Monday, January 17, 2005

MY MORNING ORDEAL

Getting dressed this morning was tramatic.  The Dirty Laundry Fairy obviously helped herself to an unauthorized 4 day weekend in celebration of Martin Luther King Jr. Day, and I had no clean clothes to change into.  I dug up a pair of Wranglers from a basket filled with discards.  This particular pair of jeans had been discarded because a small hole was torn into the seat of it.  No time to patch it, but I was able to think up a quick remedy.  The jeans were black, the hole was in the seat of the jeans... I just changed into a pair of black panties, and the hole was instantly camoflauged.  Dang, sometimes my brilliance scares me!

Unfortunately the jeans were flawed in another way.  The zipper sides were placed too far apart.  In the past I would have thought that the jeans were too small, but my youngest daughter corrected my way of thinking... the jeans are fine, the zipper was just put on too far apart!  So, knowing that aside from the defective zipper and the hidden hole, I had a perfectly good pair of jeans... I forced the zipper together and pulled it up.  I was eventually able to secure the zipper, but now I look like some alien with 2 sets of boobs, one pair right at chest level, and another set just above my waistline.  I'll just have to wear a baggy shirt today, and hope I don't get perky in the wrong places.  And I hope I can hold my breath all day because the button was placed too far from the button hole and I don't know how long it will hold under the current stress conditions!

9 comments:

melissajbird said...

omg you crack me up.  I say we look for that dirty laundry fairy and whoop her A$$.

stephweiss said...

Run to Wal-Mart, get yourself some comfy pull-on jammies. I love to have an excuse ("The Dirty Laundry Fairy took all my clean clothes") to wear my wonderful comfy jammies all day, instead of those jeans that the "Holiday Demon of Clothing Alteration" has moved the zippers on. Time, perhaps, for a journal entry on how these demons & fairies get into the house. I think my dog lets them in, just to spite me for putting her on a diet.

csandhollow said...

OMG i CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

swmpgrly said...

Lmao  I think I have the same jeans! I think the company those jeans are made by must all be moonlighting at maidenform so we will all buy two bras and boost buisiness. One for our chest and one for our waist.

articwulf58368 said...

I just put on my jeans today, and I too cant breathe. My oldest daughter asked me if I was okay because I had to lay down to get them bottoned. Who needs air anyways? Brandie

st0rmwhispers said...

Well I think you ought to sue the manufacturer...You go to all the trouble of buying jeans in your size and suddenly after years of careful use the zippers and buttons start moving of their own accord and fabric runs off to who knows where leaving nothing but gaping holes behind.  Obviously defective merchandise!

glopsblink said...

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know how you feel Dorn!!! I have size 6 jeans and I've been a bit lazy about my loosing weight routine so they are just a little snug (that'll go away once I start swimming and my first karate class next week, woohoo!!! And, yeah Dorn, the zipper was just sewn on wrong. ;D

Oh, I shall be back to read again. Blessings. =)

http://journals.aol.com/glopsblink/ATreasureTroveofGoodies

cindyliz77 said...

Your journal link was on the journal belonging to a friend of mine and she thought yours was good - She's right. I like the way you think, too funny. For now on I'm using the "too far apart zipper" it's perfect!!  Great journal!

purplectigger said...

Too Funny.. Now after all these years I finally have the reason for snug jeans.
Have a great day.
R.C.