Saturday, September 17, 2005


I bought a lifetime membership to the Spa Health and Fitness Centers when I was 21  .  Not a bad deal, a lifetime membership.  I intended on going to the Spa 3 times a week.  How could they afford to offer that kind of service?  I found out within a week.  They didn't intend on my lifetime being very long at all.  They tried to kill me.  They employed a sadistic arobics instructor.  She wanted to make an example out of me.  She said it was for my own good, and that she loved me.  I hated her!  After my workout I would go to Wendy's and wave to her over my taco salad as she crossed the parking lot.  She would smile and wave back, and then work that taco salad off twice as hard the next time.  I stopped going after a couple of months and dedicated my butt-jiggle to her because saggy-butt was her pet peeve.

I don't know if my lifetime membership is still good.  I don't care.  I would never go back.  I still twitch and tremble at the memory of the psycho gym warden.  In recent days though I have become inspired to become more fit.  Okay, maybe my inspiration came when I had to run up a hill behind Dickidoo and our 60 year old friend and I was the only one out of breath when we got to the top... At any rate, a quick inspection revealed that somewhere over the years I have lost sight of my lap... quite literally!  My stomach, which once upon a time used to be flat and firm, has taken up residence in my lap, obstucting my view.  So I have started a morning routine.

I'm not sure if 2 days qualifies as 'routine', but two days in a row, thats a record for me!  For the past two mornings I have done crunches.  And I don't me jaw crunches, I mean abdominal crunches.  Yesterday it was 20 couch crunches.  In case you aren't familiar with couch crunches, those are real crunches, only they are performed on the comfort of your couch or easy chair because you are too dang lazy to get up and lay on the floor.  This morning it was bed crunches.  Dickidoo tried to take credit for those, but no, really, I did 28 crunches in bed while he showered after our combined synchronized work-out.  I feel... revitalized.  I feel energized!  I feel years younger. 

No I don't! I feel like a fat, out of shape 45 year old woman.   Later, when I have the energy to do come serious thinking I will have to evaluate whether or not seeing my lap again is really worth all this.  After all I haven't seen it in years so its not like I'm going to miss it. 

Gonna marinade in the hot tub later tonight, thats for sure.   Hmmm, I wonder if I can squeeze in a few jacuzzi crunches.


sdoscher458 said...

Ah's hell getting old! I'm doing exercises cause I don't want to get up one day and find myself frozen in one position! Not fair I tell you, by the time you figure out what it is that you want, you find your git up and go got up and went! Sandi

princesssaurora said...

Jacuzzi crunches do twice the work with less pain...the water provides resistance yet while doing the crunch it will seem easier do to the buoancy!  Sounds perfect!

I think 2 day qualifies for more than just a new routine!  lol

Be well,

dbp2000 said...

I have to try those couch and bed crunches.  It sounds like a good start to the routine I keep talking about.

jckfrstross said...

lol i will have to try those crunchs


abell1999 said...

I bought a set of four Tae-Bo DVDs with the intent of doing it three times a week. I couldn't even get through the instructional and ended up sitting on the couch panting watching them work out!


rjet33 said...

"After all I haven't seen it in years so its not like I'm going to miss it."  This comment had me ROFL.  I am a 46-year old out of shape woman who is also losing sight of my lap.  I am right there with ya, sister!!!!  That E word is a wirty dord in this house, lol!!!


cneinhorn said...

and you'll be really talented if you can squeeze in the jacuzzi crunches while holding a Corona  ;-)  heehee    kinda like me taking a 5 mile walk while eating a snickers bar...hmmm, something wasn't quite right with that  

purplectigger said...

You inspired me to think  about maybe joining you in your fitness routine. It didn't take me long to deside, forget that crap. I'm 49 and I 'm just to l
old to worry about it. I think I'll have a piece of cheese cake and get that notion out of my head.
Hugs, R.C.

hewasolddog299 said...

Forget the jacuzzi crunches ("Hmmm, I wonder if I can squeeze in a few jacuzzi crunches.") At your age, it's time to start on Kegels for incontinance prevention...

;)  wil

swmpgrly said...

Maybe you need to wear a cross before that sadistic arobics instructor crunches you to

lazarai said...

Well, Dorn, if those don't work, you could always try some 12-ounce curls (of the Coors variety...).

;) Carol