Friday, July 29, 2005

RING, RING, RING! or good news, bad news.

I have a cell phone that I rarely use.  I have the family plan so Dickidoo and Gabe can call me anytime without using up our monthly allotment of minutes.  They never call me on it, because I never know where my cell phone is to answer it.  Basically my cell phone is to give to the kids any time they leave the house without me or their father.  Its kind of a security device.  I feel secure knowing that I can reach them when ever I want them.

My wall phone has been unusually active lately.  Gabe called and I had the opportunity to tell him I loved him.  One of my best friends and her husband, whom I refer to as my 4th son, called now that they are back in the states from a long overseas PCS in Germany (her home country).  My sister-in-law, the mother of the Southern Oompas called, giving me the opportunity to try and brainwash her into moving out here where I can help her with the kids while she deals with her health issues.  I feel so helpless way over here, knowing that I am in a position to assist her but the commute is a real killer!

And... my mom called today.  She said she just wanted to touch base with me, but there were other things she needed to share with me as well.  Things such as the battery of tests her doctor ordered for her heart.  'Don't worry' she says, 'At least not until I say so'.  Oops, too late!  She says one of her medications (she's currently on 11) is giving her dry/sticky mouth.  She can handle the dryness, but the stickiness is making her nuts.  She says she wouldn't be surprised if she were to wake up one morning and find that she can't open her mouth because it was stuck shut, which she says Daddy might appreciate.  Yep, I think he might, considering the fact that he left a dead battery in his hearing aid on purpose.  These are the folks who bore and raised me, do you need any more explanations?

My mom also mentioned that my brother has applied for re-enlistment into the Army Reserves.  He has already passed some of the preliminary tests and is waiting on some final results to see if that is even possible.   If he is accepted, once he is finished with his retraining he will be combat ready and most likely deploy to the Gulf region.  The reserve unit he will be assigned to, if accepted, already has a regular Army unit assigned for attachment.  It will be with my son's unit.  I hate that my son is going to Iraq.  I hate that my brother may go.  I love that they may serve together.  I'm thinking I may even get some sleep tonight.

I had no coffee today.  None, nada, zip, zilch, nix, nine, zero!  Its never been the cause for sleeplessness in the past, but I'm getting desparate.  I tried the hot tub, I tried a little hoochi coochi, I've tried wine, I've tried rum, I've tried Brett Hume's news report, I've even tried counting sheep (ended up shooting them).  So I'm decaffeinated, I'm on a roller coaster of good news/bad news, I'm a little buzzed (didn't take much tonight), a little bit itchy (thanks to the little buzz).  If I don't sleep tonight, I may NEVER sleep again!

And I've come to the conclusion that.... coffee induces farts.  I haven't farted once today.  None, nada, zip, zilch, nix, nine, zero! Its got to be the coffee, its the one constant.  You know what?  I miss coffee and therefore I miss farting.  Tomorrow I'm due to make an appearance at a wedding and I shall be there, fully caffeinated and tooting the trumpets of glory! 

On that note, I bid you all a good night. 


gdireneoe said...

OMG! You are an absolute hoot!  I don't usually giggle at "f" stuff...but you caught me off guard...and it's true!  Try chamomile tea.  C.

artloner said...

Oh girl, you're killin' me with the fart reports!

I do have a suggestion for your Mother though.  I have terrible problems with dry mouth due to the morphine, and its caused mucho cavitos!  The dentist gave me a mouthwash called: Damnit I Can't Remember, but it specifically for that.  Also, in the pharmacy today I was gum, mints and another non-prescription mouthwash, all for dry mouth.

Good Grief, when did I turn into such a nerd?


robinngabster said...

I don't know about the farting but I do think it makes you poo.  :)

mumma4evr said...

so, you did you get your coffee?

derasta said...

You are so funny Dorn....I like to surprise my hubby when he is concentrating on the computer and I go over and give him a always provokes a good laugh..

I do the same thing with my cell phone...when the kids leave the house I give them my cell...other wise it never gets used :)

xxroxymamaxx said...

Wow, sounds like grand central station!  And the mother of the Southern Oompas, that is too funny!  Go get some coffee for crying out loud!  lol  I can't make it through the day without it!  GBU, Shelly

cdittric77 said...

Try a little ambien :) That works for me! So does klonopin!
Peace and love,

plittle said...

At what point writing this entry did you stop and say, "wait, I haven't mentioned farting yet?"

vortexgirl said...

As I was reading I was thinking, 'what no farts?'  Thanks for not dissapointing! :o)

beckieramos said...

God bless you and your family Dorn. May He keep Gabe and your Brother safe. Yes, it is sad to see them go, but u must also be so proud. God bless, Beckie

jrmkiss said...

You never disappoint when I am looking for a laugh. Try a couple Benadryl, always works for me. Nichole

swmpgrly said...

good luck on the sleep.
Try total exhaustion do push ups till ya

sdoscher458 said...

I think last week sleep eluded a lot of us here, those of us who do take things to heart....try to relax, dream pleasant dreams....SAndi

princesssaurora said...

Hmmm interesting link between coffee and farting...but I am still not giving up one bit of my dear heavenly java.  

Praying your son and brother will be together and that you will sleep.

Be well,

sunnyside46 said...

oh, I am a night prowler too.i do better when I give up trying to sleep & watch tv, it ususally puts me out. i t gives me somethig to concentrate on besides my own internal voices
prayers for all of those in harm's way in the war.

spurgins311 said... are soooooooo funny. Sorry I haven't been around much lately. I am a night owl too....just can't do mornings and sometimes early afternoons!  :D  

Did you try decaf coffe? Don't know about the farting may bring back the tooting...hehehehe      

Sharon :)