Wednesday, August 25, 2004

FLIES and other annoyances

Don't know for sure where they're coming from, but there are dozens of flies buzzing around the house.  I wonder if the front door being left open all afternoon has anything to do with it?  The flypaper is finally catching something besides careless humans.  I'm sure the insect equivalent to PETA (PETI ?) would protest, but I get a certain sence of satisfaction when I see those nasty flies glued to that fly strip.  I feel bad when I hear them buzzing though, and go over to make sure none of them are little science experiments gone terribly wrong... with little human faces and sad little human cries for help...  Yes, I admit, I watched too much sci-fi as a child and every version of The Fly was my favorite!

We have 5 bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, a kitchen, dining room, livingroom, den, foyer, a laundryroom and 2 hallways.  The bedrooms and laundry room are the only rooms in the house that have all of the lights working.  The kitchen flourescent lights are burned out so we use the stove light to cook by.  I don't do dishes after dark. Half of the lights in the den are out, none of the livingroom lights work.  Until lastnight only one of the chandelier lights in the diningroom worked, it was like eatting by candlelight.  Half of the bathroom lights are burned out.  The lights on the foyer ceiling fan are burned out except for one, the back porch light is burned out and the screws are rusted on so we couldn't change it if we wanted to.  I never really notice the lights not working until night time, and by that time its too dark to find the lights... so we just wait until daylight... and forget again because we don't need the lights on then. 

We have a drip in one of the bathrooms.  It only drips at night.  We can be in the house all day and not hear a thing, but the moment we get in bed, there it is, a constant, deafening drip, drip, drip! I used to put a bucket under the faucet to catch the water, but then the drip echoed.  We tried tightening the faucets and washers, but they must be as old as the house, which is almost as old as me, which means theres no fixing those drips!  I guess we'll be replacing some plumbing come spring.  This really sucks because my spring cleaning listfor next year is getting longer and longer, and I haven't even finished this years list yet!  Oh yay!  I'm soooo excited, can you tell?

Viewer Discression Advised:(cover your eyes now if you are modest, easily embarassed or offended by discussion about the female menstral cycle... or are an AOL Editor considering my journal for a future feature) I am no longer a virgin... again!  And, wouldn't you know, its that time of the month.  Ol Auntie Flo has the worst timing, doesn't she?  Why is it that some guys take it so personally, huh?  News flash... women can't menstrate at will!  Heck, I don't even enjoy it, so why would I wish it upon myself?  Trust me guys, there nothing fun about strapping a super duper diaper between our legs and walking around looking like a kid with a prize in his pants for a week... And do you really think we enjoy Tampax? Hello...NO! It was almost worth getting pregnant just so I wouldn't have to deal with it for 9 months.  Believe it or not I'm actually looking forward to menopause just to be done with this!  I just pity anyone around me when the hot flashes start flashing and my mood swings start swinging! EDIT: This was always an issue in the Dickidoo vs. Boobidoo wars, but not yet with the New and Improved Dickidoo (in other words, I just started my period 5 minutes before I wrote this so he doesn't know... hehehehe)

Okay, you can uncover your eyes now.  I'm done. And check it out, no pee/ poop/ burp/ fart/ or snot stories! Think I'll make #1? 

14 comments:

mzgoochi said...

LOL I think you should have made number 1 a long time ago Dorn. No more aunt Flo visits are the best thing about menopause. The hot flashes make you think twice sometimes though.

I loved every version of the fly too. Especially Jeff Goldblum.

Lahoma

cneinhorn said...

LOL!  We seem to have a lightbulb problem in our house too..and guess what? If I dont' change them, they don't get changed.......my Husband had to stay late on the boat to change lightbulbs.....very important it get done......I'm like HONEY! What about here, in this house, so I can cook dinner?!!  MEN!

Well, I for one, don't understand why you are not Editors #1 Pick......I mean, we all experience the things you write about....why not put it out there.....for all to share!

LOL

~jerseygirl    

purplectigger said...

Thats one problem we don't have here. I change light bulbs. I'm not crazy about the dark. I don't see to well anyway so I need all the light I can get. lol
Hot flashes and  mood swings are the pits, but sure beats Aunt Flo.
R.C.

emfeasel said...

Have mercy!!...you're a trip!

hehehe!

E

demandnlilchit said...

Loved it! Your sense of humor is outstanding!  I too would like to donate my uterus to science like yesterday! lol as far as the drip in the bathroom, quarter fold a thick washcloth and place at the bottom of the sink, that should help eliminate the drip sound to a small splat sound! If that doesn't help use one of your handy dandy kotex pads and put it to good use! lol I'll be back for more giggles you can count on that!
And thanks for your kind words in my journal through life!
Ü demandn

beckieramos said...

LOL! You are a riot! I agree abou the menopause! Men have it easy. We are stuck with the monthly curse and they have no right to complain! god bless, Beckie

sdoscher458 said...

Ever tried flashlights?  Hang one from each wallswitch...maybe he'll get the hint.
Funny entry...and yes, dear it does get better....just have to get through all the hot flashes....LOL....Sandi

wumzels2 said...

i hate flies....truly hate them....and love to torture them (oh great, now i will never be featured on the cover of aol journal land....).  the slightest piece of food will draw them, they lay those million or so eggs, then you have maggots...which are almost worse than the parents, and would be worse if they could fly too, but then they would be flies....oh nevermind...and oh, i love the original movie "the fly" as well.  for a b grade horror flick, it was very well made.

on the light issue...i live alone (well, with 2 cats) and when a bulb goes out, it usually stays out, unless it is an extremely important light (like next to the computer or something, lol).  i have agraphobia, (fear of heights), and i will not, i repeat, will NOT ascend a ladder by myself to put in a stinking light bulb.  but it is about time for me to do so....are there any really nice, handsome, single men out there in their 40's who don't mind dirty dishes in the sink who would love to come change my bulbs???????

as for drips, i married and divorced two of those, but still have the occasional one in my sink or tub.  it does seem like the plumbing only drips at night...that is why i have a rotating fan that goes 24/7 for "white noise".  can't stand those little sounds in the night....... like the one little cricket you never seem to be able to find........the drip, the clock second hand....

you are on your own about the period...i stopped doing that 8 years ago.....except for the two times since that i had one for about 3-4 days.  mine were usually short, hurt like heck for 2 days, and then were gone.  and don't wish menapause on yourself, girl, seriously...........it is not fun.  i almost had a nervous breakdown going through mine.  took me 11 years to go through it, and i still think i am in the last minutes of it............  

really enjoyed your journal today.......as usual.  have a blessed day.  r

ladydriversammie said...

LMAO at that last bit.  Hmmmm.  Not sure if that will fly any better than the farting but it's hilarious...keep 'em coming!

Sammie  :)

spurgins311 said...

Just got to this Dorn, computer went out. LMAO. You are a hoot and I love reading your entries. You say it like it is, no doubt about it and that's what makes it so fun to read.  We never know what you are gonna say.
Don't have periods anymore, but the hot flashes. Let me tell you...I would take hot flashes anyday over the "super duper diaper". ;)  A hot flash only last for a minute or two, geesh, darn periods last for days-days turn into years and so there ya go. I, like Lahoma, think you should be editor's pick NUMERO UNO  ~ # 1.
SHARON

ann7inflorida said...

I think it's time to buy some light bulbs! ~Ann : )

ryanagi said...

Hmm. I suggest a bargain with Dickidoo. You work at Walmart...tell him you will bring home a boat load of bulbs if he will CHANGE THEM for you. No one should live life in the dark. LOL -B

kimbellina1957 said...

I AGREE WITH THE OTHERS. THIS JOURNAL SHOULD BE THE EDITORS #1 PICK. THERE ISNT ONE THING HERE IN THIS JOURNAL THAT ISNT ABSOLUTELY WORTH READING. AND IT IS ANYTHING BUT BORING , ONCE YA GET IN HERE , YA CANT GET OUT!!! LOL....
I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH GETTIN A BULB CHANGED AROUND HERE, BUT LATELY, WE HAVE GOTTEN OUR SHARE OF THOSE IRRITATING FLIES . MAKES ME CRAZY.
ITS ALMOST LIKE THEY KNOW I AM THE ONLY PERSON IN THE HOUSE THAT GETS IRRITATED BY THEM, SO THEY WILL NOT!! LEAVE ME ALONE. THEY DONT BUZZ AROUND ANY ONE ELSE HERE!!!
KIM.

sprite1229 said...

OMG...i HATE that time of the month..cramps kill :(