks.  Wish me luck!  Hahaha!  Watch, I'll be just as bad as my worst after-Easter customers... yeah, I'll fight someone over the last pack of Peeps if it means peace in the House of Oompa!