PRESIDENTIAL DEBATE, Round 1

I watched the debate with Rocky.  If you want to get a fresh new perspective on the presidential campaign, watch a debate with a 10 year old.

Key points (according to Rocky)

*Kerry is a big fat liar, with a skin and bone face.

*Bush kept repeating stuff.

*Kerry is scary looking.

*Bush has a sence of humor.

Key points  (according to Dorn)

*Is Kerry running for President or Preacher?  I felt like I was listening to a sermon.

*Bush kept repeating himself.

*Kerry made me dizzy with his hand signals, but being hypnotized by his hands was better than having to stare at his scary face.

*Bush kept repeating himself.

My final take on the debate:  Kerry is by far the better speaker (if he would only keep his dang hands still!)  He was quick to take advantage of the President's blunders.  Bush was like the simple country cousin trying to outsmart the city cousin.  He's out of his league in terms of intellect, but he has the heart and the desire.  I think this will be a close race, right to the end.  What I wish is that there was a candidate that had Kerry's ambition with Bush's dedication, Kerry's pizazze and Bush's charm, Kerry's sophistication with Bush's humor, Kerry's confidence and Bush's candor... then I think we'd have a pretty darn good president.  (Of course it wouldn't hurt if he looked like Tom Selleck and sounded like Sam Sheppard...)

RENEGING ON A FAVORITE SAYING

Don't know what I ate, but my gullet was fussing today.  Remember my little saying about 'why fart and waste it when you can burp and taste it...',   Well, I take it back!  I was sitting here today thanking the good Lord that it was a fart and NOT a burp, cos that sucker was deadly!  Now I know why dogs are always panting with their tongues out of their mouth... cos they lick the place where those farts come from... and it can't be good!  They don't want that tongue in their mouth!  They just hang it out there until a human comes by that they can wipe it on.

Spent the evening in the hot tub.  Its so relaxing out there with all the lights out, nothing but the sound of the crickets doing the nasty dance, the stars bright and blurry in the cloudless sky (can't wear glasses in the hot tub... they fog up).  And the sound of 'Mom... how do you do this...?' and 'Mom... can you help me with my homework?', or 'Mom... read my paper?'.  Hello....children.... I'm in the hot tub, without any light, without my glasses, I'm sopping wet... does it look like I can even SEE your homework, let alone help you with it?  Whats that smell?  I don't know what you're talking about... no, of course I didn't fart, mommies don't fart, that's just the bubbles from the hot tub jets!

Animated fart by:  Wayne's Animated GIF Collection

HOKEY POKEY and dormant domesticity.

What is this skeleton doing?  I think he's either doing the Hokey Pokey or trying to shake off a dingleberry.  (I hate running out of toilet paper!)

I did some dishes before I went to bed last night.  When I finished I took my temperature.  I NEVER do dishes before I go to bed.  The only way I knew I was me was because despite the fact that I washed dishes before retiring for the night... I didn't do them ALL!  If I went to bed with clear and clean counters I would suspect that I was not really who I thought I was.  This is getting scary.  I'm 44 and I'm showing signs of domesticity.  Could it have something to do with the Domestic Diva Martha Stewart being convicted that has released my long dormant domestic tendencies?

Nah!  I just spent all afternoon on the stincking computer and I wanted to be able to say I did SOMETHING constructive besides shopping, eatting, yelling at a cat and popping the lid on the soup can for the kids' supper!

A DATE WITH MY BOY and cat shat.

I just got home from a belated birthday lunch with my boy Gabe... to find a cat taking a squat in my yard!  Come on cat... thats why I don't have cats or dogs... so I don't have to worry about little piles all over the yard.  So I'm yelling at this cat while its dropping its load, and its just looking over its shoulder at me as if to say... 'excuse me, a little privacy please?'.  Gabe thinks I'm crazy to be yelling at this crapping cat, I know, because he said "Mom, you're crazy".  But the cat knows its wrong, and it tries to cover the evidence, except its watching me, because I'm still yelling at it, and its not even getting the dirt on the plop.  Now I'm yelling at the cat because it's missing the target... and it actually looks down to where I'm pointing at, makes the adjustment and covers the mess.  He gets up and walks slowly away, waving his furry tail at me.  I know what he's thinking... 'Crazy human... I just shat in her yard!  Meow hahahaha!'.  Dang cat!

The dust bunny war is in full swing here at the house.  My two girls are bombarding me with pictures of dust bunnies.  There are actually more drawing then there are actual dust bunnies now.  I'm afraid to say I like any of them because then I set myself up for interrogation:  Which dust bunny do I like the best?  Which one is prettier?  Which one is the cutest?  Who's dust bunny is the most original?  I am in dust bunny hell!  One day these two little girls are going to make some men very unhappy, and all I can say is.... hey, I just gave birth to them!

Last night we had chicken nuggets for a quick dinner.  Not tender strips of chicken breast meat, but chopped, pressed and formed pieces of spongy chicken by-products... who knows, maybe they really are chicken nuggets... I don't know.  I just know that now I remember why I don't like them.  Why do I buy them?  I think its because they always look so good on the front of the package, but when you actually get them in front of you on  a plate... mmmmmm.  Well, its never a good sign when the kids look at their plate and still ask 'whats for dinner?'.  Today is my day off so I'll try to make it up to them and cook some real food.

So any how, back to my lunchdate, he took me back to the sushi restaurant, which is now one of my favorites... and I ate a huge dish of rice and raw fish.  Gabe had sushi and teriyaki beef on rice.  We had a real fun conversation, like in the old days when we would go to lunch together all the time.  I'm going to miss him, but I'm so glad that he's so excited about the goals he's set for himself.  Tonight is his last night at the boobie bar, then he has 2 weeks to get in shape for boot camp.  That means no smoking, less eatting, more exercise, and learning how to sleep during the night again.  2 weeks... dang, thats not a long time before he leaves.

AN EDITORIAL... of sorts.

Martha Stewart was assigned her inmate number: 55170-054.  She is to serve 5 months for lying about her sale of stock.  5 months for lying.  Its funny, I deal with people who lie ALL the time, and even when they get caught, they just shrug it off like its no big deal.  I say LOCK THEM ALL UP!  It bugs me though that she should get 5 months, and yet drug dealers are released all the time, along with child/spouse abusers, drunk drivers.  And here's a thought... if someone called you and told you that some stock that you owned was about to take a dip, what would you do?  I have stock... I would sell!  No, I wouldn't lie about it if I got caught, but I would definitely sell.

Of course I'd never have enough stock to warrant an investigation even if it did happen.  And I don't think the financial demise of the Anti-Domestic Diva would be worthy of the Headline News or Front Page Headlines.  I do wonder though if perhaps there was a little over-reaction to this case.  No, maybe not.   Perjury is illegal, period.  Perhaps the justice system is guilty of under-reaction to other less noteworthy crimes that happen in our neighborhoods every day and yet go unpenalized.  With all the crime, and not enough resources to handle it, many crimes go unsolved and unpunished.  And that is a real crime in itself.

POLYESTER PANTS

I'm wearing polyester pants today.  For those of you who are too young to know the meaning of polyester.... think 'polyesterday pants', think nylon disco bell-bottoms.  Think 'melt to your skin if someone drops a cigarette on you' pants. 

Polyester was the thing when I was in high school.  Boys had Angel's Flights... those skin tight slacks with the seams up the front like John Travolta and the off-sided package... hmmm, leftie or rightie?  Guys couldn't wear boxers with those pants, it was either briefs or nothing!

Girls had their own version of Angels Flights, but we were built differently so tight was definitely a no-no!  Wear your slacks too tight and you'd have 'camel toe' in the front, and 'hungry butt' in the back.  (thats a self-imposed wedgie).  And for the ample-thighed there was the risk of friction burn where the material rubbed together.

Sooooo, here I am, 25 years later, wearing a pair of polyester slacks that I would have been proud to wear in high school.  It has perpetual front creases... it never needs to be ironed (don't iron it... it will melt to your iron!), and the neat thing is... these slacks are actually 2 sizes smaller than what I wore in high school!  Now excuse me while I go try to do something about that granny-pantie line... I may have to do the faux-thong quick-fix.... thats when you yank your pantie into your crack to hide the pantie line.  It works great, but it feels like you've got a Pamper up your butt... not recommended for activities that last longer than a couple of hours.  This should get me through lunch... when I can buy a real thong (butt floss... it takes some getting used to but they're really quite comfortable).

 

DRUGS

I have a headache.  Its probably from not using my glasses regularily.  So I took some asprin.  Actually I took some acetaminephin (does that look right... I'm guessing on the spelling).  My question... how does the medicine know that its my head that hurts this time?  The last time I took it I had a sore knee and it went straight to the problem.  What if the medicine goes to work on my knee instead of my head?  My knee doesn't hurt now... my head does.

Drugs scare me. I listen to the ads on t.v. sometimes.  There's something out there for sleep enhancement... a sleeping pill... and this is what they say during the speedreading disclaimer part... 'serious side effects include drowziness'.  Drowziness is a serious side effect?  I thought that was the whole purpose of a sleeping pill!  And a laxative lists 'diarrhea' (their word, not mine!) as a side effect.  Huh?

There's a sexual enhancement aide (pill form) for guys.  One of their warnings is 'if stimulation does not subside within a couple of hours consult your physician immediately!'  Help doctor, I've risen and I can't get down! Now why would that product be approved for public use if it still had glitches... unless some people don't really consider that to be a glitch... hmmmmm.... Okay, never mind.

Allergy medicines are the worst.  By the time you eliminate all the 'don't use if you.. this and that', you'll probably find that you can't take the medicine because you are allergic to it or one of its many side effects. Asprin is good for your heart but bad for your stomach. So why do we take it?  Can't they fix it so it isn't bad for you?

What really scares me though is the number of OTC medicines that include 'death' as a serious side effect.  And people wonder why I don't like to go to the doctor everytime I get sick.  I'm not afraid of the doctors, I'm afraid of their cures.  Bring back the garlic and the leeches.  Okay, maybe not the leeches, but garlic I can handle!

BRONCOS BACK IN THE GAME and the Hemi sidelined.

I didn't get to watch the game due to the fact that I had to earn back some of that paycheck I just recycled, so I missed all the excitement.  The Broncos bucked the Chargers 23 - 13.  Yehaw!  My buddy Plummer is back in control!  My customers were awesome about keeping me abreast of the score, but its just not the same as watching the game yourself.  Way to go Broncos!

My brother called to check up on Gabe.  He served a few years in the Army so he had pointers for me... no care packages while Gabe is in bootcamp, they will only set him up as a target for ridicule.  Save the goodies for AIT.  Letters... lots of letters because he will need all of the moral support he can get.  And spend lots of time letting him know now how much we care and love him because his memories will be all he has for a while.

I drove the family back from our friend's party last night and Steve was such a horrible back seat driver.  Most of the times I drive with him in the vehicle is because I am his designated driver, so he's even worse!  Sometimes it takes all I have not to pull over and shove him out!  Actually last night was one of his better nights, but that was probably only because the kids were in the truck.  Oh buddy, don't try to burst my bubble when I'm driving that truck!  I swear it could fly if it had wings!  I think I have a name for the truck.  I thought it would be Goldie, or something feminine like that, but Steve protested.  I don't know what he wanted, but I've got everyone calling it The Hemi now.  Its not a Dodge, its not a Ram, its not even The Truck... its The Hemi !  We need to get The Hemi out and get it dirty!  Poor Steve is so paranoid about messing it up.  Its a 4x4 ... we bought it to go out in the woods, to go up in the mountains, to haul stuff when we go there.... but nooooo, he's so afraid of scratching his baby that he doesn't want to take it ANYWHERE!  And thats just it... that truck could probably take us ANYWHERE!  So whats the hold-up!  Thats why we got it!  Hahahaha!  Silly man!

p.s.  my apologies to anyone who has me on alerts and has to put up with my excessive editing, my kids have been reading my journals and they are the worst grammar police I have ever known... I'm trying to appear educated to them.  Its all my kids fault... they made me do it!

CINNAMON 'N BROWN SUGAAAA AAAA AAAAAHHHHH!

Unpaid Product Endorsement:  Philadelphia Whipped Cinnamon 'N Brown Sugar whipped cream cheese spread.  Folks, this stuff is devine!  Spread it on a warm bagel, mmmmmmm!  Spread it on toast, crackers, bananas, lick it off your finger, heck, lick it off your lover's finger... it don't matter how you eat it, its good!  Let me warn you there are 70 calories in the 2 Tbsp. serving size, but only 3 grams of carbs.  And it clearly states that it should be used within 10 days of opening for best quality... there are 11 servings in the tub... and you wouldn't want to waste any so by all means, go ahead and take a double serving on one day because you wouldn't want to waste one single drop of this stuff.  Oh my, its like sex in a bowl... please mamame, may I have some more?  YEOW!

CARPETTING and shampoo labels.

Well, I started pulling back the carpet on the stairs only to discover that the stairs had not been finished, they were just bare, untreated planks of wood.  No matter, I can do the top of the stairs then.... but its covered with boards with upsidedown tacks... the padding is stapled down, and glued on the edges.  This is going to be a bigger project than I thought.  Maybe Tuesday, when there are fewer distractions.... hehehehehe!

So I jump into the shower to get ready for this birthday party we're going to this evening, and I'm standing there waiting for the conditioner to condition and I decide to read the shampoo bottle.  I've never read the shampoo bottle in the shower before, but those shampoo people are smart, they're thinking someone is going to be standing there neked in their shower looking for reading material, so why not put some stuff on the back of the shampoo bottle.  Tresseme includes 'salon tips', to massage gently into hair, rinse thoroughly and repeat if needed.  They also point out that the product was not tested on animals.  Feeling socially at ease with that knowledge I pick up a bottle of Head & Shoulders.  It makes no such claim regarding testing on animals.  Does that mean that they DID test it on animals?  It also states in bold letters FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY!  If swallowed, contact physician immediately.  Now why would they put that on the bottle?  Did someone actually think that swallowing a teaspoon of Head & Shoulders would cure their dandruff problem? 

The hunter's shampoo had no such warning, just promises of eliminating human scent.  Have you ever smelled those hunters soaps?  They smell like dirt.  Hunters shower with this soap so they can smell like dirt.  Why bother to shower at all?  Just go outside and roll around in the garden!  The soap claims to be biodegradable and environmentally safe, it also kills bacteria and inhibits future growth.  Inhibits future growth... growth of what, the bacteria or the hunter?  How environmentally safe can it be if it kills bacteria?  What else can it kill?  I think I've done enough reading for one day.  Maybe those shampoo people should start putting cartoons or something else less depressing on their labels instead of  instructions and warnings.

BUMPER STICKER OF THE DAY

No, its not really a bumper sticker, but it should be!  Hahahahaha!  I love my Hemi!  Okay, its not mine.  But I get to sit on it... I mean, I get to drive it! 

10,000 HITS!

10,000 hits in 6 months.  Half of them are undoubtably from me, but for those responsible for the other half.... THANK YOU VERY MUCH for taking an interest in my humble mess of a life. Your comments have been both supportive and entertaining in themselves.  A very special thanks to everyone who came here to help speed up the process.  Here's to 10,000 more... if you're up to it.  Dorn

p.s. no, that isn't my butt taking a bow, but thats what it would look like if I could squeeze into that tiny little dress and take a bow without splitting the seam....

A PETITION TO THE PRINCIPAL

I just found a handwritten petition on the dining table and wanted to share it with you.  Its addressed to the principal of Rocky's elementary school.

September 23, 2004

Dear Mr. Bunger,

This is an organized sheet with many kids who want better ketchup, hot sauce & BBQ sauce choices (different seasonings).  Please consider the following.

Sincerely,

Rachel
(Friend #1)
(Friend #2)
(Friend #3)

 

This little petition is already signed by 20 students, and the girls have a meeting with the principal on Monday.  You know what, if the Principal doesn't give them their request, I just may have to donate some decent condiments to the school myself because I'm so proud of the girls for going about this in such a mature manner.  Its sooooo unlike something I would have done when I was a kid!  I just grumbled about the runny catsup... which was ALL we got, not hotsauce good, bad or otherwise... and used it anyway. 

THINGS TO DO LIST

I'm writing this down in the hopes that I will feel obligated to complete it once it has been broadcasted on the Web:

This weekend I plan to - (drum roll please.... not your drum roll Rocky, a real drum roll please).... rat tat tat tada tat tat tat!

I plan to pull up the carpeting from the upstairs!

We have such a beautiful hardwood floor below and since I hate pulling out the vacuum, which is a high maintenance applicance with so many of us in the house with long hair, I hope to eliminate the need to vacuum altogether.  Besides, the carpet is probably as old as I am and not near as perky.  I can't identify most of the stains but they won't come out.  The Rug Doctor gave his recommendation.... euthenize it, put it down!  Burn it, get rid of it!  Get it out of the house while you still can! 

We have a store here called the Carpet Exchange.  I wonder what kind of deal they'll give me for this old carpet.  I just want some area rugs.  My husband says thats just a name, they don't really exchange carpets there.  Well, I wonder what they would do if I did show up there with this nasty thing and drop it on their showroom floor.  "I'd like to exchange this for a new carpet".  Maybe they should reconsider their name.

I have such fond childhood memories of sliding around the house in stockingfeet on the hardwood floors, with my brother and sisters in persuit.  Mama was meticulous with her floors and they were always slippery and shiney.  I think she actually allowed us to run and slide only so we would buff the floors.  With a carpeted house my kids slide around in socks and zap each other (and me, the little turds!) with the static electricity.  Even the ferret is fair game and she will jump straight up in the air if you get her just right.  Well, there will be none of that this winter!  Of course that just means the kids will just have to find some other way to agrivate each other, which with their imaginations shouldn't take long.

ITS PAYDAY... And I'm rich for the next half hour... until the bank opens..

About the only time I am financially wealthy is the brief period of time between the moment my paycheck gets deposited into my accound and when I withdraw it once the bank opens.  I'm sure there is an interest rate on my account.  I've never earned any on it.  I'm closing my account with them next week, their cd's are too expensive.  They want a minimum of $1000 with a 5.5% interest rate.  I can get any cd I want at Walmart for $14.88 plus a 10% discount.  Banks are goofy.  I'm going to bank where I have the truck loan.  For some reason me depositing my 'now you see it, now you don't' paycheck there every two weeks is good for our credit.

My glasses are broken.  The frame right there by the joint, where the hole for the screw is... busted.  I'll be getting new glasses today... at least I'll have something to show for my paycheck.  People think I'm wearing contacts now, but the truth is I don't know who is yelling at me from across the room.  I hear my name, I turn, some fuzzy blob is waving at me, I smile and wave back and carry on my way.  I'm just waiting to get pulled into the office for waving an angry customer off and walking away.  Steve keeps suggesting duct tape.... cute Dickidoo, real cute!

Fall is definitely here.  Its probably about 65 in the house.  My toes are froze!  But guess what... I'm PERKY!  Hehehehe!  They're still pointing down, but they ARE pointing and at attention! Gonna have to put on one of them 'push-em-up' bras so everyone can appreciate my perkiness.  It doesn't happen often folks, believe you me so I flaunt it when I can.  (Of course I lose a lot of the effect when I put on that big ole work vest, but I'll still feel perky!).

IS IT JUST ME?

Or do other people:

Look in the tissue after they blow their nose....

Sniff the air after passing gas....

Sigh when they make it to the bathroom on time....

Sniff their fingers after clipping their toenails....

Inspect the stuff that comes out of their zits....

Make a loud noise in the library just to see what happens.

Have to have the last word, even when you know you're wrong...

Touch something that has a 'wet paint' sign on to see if it is still wet.

Throw things at electric fences.

Peek under a maniquin's towel.

Look when someone says 'don't look'....

BUTT BUBBLES, Part II

I was at my friend's (and neighbor's) house and her dog farted.  It was bad!  And people think I'm weird cos I don't like dogs licking me.  People, dogs lick their butts!  Why would you want them to lick your hand, or even worse, your face... after they've licked their butt?

I want a dog, but I'm kind of used to being able to run barefoot in the back yard without having to worry about landmines squishing between my toes.  And... I hate dogs licking me!  My mom had poodles.  They didn't lick their butts, they scooted around the ground to get clean.  Why don't other dogs scoot?  Do they like licking their butts?  Really... why do they lick their butts?  It can't taste good.  Sure am glad Mr. Charmin invented toilet paper cos there's no way I'd be cleaning myself the way dogs do... I'd be scooting, or I'd be covered with dingleberries cos there's no way I'd be licking! 

You know what I think?  I think dogs aren't stupid.  I think they lick their butts on purpose and then lick us for revenge.  No wonder it always looks like they're smiling, because they are!  They've just licked their butts and smeared it all over your face!

BUTT BUBBLES and the Great Pumpkin

Someone 'did it' while I was reading my mail this morning.  Both of my girls were standing behind me and they both giggled guiltily.  Then one left and the other yelled angrily as the smell rose to her nostrils.  I honestly thought she was the guilty party but apparently the one who fled was the one who fluffed.

'Didn't you hear the drum beat?' (I promised I wouldn't use names) she asked, holding her nose... 'It came from 'her!'. Drum beats?  Never quite heard that term used before.  I guess I should have stopped right there, but my interest was caught. 

'Oh yeah, thats what you hear when the fart bubbles come out and pop.... first they stick when you're walking and you have to walk all funny to shake them loose... but it never works so you have to jump up and down and squeeze your legs together and then apart... and you look all constipated as you're trying to get them out.  And when they pop they sound like a drum.  And all the gas that was trapped in the bubbles comes out and peeeee-eeewww!' 

That, people, was the definition of a fart.  I didn't make that up, that was from my sweet daughter who obviously knows quite a lot about the subject and is a fart-artist herself.  One day she's going to marry and have children of her own.  And I will have to live with THAT on my conscience!  Sorry world.

My husband rode the dirtbike to work today.  Its street legal so he's taking a safety course on Post which will permit him to ride it on the base.  He had to wear blaze orange and reflective tape on his vest.  And all this went over his jacket since its just on this side of 40 degrees outside right now.  I kid you not, he looked like the Great Pumpkin and I was tempted to cut out some black triangle eyes and a mouth to stick on him.  He just gave me that 'look' before driving away.  I just may have to do that anyway and slap them on him when he's not looking.... all in the spirit of the season!

A DUST BUNNY!

Look what my daughter Becca made for me.... its a dust bunny!  Thank you Becca, its so cute!

SOOOO, HOW ABOUT THEM BRONCOS? or Whassa matta you?

This is what the Bronco's looked like yesterday on the field... 'Where'd the ball go?'  Whhhhaaaaaaaaaa!  What happened?  I told Shannahan to kick.... I yelled, I SCREAMED!  But no, they had to run one last time!  Agh!  Next time guys, listen to me! 

A HEMI UNDER MY BUTT!

Oh, my gosh!  What can I say but.... Oh my gosh!  The last time I felt like that was when my crotch fell asleep while I was sitting on a rock, hunting for elk and had to walk with pins and needles... down there.... Yeow!  Mama!  Give me some more of that sugar!  I LOVE HEMIS!  Phew!  Okay, I've got that out of my system.  Ladies... who needs a husband when you have a Hemi.  Thats all I have to say!

We celebrated putting ourselves nose deep into debt by buying bottles of alcohol that almost equaled the first month's payment of the truck.  I celebrated even more by mistakenly mixing my rum with rum instead of coke.  I was totally confused as to why the coke I had poured was flat and not fizzing when I looked at the coke bottle and realized that I was still holding the rum bottle!  Man, that would have been one fine cocktail, but I have to work in the morning so I had to siphone 3/4ths of it back and fill the glass with coke instead.

Steve says 'No', I definitely cannot put a Hemi in my Ford F150.  That sucks.  Ladies, I can't begin to tell you what it feels like (well, the first paragraph of this entry is a good start actually) but there is nothing like the roar of a Hemi under your hood!  And driving down the road EVERYONE looks your way.  Not because you're driving the tradition soccer mom's mini van but because you're driving a machine that sounds like the Space Shuttle on 4 wheels!  If you can't have a Viper (really cool car, I can't qualify for a loan of that magnitude so I can't even take one for a test drive... that SUCKS!), get a Hemi.  Really, you'll never need a husband or BOB (battery operated boyfriend) again!  I get to drive Goldie to work again tomorrow.  Care to guess why I'm smiling?  Hehehehehe!

 

SUNDAY BRUNCH

1.    Regular joe, fancy frothy stuff, or none at all?
Regular please, but with hazelnut creamer.

 

2.    Decaf or regular?
Definitely regular, full caffeinated morning, noon and night!

 

3.    Do you know how to make a good pot of coffee?  Who taught you?
I make a darn good pot of coffee, self taught of course.  Whether or not you agree depends on if you have good taste or not.

 

4.    Coffee breath – good or bad thing?

Mmmmmmmmmm, good thing.  Good thing, but only if they brushed their teeth BEFORE the coffee.

 

5.    If you were a coffee, what would your name and description be?

Definitely called 'Dornbrew', full of body, heavy caffeine and a whole lot of nutty!

Saturday Night.....

Went to see the movie Sky Captain, its kind of a take off of those old Captain Scarlet / Thunderbirds puppet type shows from the 60's and 70's.  It was cute though and the kids came out with a new nick name for me .... Polly... she's a photographer/journalist who is always taking pictures and trying to get the scoop of the century.  And she is always having issues with her camera... no film, missing shots because of her lense cap being on.... just like ME!

Rocky had the sneezes all the way to the theatre.  'Allergies?' I asked.  Nope, boogers, stuck on her nose hair that tickled when she breathed.  Ahhhhh NOSE DINGLEBERRIES!  When Becca started sneezing I asked 'dingleberries?'  She hit me!

So, first of all, I kept missing the truck in the parking lot cos I havene't memorized what it looks like yet.  And I'm wondering.... can a Hemi fit in Big Red cos how cool would that be! In the mean time I'm trying to figure out how I'll get to drive the Dogde.  I'll probably have to get up before Steve and take off with the truck before he can go to work, leaving him with the Pontiac!

OUR NEW BABY

Check her out, isn't she beautiful?  She's a 2004 Dodge Ram, yep, she'd got that little Ram head thingie on the hood... too cool!  She's an awesome truck, we spent a little more on her than we wanted to, but she'll do what we want and go where we want so we're happy!  And guess what........

She's got a Hemi!  Yehaw!  Okay, I don't know what the big deal is about Hemis but the guys all like them and they make the neatest rumble so that can't be bad.  Besides, Hemi is a 4 letter word, and I have this thing for 4 letter words.  I can use Hemi on Aol and not get TOS'd for it.  So.... hey AOL, ... HEMI HEMI HEMI! 

And here's the best part folks... its not mine!  No sir-ree!  Steve already made it clear that the new truck would be his.  I already made it clear I was not happy with his sloppy seconds.  He asked me what I wanted him to do.  I told him I wanted him to get Big Red fixed, to pay someone to put in a new engine...  That was what I wanted all along.  And he agreed to it.  Sooooo, see?  There are 2 winners here today.  I think I am happier than I have been in a long long time!  Yes, life is good!

MISSED MEMOS

It has come to my attention that my dear sweet husband is under the impression that the new truck will be his and I will inherit his busted up Pontiac.  Whoa.... I think I missed that memo because that is not what I agreed upon!  When Big Red went into a coma he suggested that he replace the pick-up with a new one because he didn't have the time or desire to fix it.

I suppose I should have seen this coming.  Everytime we get a new vehicle he gets it and I get the hand-me-down.  We started out with a Cherokee, which we shared.  Then he bought a Datsun p/u and I became the main driver of the Jeep because I chauferred the kids to and from school.  While he was in Korea the Jeep broke down and my then 16 year old son taught me to drive a standard so I could drive the Datsun.  Upon his return home from Korea my husband bought the Toyota.  I thought I was going to get the newer truck since the Jeep was down.  No, I got to drive the Datsun and keep the Jeep when it was fixed (just the steering... no big deal).

But then, a week after we sold the Datsun Steve was hit head on down the street by a neighbor and the insurance totalled my Jeep.  We went looking for a new vehicle but nothing with our requirements (NO mini-van!) was within our pricerange... until we saw Big Red!  Even then Steve was already trying to convince me that it was too much truck for me but I needed the space to drive the kids to school and the Toyota is just a 2 passenger truck.  I retained control over Big Red.

However Steve remained convinced that I needed something smaller to drive to and from work and the kids school, so we went to an auction where I saw a gorgeouse little Pontiac Grand Am.  We put in a bid and got it for $1300.  Even before they gave us the keys Steve had decided that I would keep Big Red and HE would get the little car (because of his bad back and knees).  Okay, that was the first of many missed memos.  I thought we were shopping around for a car for ME.

Well, I fussed, so Steve decided to go back to the auction to get another car.  He put a bid on a Sebringand won.  We brought it home, cleaned it up, and it was his car, and the Grand Am was mine.  We now have 4 vehicles on our insurance and only 2 licensed drivers.  But Steve has the sickness, he goes to the auction to help Gabe find a car, and he ends up buying ANOTHER car for himself!  The Bonneville.  So I'm thinking, okay, I get the Sebring, right?  Wrong!  He sells that at work, and then sells the Pontiac to Gabe as an inspiration to get his drivers license.  In a nut shell, we go looking for a small gas efficient car for me to use for work and school... we buy 3, Steve gets one, Gabe gets one, the gal at work gets one... and I still have Big Red.  Lots of lost memos there.  I never saw that coming!

Big Red consoled me during those times and I realized how much I loved her.  When her transmission went bad I waited impatiently for her recovery, driving the Auto-de-jour until she was back home again.  Kids in the neighborhood all wave when Big Red roars down the road, most have them have ridden in her  dozens of times, especially in the winter time.  At work everyone wants to borrow her, but decline when I give them the condition... they fill her up (she has 2 tanks).

So, imagine how hard it is to give her up.  Steve wants to take her to the auction.  I won't go when that happens, which is just as well because Steve is afraid I might get mad if the bids are too low (anything under 20gran would be too low... she's priceless!), and worse still, he's afraid I might attempt to bid on her myself! 

Well, I was shocked to say the least when she mentioned that I would be driving the Bonneville and he would get the new truck.  When did that happen?  Needless to say I was steaming!  And when we got home I told him... I don't need a new truck.  Fix Big Red and I'll drive her.  I don't want the Bonneville.  I want a truck.  Not the Toyota, which I need a cushion behind me so I can reach the clutch... not the Bonneville that has a broken latch on the trunk and flaps up and down every time I hit a speed bump or rock or dip, or twig or roadkill.... and has the 'service engine soon' light that never shuts off.... I want Big Red... or that really cool Ram with a Hemi... or the white Ford 250 with PowerStroke... or a Humvee.  (nope, not a Hummer, not an H2... a Humvee... the military issue ones... they are soooo cool! oh the places you could go in one of them!).

It will be interesting to see who comes out the winner here.  There can be two winners, Steve can have someone fix Big Red for me, and he can get himself a truck... or maybe one of them Magnums... with a Hemi!  Hehehehehe!  No, I'm not mad, just disappointed.  We found out we got approved for the loan on my birthday, so I was telling everyone I was getting a truck for my birthday.  It made me feel better about losing Big Red.  I feel like a kid who's been given an expensive gift only to have the parents take it away for themselves and given a broken toy instead.

Oh well, I better go get ready for the auction.  No, we're not selling Big Red today.  I've got 2 weeks to convince Steve to get her repaired.  (wish me luck).  Steve says there are a couple trucks there that might be worth bidding on.  Or maybe he can find a nice little car for himself, and he'll get me that Dodge!  (it really is gorgeouse!... midnight blue and chrome!)

MUST HAVE COFFEE!

My Bunn Pour-Omatic was unplugged and I started the brew cycle not realizing the water in the reservoir was cold.  I now have a pot full of cold vaguely flavored black water.  I can't pour the water back into the coffee maker, and to reuse the grounds would produce a weak pot of coffee.  Needless to say I'm extremely irritated right now.  And the girls are already fussing with each other.  Its not even 7am, I have NO coffee, I am NOT happy at this point in my life!  I'm just going to dump another scoop of grounds in it.  Its the waiting for the water to heat in the reservoir thats getting to me right now.  I'm not a patient waiter when it comes to my coffee.  Thats why I bought the Bunn... the water is always ready!  Stupid coffee pot!  I need my coffee NOW!

Rocky has been driving me absolutely crazy since yesterday... she's been following me around the house in that huge mask and singing opera songs.  I think I'll give her peanut butter and crackers for breakfast just to shut her up for a second and give my ears a break.  Actually she has a beautiful voice but she dilerately distorts her voice to be annoying to her sister.  It works very well.  I'm considering packing her in her brother's suitcase when he leaves for basic next month.

My husband is going shopping today.  For trucks.  BIG trucks!  My requirements are simple... its got to have 4 doors so the kids don't have to climb over the front seat... leaving snow or mud on MY seat for me to discover after I sit down... Its got to be room so they don't touch each other, and its got to be pretty!  Having a Hemi helps I guess, but as long as the engine gets me from here to there and back again... and I don't have to worry about it then I don't really care.  It just sounds good to say 'It has a HEMI'.  My dream truck, the blue one I saw on my birthday... that had a HEMI.  And of course it has to be a 4x4.  With all the hunting we do out there in the hills we need to be able to drive up the side of a canyon or ravine without the fear of getting stuck.  Big Red was awesome about that.  Waaaaaaahhhh!  I want my Big Red!

Ahhhh, coffee is ready.  I love my Bunn-omatic!  Life is good again!

THE HALLOWEEN MASK, or Rocky before her bath.

Now do you see what I have to live with? This is Rocky doing the hula, and then reading my favorite book on Shakespeare's Insults.   My kids love to Trick- Or- Treat at Halloween but in Colorado we need to find costumes that fit over snowsuits or other warm clothing.  This is her choice for this year.  Of course, with our luck we won't be able to find the mask come October 31st.

Halloween is a big thing in our family... not because we're pagan (we are not), but because we LOVE to dress up!  After our first freezing experience here with Trick-or-Treating in the snow, we've always had a huge urn of hot apple cider for the kids and parents who come knocking on All Hallows Eve.  This has become an expected tradition and kids we only see once a year come running to our house for the steamy beverage, often forgetting to collect the candy as well.  We are also known as a safe house for potty breaks, emergency phone calls, and a quick warm up (we've started setting up a firepit and heater since 2000).  And one year, I kid you not, when we offered a mother a cup of coffee, she asked for a beer in jest... and I gave her one!  Needless to say our house has NEVER been TP'd on Halloween.

(IF YOU WANT TO ENTER A PUMPKIN IN THE PUMPKIN HALLOWEEN AOL-JLAND PARTY YOU CAN GO TO THIS SITE...
PumpkinCarvingCornerJ-LANDSTYLE)

 

Aghhhhh! KIDS!

My daughter made some Tang orange drink in a pitcher yesterday, so when I opened the frige this morning and saw the pitcher in there I was very happy!  Nice cold, refreshing Tang, breakfast of the astronauts!  I grabbed the pitcher and hauled it out.  Wait a minute... somethings not right!  The stinking pitcher was EMPTY!  Now who would empty out the pitcher and then put it back in the frige... EMPTY!  I'd say they were lazy, but it would have taken more effort to put the pitcher back into the frige than to just set it on the counter!  And get this... the carton of milk was left on the table.... FULL!  Thats it, I'm home schooling!  These kids are learning nothing at school!

No... wait.... kids at home 24/7.... Scary!  Thats it, no more Tang or milk for them! Dear Lord, grant me patience... one down, four to go.  One down, four to go!  I wonder if the army is looking for some mini-recruits... Yes, I know 10, 13, 15 and 17 are a bit young, but they're potty trained (sort of, we're still working on the flushing).  Oh heck, maybe I'll just enlist myself.  I'm sure Uncle Sam could use an over-weight middle-aged recruit who can't run without taking a potty break every 50 yards, and America will sleep in peace knowing that I'm guarding the frontlines tonight! 

Think I'll just dump a box of Calgon into the hottub instead.

HOMEWORK HO-HUMS and pinch patterns.

Becca is working on her homework.  'Whats that?' I ask... 'Mitosis' she says.  'Oh my gosh, put it down and wash your hands!' I yell... 'I think I read somewhere on AOL that it was contagious and incureable!'

'No no no' all the kids laugh,  'Thats what you call it when cells divide!'

Well, look what happened when they split the atom!  Oh no, I'll have none of that mitosis stuff going on in my house.  Especially now that its clean!

I feel so sorry for my kids because I am so useless to them when it comes to doing homework.  I can cook, I can sew, I can hunt, I make things with my hands.  I can spin a great yarn, but when it comes to math and science I'm a total goon.

Today was such a wonderfully lazy day, nothing to do.  Well, I guess I could have done the laundry, but what fun would that be?  I just lazed around, eatting left over sushi and tirimisu (note to self: next time don't eat fish and tirimisu together).  I soaked in the hot tub in the middle of the afternoon, had a Japanese tea party with Rocky, with tea and imitation crablegs.  (I made certain she did not eat enough to make her sick by morning). 

I used the kids bathroom today.  As usual their toilet paper was not on the holder.  In fact, there wasn't even a tube in the roll, just paper... a limp collapsed pile of toilet paper minus the inner cardboard tube.  How do they do that?  Why do they do that?  I'm sure it took longer to wiggle that tube out of the roll than it would have taken to put the roll in the holder.  Ay yay yay!

My son sent me a link to a story on AOL news about some kid who got arrested for clogging a toilet after his friend got stopped by police for underage drinking.AOL News - Student Charged for Clogging Toilet  They charged him criminal mischief.  I'll have to remember that the next time one of my little lumber jacks drops a log in the toilet and plugs it up.  I'll just threaten to call the police if they don't clear the clog up themselves.  I have them believing that there is a way to identify the creator of these by-products, I told them its like finger printing... only different!  Everyone has their own unique pinch pattern. 

HOW 'BOUT THEM BRONCOS!

Sunday night's game against the Kansas City Chiefs was awesome!  (hmmmm, is that right?  the plural of Chief is Chiefs... or is it Chieves?  That doesn't look right... Chieves... looks like something that belongs on a baked potato with sour cream... oh well, what ever!)  34 to 24, not bad for their opening game.  The officials sucked though, with a capital S U C K E D !  Must be altitude sickness or maybe too much of that Colorado Rocky Mountain Spring Water.... its cold brewed you know... and comes in two proofs... 3.2 and 6.0!  So any how, there were a few bad calls, all against the Broncos of course.  But thats okay because they were in rare form.  Quentin Griffin was all over the field, looking like a little kid in his daddy's uniform.  Bet nobody calls him 'kid' to his face after Sunday's game.  There was a little incident that ended with a penalty against my beloved Broncos... a little thing they called 'group demonstration' after a touchdown.  Nuh uh!  They weren't demonstrating at all!  First of all, trust me... it wasn't dancing!  I've seen dancing before and that was NOWHERE near anything that might even remotely resemble dancing.  They were just... adjusting.  Yeah, thats the word... they were adjusting their cups!  They just all happened to do it at the same time, kind of a syncronized group cup adjusting.  Nothing wrong with that!  Pah!  Too-wie to the officials!  (chucking another beer bottle at the tv).

And speaking of cups, have you ever seen a modern lacrosse stick?  Have you ever noticed that they look like cups with a handle?  Really!  I was in Galyan's sports store last night after my fantastic sushi dinner... and saw one.  I wasn't sure what it was at first... I figured it was a cup on a handle... maybe some new fangled way for women to keep control of their men.  Hmmmmm, I just might have to get one!

SWORN IN....

Gabe was sworn in today.  He will be a Something-or-other Delta in the Army, basically what that means is that they will be training him for war.  My heart is soooo confused.  It hurts and yet it is proud.  He is to report to Fort Whats-it on October 13.  The other kids haven't mentioned who gets his room which has been a major topic these past few weeks.  Now they're discussing how they want to save cake for him, and do this and do that with him and for him before he leaves.  I love my kids.  They drive me crazy, but I just love them because they have such beautiful little caring hearts .... when they're not fussing and fighting with each other.

THE FAR SIDE OF THE HILL

First and foremost I want to thank everyone who sent birthday wishes my way.  I was feeling so good from them that I didn't have time to be depressed about getting old.  I still had to work, but my husband picked me up afterwards and took me straight to dinner at the Sushi restaurant.  Oh My Gosh!  I pigged out!  I started out with oysters... fried, not raw (Steve slurped his down raw... ewwwww!), then I had 4 different types of sashimi (raw fish) and 4 different types of sushi, all with raw fish or shrimp.  Sounds gross perhaps but it was magnificent!  I sipped green tea with my meal, it was perfect!

The kids were waiting with a surprise of their own.  They had cleaned the house while we were out to dinner!  The table was cleared off, and oh my goodness, the dishes were done!  Art showed me his dishpan hands, proof that he was the one responsible.  But there was more, with the help of their dad they had purchased a Japanese tea set for me.  It was absolutely exquisite!  I've wanted one ever since I was a little girl and finally I have one.  And Steve had sneaked a cake in for me, my favorite... Tirimisu.  We didn't have any birthday candles so the kids stuck a 12 inch Christmas taper in it.  I made a wish... for the gorgeous blue Dodge Ram pick-up that Steve and I had looked at on our way home.  Its got a Hemi!

Did I once say that Starbucks was foofy and wasn't real coffee?  I take that back (sorry Bigred).  Starbucks now makes a coffee liqueur and I swear its better than Kahlua, its not as sweet and thick.  What a wonderful new way to enjoy my old favorite.

BIRTHDAY WITH THE KIDS

I stink!  I smell like lobster.  My husband bought me lobster for dinner.  And lobster cakes, and crab cakes, and scallop cakes.  And WINE!  The kids had lobster too... and lobster cakes, and crab cakes and scallop cakes... but I didn't share my wine.  This was my family birthday dinner.  Steve is taking me out to dinner tomorrow for my birthday, but with it being a school night the kids won't be able to go, so we celebrated tonight.  It was nice, and smelly.  It helps that the Broncos are winning as well!

Gabe is in Denver.  Tomorrow he goes through the Army physical.  He's not the fastest kid, nor the strongest, but he's charming and he's got street smarts.  I hope thats good enough because he really wants this to happen.  He's such a good kid, and he just wants to be able to provide for his unborn child, and secure a future... I pray he can get through this because he has never wanted anything more in his life. 

Rocky has decided that she doesn't want to go to school any more.  I won't let her drop out though, 5th grade is kind of early for that.  Besides, she wants to win the school talent show and she has to be enrolled in school to do that.  She wants to dance... funk!  Some how I never thought of dancing 'funk' as being a talent.

Art is still trying to recover from his biking accident.  I got a call on Friday from the high school saying that he had been in a biking accident on the way to school and could I bring him some asprin to help with the pain.  I showed up and he was covered with bandages.  Two days later I've instructed him to keep the bandages off in favor of fresh air, but he is covered with scabs and bruises.  I hurt just looking at him.  But he's a tough little guy.  I've offered to buy him training wheels for his bike.  He may take me up on the offer if he has another bad wreck like this.  Art is such a cool kid, I've not yet met a kid with a sence of humor like his.  I refer to Rocky as Mini Me because she is my daughter and so much like me... but Art (named after King Arthur... my childhood hero) is so much more like me than anyone else I know.  How scary is that?  (check it out JerseyGirl, no mention of pee/ poop/ farts/ or burps!)

JUST SATURDAY STUFF

We started the day out watching TV, and the memorial coverage for the September 11th attacks.  We might have been in Church, the kids were so quiet and attentive.  Until the moment of silence.  As the bell tolled for those missing, there was a differnt toll in my house.  My daughter apologized for the taquitos.  I was glad we weren't in church because it was bad!

Next on the agenda... taking a peek under the hoods of the two trucks.  After staring at the jigsaw puzzle that is technically called the engine I came to terms with reality.  We need a new truck.  I grudgingly accompanied my husband to the bank to apply for a loan.  This time around he wants a vehicle with a warranty so if it breaks we can drive it to the shop and say 'fix it'.  I guess we'll find out on Monday if we qualify or not.

Gabe picked up his bus tickets to go to Denver for his initial physical.  The Army will wine and dine him tonight, and if all goes well he will be sworn in tomorrow.  He's getting so excited.  For the first time in his life he has a plan that is falling into place and he's liking the feeling.  I'm still very nervous, but I'm excited for him.  I don't think he'll have problems dealing with the drill sgts. so much as I think he'll have issues with keeping his room in order.  I predict BIG issues there.

The 3 middle children accompanied my husband and I to the Fallen Firefighters Memorial.  I couldn't believe the length of the list of those killed on September 11th, it literally moved me to tears and I stood there infront of that wall crying for strangers I did not know except in my heart.  Do they know I wondered how much they are loved and missed, not just by their own families but by the nation as a whole?  And not just them, but all who gave their lives on that day.

Rocky was with a friend so she didn't go with us.  She called me when we were in Sams, asking if I would bring some of her toys over because they were getting bored.  I offered to bring her home early if that was the case and she agreed to be ready.  By the time I got to the house to drop off the groceries she had called back and left a message.  She had 'reconsidered' her decision to come home early and in fact wanted to stay later!  Not a problem!

We finished the day with a steak and potato dinner.  My brother called and I had an awesome time talking with him.  We traded hunting stories and recipes.  He's a wonderful cook!  And he hasn't lost his sence of humor, he was tossing me one liners throughout the conversation.  I had to move up stairs because I was laughing so loud and the family was trying to watch tv.  I didn't get to spend enough time with him during the family reunion.  I think I need to go back to Hawaii... this time for an extended stay!  I'm so glad my family is still close after all these years.

FALLEN FIREFIGHTERS' MEMORIAL

We are so far away from the events of September 11th and yet so touched as Americans.  The International Fallen Firefighters Memorial is in Colorado Springs so we paid our respect to all those brave men and women who gave their lives on that tragic day in 2001.

SO MUCH LIKE ME ITS SCARY!

I think I had an argument with an Oompa Loompa, but I'm not sure.  I think I won the argument, but I'm not too sure of that either.  Rocky left finally and grudgingly went to bed but I am still stressed out.  Its not like she was talking back, it was just a lot of 'but Mom's.  Drives me nuts!  As of tonight I'm changing my name to Dad.  They never whine 'but Dad!'.  NEVER!

Rocky has 3 tests tomorrow and doesn't want to go to school in the morning.  She is in the 5th grade.  How hard can 5th grade tests be?  Okay, forget I asked that... I've seen her math and I have trouble with some of the problems myself... Anyhow, so here's this little microscopic version of myself asking me "How much seafood does a person have to eat to get sick by morning?", and "Can't you call in to work tomorrow and tell them that I'm sick so you have to stay home?" 
"But you're not sick Rocky." I pointed out.
"I will be after I eat all that seafood" she insists.

 

TRUCK TROUBLES, YOGA AND SISTERS

The clutch went out on the little pick-up so we're back down to 1 vehicle again.  My husband had to drive in reverse back home this morning and woke me up to take him in to work.  Didn't even have time to brush my teeth.  I probably woke that poor gate guard up at the post gate when he inspected our ID cards and I wished him a 'good morning'.  It was funny how quickly he stepped back.

Its all Steve's fault, he started talking about selling all the cars and trucks and getting new ones.  I'll bet they heard and now they're just acting up to spite him.  I guess he'll be talking to the bank now about a loan.  Just no mini-van, thats all I have to say.... NO MINI-VAN!  I still say Big Red is revivable, she just needs a little TLC.  Unfortunately with work and school Steve no longer has the time to work on repairs the way he used to.  Plus we're already into the 2nd week of his hunting season and he hasn't been able to go out yet.  This is not a typical year at all.

Rocky has taught me this yoga exercise that helps to bring both sides of the brain together to work as one, making you smarter.  Here's how it goes.  Cross your hands and clasp, thumbs down.  (Do what?) Twist them around and up to your chin. (easier said than done, especially if you have extra padding on the undersides of your arms) Touch your tongue to the top of your mouth, pushing against the back of your teeth. (If you wear dentures make sure you have glued them securely into place before attempting this part) Breath only through your nose. (okay, now its getting complicated!) Release.  (Phew!  Okay, that release part was easy, I can do releases) Bring one leg up behind you and grasp with hand.  (I don't like where this is going)  Stretch other arm out to the side and balance on one foot for ten seconds. (If I let go of the chair I'm going to fall!) Repeat on other side.  (I'm actually right handed, which makes it near impossible for me to balance on my right foot) This strengthens your brain and allows you touse a larger portion of both sides thus making you smarter.  (You know what, I think a more clearer exercise to show how smart I am would be to just skip this exercise.... I hear a glass of red wine makes your brain sharper not to mention being good for the heart... sounds good to me!)

My big sister has asked for the link to my journal so I have to be good incase she comes and checks it out.  She is the opposite of me.  She doesn't collect dust bunnies, she irradicates them.  And she is prissy.  Now I don't mean that in a bad way, she's just all fancy and foofy, and all organized.  Organization confuses me.  I know I frustrated her when she and her kids stayed with us in between moves.  We're so different, but I'd like to think we're close.  I'm peanut butter (the crunchy, nutty kind) to her jelly (all sweet and smooth).  I'm coffee, she's tea.  I'm beer, she's soda.  I'm jeans, she's dresses.  She goes to church regularily and prays... on many occasions for me!  Even on the computer we're different.  We both love photography, but she takes pictures of places and things.  I take pictures of people.  She has a photo website featuring some of her pictures (some are really truely awesome).  I have a journal that features daily bodily functions.  We're just a year apart, but so very different.  But she's the salt to my pepper!  I think thats why we get along so well. 

Hey Sis!  Love you!

Hawaii 2003

This is me and my 4 younger children at the Hale Koa Hotel in Hawaii in June of 2003.  As I've mentioned before, my clevage isn't as deep as it used to be but its definitely getting longer! 

 

 

 

(yes, I am standing on my tippie toes to give the illusion of being much taller than my children.  That trick no longer works.) 

WHY AM I NOT RICH?

I have to work today... we have home office company and management wants it to look like we have enough people to run the store right.  We don't, which is why they are making me come in on my day off.  They figure since they gave me an extra day off due to the holiday, I could work my regular scheduled day off.  That bites!

So anyhow, I've been with this company for almost 6 years.  Why am I not rich?  I should be rich.  I own stock... kind of.  Actually I own stock off and on, I sell them when I'm REALLY broke.  I don't even know where my money is going to.  I don't have a lot of stuff, and I only have 2 bills besides groceries and gas.  Of course groceries is a huge chunk of my paycheck.  Dang it, why do we have to eat?  That smoothie diet is starting to sound really good.  The kids like them, I might actually get them to drink them instead of their 3 square meals a day.  Quick math (notice... no algebra, triginometry or calculus): 7 family members, 3 meals a day, 7 days a week.... 7x3x7 = 147 a week, or 294 every two weeks... at $1 a pop.... holy mackerel... thats $294 every 2 weeks on that strawberry snot.... just about what I spend on groceries anyhow.  She-ette!  I can't afford to be rich!

Didn't get much sleep last night.  First of all I found out why they put handles on mattresses J  We sleep with the fan blowing on the bed, and later on Dickidoo started flatulating in his sleep.  Unfortunately I was downwind, so I turned to face the wall.  Well, the room isn't that big so when the toxic breeze hit the wall, it blew right back into my face.  I think it was that Flat Tire beer he was drinking, man it was rank!  Gonna have to feed him something sweet for the next couple of days just to flush his septic tank out cos I can't go through another night like last night.  Either that or I'm gonna get one of them Glade Plug-ins and plug it in!

Got time to grab one more pot of coffee then I'm off to earn my minimum wage.  This really sucks, you know?  Just say no.... I've got to remember that the next time they ask... just sayNO!

When it rains, it floods!

Big Red is comatose but thats okay because we have a little Toyota pickup and the Bonneville, right?  WRONG!  We took the two vehicles to our friend's property down south in a cactus patch and wouldn't you know, we 'bout killed both of those things too!  The truck got a flat and the Bonneville blew its thermostat or something like that.  At any rate we are now a one vehicle family.... man, that sucks!  My husband keeps hinting about a new truck, maybe a crewcab or Suburban... but it just makes me sick... I want Big Red!  I don't care what he drives, I just want my truck back.  She's so pretty and shiney, I've got 4 white feathers decorating her, 2 on the rear window and one on each of the front quarter panel.... nothing fancy, but real classy.  You'd pick her out in a crowded parking lot and say... thats a classy truck... yep.  Thats my Big Red!

Work sucked today also.  Labor Day huh?  Well, no doubt I labored today!  Its nice to finally be home.  Of course there are two vehicles lying around like bodies in the morgue... Depressing!  I'm glad my husband is somewhat proficient when it comes to auto mechanics.  He didn't always use to be, but I've long since forgiven him for the Mustang.  And hopefully all of the kids will follow in his footsteps.  Its handy now with so many things going wrong with the trucks and car.  When it rains it pours, or in my case... it floods!  But the best part is... at least we have one working vehicle, right?  And with the right parts and a good meal Steve might even get the Bonneville back on the road tonight.  I'm not going to nag about Big Red, she needs major surgery and I want him to get it right.  Can't bear the thought of pulling the plug on her now, not after all we've been through.

Oh my GOSH!  This is pathetic!  Guys are supposed to whine over their trucks, not women!  I should be happy to trade it in for a nice mini van or zippy sedan.  Goodness knows I do believe I could get anything I asked for... except for Big Red.  Oh man, I don't want to lose her.  Where's the Truck Fairy Godmother?  I've been good, I haven't gotten a speeding ticket in 4 months... please oh please oh please.... One more chance, and I promise, I 'll check her oil every 4 months, and I make sure she has lots of water, I'll wash her at least once a month, I'll feed her mid-grade, I won't run her in over-drive ... Just let me keep her.  She really is a wonderful truck.

PHOTO JOURNAL

THROUGH THE EYES OF THE BEHOLDER: A photo journal.  Okay, before you all start moaning and groaning about me taking up precious Blogsville Virtual Real Estate, let me just add that this is a photo journal, almost no writing, and I promise.... no pictures of... well, you know... 'stuff'.  (although I do have a short video I shot while out hunting of the different shapes and sizes from a variety of wild life).

WHERE WERE YOU WHEN THE WORLD STOPPED TURNING

"Where Were You (When The World Stopped Turning)" by Alan Jackson

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Out in the yard with your wife and children
Working on some stage in LA
Did you stand there in shock at the site of
That black smoke rising against that blue sky
Did you shout out in anger
In fear for your neighbor
Or did you just sit down and cry
Did you weep for the children
Who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below
Did you burst out in pride
For the red white and blue
The heroes who died just doing what they do
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself to what really matters

I'm just a singer of simple songs
I'm not a real political man
I watch CNN but I'm not sure I can tell you
The difference in Iraq and Iran
But I know Jesus and I talk to God
And I remember this from when I was young
Faith hope and love are some good things he gave us
And the greatest is love

Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day
Teaching a class full of innocent children
Driving down some cold interstate
Did you feel guilty cause you're a survivor
In a crowded room did you feel alone
Did you call up your mother and tell her you love her
Did you dust off that bible at home
Did you open your eyes and hope it never happened
Close your eyes and not go to sleep
Did you notice the sunset the first time in ages
Speak with some stranger on the street
Did you lay down at night and think of tomorrow
Go out and buy you a gun
Did you turn off that violent old movie you're watching
And turn on "I Love Lucy" reruns
Did you go to a church and hold hands with some stranger
Stand in line and give your own blood
Did you just stay home and cling tight to your family
Thank God you had somebody to love

I had just returned from dropping my kids off at school and was surprised to see my husband's car back in the driveway.  I skipped up the stairs and inquired 'Whats up?', then noticed that he was staring at the TV.  'There's been two plane crashes... he said.  'The World Trade Center towers... it's bad Jo.' he said without looking at me.  I suddenly comprehended what I was seeing on the screen.... a familiar NY landmark... with unfamiliar smoke pouring from the sides.  A new view came on and suddenly I was seeing a plane deliberately fly into one of the towers.  I sank to my knees, tears immediately blinding me.  Two planes, two towers and all those people.  And it would get worse. My husband and I sat in silence as we stared in total disbelief at the horror unfolding before us.  I called my sister when the Pentagon was hit.  She was in Hawaii, her husband was a pilot for the Army.  It was still early there, I whispered the news into her sleepy ear... we were being attacked. 

When the towers collapsed, so did I.  I cried non stop for I knew that not everyone had gotten out and it was too much for me to bear.  I don't remember when my husband finally went back to work.  I do remember that at some point he silently went into the garage and returned with our American flag that we display on Federal holidays.... and he stood it by the mailbox. 

When I went to pick the kids up from the school I looked to the sky.  It was beautiful and clear, barely a cloud to be seen.  And not one single plane in sight.  Not even a vapor trail.  Nothing.  Even the birds seemed to be grounded.  When the school bell rang, all the children ran out into the school yard, laughing innocently, so carefree.  And that was when my sorrow turned to anger.  I knew at that moment that I would support ANYTHING that was done to ensure the freedom and safety for my children and all the other children in their own homeland.

Gatorspictures:  wow. great emotion here, dorn. i was at work (the one person in a 'one person office' at the time, so i couldn't leave). i had internet and radio, and when internet stopped due to intense traffic, i only had radio. it was one of the most sorrowfelt days i knew. all those people...all their families...

BeckieRamos:  Amen! So true. That song is so beautiful and sad.
I was working when it happened, we listened to it on the radio at work, we cried and worried about all of the people and their families. I wanted to leave work so bad and just pick up my children at school and hold them close to me. But, I stayed at work and did my job. I was so happy to see my kids that afternoon and we talked about what happened and prayed. I too support pur country in what we have to do to ensure our safety.
My prayers and blessings still go out to  the families, Beckie

Kimbellina:  THANK YOU FOR A BEAUTIFUL TRIBUTE. I WAS SITTING AT HOME WATCHING TELEVISION WITH MY LEG PROPPED UP DUE TO A BLOOD CLOT. I WATCHED EVERY SINGLE PART OF THIS UNFOLD AND AT FIRST I THOUGHT IT WAS SOME KIND OF A SICK JOKE. I IMMEDIATELY CALLED MY BROTHER WHEN I REALIZED WE WERE REALLY BEING ATTACKED. ALTHOUGH MY BROTHER SERVED IN NAM AND IS OLDER, HE WAS READY TO GO FIGHT AT THAT VERY MINUTE. I DONT THINK I HAVE EVER BEEN THAT SCARED FOR US ALL. BUT, I HAD TO HAVE FAITH IN OUR COUNTRY.
KIM.

Cneinhorn:  My Husband was at sea when this happened.....I was just about to take my Little One to the zoo when I glanced at the TV and saw what was going on......I didn't leave the house for the rest of the day.....I have friends who worked up there and saw it happen.......we could see smoke from here......I too remember how silent the skies were......I remember wanting to go back to Switzerland.....but couldn't get out of the country........when my Husband came home two weeks later, he had no idea of the impact this had........he hadn't seen any of it while at sea........I support the US President and his continued efforts to fight terrorism.

   
Aiibrat:  i was at work when it happened.  everyone was in shock.  a tv was brought in.  it was so surreal & sort of still is right now.  i shed a bit of tears but i think i was mostly in a daze.  

Sdoscher:  It is a very great song and a good tribute to those that fell that awful day. I'm in Florida my two oldest work right in Manhattan, my daughter had clients in the WTC so I was totally terrified. I knew the buildings well, I was in them when they were under construction & then my ex had on office in Tower 1 on the 32nd fl. We really have to watch out for one another..I'm sick to death of these murderers of innocence.........Sandi

Spurgins:  Just trying to remember that day's events makes cry. Getting ready for work, it was 9-10 am. My X came over to my apartment-can't remember why now. I was fussing with my curling iron & putting on make-up. "Haven't you got the TV on?" he asked. "No, I never watch TV, you know that." I growled. Hate mornings! "You should be watching it now, something really bad is happening here!" I just ignored him. He asked were the remote was...I got aggrevated and flipped on the TV. "He stood in awe in front of the screen. "You need to come and see this, Sharon, it is terrible, what happened!" he said to me. "Let me alone so I can get ready for work damn it, I don't want to watch TV." I growled. "A plane has crashed into a building and people have been killed." he said. I was thinking, yeah, right...ok a plane hit a house. Well, I finally went into the living room and watched it for a few minutes. I really don't know what I said after that. I went to work...don't remember leaving the house, or driving to work-all. I was thinking of the woman I worked with saying her daughter lived by Twin Towers. "OMG, how can you work?" I asked. She seemed to not be worried. "Oh she will be alright" she replied. "If she needs something, she'll call, that's the only time she calls." All I could think of is MY DAUGHTER...THANK GOD she was here with me. Drove home in shock.Don't remember at all what I did that night. Next morning I woke up crying. Wanted to call My MOM, but I couldn't, she had just passed away.  I called in work, quit my job-spent all day crying. It was a day that I will always REMEMBER. That's where I was & what I was doing the DAY THE WORLD STOPPED TURNING. For weeks I was sat in front on my TV crying, so hurt for the people that had lost their lives and the families left here to grieve for them. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS OUR MILITARY MEN AND WOMAN.
Sharon

Rgossett:  Thank you...I have been watching reruns of a show called Third Watch and they had their show regarding 911, made me realize it was coming up on the anniversary.  On that day I had gotten off work from my paper route, sent my family off to work and school, and was taking my morning nap before I had to go back and pick up more papers for the afternoon route.  My husband called me and told me to watch the TV, which I had on.  The first thing I thought of when I saw the plane was that I thought it was a only a little plane and I thought how the heck did he get so lost?  Then when I realized it was a jet I thought how are those fireman going to put out that fire so high up, and how are those people going to get out?  I wanted to go to the schools and bring my children home.  I called my son at college and told him to be careful, I knew how these things brought copy cat crazies.  Then the newspaper I worked for had us go back to the stores and deliver wrap arounds for the paper with the latest news coverage.  It was so weird to see it in print...I will never forget that day or the horror...Roseg

Dvlwitgrneyes:  I was in my preschool classroom with my chidlren and the bus driver camein to tell me that an airplane hit one of the towers. I turned the radio on low to hear but yet not loud enough to alarm the children. I remember standing there with my hand over my mouth just listening in shock, yet managing to hold myself together for the children.
Cheryl

Sprite:  Yeah..i was on the bus that morning listening to Howard Stern and they were watching it on tv and reporting to us listeners what was going on..i was so afraid and worried for my parents cuz they work/worked in manhattan. I say worked cuz my mom is now at a different location, shes in brooklyn now but my dad is still in manhattan..i dont know what type of footage u have seen but it was really really awful to watch people jumping off buildings KNOWING death would be waiting for them at the bottom and then people crying, screaming and running trying to get away from the black HUUUUGE clouds of smoke, now THAT was scary. My parents had a heck of a time trying to get out of there..everything was sooo crazy..my father works on a pretty high floor and he had to actually walk down alllll those stairs..he was limping by the time that day was over..and not to mention people having to walk over the bridge to get out..so many people walking together just to get to safety..it was nuts. In october my father,grandfather,my brother and I all went to ground zero..it was so weird..i dont think manhattan has ever been that quite..the stores right across the street from the towers..my god..EVERYTHING was covered in thick brown debris and everyone had scribbled little prayers in it with their fingers..one store was actually OPEN..i mean not for people to go in and buy things but i mean the doors were open..u couldnt even SEE the clothes..they were just caked in that stuff..i just stood there staring and not being able to believe what i was seeing, i think i actually took a picture but i dont know how to get it on here :( Wow..i just realized im wearing a twin tower shirt..pretty creepy.. :/

Blessed1:  I HAD JUS KISSED MY HUSBAN GOOD BYE  AND DROVE THE KIDS TO SCHOOL
 WITH COFFEE IN HAND THE RAIDO ON TO THE NEWS I HEAR THE  WORDS THAT STOP MY DAY  AS I LISTEN ICLOSTED MY EYES AND PRAYED
 MY BABBIES  ASKING ME WHY DID WE STOP WERE LATE FOR SCHOOL 
I COULD SAY NOTHING AT ALL .  MY HEART BEAT IN MY EARS 
I THOUGHT OF THINGS I DID NOT SAY  TO LOVED ONES , FRIENDS ,FAMILY  WAS  THIS THE END . THIS WAS NOT GODS PLANS FOR THIS WORLD  I CRIED FOR THE PEOPLE I DID NOT KNOW THE FAMILYS IWOULD NEVER SEE  A THE WORLD  THAT NEED A TOUCH FROM GOD.

POOR BIG RED

Big Red is the name I have for my pick-up truck.  I love my truck, and she is sick.  Don't know what happened on the way back from Denver but she just isn't herself anymore.  There was a puddle of radiator fluid underneath her on the driveway the next day.  I've blown something, and the thermostat is probably fried.  I had all of my guys working on her, changing sparkplugs, changing oil, adding fluid.  I paced in the background like a nervous next of kin... She's running, but barely.  My husband asked if I wanted a new truck... I mean a NEW truck.  No, I want my Big Red!

9 more days until my birthday (hint, hint!  Virtual gifts may be sent to me at dornbrau@aol.com).  As you may recall I've already gotten my present... the Corona parrot.. but I still get the dinner on the town.  Normally my husband takes me to the Macaroni Grill, which is our favorite restaurant (I'm partial to the lobster ravioli with asparagus), but this time I've selected Ai Sushi Restaurant.  They do that fancy schmancy tabletop cooking right there in front of you... that is of course IF you order your fish cooked.  I love raw fish, or sashimi and plan on really pigging out on it.  The difference between Chinese food and Japanese food is that Chinese food fills you up quickly but then you get hungry later on.  With Japanese food, they serve you teenie tiny portions that don't fill you up, but cost so much that you can afford more and you are still hungry when you leave.  The bad thing about knowing how to prepare your own Japanese food is that you can cook as much as you want, eat as much as you want, you never get full so you just KEEP ON eatting, and you get fat like me!  Oh well, at least its fat from healthy food!  On a related note, it was pointed out that if I drink my Corona with a lime, I am getting vitamins from the citrus, and there for my beer is healthy as well.  (Thanks Jerseygirl).  So you see, if you do your research it is possible to eat and drink healthy and still enjoy yourself!  Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to enjoy a nice high-carb, low fat elk steak dinner at a friend's place, with maybe one or two Vitamin C enriched beers.

BRONCO'S VS CARDINALS (pre-season)

I put in a bid for a pair of Bronco preseason tickets earlier this week and found out yesterday at lunch time that I had won.  From that moment on everything had the potential of ruining my day.  For starters when I bid for the tickets I was under the impression that it was on Friday night... not Thurdays.  That would mean my husband wouldn't be able to go with me since he was in school.  But I had an even better date in mind... Rocky!  She was my 'Mini-Me' and was a teeny little die-hard Bronco Fan. 

Without any advanced notice I wasn't able to get any money off of Steve so we headed up north with just $40 in our pockets.  I tried to get off early but ended up only clocking out 15 minutes sooner than scheduled.  That was okay though because I was able to fill up the tank in that time.  The ride up there was fun.  Rocky was sooooo excited, she was waving her Bronco foam hand to all of the truck drivers we passed.  She nagged and back-seat drove the entire way, she wanted to make sure there would be no delays from police stops (gee, thanks kid!).  We had traffic getting out of town, and then hit more just inside of Denver.  The trip ended up taking 2 hours.

Parking was another trip in itself.  Stadium parking at Invesco Stadium is by permit only, so we had to find our own parking in the nearby neighborhoods of Denver.  And those crooks were charging $30 to park in the closer parking lots of establishments like schools, churches, offices... unbelieveable.  Parking in the residential areas were all by neighborhood permit only.  I wanted to cry.  We came all this way and couldn't find a place to park.  We were getting farther and farther away from the safety of the stadium.  Unwilling to walk the 2+ miles in a strange city at night with my 10 year old daughter I decided to pay the $30 to park closer to the field... Only to realize that I no longer knew the way back!

Fortunately the stadium is tall and well lit.  My instinct set me in the right direction and we were back in the safety of its proximity.  I came across a traffic police directing the luck few permit holders into their lot and I asked him where I could go to park without getting a ticket.  And that sweetheart pointed me in the direction of a lot, which to my relief only charged $10!

We finally made it in to the stadium with 4 minutes into the 2nd quarter only to find someone occupying our seats.  The young men look at us and ask if they were in our seats.  Yeah... I laughed.  Did we want them to move?  I couldn't believe them!  Yeah!  Bye!  I said incredulously.  The guys left and we finally got to sit down.  Our seats were really good seats, right on the 20 yard line, which was perfect for a little girl who had never seen a life pro football game before.

I think I had more fun watching little Rocky enjoying the game.  The Bronco's were down 20 to 0 in favor of the Arizona Cardinals... until WE showed up.  The team started playing better in the 2nd half and Rocky got to witness 3 touchdowns, and she just went ballistic, jumping up and down with her silly big orange Bronco foam finger.  The Bronco's lost, but it was a great game.  And a little girl's dream came true... (almost... she still wants to meet a team member).  I think watching Rocky enjoy the game was the best part of the night to me.  And her being the only kid in our section I know her antics were amusing more than just me.

On a down note... my truck did not like the drive back home.  I noticed something going wrong about halfway home, but decided to just keep driving.  Just outside of town the water temperature was up and the check engine light started to come on intermittently. When I finally pulled into our driveway close to 1am the engine was making some scary noises.  Be we made it safely home.  My husband had waited up and let me tell you... it was nice to see his face.  Naturally he had all kinds of 'could-a, should-a, would-as', as far as the truck was concerned, and no doubt I'll hear more about it today.  But at that moment it I was just happy to be safe at home where I could transfer the problem over to him.

FREEDOM ISN'T FREE

I see that saying all over the place, on cars, online, in magazines. My question is.... why not?  Why isn't freedom free?  We all know that personal and national freedom comes at a great price, often costing lives.  As a nation we have come to terms with the cost and while we don't like paying it, we do to insure these freedoms.

But what about other freedoms?  When Art was younger he grabbed a pack of pudding cups because they had 'free' written all over them.  What the package really said was 'fat free' and 'sugar free', but the pudding was actually more expensive than the same brand that included sugar and fat.  You pay more for getting less... interesting concept.  Haven't they ever heard of the term 'you get what you pay for'?  You'd think if they're taking things AWAY, they'd charge LESS!  Its so hard to eat healthy these days because healthy food is so much more expensive.  You have to be rich to afford a healthy lifestyle, and the unhealthy lifestyle is so easy to fall into because of its afforability.  Remember when it was cheaper to eat at home than to eat out?  Not any more!  I can feed the entire family at McDonalds for less than it costs to prepare a simple meal at home.  Soda pop is now cheaper than juice, when once upon a time we HAD to drink juice because we couldn't afford to drink soda.  Wow!  Milk costs more per gallon than gas.  I give up.  No more strawberry snot for me.  Pour on the carbs baby!  Give me the fat!  Shovel in the sugar!  And watch my bank balance grow!  (hehehehehe, not really, that'll NEVER happen!)