Tuesday, March 22, 2005

OLD LADY GLASSES, and why we shouldn't sit down.

Well, I picked up my new glasses today, my bifocals... my 'old lady' glasses.  I'm wearing them right now.  My first thought was 'Holy Mackerel, I can SEE!', but then my poor old eyes freaked out with the dual-vision.  I can see its going to take some practice to get used to these things... look straight ahead to see far, look down to see close.  I can't just turn my head, I actually have to move my eyes up or down, depending upon where I need to see... near or far.  I keep forgetting.  I look like a bobblehead doll with big blinkie eyes.

Today, on the way home from work, I made a discovery.  I discovered that humans were not meant to sit down on our bottoms the way we do.  For example... sitting upright in a vehicle is not natural.  I discovered this when my Chalupa from yesterday decided to exit my body in vapor form... and instead of exiting from my hind side and floating up on the far side of my nose, the fumes rose straight up between my legs and into my unprotected nostrils.  We are not meant to smell our farts, thats why they come out of our body on the opposite side from our olfactory center.  I cannot believe that our maker would intend for us to sit as we do, thus subjecting our noses to such an unpleasant odor.  I drove home with my head hanging out of the window, gasping for air.  I paused at one point to look up to the Heavens and say 'Hahaha Lord, very funny!'  Nope, humans definitely not meant to sit as we do.  We should stand or lay down, but never sit upright... or at least never sit after eatting a Chalupa!


swmpgrly said...


artloner said...

Honey, that's NASTY!



purplectigger said...

Bifocals will take sometime to get use to. I hated mine at first. Sometimes it made me dizzy if I looked up and down to fast. Good Luck with them.
Hugs. R.C.
Sure wish I could quit work and afford to stay home. I'm happy for you.

paintsaqha said...

Well, that was a lovely cup of peppermint tea! ROTFLMBAO!!!! What a picture you must have made with your head hanging out the window as you drove down the road!  lol.... Thanks for the laughs I really needed one this evening.  Time to wipe off of my monitor and read the rest of your entry....

I was just thinking about your new glasses..... I wear contacts and realized that I have begun to tilt my head back as though I was looking through bi-focals when I am on the computer.... I don't have any idea why I do this.  Must be time to go to the eye doctor and ask him what he thinks.  I have been wondering why my neck is killing me and my back hurting from when I have been online for only 10-15 minutes at a time anymore!  I don't think I could stand the pain to stay online for the hours at a time like I used to do several months ago!  <wondering...> Does anyone have any ideas about what could cause me to do this without realizing it?

What about those prices of gasoline?  I live on the southern gulf coast of Texas close to several oil refineries and I still paid $1.999 per gallon for the cheap octane I just couldn't see paying the $2.399 per gallon for the premium stuff today.  I put in almost 40 gallons in my truck today.  Talk about depressing.  Definately time to go back to a small car like my beloved Honda that was totalled back in 2003 by a lady driving a 2000 Toyota Tundra.  Dented her bumper and knocked out her headlight!  While it totalled my 1994 Honda Accord EX!  Did over $10,000.00 worth of damage to my most loved car in my entire life!  



plittle said...

So, waht happened? Did me mentioning it spark you to new heights of grossness? Girl, you are just not quite right. I feel sorry for you guys paying two bucks a gallon for gas. Up here we're currently coming in at about 88 cents per litre. That works out to about $3.50 a gallon. So boo hoo to you!

srdustbunny said...

OH my.  I thought I was the only "dust bunny" around.  How did I happen to pick "srdustbunny" as my e mail name?  It's like this -- someone wrote to our local newspaper and said "old people are just dust."  Well, if I am just dust I'll be damned if I won't be a dustbunny and there you have it.

squirrellywoman said...

Nope! Your problem was that your seat was reclined too much, allowing the gases to slide up the front. You have to kinda lean over to one side, directing the gases out the window. If it is important to you, which I doubt, you can be nonchalant and pretend you're leaning over to get something. Raising up or leaning over is a dead give-away.
     And yes, we WERE meant to sit down. As a source of entertainment, if it pleases you, notice how the resonance changes with different types of seats - the hard wooden one, the over-stuffed one, the blow up type, the bean-bag type. Just remember not to recline.

judithheartsong said...

ahhhhhhhhhh! Dorn!! I love my visits here. The sitting down story is fabulous..... when is somebody going to pay you to write a book? Kind of like Emily Post but............. not.
I got multi-focals a couple of weeks ago and it gets better! I have three places to focus and can so relate to your woes!!!! My eyes are old. judi

derasta said...

You are so funny...what a visual is all I can say...I got my old lady glasses too and I'm still trying to get used to them, I hate having anything on my face.


loveladylisa1 said...

   Hi there! Was skipping my way merrily about J-Land, hopping from one Journal to another via links posted. I'm not sure how I got her, but thought I'd stop in a spell and comment. (I am slouching in my chair by the way, thus not exactly sitting upright, lol)
   I thought I had outgrown the "farts are funny syndrome" but after reading this post I see I haven't.  Too funny! I'll be back to read more.