Thursday, April 20, 2006


The unthinkable happened yesterday.  You'd probably have thought that the 'unthinkable' would happen fairly often in my house and it may now surprise you to hear that this was actually the first time this has happened to my knowledge.

We ran out of toilet paper.

Not just in the main bathroom to which the problem could easily be solved by a raid on my bathroom.  Not just in the boys' downstairs bathroom... which is always a mystery to me because a quick glance at the unflushed toilet almost always reveals the absence of toilet paper. 

There was NO toilet paper in the entire house!  No discarded cardboard tubes with a few squares still attached, those had already been picked bare.  No flattened and tattered rolls leftover from the hunting season.  No little emergency travel packs.

Nothing!  Nada!  Zip!

Its not that we couldn't afford the $1.18 for a 4 roll bargain brand pack of butt-wipes.  And its not that we had a hard time finding a place to get them, I work in a store that has a whole 50 foot aisle dedicated to the display of about 30 different brands, sizes and varieties of the product.  I walk past the aisle at least 8 times in the course of the day.  It just never seems to come to mind as I rush out of the store at the end of the day. 

Tuesday night's inventory of supplies indicated that there was only a half roll left.  Emergency TP rationing was initiated.  The roll was left in the main bathroom and the Oompas were firmly instructed "Maximum allowance of 4 squares per squat, and when we're out, we're out!"

We ran out yesterday during the morning rush hour.  Bathroom privileges were immediately suspended.  The Oompas were advised to use the bathroom before they left the school at the end of the day.  It was recommended that Zack, who had the day off, not eat or drink until I returned home after work with fresh supplies.

I actually remembered to grab a pack of toilet paper before I left the store at 5:30, and was greeted by the Oompas, bouncing around like little puppies waiting to be let out the back door in the morning.  There was a chorus of sighs coming from all three bathrooms immediately after.

Toilet paper.  Such a simple invention.  Such a major necessity.  I'll bet we could end the war in Iraq just by confiscating all of the toilet paper in the country.  We'd bring those insurgents to their knees, begging for mercy and toilet paper!

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deslily said...

not only is that unthinkable but ..(but? oh i made a pun!..but..butt ..get it? heh, never mind)  ..where was I? oh.. unthinkable but also a really huge nightmare considering how many bathrooms you have!! lol  but then there is always the woods and a big leaf huh?  (this time of year make sure it's not poison ivy leaves you use!)

around here a large box of tissues is kept in the bathroom... in case.  In case no one replaced the empty roll.. in case the toilet paper is not soft enough... in case, well.. in case you have to sneeze  heh..

only 23 days huh? wow.. and hooray!.. you do realize we will expect the photo journal to be FULL of Gabe and Zack pictures don't you?!!

plittle said...

Heh, heh, heh. Heh, heh. Heh, heh, heh.
She said butt.
Heh, heh.

If you were ever to turn this blog into a book, what would it be called? I think 'Toilet Paper Rationing And Other Things' would be a great title.

mumma4evr said...

my  granddad would tell you to use the Sears catalog!!!  or newspaper!

hewasolddog299 said...

" I'll bet we could end the war in Iraq"

Doubtful. Not a product many are familiar with.

princesssaurora said...

Ah  the necessities of life!  

Be well,

dornbrau said...

Comment on comments~
deslily:  Only tree in the yard is a pine tree... can you say 'ouch!'
plittle:  Dad said it first, I don't think he knows that its really called 'toilet paper', he always called it 'butt wipe'
mumma4evr:  Hmmm, I get my newspaper online, that may be a little bit difficult;
hewasolddog299:  Party pooper!
princesssaurora:  Indeed and Amen!

jckfrstross said...

oh my gosh you are so funny :) i have been there out of butt wipe is a serious thing lol


sdoscher458 said...

LOL..I can see them jumping for joy as you opened the door!  My Grandpop had told me years ago that growing up in Crete they had no toilet paper....wide eyed I asked him "Oh boy what did y ou do?" He said he looked for soft leaves!  Civilization rests on a throne!  Sandi

xomywayox said...

R&LMAO!!!! a little unknown secret in our house. When this occurs, we will use the pricey paper towels! You'd got to do what you got to do! LoL


am4039 said...

you are to funny, lol I don't think I could ever hold it in. I would drip dry if I had to.