Tuesday, September 21, 2004

BUTT BUBBLES, Part II

I was at my friend's (and neighbor's) house and her dog farted.  It was bad!  And people think I'm weird cos I don't like dogs licking me.  People, dogs lick their butts!  Why would you want them to lick your hand, or even worse, your face... after they've licked their butt?

I want a dog, but I'm kind of used to being able to run barefoot in the back yard without having to worry about landmines squishing between my toes.  And... I hate dogs licking me!  My mom had poodles.  They didn't lick their butts, they scooted around the ground to get clean.  Why don't other dogs scoot?  Do they like licking their butts?  Really... why do they lick their butts?  It can't taste good.  Sure am glad Mr. Charmin invented toilet paper cos there's no way I'd be cleaning myself the way dogs do... I'd be scooting, or I'd be covered with dingleberries cos there's no way I'd be licking! 

You know what I think?  I think dogs aren't stupid.  I think they lick their butts on purpose and then lick us for revenge.  No wonder it always looks like they're smiling, because they are!  They've just licked their butts and smeared it all over your face!

8 comments:

mom23nca said...

This is hysterical!  We find it really funny that our dog licks her butt, then if one of us farts she runs for the hills as fast as her little legs will carry her.  She'll then stare at the culprit and give us a dirty look.  

angieabk said...

I am actually laughing out loud .... and looking at my three dogs kind of funny.
ang

kissmet99 said...

THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN JOURNALS YET !! YOU SHOULD BE A COMEDIAN! (AND I'LL BE DAMNED IF I LET MY DOG LICK MY FACE ANYMORE)!!

mzgoochi said...

LMAO@ Moms comment
LMAO@ this entry
eeewww, doggy poo poo particles all over your face!! hee hee

Our dog scoots and licks...LOL

csandhollow said...

But look at what they do to your carpet by scooting! Dogs are not allowed in my house or to lick me! YUCK!!!!

sharkie412 said...

Another good laugh for me...you know this reminds me of the family dog we had Pepper. That dog was something else. We didn't like him scooting his butt. He usually tried to scoot it across Mom's new carpet. That dog had a guilty conscience though. He would act all scared and we would know he did something bad. Sure enough, dog leaves suprise in bathroom. Or the time he managed to close the bathroom door behind him during a thunderstorm. That dog would get the poops and always tried to dig himself out of his kennel when he was an outside dog. You can imagine what he did to the bathroom.
But the best thing to do for Pepper was to feed him cat food. That dog would fart the deadliest gas we ever smelled. We made sure that Pepper was lying in bed while Mom was reading that night. She yelled so loud when that first fart came.

hestiahomeschool said...

Greyhounds don't lick. At least, the ten of them I know don't ever lick.  I've never seen them lick their butts either.  Their bodies aren't really designed for butt lickin'. Maybe you need a greyhound?

cneinhorn said...

we had an English Bulldog, now if you know what these poor things look like, they Can't lick their butts.......impossible task with their barrel bodies......so our bulldog used to lick the air whenever he had an itchy butt....people would come over and say "why is spikey licking the air like that?"......"oh that, his butt itches" LOL, but I swear to you, it's true.  And Good God that dog's farts stank to high heaven! UGH!  Now my hubby tells me he must have another bulldog.  I'm not sure my nose could handle it!
~jerseygirl