LESSONS I'VE LEARNED FROM THE OOMPAS

* Beetles are not digestible.

* Watermelon is not digestible when eaten in large quantities (as well as corn and Macadamia nuts).

* The longest lasting batteries can be found in the noisiest toys and in lost watches with built in every-hour-on-the-hour beepers.

* A 16 oz. bottle of baby powder can coat an entire 3 bedroom apartment when vacuumed up with an old fashioned suction vac.

* 2 eggs will blow up a microwave oven in less than 3 minutes.

* It only takes 3½ minutes to microwave popcorn and 4 minutes to burn popcorn in a microwave but it will take a week to get the smell of burnt popcorn out of the house.

* Super glue works on lips.

* Shampoo smells better than it tastes.

* Shampoo makes a good laxative.

* Never say 'okay' when a child asks if he can call Santa.  You may end up with a $60 charge to Madagascar on your next phone bill.

* Snakes should be kept in a box that is taller than the snake's length.

* Hamsters can squeeze through holes smaller than their head.

* Be specific with restrictions.  To a child, just saying 'No Nintendo' implies that playing the Sega is okay.

* Furniture polish should not be used to shine the floor.

* Nail polish remover will strip a wood table clear down to it's natural surface in a matter of seconds.

* A quiet house full of children in the middle of the day usually means trouble.

* Always be suspicious of silence.

* Black widows do not make good house pets.

* Crickets also make lousy house pets.

* Check with your spouse before offering to bribe a child to insure that you aren't both paying the same child for the same job.

* The principal's office is still intimidating when you are a parent.

* A child will forget a promise they have made a whole lot quicker than they will forget a promise a parent has made.

* An entire wardrobe of dirty clothes, two years worth of school work, 6 pairs of shoes and a life's collection of toys can fit underneath a twin sized bed.

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