Tuesday, June 29, 2004


Woke up this morning to half a pot of cold coffee.  I don't waste coffee, I'll reheat it first.  Today that was not a good idea.  That coffee was sooooo strong that it didn't even change color when I added the creamer.  I kept adding creamer, waiting for it to start lightening but it never happened.  So now I have this thick, syrupy sweet cup of 150 proof caffeine.  I can almost feel the hair growing on my chest.  In fact I'm soooo buzzed on caffeine that I can almost HEAR the hair growing.

I've noticed from the response to my last coffee post that I am not alone in my addiction.  I'm glad to see that.  I'm so tired of getting weird looks from people when I chug a cup of joe.  My kids, after accepting my addiction, have begun accomodating me.  Its really funny.... sweet, but funny.... how fast one of them will brew a pot of coffee when I get on a rampage.  5 minutes top and one of them is standing there with a cup for fresh hot coffee held out as a peace offering.  How can you be mad after that?  I can't, I'm a sucker, I know it. 

It was brought to my attention that I make a lot of references about commode discoveries.  Okay, the secret is out.  My family suffers from a rare phobia, its called 'latrinaphobia', which is the fear of the bathroom.  They rush in and rush out, sometimes not even taking the time to shut the door, and NEVER taking the time to flush, leaving lots of opportunity for strange new discoveries.  Even Mr. Dickidoo suffers from it.  I do not like to reuse toilet water.  When I sit, my 'self' is a little closer than the average male's 'self' (yeah right buddy, in your dreams and mine!), and therefore I am susceptible to splashes.  The last thing I want splashing up on me is Pee Punch.  Another thing that bugs the snot out of me is how nobody else in the house will put a new roll of toilet paper on the roller.  Why?  I'll ask who used the last of the paper and everyone says 'not me'.  My next question is then who changed the toilet paper.  They all pipe in 'not me' but the point is lost on them because they all have 'latrinaphobia'.  Which brings tomind the great toilet paper mystery.  If nobody uses up all the toilet paper, then where the heck is it?


donah42 said...

I've had that coffee before.
At my house, we have the toilet gnomes that leave like one square of t.p. deceptively wrapped around the roll---just enough to give you the illusion that you have t.p. when you sit down, but not enough to actually wipe anything larger than a Barbie's ass....

ryanagi said...

I just asked Tyler. He says the paper is "in the potty! of course it is!" LOL So there you go. ;-)  -B

hebby1021 said...

I think my hubby's has latrinaphobia as well, That man can not put a roll of TP on the thingy if it would save his life. He just refuses...I don't understand it! That and the trouble he seems to have wiping his a** I know this because I do his laundry. MAYBE if he would put new TP on he wouldn't have the problem he seems to have. that and just taking his time in the wiping department. It's latrinaphobia I tell ya. Has to be!!

indigosunmoon said...

I am not a coffee addict...but I certainly have a caffeine addiction!  Mine is to good ole Coca cola!  I gotta have my coke in the morning, or you wont be able to stay in the same room with me!

gatorspictures said...

coffee in the mornin'---mt dew in the evenin' :::::singing off-key:::::: ahem.
hehehehehe PEE PUNCH? you know, dorn...you REALLY need to start a dictionary of "dornits" as i call them. that would be way hilarious....and useful.
p/s-my favorite is still dickidoo....a voodoo doll with dickidoo. perfect. c

onestrangecat said...

pee punch!  LOL


angieabk said...

I can not tell you how much I undersand the "self" being to close to the water business... YUCK!

Baylie is real bad about leaving pee punch when she's about to take a shower (and doesn't want to flush and ruin the water pressure)  .... I hate to find that.. who knows how much later.... like I said... YUCK!!!!

And as far as toilet paper.... Good Lord why is that so hard for anyone else to take care of but us?!?!