Wednesday, September 21, 2005

WHY SOME WOMEN OVER 45 shouldn't burn their bras.

I haven't worn a bra in 3 days and let me just say here and now that it ain't all it used to be!  Gone are the days of cute perkiness accentuated by tight tee-shirts.  Now I just look like a flat chested old lady with two 'outies' that are a little off centered.   

I had to walk with my arms crossed today when I went to the bank due to the increased jiggle factor.  Running was completely out of the question, the force from my slightly elongated perkiness would probably have knocked my equilibrium off or even worse, knocked me out!  Poor Dickidoo has had to recalibrate his 'cop a feel' technique, the target is now located about 4 inches lower than when we first met.  He almost always misses on the first try now days.

Ah well, at least I still have my clevage.  Granted, its a little longer and a whole lot lower, but its still there and can be coaxed out for a special appearance with one of them push 'em up bras and maybe a little duct tape here and there. 

Nope, it just ain't all what it used to be.

23 comments:

dbp2000 said...

Girl!  You crack me up!  I wish I could say I cannot relate to this entry but I truly do!  Last time I went shopping for lingerie I had to admit to the clerk I needed an underwire in a 42 Long. I'm laughing through my tears!
Donna

artloner said...

Dear Lord!!!

(Wishing I didn't know anything about this, but I do!)  I SWEAR I am going to have a reduction one of these days.  <sigh>

xoxoxo,
andi

demandnlilchit said...

We have  2 options.......stand on our heads to remember where the 'girls' used to be or  place an empty toilet paper roll under each breast and waaaaa laaaaa! They can put a man on the moon, but can't make a comfortable, workable underwire bra! It's a conspiracy I tell ya! lmaoooooooo

jckfrstross said...

LOL thanks for making me laugh

Deb

gdireneoe said...

OMG!...snortchoke...you are too funny!  I gotta stop trying to drink my tea when I sit down here.  You know that song, "Do Your Ears Hang Low"?  Someone told me what it was REALLY about!  LOLOL!  I will NEVAH hear that sweet little song the same ever again. ;)  C.  http://journals.aol.com/gdireneoe/thedailies

cdittric77 said...

Gravity is a killer :) Go buy a vs push up.

glensfork4 said...

OK-this is too funny....My best friend Holly has little on the top & I seemed to have been blessed with too much hanging too low, so we have always said we were going to try to get a 2 for 1 breast surgery. Take mine & give to her...Think that would work? Dorn-I do the same thing-run to our "small town" w/o a bra & then after getting out of the car to run into Walmart or the IGA etc....I run around cross-armed...Something wrong with that picture....LOL

derasta said...

You are so funny Dorn, what a good laugh I always get coming here...I can relate to this entry for sure....gone are the days!!!

purplectigger said...

You are a hoot  ! It's hard for me to relate to that problem. Don't have any thing to droop. I only wear a bra if I wear a dress or dress up nice and I hardly ever wear dark colored clothes. I count my self lucky. I hate wearing bra's and am glad I don't have to.
R.C.

vortexgirl said...

I too have been overly blessed and my step sisters wanted to go with me when I had a breast reduction.  Could still use another and even with a bra running is dangerous not only for me but anyone standing too close.  As for the cardboard tube I would crush that instantly.  One good thing about not wearing a bra is that pulls all the wrinkles from our chin out.  lol
Dianne

mumma4evr said...

my then 6 yo dd walked in on me one day while dressing and said" Momma, why do your nibbles ( yes, that is what she called nipples.  She thought nibbles made more sense since babies nibble on them) point tothe ground?"  I told her it was gravity at work.  A few months later, she walked in on me agian and said " I guess gravity is still working"
Becky

globetrotter2u said...

LMAO!
Thanks Dorn, dear! I was so depressed today and you pulled me right outta my slump! And boy can I relate!
Maryanne

rjet33 said...

Ya gotta love Maxine.  I feature her now and then in my own journal.  As for me, never had that problem.  That is all I have is nipples.  I think going through puberty, Mine forgot to develop.  ::sigh::  However, at 46, when I read an entry like this and the comments, I don't mind so much, and cleavage?  What is that?  ROFL.  Thanks for the laugh.  My Nana J, God rest her soul, had some.  They became like pancakes and went down to her navel as she aged.  Poor Nana.  Guess gravity was working on her too.  Well, now she is with her Jesus that she loved so much and she is perfect.  At least we have that to look forward too!  :-)

Blessings!
Susan
http://journals.aol.com/rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle

P.S.  Sometimes, I think that is why God called my Daddy home 'cause Nana is up there trying to tell him how to run heaven, and he needed my Dad to help keep her straight!!!!!!

adpa said...

Oh, Dorn, you are too much!    I needed the burst of laughter this gave me.    Am gonna notify all my friends to read this---whether they can relate or not!

Ann

princesssaurora said...

Ohh this is so funny and so true!  LOL

Be well,
Dawn
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/CarpeDiem/
Poetry:
http://journals.aol.com/princesssaurora/TouchofEmpathy/

swmpgrly said...

I still think men have it worse...theres shrivel up and disapear...lol

schnozbeary said...

Oh stop your whining and look at the bright side! You can scratch your boobies and belly button at the same time! I feel your pain, though. I had my one good bra break a few months ago and felt all jiggly and wiggly too!! Do you remember the old "pencil test?" I can comfortably hold a twenty pack of pencils there now...in fact, it's where I store my mad money!! ;) Penny

astaryth said...

I remember when I was younger and felt envious of the more endowed girls.... now, as i get older, I'm glad that I was never 'blessed'. I can still run around braless... and yes, I said run <LOL>
http://journals.aol.com/astaryth/AdventuresofanEclecticMind

sdoscher458 said...

LOL you heard the one about the lady doing jumpin jacks and knocked herself out? I can feel the pain...my two sisters basically had fried eggs and I wound up with the full load.  I think I would prefer to be smaller...oh well...Sandi

cneinhorn said...

LOL

helmswondermom said...

I know exactly what you mean.  And aren't we glad to have duct tape?

Lori

alphawoman1 said...

You are hilarious! I ran outside to get the mail today with out a bra on and the UPS guy drove by, grinned and waved! Guess he noticed!

hestiahomeschool said...

Does your husband laugh when he sees your nipples?  Mine does. They are so stretched out....sigh...