Friday, April 8, 2005

BEDROOM HOROSCOPE, and the !@#$%&*?! alarm clock.

My bedroom horoscope:  (I shall never be able to read a horoscope the proper way again, thank you very much Dickidoo!)

Anyone who thinks that you Virgos lack stamina just doesn't know who you are these days in bed. You are wired to a power source that fuels you and keeps you strong in bed. Today is a day for an emotional breakthrough in bed. Apply your logic and your intuition in even measure in order to get the most out of the current opportunity in bed.

I hate alarm clocks.  That is why I don't use them.  I don't need one, I have an internal alarm clock.  It even adjusts to daylight savings... eventually.  Dickidoo uses his alarm clock... sometimes.  This morning he did not.  Thats not to say that he didn't set it last night.  He set it for 5 am.  But he did not use it!  The alarm, which for some reason was set at maximum volume, screamed in my ear for almost a minute, before this man, who will awaken if you even think of changing the TV channel, shut it off.  Wonderful... I don't have to be up for another hour and I'm wide awake!  Is he?  No, because he did not use his alarm clock.  He turned it off and went back to sleep, while I, who could have used the extra sleep lay awake listening to his contented snores.  I hate when he snores and I'm wide awake, that really makes me angry, especially when I want to snore as well, but can't because he woke me up and I have difficulty falling back asleep once I'm awake.

After 30 minutes of scheming and plotting revenge, I smack his shoulder.  Yes, I know... I should have waken him sooner, but I was busy... scheming.  He rolled out of bed and I rolled back to my side to continue my scheming.  Revenge shall be mine.  One hour later I forgot all about pay-backs as I opened my eyes and glanced at the alarm.  Holy Cannoli.... I was late!  When did I fall back asleep?  I jumped out of bed and rushed down the hall.  The Oompa Loompas were already up and getting ready for school.  They chimed out their 'good mornings' as they went about their business.  I made my way to the coffee pot... dry as usual.  Doesn't anyone else in this house know how to make coffee besides me?  Okay, so maybe I'm pretty much the only one who drinks coffee, still, it would be nice to wake up to a fresh pot.

Rocky says she has a hoarse voice.  She made me listen to her breathing.  What does it sound like, she asked.  I said it sounded like she had a huge loogie down there.  She says she thinks she will lose her voice and become mute.  I say 'good', and get a coffee mug from the cupboard.  One thing I've noticed since I've quit my day job, I always have clean coffee cups now.  How cool is that!  No more delays as I hunt for the cleanest cup on the counter.  Once that coffee is brewed, swoosh, right into a sparkling clean mug.  I could get used to this.

So, now that the kids are all at school and Dickidoo is at work, I must resume my plotting... how to get back at Mr. 'Lets-Set-My-Alarm-So-My-Wife-Gets-Up-While-I-Sleep'.  I know this really cool trick involving Saran Wrap and a toilet seat... but with my luck I'll be the one who gets up in the middle of the night to pee first.  Oh well, I still have some time before he gets home tonight....  One thing's for sure, we won't be proving my horoscope's accuracy until I catch back up on my rudely interrupted sleep!


lacaza3 said...

Hey I'm a virgo also I knew I like you for a reason'
donna in TEXAS

artloner said...

LOL..tell Rocky there's snot on her vocal chords, thus the hoarseness. (Straight from the Respiratory Therapist's mouth.)


lazarai said...

I suffer from that once-you-wake-up-you're-up syndrome too. Sometimes I want to roll over and stuff a dirty gym sock into my husband's snoring orifices!!!!

;) Carol

mumma4evr said...

LOL Ernie hates the alarm clock...and some days will get up before it goes off , so he can shut it off so he doesn't have to hear it.  BUT if I don't hear it I don't get up!!!! I do not have an internal clock!

loveladylisa1 said...

Too funny!  Hey does he ever use the kitchen sink? I got caught by that one.  My son used it as a April Fool's Day joke one year. He went visiting his grandparents, aunts and uncles, friends and at all the houses (including ours) he took a rubber band and put it on the sprayer fo the kitchen sink then made sure the sprayers were pointed fowards the center front. Then who ever turned on the faucet got a rude awakening since their eyes are focused on the faucet and outta nowhere you are soaking wet from all the water that has just come out of nowhere unexpectedly.  Pretty funny. After it "got" me we cleaned up the water and left the rubber band on for my unsuspecting hubby to discover.  It was a hoot!

purplectigger said...

I bet you will find a way to get back at him. I'm like that too. Once I wake up, I'm up. Let us know what you came up with.
Hugs, R.C.

heathyrxmarie said...

I hope tha tyou devised a STELLAR scheme to get Dickidoo back! ;)

hestiahomeschool said...

Let me know what you come up with, as every SINGLE MORNING my dear husband comes home and WAKES UP ALL THREE of us....every...single...morning...just because he works all night doesn't mean he has to wake us up when he comes to bed, does it???