Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Computer, sweet computer!

I'm back on my pedigree Dell computer, and I am content!  I hate that Frankenstein computer upstairs, I will never EVER use it again!

The weather here has been a little freaky lately.  Yesterday and today we had tornado watches, not just warnings but watches!  So what does my less-than-average family do?  They all run outside to 'watch' for tornados.  Okay, I'll admit it, I was out there with them staring up at the cloud formations.  I have several 1 minute videos of some awesome swirling clouds directly overhead.  No, they weren't funnel clouds, but I've always wanted to see a funnel cloud and was thinking that I might be able to capture the formation of one.  My little Rocky was scared probably for the first time in her entire life.

'Swirling clouds in a tornado watch area is bad, right?  So shouldn't you be inside the house?'  She was awesome, she had all the pets downstairs near the crawlspace, just in case (including the hermit crabs).  It was her genuine concern that made me give up my lifelong desire to witness a funnel cloud first hand and go inside.  I wasn't worried, but she was, and I wanted her to know that her precautions were well founded.  In all there were about 4 funnel clouds spotted yesterday (none by me), with 2 confirmed touch-downs in the north.  I've got to admit I'm glad they weren't any where near my children.

I've lost 5 pounds since the discovery of the condoms.  I'm sure there's a weightloss fad in there somewhere, I'm just not sure how to market it.  Another thing I've noticed lately, I'm very sarcastic.  Okay, let me re-word that, I am MORE sarcastic than normal.  I'm thinking about giving my husband a box of Trojans for Father's Day.  I suppose I should be really mad and maybe even hate him, but heck, he's put up with me for 20 years, I can't help but admire him for that.  My own parents only put up with me for 23 years before they got me married off (to him, poor guy!) and out of their house.  So anyhow, I'm feeling a little 'disposable' right now, but I imagine I still have some recycleable qualities... somewhere.... besides the air that I breath and my paycheck that is. 

I've been puzzled by a strange occurance in my household.  I buy toilet paper every payday, a 4 roll pack for each ofour 3 bathrooms.  Thats 12 rolls of toilet paper every 2 weeks, or six a week.  We have 7 people in the house at the moment... 4 are male who use the 'drip-dry' method unless they 'do the doo'.  3 of us have full time jobs that keep us out of the house for up to 9 hours, 5days a week.  So where is all that toilet paper going?  I don't understand it.  I go maybe 4 times a day (including the time at work), which is 28 times a week.  There's no way I use a whole roll of toilet paper in one week, and I wipe EVERYTIME I go!  I'm almost sure I'm going to open a closet door one day and be hit by an avalanche of toilet paper rolls.  Or maybe there's a toilet paper Bermuda Triangle vortex thing... or a worm hole or some other strange phenomenon in my house that is responsible for the disappearance of countless rolls of Charmin over the months.  It just totally baffles me.

Finally, I've come to the conclusion that it was the Dirty Dish Fairy that I found floating in the kitchen sink the other day.  We've had to resort to paper plates and plasticware.  I had to buy some cans of soda because all the cups and glasses are dirty.  For now I must sign off so I can look up telekenetic methods and techniques which I hope to use to load the dishwasher.  I hope they have an accelerated course because I'm about out of paper plates!  In honor of the untimely passing of the Dirty Dish Fairy I shall be flying my dishtowel at half mast in the kitchen tomorrow.  She will be greatly missed.  Amen and good night.

8 comments:

ryanagi said...

Hmm. Methinks you need a chore schedule posted on your fridge to enlist the aid of your many able-bodied children in the dish scraping and washer stacking process. -B

gatorspictures said...

girl, i saw a funnel cloud form right OVER my house in tennessee about 3 years ago, and it was BRUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!! all pink and green and swirly---and UP IN THE AIR thank goddess, because it absolutely destroyed the town about 3 miles away when it touched down. it was an F3, but i saw it in infant stage, hanging off of my porch. i don't think i would have like it at toddler stage...
condoms...hmmm....buy a mondo box, blow 'em up, and tie them to his car. better yet, helium them so they "stand at attention" like they are supposed to. that would be....FESTIVE!!! especially if you got the colored ones, or the edible ones...practical snacks for after the unveiling...hehehe
sorry about the passing of your dish fairy...maybe you could bribe the munchkins into scraping and loading with promises of helping decorate daddy's ride? hehehe yeah, i know, too twisted....sorry.
is there any way you can put your minute videos on here? i would so love to see them. well i'll end my novel comment....sorry, babbly tonight. winding down after the homicide call that put my adrenaline at the bubbly highest....gotta love work!! C

sixpackjeff said...

no tornadoes in boston so it would be pretty cool to see one......might need some of that toilet paper though.......lol.
i'm thinking, that movie with mel gibson and danny glover........grrr! i hate when i forget ........anyways, glovers daughter does a condom commercial and (here's my point) all the precinct boys get him a plant covered in condoms.(a rubber tree?)
i wouldn't do that, but the idea is funny.
keep yer head up, kid.

hestiahomeschool said...

The same roving black hole that eats one sock of a pair also uses a lot of toilet paper.  Then there is the eerie way that wire hangers breed in a closet...
I am sorry about the condom situation...what can I say to help?
love, Kas <--your future mother in law

sunshine38585 said...

I will fly my dishcloth at high mast as well. It is awful that she had such an untimely death. She will be greatly missed. Maybe she has a sister or daughter that will take over the family business. lol. Have a great one Darn.
Missy

angieabk said...

I am more certain than ever that we're related.

I buy a great big package of TP every week.. you know the ones... with like 24 rolls in them... I have them stored all over this house.  WHY?  Because we go through them so fast.... I'm terrified that I'll get up one day and there won't be any tp so I just buy and buy and buy.  What's going to happen around here is that one day the cops will be called and they'll find us all drowned in Tp.

Oh well.....


Condoms;  I keep telling myself this is none of my business and I shouldn't say/write a word but I never listen to me or anyone else....  Did he have any explanation at all?  I can't believe that he would leave them somewhere that you would find them unless he wanted to be caught.  Maybe he hasn't done anything yet... you know ...one of those cries for attention.  Men are the biggest babies ever.  If they aren't center of every universe then they act like brats.  Don't make yourself sick over this.  I'm worried about you.  
Damn I'm nosy.  I'm sorry.
But I am worried.
THINKING OF YOU!
angie

globetrotter2u said...

OH Dorny,
God Bless you for making me laugh each day!
And thanx so much for your kind words of encouragement to my entry last night. I am glad that I remind you of someone you like!
As far as the husband goes... I was pretty shocked when I found all the porno flicks in the various closets throughout this house. I was even more shocked when I discovered what some people do on the web...including people I like, respect, and love! The web is a dangerous place at times... but these are dangerous times that we live in and we all need different outlets for our secret fears and anxieties. Perhaps for you and me, it is journaling. Perhaps for the male members of our family, it is sometheing else entirely. Here's an entry I wrote when I first started my journal. If you haven't read it, you may get somewhat of a kick out of it.

http://journals.aol.com/globetrotter2u/Myfeelingsarereal/entries/250
My thoughts about the condoms are this... men have these appendages attached to them that have minds of their own. The "Big head" is frankly not in charge at times. I'd rather not have goo all over the furniture and carpets so the condoms might be  a mixed blessing.
Regarding the toilet paper... try Scott tissue, it lasts much longer than Charmin'
A friend who came to visit our house often, became frustrated because we always seemed to be out of toilet paper. (And that with 5 toilets in the house!)
He brought us  a roll of industrial strength toilet paper that was about a foot in diameter. We were pleased and happy about this great find until it blocked up our septic system.
This too shall pass! HUGS!

Maryanne

hestiahomeschool said...

I linked your journal to mine today. :-)