Tuesday, April 12, 2005


(click on the # to link to the original entry)

 1  'Tornado watch doesn't mean that you should go outside and watch for a tonado, it means get inside to safety idiots!...' That was my conscience speaking.  I never listen to her anymore.  She's the one who told me that getting married and having kids was a good idea.  She also told me that buying a 5 bedroom house was the answer to our messy, cramped lifestyle.  Now we have a messy lifestyle that fills a 5 bedroom, 3 bath, splitlevel house with a one car garage that doesn't even have room for one car!

 2.   I did transfer some money into my savings account, on the advice of some of you good folks who are looking out for me but I won't disclose the amount.  I will tell you that the tellers at my bank think I'm real funny.  They kept looking at me with tears in their eyes saying 'is she SERIOUS?' from the other side of their safety glass.  They were still laughing when I drove away. 

 3.   'Daddy, your boobies are bigger than mommy's'. 

 4.    I spend $300+ every two weeks on groceries, thats over $600 a month!  And you know what happens to those groceries after you prepare and eat them right?  They turn into .... oh what the heck... POOP!  I literally spend more than $600 a month on POOP!  For all the money I spend on POOP  the store could at least throw the toilet paper in for free!

 5.  I've always referred to farts as 'butt burps', now it all makes perfect sence!  The kids thought I was saying my bedtime prayer.  What I was saying in fact was "Dear Lord, thank you for not giving farts a taste... AMEN!"

 6.  Has anyone ever really paid attention to what these kids are watching nowdays?  Take Spongebob Squarepants, he's this strange, yellow Cello sponge who works at a restaurant on the bottom of the ocean.  One day his restaurant caught fire, so they formed a bucket brigade to put the fire out.  Another time they got cold while camping so they built a campfire.  They're UNDERWATER!  Fire can't burn UNDERWATER!  What about Cow and Chicken?  The amount of snot and other bodily secretions that they put out in one episode makes my Dust Bunny entries seem like The Brady Bunch Journal.  Cow is always picking her nose and ears with her brother Chicken (?) and she exposes her utters (!) and squirts the bad guys with milk.

 7.  Hmmmmm, I say, maybe we should have gotten the next size up.

Oh no, it fits great, she says, They just made it wrong.... they put the zipper too far apart!

So all this time when I thought I had outgrown my jeans, it was actually a defect in the jeans, the zipper was put on too far apart.  I love the innocent logic of children.

 8.  9 more hours until school starts.  I have organized a district wide celebration that kicks off at 8am tomorrow morning.  Members of the PASV (Parents Against Summer Vacation) will kick their children out of the house with a sack lunch and then gather in the streets to celebrate the start of the new school year.  Teachers across the districtwill hold a moment of silence to mourn the end of their vacation.  We parents will be rejoicing the beginning of ours!

9.  Have you ever played Ker-Plunk.... in the kitchen?  Its like Jenga.... with dirty dishes.  I have the 'Wash As You Need Them' policy in effect for dirty dishes and we always have a huge stack of dishes on the counter and in the sink.  And wouldn't you know it, what ever it is that I need is ALWAYS on the bottom of the stack.  The trick is to extract that utensil or dish without toppling the rest of the stack onto the floor.  The loser cleans up the mess and has to wash the rest of the dishes.

10.  I tried running at work yesterday.  It was funny.  Things started flying out of my pockets, and then I had to cross my arms over my chest so I wouldn't knock myself out with my flopping boobs.  I was glad I had that pad on cos my bladder wasn't liking the high impact workout at all!  Note to self:  NOTHING at work is worth running to!


paintsaqha said...


Well, that was a good cup of coffee!  But really I laughed so hard at times I am going to have to clean off my computer monitor because as I laughed so hard my coffee didn't stay where it was supposed to..... The one about running and your boobs was hilarious, because I have the exact same problem, I even purchased a "sports" bra and I can't say that it helps all that much.... Anyway, thanks for putting a smile on my face this morning.

sdoscher458 said...

Dorn! I love your humor...it's nice to wake up laughing....Sandi

bigred3392 said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This brightened my otherwise blah day of blahness. The tornado comment is going to keep me giggling for quite a while :)

purplectigger said...

Thanks for giving my day a kick start. I can always count on you for a laugh.
Have a great day.

fuzslady said...

lmao glad I found your journal



astaryth said...

All classics!! ROFL as always!

mystafymeal4me said...

The tornado bit was funny!
last year in july my boyfriend comes running in and says,"we got a tornado across the road come see" I say waight im getting the camra.
im taking pictures from begining to end.my middle daughter came running out to see what we were so exited about.lol
when we moved here we fantised our actions on what we would do in case of a tornado.(bieng rookies and all)
we tottaly blew it .(by the way the pics turned out great )

heathyrxmarie said...

LMAO! Dorn I LOVED this entry! Hugs,

happysunshien said...



loveladylisa1 said...

Great entry!

cneinhorn said...

I remembered most of these entries too!  great recap

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