Friday, August 20, 2004


I need to start exercising.  Problem with exercising it that shortly into a session I start to sweat profusely, my heart rate increases and I become fatigued.  Now I don't know if you've noticed but those 3 symptoms are common symptoms of any number of serious aliments so being the health conscious individual that I am, I have come up with a low impact exercise program that will give me the work out I desire without the dangerous side effects.  This is my 'visual workout'.

First, and most importantly, warm-ups.  I roll my eyes to the left for 10 repetitions, and then to the right.  Then... repeat.  Do not skip the warm ups, otherwise serious eye fatigue may result.  Secondly, hydrate your eyes with eye drops, keeping the bottle handy for rehydration as needed.  I use Visine for Computer Eye.... its like the Gatorade of eyedrops.  Now you're ready.

Pull out and open the treadmill, exercise bike, stair machine or other exercise machine.  If you do not have one, a picture of one will do just as well.  Find a comfortable seat a little ways away, keep a drink with you.  Sports drinks are good but not necessary.  Now you are ready to begin. 

Take a few deep, cleansing breaths, blink a few times to loosen up your eyelids, focus on the exercise machine and.... LOOK!  Hold this gaze for about 10 minutes.  You may blink during this period, just space the time between blinks.  Rapid blinking may lead to headaches.  After 10 minutes take another succession of deep cleansing breaths, close your eyes to rest them for a moment and then begin again.  Only this time you will look just a little bit FASTER.  Just do 2 sessions this first day, but over time you may be able to workout for as long as you want.  It is okay to have small snacks in between sessions, just don't snack with your eyes closed and nothing too heavy.  Many small snacks over a period of time are preferred to one large snack. 

And there you have it, the Visual Workout.  If you don't have any suitable exercise equipment feel free to use mine.  Just stare at the picture of the treadmill.  There is even a drink bottle so when you get thirsty, just stare at the bottle.  Unless of course you have something else you would like to drink... Disregard any warnings on your machines that caution against consumption of alcohol while using the equipment since technically you are not actually operating the equipement, merely visualizing it.  Notice the 5 pound dum bell weight on the side.... that is for visual weight lifting, but don't attempt that for the first week.  Now, get to it and Visualize safely.


purplectigger said...

Great idea. Maybe you should market this idea. I bet a lot more people would exercise this way and we would have a healther america.

mom23nca said...

Very similar to the method my husband uses.  IF you buy a book on anything (weightloss, getting rid of clutter, stopping procrastinating) you will absorb it, even if you don't crack the cover and it will work.

cneinhorn said...

Hey, do you think it would be okay if I had a cheeseburger, fries and a beer while


mzgoochi said...

I think I over did it, I'll skip tomorrow. hee hee


jkb2320 said...


angieabk said...

Love the concept!  Don't see it helping me to lose much weight, but what the hay.. who knows.. I'll give it try and see what happens.

Thinking of you...

spurgins311 said... that a treadmill? It looks familiar, I think I have one-somewhere. Great entry, so everyone says, guess I better GO AND READ IT NOW....being I left a comment.   ;)

spurgins311 said...

OMG...what a workout. I am absolutely exhausted. My eyes hurt all over, they ache, throbbing, tears rolling down my face and I am sweating profusely now-about to pass out from exhaustion....hey Dorn, the visine isn't working, need something stronger. I don't think I can do the dumbells-look to heavy.oh please don't make me do the dumbells, bike or any other damn thing!      

andrea74albert76 said...

once again thanks for the laugh! I wish that'd work lol that'd be more fun than what I'm doing now at the gym! have a good one -andrea