Day two took us to the Mount Rushmore Monument. We spent two hours there under the watchful gaze of the 4 presidents. Then it was eastward ho! At this point we have not time schedule and it has been a nice ride full of impulsive stops to ride ponies or run around a parking lot to a store that we wished wasn't closed. (Why does Cabelas ALWAYS close the moment we enter the parking lot, no matter what time it is?)

We did have one little incident, which has earned my sister a new nick-name: Val the Coon Slayer.

"Mom, what was that?"
"Nothing"
"Was it a large critter?"
"It was..."

Today we're making one scheduled stop... The Spam Museum!

Cross Country Pajama Party, Day 1 con't

First and foremost let me just say that having the three girls in the back seat of the car has been a lot quieter than I had expected. They laugh, they talk, they sing, tell silly jokes and just basically get along. I keep thinking 'the calm before the storm...' but I hope they're just bonding.

Val's TomTom sounds like Darth Vader.

"Your journey to the dark side is complete!"

For the first 200 miles Darth and The Walmart Self Checkout Chick argued over which direction we should go. Then it was discovered that Nuvi had multiple personalities and after introducing Darth to 'Samantha' at which point they eloped, I discovered 'Lee' from Australia and followed his Aussie drawl to Custer, South Dakota.

Today we're heading up to Mount Rushmore then it's on to New York, having the most fun possible along the way. Maybe we'll see you along the way!

Dorn~

Cross Country Pajama Party, Day 1

My 'older' sister Val, the Yak Herder, flew in Thursday night. We stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking and laughing. What... it's not like we had to get up and drive 400+ miles the next day or anything like that.

Oh wait, we did!

The girls all stayed home from school. The idea was that we were going to get an early start. Dickidoo and I said our goodbyes at 6:30 am. I got up early so he could make me coffee. I made him store bought Danish pastries.

8 1/2 hours later we finally pulled out of the driveway and pointed the Impala north. It was stop and go traffic getting out of the Springs and then all the way through Denver. But from then on it was smooth sailing... at least when Val was driving. I tend to tap the brakes a little too hard for the passengers' liking. Hey, I'm used to Big Red, okay? At every stop Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend would take a picture of Pete, the Love Frog that Art gave her when they first started dating 2 years ago. Then I would photograph the Oompas, and they would ask random strangers for quotes to put in their little Cross Country Pajama Party Book of Quotes. Some guy named Ben from Castle Rock, Colorado wrote 'Good Lord!' which was the first thing that came to mind when the girls asked him for a quote. Shannon from Loveland Carl's Jr. said 'You Girls Rock!'

We made it just outside of Mount Rushmore shortly after midnight. Super 8, 3 queen sized beds, breakfast from 7-11, pool opens at 10am.

Okay Presidents... are you ready for the Cross Country Pajama Party? The Oompas are coming!

T minus 27 hours...

The girls are all packed for the trip to New York. Rocky's suitcase has been packed since Tuesday. Becca since yesterday. I may not have to pack. Judging by the size of Rocky and Becca's suitcases (Rocky's is the size of the Impala itself), and considering Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend and my sister Val's luggage there is a real possibility that there might not be enough room for my stuff. I suspect that I shall be traveling light

I spoke to my girls and warned them that I would not tolerate any sibling rivalry during the entire trip. With grimaced faces the girls agreed. Becca has already made good on her promise and is being the kind, considerate and loving big sister I wish I had been to my baby sister when we were their age.

But they won't be the only siblings on this Great Cross Country Pajama Party. My older sisters (yes, I went there!) and I are past the sibling rivalry stage and are now at the point of our lives where we savor the time we can spend together, even in a cramped little car with 3 precocious teenagers.

Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend was nervous about meeting my sisters. She was worried that they might not like her. Art and Becca both just laughed and said " Don't worry, look who their sister is!" That seemed to put Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend at ease, but I'm still not too sure what that meant.

Art will be Poopy-Sitting the Shit Hound and Weenie Todd (his future puppy-in-law) at his Pink Haired Girlfriend's house as well as watching her siblings during Spring Break. That leaves Dickidoo, Zack and my Nephew alone for 10 days. How will they manage?

I think Dickidoo is actually looking forward to a hormone free environment. I should probably feel offended but I'm just too dang excited to care.

In just over 24 hours we will point the Impala northward and set off on the Great Cross Country Pajama Party!

I'm just sayin'....

If your dog is a shit hound and something is missing, check the back yard. If you don't find it right away, check again later. It's all in the timing. What goes in must come out. You just have to get it before it goes back in again. A word of warning though, don't be expecting it to look the same as it did when it first went in.

yeah...

I stopped a school teacher yesterday. She told me that she was a teacher like that would make it okay. It didn't. If anything it made her look worse in my eyes. When I got home I made sure she wasn't a teacher at Oompa High. To my relief she wasn't. That would have seriously ticked me off.

I walked past Henry The Homicidal Goldfish after work, chomping on a huge tuna fish and alfalfa sprout sandwich. I suddenly felt guilty and hid the sandwich behind my back as I tried to avoid Henry's accusing glare. Then I looked closer at him... one of his fillets would fit quite nicely between two slices of bread.

The Shit Hound farts worse than any person in the house. I swear she smiles every time she farts, kind of like a kid smiles when he smells cookies baking in the oven. It's like she knows that she's got a tasty little snack in the making.

Art called me from his Pink Haired Girlfriend's car this afternoon. They were on their way up town when they saw a big red pick-up truck with white feathers on the windows and sides. BIG RED LIVES! An old man is driving her now. I hope they travel many safe and happy miles together.

I'm tired. It's after 1 am. I stink. I smell like tuna fish and alfalfa. Think Dickidoo wants to cuddle?

The Cost of a Recession

How can you tell that we are in a recession? By the increased number of telephone directories piling up on your porch.

We got one yesterday, one last week, and two in February. On the average we receive 2 new phone books of one kind or another each month. Businesses are sinking that extra dollar into every inch of advertising they can get to bring customers in.

Dickidoo and I are fortunate. Our job security is not affected by the current recession (so far). We are both guaranteed our 40 hours a week. We don't have to worry about where our next mortgage payment is coming from. And so long as the Oompas don't run up the dang cell phone bill again, we should be able to weather this economic hiccup without too much discomfort.

Actually I won't have to worry about the Oompas running up the phone bill this month, or last month for that matter. Last week, right after I finally paid off that humongous phone bill from December and got service restored, my first text message was from the phone company informing me that our bill was past due. As of this morning our service has once again been suspended. Too bad we don't get roll-over minutes. At least we can still receive incoming calls. How else would they be able to call 10 times a day to inform us that the phone bill is over due ? Plus, this way they can still charge us the monthly service fees.

Milk at my store has gone down by about 25% to $2.63 while Coke and Pepsi 12 packs reflect almost a $1 increase to $4.26 - on sale! Gas remains pretty stable for the first time in a while, but I imagine it is just a matter of time before we see another spike. Of all the industries in the world, I still for the life of me cannot understand what drives the prices of oil and gas.

"The cost of oil is going up~ quick, raise the gas prices!"
"The cost of oil is going down~ quick, raise the gas prices!"
"Folks are afraid to fly and want to drive instead~ quick, raise the gas prices!"
"The stock market dropped~ quick, raise the gas prices!"
"The stock market rebounded~ quick, raise the gas prices!"
"It's Memorial Day, Labor Day, Fourth Of July, Christmas~ raise the gas prices!"
"It's Monday~ raise the gas prices!"
"My neice just had a baby, raise the gas prices!"

Anyhow, while luxuries are showing a marked increase in cost, the essentials like milk, eggs, bread and gas are either the same or lower. I shall not panic during this crisis though~ unless the price of toilet paper shows a sharp increase. This might be a good time to look into the feasibility of installing a heated bidet. Or perhaps we can just use a hillbilly bidet. All it takes is a water hose and a blow dryer. No Charmin needed.

He's out!

In 2004 my son Gabriel cut his waist length hair and joined the Army. I cried at the bus station as he rode away in the Greyhound bud. Memories of not so long ago when we said good-bye to a young friend as he departed for boot camp only to return a few weeks later in a casket escorted by my husband haunted me. But Gabe had inherited his father's sense of duty and was firm in his resolve.

I knew where his journey would take him, to the badlands of Iraq. And again I held my breath as icy fear gripped my heart. He would return for a second tour, losing several friends along the way. I cried in the dark hours of the night so as not to alarm the others, but my fears were never really calmed until today.

Today he is released from his commitment, having served bravely and honorably. And we impatiently await his return to his hometown and family. To all my friends who have been there with us through this trying time, those who shared my fears, and lightened my heart with their prayers and well wishes, I thank you from the bottom of my weary but grateful heart.

He's coming home. Amen!

Jody 'Dorn'~

WHAT THE HECK?

I awoke to a soft blanket of pure white snow on my lawn. It was like a scene from a Currier and Ives print, except for one little detail.

My yard was the only yard in the neighborhood that had snow on it!

I repeat, Spring my butt!

I want my hour back!

Keeping up with the Jones...

Dickidoo just upgraded our cable service from basic cable to basic cable in HD Digital! It came complete with a program box that is almost as big as our wide screen tv and it's own remote, which is almost as big as the program box and has more keys then this Dell desktop keyboard I'm pounding on.

But wait, there's more!

It also has... over 700 channels!

Unfortunately we still only have the basic cable subscription (but in HD Digital!). What does that mean? It means that of the 700+ channels, about 650 are repeats of our basic cable package. At least we don't have to stare at a blank screen while trying to find a working channel among the vast abyss of cable tv.

'They're here....'

(I'm still afraid to go near a television set when the screen turns to static snow - as seen on Poltergeist. You do know that little girl that played Carol Ann really did die after filming the movie!)

We have the same Spanish Soap Opera on about 40 channels. It's amazing. This might be a good time to brush up on my Espanol.

Como?

Tomorrow (today?) is my day off so I'll have lots of time to learn how to use this new technology. I'll just hoist the remote control on to the Oompa's Yamaha keyboard stand and bang away at it until I figure it out. I may even compose a couple of overtures while I'm at it.

Who needs a life when you can have HD Cable with 700+ channels!

As seen on TV. This offer is not available in stores so call now! Supplies are limited!

Daylight Savings and the Cross Country Pajama Party.

"Daylight Savings, Spring Forward", they say.

Spring my butt! It snowed yesterday, it's still winter here in Colorado. I want my hour back!

I got an awesome email yesterday from my big sister Lisa. She's going to join my other two sisters, my two daughters, Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend and me in New York for Spring Break. I'm sooooooooooo excited! I wish my Baby Sister could be there, and Mama~ that would be perfect (sorry guys, this is a girls only party!), but we have the Family Reunion in 2010 to look forward to when EVERY DANG ONE will be there. In the mean time, the girls and I are going on a Cross Country Pajama Party that goes from Colorado to Upstate New York and back again!

Look out America, here we come!

Well, not yet... but soon! And thanks to daylight fricken time we'll get there one hour earlier!

Or is it one hour later? Grrrrrr! I hate daylight fricken time!

What better way to spend a day off...

My nephew is grounded. I won't go into the whys or where fors, lets just suffice to say that he did wrong and is being punished for it.

And for that matter so am I.

Today was my day off. Joseph has been following me around like a short shadow, bombarding me with pointless questions and random remarks. I'm tempted to join the shit-hound in the back yard in search of ancient treasures just to get away from the idiocy from within the house.

The kids don't have school tomorrow. I have to work. Darn it.

Maybe I'll go in early...

Silly me, they said 'Baa-Shit Hound' not 'Bassett Hound'.

I was talking to Gabe on the phone yesterday, discussing his upcoming move back to Colorado this summer when I walked past Rocky's room, tripping over Jubilee, the Oompy, who shadows my every move when I'm home. Her eyes and mine focused on a little 'indiscretion' right about the same time and we both got an 'oh shit!' look in our eyes. I shouted out and glared down at the hound but she was no longer by my feet. She ran like lightning into the room and before I knew what her intention was she had scooped the log up in her jowls and streaked past me. Instinctively I took chase down the short hall and up the stairs.

That was about the time it dawned on me....

Just what did I intend to do once I caught the turd-eating pooch... take the turd away?

Oh heck no! I didn't want it! I hit the handle on the back screen door and Jubilee ran out without slowing down. I didn't even bother to see what she was going to do with her prize, I just slammed the door shut.

Jubilee has been a part of the family for 4 weeks now. The novelty has worn off. She is no longer the 'Poopy Little Puppy'. She is the Shit-Hound! The lady who sold her to us told me that she might be eating the turds to hide the evidence of her accidents so we wouldn't be angry at her.

Ah Jubi, you shouldn't have! Really, you shouldn't have... so quit it!

Gabe was laughing on the phone the whole time. Yeah... just wait till this summer when he gets to meet Jubilee face to stinking face, and she licks him with her poopy tongue! We'll see how hard he laughs then!

I've been surveying my friends who have dogs and almost all of them admit that their dogs eat turds. I've had dogs before, they never at turds! Alpo dog food which is hard to distinguish between pre-digestion and post-digestion - yes. A dead critter now and then, maybe. Then of course a mother dog will lick her babies to make them 'go', and all dogs lick their own butts (and other dogs butts), but I'd never heard of them just out right eating shit before.

It's like extreme food recycling.

And yet through all this traumatic discovery I have found a new inspiration to communicate with my Maker. Each night I pray: "Dear God, thank you for making me human rather than canine."

Who ever coined the phrase 'it's a dog's life' must have had a shit hound.

COLORADO'S COOL, BUT CHECK OUT VERMONT!

Living in Colorado has so far been such a positive experience, especially for a family. It is like a melting pot of cultures and opportunity. Check out the College that Becca recently performed at... Adams State Normal School. The Adams State Abnormal School was across the street. Ah, the land of opportunity!

Okay, not really, I just made that up. But we did look... If there is a 'Normal School' surely there had to be an 'Abnormal School'.

Our bank just sent us an invitation to participate in Open Enrollment for an Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance plan. We always read the fine print, often before we even read the large print because the fine print usually contains more pertinent information than the main brochure. This one proved to be quite informative. For instance we learned that while suicide is not covered in other states, if an insane policy holder lives in Colorado it is covered.

I find myself wondering why Colorado (and Missouri) was singled out for insanity. Hmmmmm...

After reading the exculsions and exceptions for the policy I have come to the conclusion that in order to benefit most from this coverage one must live in Vermont.

While all other states are not covered for the following occurrences, folks from Vermont are covered even if the accidental death or dismemberment is the result of : drug abuse or illegal drug use; declared or undeclared acts of war; weapons of mass destruction; flying as a pilot or crew member; participation in a race or competition as a professional; driving with a blood alcohol level exceeding the legal limits; and committing or attempting to commit an assault.

Lets reword that a little shall we?

In the state of Vermont one can get accidental death or dismemberment insurance for illegal drug use and abuse, racing, acts of war, and drunk driving.

And Vermont is the only state that is covered for Weapons of Mass Destruction.

Interesting... Why?

The way I see it, if the State of Vermont felt the need to make those allowances then they must have had a reason. I think I'll pass on the extra coverage and stick to Colorado, with our limited coverages... and our Normal schools.

MARDI GRAS

I have always wanted to attend Mardi Gras in New Orleans. There's something so appealing about the glittery masks, cheap beads and anonymously flashing one's boobs in front of hundreds of strangers!
Not really. I doubt even New Orleans is ready for my 48 year old knee knockers!

Becca, my Oompa songbird, auditioned and was selected for the Adams State College High School Honor Choir along with a few other students from Mesa Ridge High School. It is a huge honor and only a select few from the school district were chosen. Becca was so excited that even a sinus infection and a slight case of laryngitis couldn't hold her back when the buses were ready to roll for the 3 day festival in Alamosa. We sent her off with our prayers and lots of advice. Gargle with salt and warm water (easy enough), suck on Ricola (not a problem) and don't talk in between practice (major problem!). Even with a hoarse voice she made the re-audition and final cut. So on Saturday the family loaded up the Impala and drove 250 miles south to hear her.

It was amazing! I cried. I cried at a high school choir concert! But it wasn't just any old high school choir. It was the best of the best in the state of Colorado, being directed by the best of the best in the state of Colorado. They sang, accompanied by just a piano and flute. They sang like Angels, their voices reverberating through the tall domed chapel ceilings of the Sacred Hearts Church.

Who would have thought that a noisy Oompa could sound so beautiful?

Dickidoo turned 40-something last week. Being as he has spoiled me like crazy this past year I really wanted to do something nice for him. A nice dinner out was out of the question being as I still have that massive phone bill to pay off, so I decided to make him his favorite meal... which unfortunately happens to be my least favorite meal. Liver and onions. P-yuck!

How exactly does one go about preparing a dish that one dislikes so much that one cannot discern whether it is prepared correctly or not? Liver, no matter how you prepare it, is nasty!

Dickidoo loved it! And strangely enough even I found it to be not bad at all when drizzled with a little blue cheese dressing.

Still, it won't be showing up on the menu again until Dickidoo's next 40-something'th birthday (assuming that he spoils me like crazy between now and then!)

Upcoming Events~

In July of 2010 there will be a celebration in Loopaland. The Davis side of the family (my folks) will be migrating to Colorado for a Family Reunion.

Dickidoo forgot.

How the heck do you forget a family reunion planned at YOUR house with one of the wackiest families in America?

Ask Dickidoo, cos I just don't know.

At any rate in just over a year the state of Colorado will be influxed by a crazy mix of Okinawan and Caucasians of all ethnic backgrounds (we're still not ruling out Martian and Plutonians). There is a potential of approximately 56.

Wow!

No, they won't all be staying here in the House of Oompa although we have hosted many parties of 75+ guests. We will probably have a camper or two, and definitely a tent for the kids. The less adventurous will probably stay at a hotel in town.

I'll be in the tent with the kids, except on taco and burrito night.

Dickidoo will probably wish he was sleeping in his brother's house in Norwalk, California, except for the fact that my Mama will be at the stove controls the whole time and he wouldn't miss that for anything. I can't believe my dad isn't obese, cos my Mama can cook!

But, before then... Becca, Rocky and I are planning a road trip to New York to visit my sister Val and her yak farm. In case you don't recall, Val was the inspiration behind the name of this blog 'Dust Bunny Club of North America' when she visited my house shortly after I moved to Colorado and commented on my 'dust bunnies'. Anyhow, Val is flying out here during Spring Break to help me drive to her place where we hope to totally spoil her yaks silly, and then she'll drive back here with us and fly back home after we totally spoil her here. At least that is the plan.

Art is jealous. He wants to go with us. We want a 'girls roadtrip'. We want Art's pink haired girlfriend to go with us. He says no. I think he's selfish. His pink haired girlfriend would love it. He just doesn't want to get left home with his dad, computer addict brother and silly cousin.

Oh waaaaaaahhhhh! Get over it dude! The girls are going to New York and we're taking your pink haired girlfriend!

OOMPARELLA

Although Rebecca disliked Rocky's ex-boyfriend with a capital D-I-S-L-I-K-E-D, she still felt bad for her baby sister when they broke up and was the doting big sister for a record 7 days. During that time she offered to design a dress for Rocky to wear to the Winter Ball, and even offered to introduce her to an old crush.

Endearing, yes. Commendable, absolutely.

Except for one little detail. Rebecca doesn't know how to sew. So when Rebecca says she's going to sew something, what she is really saying is that Mom is going to sew something, with the help of her best friend and Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend.

I spent Valentine's Day sewing Becca's vision into reality. It was a diamond in the rough and I found myself trying to salvage $80 worth of material that was cut too soon and sewn in the wrong order with no pattern at all, and yet, 4 hours before the dance, Rachel put on her custom designed dress and became Cinderella for a day.

Awesome design Becca, good work Art's Pink Haired Girlfriend. Rocky, I hope you felt as beautiful as you looked this evening.

But Becca, no more promising to design and make custom outfits until you learn how to sew them yourself!

About that Poopy Little Puppy...

My puppy seems to have a leak. Can I exchange her for one that doesn't?

My nephew saw me putting some frozen corn kernels into the microwave. The next time he walked by I was pulling some corn on the cob out that I had just heated up.

'Oh Wow, you make your own corn?' he remarked in utter amazement. I wasn't sure what he was getting at so I slowly replied 'If you mean did I cook it, yes, I did.'

'I mean, did you stick the corn on those things yourself?' he clarified in all earnestness.

I promised my nephew that when he gets a girl friend I would share this story with her. Hopefully she will see the humor in it. My nephew didn't. He's such an Oompa! Hehehehe!

SISTERS

Rocky and her boyfriend broke up recently. Becca never liked the guy and made no secret of it at the time, however she refrained from giving the 'I told you so!' lecture and has been very supportive towards her baby sister. She has even designed a custom gown for their Valentine Dance.

I am touched by the sisterly love the two have been demonstrating lately. But I am a sister myself and I know...

It won't last!