Wednesday, May 3, 2006

LESSONS I'VE LEARNED FROM THE OOMPAS

* Beetles are not digestible.

* Watermelon is not digestible when eaten in large quantities (as well as corn and Macadamia nuts).

* The longest lasting batteries can be found in the noisiest toys and in lost watches with built in every-hour-on-the-hour beepers.

* A 16 oz. bottle of baby powder can coat an entire 3 bedroom apartment when vacuumed up with an old fashioned suction vac.

* 2 eggs will blow up a microwave oven in less than 3 minutes.

* It only takes 3½ minutes to microwave popcorn and 4 minutes to burn popcorn in a microwave but it will take a week to get the smell of burnt popcorn out of the house.

* Super glue works on lips.

* Shampoo smells better than it tastes.

* Shampoo makes a good laxative.

* Never say 'okay' when a child asks if he can call Santa.  You may end up with a $60 charge to Madagascar on your next phone bill.

* Snakes should be kept in a box that is taller than the snake's length.

* Hamsters can squeeze through holes smaller than their head.

* Be specific with restrictions.  To a child, just saying 'No Nintendo' implies that playing the Sega is okay.

* Furniture polish should not be used to shine the floor.

* Nail polish remover will strip a wood table clear down to it's natural surface in a matter of seconds.

* A quiet house full of children in the middle of the day usually means trouble.

* Always be suspicious of silence.

* Black widows do not make good house pets.

* Crickets also make lousy house pets.

* Check with your spouse before offering to bribe a child to insure that you aren't both paying the same child for the same job.

* The principal's office is still intimidating when you are a parent.

* A child will forget a promise they have made a whole lot quicker than they will forget a promise a parent has made.

* An entire wardrobe of dirty clothes, two years worth of school work, 6 pairs of shoes and a life's collection of toys can fit underneath a twin sized bed.


COMIC STRIP GENERATOR

6 comments:

princesssaurora said...

Those are all great and so true...  of course, those without girls cannot truly appreciate the nail polish thing as you and I can.  Every I look at that spot on my dining room table and get annoyed... just a little... lol

be well,
Dawn

hestiahomeschool said...

Ah, thank you for sharing your wisdom, oh Wise One.

We will be leaving for COlorado two weeks from today!

sugar1337 said...

True words of wisdom  :)

sunnyside46 said...

that entry is true genius. I want to print it and hang it on my wall
Marti

am4039 said...

hurry up gabe and get home. LOL funny stuff. Thanks for sharing.

helmswondermom said...

These are wonderful!
Lori